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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Eating Disorders (Page 1)

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Author Topic: Eating Disorders
Heather
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Shewire has a really excellent article about eating disorders that went up today. I'd highly recommend it.

is this something any of you struggle with?

I know for myself, I grew up in my teens dieting so heavily at times (especially at the start of high school) that with even a few years of crash dieting I really screwed up my metabolism.

Years later, of course -- too late -- it became obvious that when I simply eat well and get exercise, my body does as it's meant to, which is be the best body for ME.

Do you feel a lot of pressure around you to be thin? Does it also impact your sexual self-esteem?


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Beppie
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When I was in 9th grade, I came very close to having an eating disorder. I had started exercising, and losing a bit of weight, which actually made me quite fit and healthy. But then I started cutting down on the amount I ate until I was living on two very small meals a day, if not less. That only went on for a week or two though, because fortunately, I realised what I was doing to myself, and started eating properly again. Still, that happened in the September of that year, and it wasn't until December that I was actually able to eat without thinking about it.

Now, five years later, I'm happier with my body than I was when I was at my thinnest.


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Rhiannon
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quote:
Originally posted by Miz Scarlet:
.
Do you feel a lot of pressure around you to be thin?

Oh yes! I don't exactly have an eating disorder, but I'm one of those people who is highly borderline. I do go through phases where I'll eat very little for a week or two, but then I return to normal. I have a lot of the symptoms of anorexia without actually being anorexic...the thinking I'm fat (actually the bones in my wrists and my clavicle (collar bone)stick out)where I'm not. I'm a perfectionist in general, have low self-esteem, etc. A lot of people bring up the media, which, of course, is a problem. However, with my own experiences, mine normally comes from regular people...like "I wish I could be as thin as her." A lot of times, I already am. I have a friend who is 5'2 1/2" and 97 lbs. and I want so badly to be as thin as she is (I'm 5'7 1/2" and about 125 lbs)..her bones are smaller than mine, though, but it takes a lot of time convincing myself of that. Right now, I'd still like to lose about 10 lbs...maybe 15. Anyway, thanks for starting a thread about this.

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But that's just my two cents..


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Lisa D
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I'll tell you, one of the very best things about getting older is learning not only to accept yourself as you are, but to EMBRACE who you are.

I've never, ever been a thin girl. I'm hungarian, and true to that wonderful Eastern European form, I'm very, very curvy. When I was a teenager, I popped diet pills, smoked, and crash dieted until I was weak, achy, and looked like hell. One day, I looked in the mirror at my dark circles and broken-out complexion and vowed to eat normally, quit smoking, and be healthy! Today, at 28, I have learned to love what I've got. I'm 5'4-1/2" and weigh about 145lbs. I'm chesty (36D) with a small waist (26") and wide hips. You know what? I like how I look! I can really work a tight dress, baby I do workout about three times a week to stay toned by practicing the ancient Korean Martial art of Taekwondo-all that kicking has lifted and toned all those parts that sag with age!


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Pink_Lemonade_03
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My buddy is six foot one and weighed 110lbs once... she's a model. Now she weighs 123lbs.
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shortstuff
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Hi everyone!
I am 14, 5'0, and weigh about 115-120lbs. Some may say that's alot some may say that's average, to me, I would like to weigh around 105-110, which I think would be the prime weight for my height! It's not way skinny but perfect!I wouldn't want to be stick thin, no offense to those who are, but right in between. I have noticed that I have slight eating disorders, such as not eating much for one week, then eating alot the next and off and on, and for about two weeks or so, I began intentionally making myself throughup(belimia).
What I have learned: not eating gives me alot of headaches and makes me dizzy
throughing up: made me gain weight
*My Question to you*
I've tryed everything, bulimeia,anorexia, eating healthy, but nothing seems to work!
I need help, because I feel the only way to lose weight fast is to eat less and exercise alot. Could someone please tell me what I am doing wrong?
Thanx,
Shortstuff
P.S. I don't know if this is herditary, but I do know that my mother had an eating disorder when she was younger.

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bettie
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In my early teens I had short hair and I used to be called a boy often (that bothered me alot and still seeps into some of my thinking from time to time). I was slim and flat, but never worried about my weight because I could eat as much as wanted (which isn't a ton -more like many little meals through out a day) and not gain weight. When I was somewhere between 17-19 I started getting curves (mostly my hips) and I was so happy my ribs didn't show as much anymore. But, overall my weight has never been a big issue for me.

However, my relationship with food has not always been very healthy. I remeber times when I would mini-binge because that felt better than the pain or stress I was feeling. I never purged or exercised it off, but had I been a person to gain weight easily, I just might have.

I am thankful that I don't have to deal with somethings as tough as bulimia and anorexia. I just have to watch for harmful patterns to re-emerge, like eating when stressed. I have learned to handle that.


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Gumdrop Girl
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of all the people in the world, it's my mother who hassles me about my weight. I'm 5'3" and somewhere between 140 and 150. yeah, that's overweight, but not dangerously so. but there was so much pressure to stop gaining weight that it drove me to bulimia and binge/purge eating.

though the thought of eating often made me nauseous, the purging didn't really start until i was in college, though. i felt like there was a lot of pressure to stay thin and keep off the "freshman fifteen." for the first time in forever, i cared what people thought of me and what kind of impression i made, and as much as we'd not like to acknowledge it, appearance is a very important component of that.

i was able to hide it from my roommates and friends because i was often alone in my suite. it was at its worst spring semester, somewhere around april. i was trying to salvage a failing relationship and somehow it got into my head that if i were thinner, i'd be prettier, then he'd want ot stay with me. that wasn't true, and things failed anyway. moreover, finals were approaching and my classes were causing me a great deal of stress. at this point i could no longer hold anything down.

after exams, i went home and calmed down. then one night, my family went out to a restaurant. my mother so curtly asked me to stop eating so i wouldn't get fat. at this point, i cracked and started screaming at her, using words i would never have thought i'd say to my own mother. but she deserved it. a year of vomiting and shaking was enough. i was a wreck because of it, and nowhere thinner. i never outright told her i was ill. she doesn't need to know. but she needs to not constantly remind me that i'm not 110 pounds after 4 childen, like she is.

i feel better now, and i'm healthy. i eat.

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i think you're special ... and i don't mean that in a short bus kind of way


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Lolahola
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My Most Painful Memories

I know far too well about the counting calories, hiding the fat, and not accepting my looks, or face, or who I was. I am about to be a senior in high school, and this was not 10 or 20 years ago, but within the last four years, I have had my own fair share of weight loss problems.
Right now I am 16 years old, about to be 17, I am 5'6, and either around 140-145 pounds. I am very athletic. I play sports from volleyball to swimming. I was on a club swim team for 3 and a half years, and I play club volleyball, plus I swim and play volleyball for my high school. I have buffed out legs!! BOOM.. I am very muscular in my legs, and I have great body strength, a characteristic that I mostly got from my mother, because she was very athletic in her teen years as well. A lot about weight has to do with genes, and what you get from your parents.

As a little girl, I was always running around, and I was always one of those girls that played with the neighborhood boys, which ranged from bike tag, and hide and seek, to hiking in the canyon behind our house. And to this day, I have all the scars on my legs to prove it. I was a little heavy as well. I wasn't obese, but I had some fat on my body, but as a little girl I didn't care so much about my body weight.
I live with my dad's mother, my grandmother, and she has always had a thing against me, and has always favored my brother, and we have never gotten along, and sad to say, I don't love her at all. I have been the victim of so much emotional abuse from that woman, I can't stand her.
She did all the cooking for our family, everything. She made our breakfast, lunches for school, and our dinner. She was always cooking, and still does, yet I don't have a thing to do with her food anymore.
I ate a lot as a little girl, and I didn't care until around the age of 11, or around the 6th grade, when I started noticing how I wasn't as thin as some of the other girls at my school. It bother me, yet.
Towards 6th grade was when my grandmother would bitch at how much I ate, and how fat I had, yet it was her food that I had been eating that caused me to get heavy.
Anyhow, I suffered through middle school. I was hasseled at school about my weight, and I soon became more aware about my body, and how I looked. I didn't have any boyfriends, I basically didn't try much with the guys either. I felt too insecure.
My grades began to faulter in middle school, and months before I was supposed to graduate with my eighth grade class, my parents pulled me out of public middle school and put me into a homeschooling program. My grades bounced back. However they kept me in homeschooling for my freshman year of high school. During that freshman year, after Christmas, I began a complete transformation. I began to stick to a strict routine of food that I ate. It would consist of pastas, yogurt, cheese, no meats at all, I didn't eat any meats at all. I soon found more bruises on my body. I worked out continuously. I went to the gym, and I soon began to get fixated on working off the amount of calories that I consumed, which is a kind of disorder, but I am not sure whats it called. For three months I stuck to this diet, and I worked out, and worked out. I lost around 25 pounds. I became too thin. My parents began to worry, and my dad tried to sneak protein supplements into my non-fat milk that I drank. I argued with him so much. I hardly ever ate what my family ate, my grandmother would bitch at me because I wouldn't eat her food. I was so active. I was swimming club, and plus I was working out. I was weighing around 129 lbs. I was so thin. Too thin. I just had no life. I was constantly worried about what entered my mouth, plus my binging. On top of all of this, I hadn't ever started my period yet. And I was 14 years old.
Not till a year later, at the age of 15 and a half, and 10 pounds heavier would I begin my period. My mom was worried as ever about my period. I didn't even notice my body, all I could see when I looked at myself was my ugly thin body. I have a very wide back from years of swimming, and my hips are not as wide, but my rib cage is big, and so when I lost all that weight my rib cage stuck out. I looked horrific. I was so thin. I just couldn't even see myself that way though. Luckily I got into high school, and thats when the boy attention came into full speed. I didn't think I was that pretty but I got all this attention. I felt relieved. Its not the greatest way to realize that you do have looks, by the reassurance of males, but it helps. I had no self-esteem whatsoever.
After that, I began to feel better about myself, and dieting didn't seem so important to me as it had. I was happier. But I was still worried about when I ate, about what I ate, and was never at peace with myself. It bugged me. I could never eat without worrying about what I'd have to do to work off this or that.
It takes acceptance. It takes brains, and for a girl to realize, not all people are meant to become a model size figure. Every person is different. Every body type will not be the same at all. Its hard to accept if you don't like what you have, but you are just the way you are, and if you try to change yourself, then you are going against what nature put into you. And nature will find a way to get you back.
Its what women need to accept, its what makes us as a whole.
After two and a half years of dieting, and finally gaining some weight and fat to where my body could have the monthly menstrual cycle, and a little later, can I finally eat and not worry.
I didn't have to get help, or some kind of nutritionist, but I did it by myself, which helped my character, and made me stronger.
But then again, you and me are different people.


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Goddess
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During my depression, i started eating less and less, until I was eating nothing but a roll or slice of bread everyday. I suddenly saw my so fat, bloated and disgusting. I remember one day of starving far to well...

The night before, my parents had called me into the family room to let me know that they met with my teachers that day and they decided the possiblity of an eating disorder. I was shocked, but I guess I knew it was coming. I held back from 4 period that day to talk to my english teacher, who said that "everyone" was concerned about me...according to her and my social studies teacher, i looked sickly and ready to pass out. I also talked to my social studies teacher and found that my best friend had talked to him and told him that she had been force-feeding me, when she could - that sent them over the edge. In a heart to heart talk, i learned that i couldn't beat this alone...the counsellor's told me he thought i had"anorexia athletica" a eating disorder which meets only some signs of anorexia nervosa. That afternoon at lacrosse practice, i felt faint and my coach took me over to the sidelines and confessed that she knew that i wasn't eating much. I remember that day far to well and i, although i'm getting better, it's a never ending battle between me, myself and society.


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MysteryGirl
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My sister is 18 years old and going to be a freshman in college this month. She's always had problems with how she looked. When she began middle/high school she decided that she was fat (about 180, 5'8"). She was overweight and she wanted to get the weight off. So, as she started to get more involved with things she lost some weight. Over the last 2(?) years she's become infatuated with her weight and how she looks. When she was a freshmen is high school and overly liked a guy that wasn't good for her and wrecked her horridly. He consistently told her that he liked skinny girls that wore make-up. We'll just say they stopped being friends when her teachers started to notice something was wrong. She hasn't really had a low self esteem and she's a VERY smart gal (3.9GPA).

Well, 2 years ago she started dieting. She wanted to be healthy and thin. She went through many many diets and for someone SO smart I was surprised she was THAT concerned about her weight. She's probably around 150-160 now. She eats pretzels, yogurt, raisin bran, wheat thins, and fruit. That's about all I can think of that she eats. She works out often and has two jobs and will be starting college soon. Just the other day she came in here and asked if I thought she was pretty. My friend was over and said to her that she (my friend) was jealous of my sister because of how she looked. I mean, she's not fat ... but with her body and bone structure, I think she looks good. Of course I hear her complain every day about it and I guess I understand it to a point. She doesn't listen to me but I hear about it. It's to the point that I can't wait for her to move out and just get away from me (I never really liked her anyway). But, yes, I would say she does have an eating disorder. I try to tell her that she's pretty and looks good in everything she owns. I can tell that she does feel pressure to be thin, or her mind's corrupted with the thought that she HAS to be thin to be pretty. I think another problem is she doesn't have guys around her to reassure her that she's pretty and looks good. That's not a bit problem, but I know being told that by a guy, helps a lot. So, there's her story.

For me ... I couldn't care less upon my weight and I don't have an eating disorder and if I did, it's me not being able to stop eating. I'm not horrid anymore though. I'm walking more often and TRYING to get out more. I weight about 180 about I'm 5'9". Yes, that is a bit overweight. It goes up between 180 & 200 now and again, but usually sticks around here. I don't feel pressure to be skinny though, of course it's frowned upon to be fat ... I have a higher self-esteem now then I've had in forever so I don't let it get to me. I would like to be smaller, but I'm content with how I am now. I feel bad for some people that it takes forever for them to realize there's not THAT much they can do to make themselves like themselves. Losing weight could be something that helps ... but it's not the main factor. You should be healthy, not skinny. I'm a mere 16 and I'm glad I realized this now. Things could change and my view could as well, but I doubt it. I was always big. In school people called me names and whatnot ... kids a cruel. I had VERY short hair (and was called a boy every now and then). Now ... I have long blonde (natural, not dyed )hair and a nice face. My body's not super great, but it could be A LOT worse. I find myself to be pretty, even though I would deny it if someone told me so. I'm comfortable with me. And no, what impacts my sexual self esteem is usually the person I'm with. You see, I do get worried about my body when naked and around others, but usually I feel comfortable enough with them to get naked. My breasts are majorly different and that bothers me sometimes. But, I know I can't help it, so why worry about it? I know it's hard for people and I feel really bad about that, but for me, I like me and I'm content with me.

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"Growing older is MANDATORY, growing up is OPTIONAL."


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Terry
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I'm 17 years old and until now I can't remember ever caring about how much I weighed or What Jean size I was. I was the kid that could eat anything and never gained a single pound. I was heavily into sport and was always skinny. Since grade 10, I've slowly stopped playing ALL the sports.(because of injuries). THis year one of my best friends developed an eating disorder... It was hard seeing her go through that. It made me mad that she was doing this to herself. I kept asking myself WHY anyone would do that to themself?. Then it happened to me...I know I'm not FAT or overweight,(I'm 57' and I weigh 120) but I don't like the way my body looks. One of my close friends started making comments about the way my legs looked and from there it developed. I can remember that night, coming home from going out to eat with some friends and making myself throw up... the same thing that I was so mad at my friend for doing, and now I had become a viticm to it. I tried other methods... not eating... which only leaves me feeling sick and light headed. So now I work out. I just wish that I could have the perfect body. I go through stages where days I don't care about my appearance....eat whatever I want. But eventally, I take a look in the mirror and hate what I see and the cycle starts again.
It's almost as if I'm jealous of my friend, how she could lose the weight and keep it all off. I feel like I fail alot...I don't want to be like her, but i think that I'm heading into that direction. It's hard.

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Heather
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Just a little reminder...

...all of you who post in these forums are some of the most beautiful, brave and bright people I have ever seen, even more so given your age.

It's funny, as you get a bit older, you come to accept that there is only so much you can control your body at all, so as long as you take care of yourself, you can either start looking like a wax figure with surgery, or accept the changes as part of who you are.

Beauty on a physical level is only so when what is inside is shing though. Don't forget that when you're feeling at the end of your rope. Your body is part of who you are, and part of a fantastic whole package.

Big hugs,
Heather


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jupiter
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I never had an eating disorder that required actual attention, but I've always been sort of inordinately concerned about my weight. When I was a little girl, I was one of those cherubically chubby children. Not obese or anything, just a bit.... padded. In addition to which, I did most of my actual growing in my early years (5' by the end of fifth grade, I'm just 5 inches taller 7 years later, and can still wear a lot of my clothes from that time). Kids continually would taunt me about my physical appearance as well as my emotional problems and severe intelligence (I swear, growing up smart and female ought to be classed as an affliction!) So, ANYWAY.... I became afraid that nobody ever could love me or like me as a friend because I was fat and ugly (now, I think that I have a rather pretty face - heart shaped and curly-haired - but back then, I wanted the lean and hungry, vulpine look of the People in the Movies). Hence, my attempts at weight loss. First was the Soccer Approach. This involved joining the soccer team, despite the fact that I have slightly bad knees and no grasp of soccer strategy, running my pretty little *** off, and not eating much. This devolved into simply not eating much. Finally, I ended up somewhere down around 110 (not really that low for a shorty like me, but I have wide hips and shoulders so.....) I was too skinny, you could see my ribs poking out, I felt sick and irritable and was living on vitamins and small food that I ate without looking at it.
So then, I decided the hell with it. Who decided what a woman's body is supposed to look like, anyway? Nature designed mine to have slightly wide hips, to be 5'5", and to weigh somewhere between 125 and 140, depending on how lazy I feel. My boyfriend certainly voices no complaints about my appearance, despite its imperfections when judged by the cultural standard. If nobody sees a problem with my body other than the fact that it doesn't fit the Playboy mold, then there is no problem.

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'maybe you'll keep me from ever being happy but you're not gonna stop me from having fun...'-ani di franco

'i weave for you the luminous web glowinthedark threads all neon like'-bjork

'you only exist in what you do'-federico fellini


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mentalxashtray
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I've had both anorexia + bulimia.

During sixth grade, I felt overweight. I was toothpick. Five foot + under 80 lbs. I hardly ever ate.

A year ago I started to become a bit chubby + would make myself throw up. I was 97 lbs, 5'3.

Now I'm a healthy 5'3 + 123 lbs. Most of it went to my not being flat chested anymore + my thighs, a bit in my stomach. I could stand to lose a little weight, but I'm fine with it.

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"So what do we do now?"
"We go forward."
"Together?"
"Always."


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Nemovirginympho
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This year i went through a bunch of suff with my identity, i tried to have a disorder, i purged, binged, exercised way to much, and did this on and off. It was in my case a bunch of B.S. i was looking for somewhere to fit in, and i felt that that would be a good place. Just cause you had so much controll, and no one would really know. and people would tell you that you looked so great, and you where loosing weight. I couldn't keep it up consistantly. so it wasn't "effective" I felt self pity because i wasn't strong enough to do it consistantly. i told my mom about it. and then i felt better. It wasn't reallyu serios for me. I just wasn't happy with my body. Now i wrk out occasionally, i eat whenever and whatever i want. and i still think about what i'm doing. i just refuse to try and makemyself, throughup or not eat. I'm becoming more comfortable with my body, and my esteem is gettin higher. I'm happy i didn't take my problem very far. Now i feel very healthy i think... But i wanna go into modeling.. and i don't think i have to loose weight to do so. As like a poslitical statement. so other girls don't have to go through things like i did. i have a little sister, she always has her fingers in her mouth, it makes me sad to think that one day she'll use them to activate a self distruct button rather then as a chew toy.

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Crazy Kitties


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XoKrisXo
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I don't know if people are still even writing in this forum...but someone told me to come to this so here i am...for the last few weeks i have been purging majorly. and i dont eat much but i just throw everything up anyways. even when there is nothing to throw up. am about 5'7 150 lbs. and i HATE the way i look. a lot of people say i am beautiful but my mom always tells me that i am getting chubby and thigns like that. so anyways~ this morning i did it and i didnt puke up like food...it was like foamish yellowish stuff and i have no idea what it is. and today i bought some ipecac. because it has been taking me a really long time to throw up. i dont plan on being hooked on it, its just a quick fix becasue i am 36D and i HATE it and when i lose weight it usually comes from tehre first. my whole body is skinny but there and like my lower gut and ijust want to get rid of some of it. is it easy to get SUPER addicted to ipecac???

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K Love


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KittenGoddess
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Well sweetie, what you were throwing up this morning was most likely stomach acid. Basically you were subjecting your throat and mouth to a nice strong acid wash. Which is very very very unhealthy.

Using ipecac is a terrible idea. Putting something like that into your body when you don't have a medical reason to be doing so is not a good thing. Using it as a "quick fix" isn't going to work. Eating disorders don't do anything for you other than hurt your body in more ways than I can even count. So take that bottle and go pour it straight down the toilet.

And then go talk to an adult that you trust and tell them that you need some professional help to deal with this.

~KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Advocate

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"Not everything in this magical world is quite what it seems"

"Remember, I'm pullin' for ya. We're all in this together!"


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PoetgirlNY
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I've had what I guess I would call "eating issues" on and off for about a year and a half. What I really hate is that no one takes it seriously because I'm not skinny. I'm 5'4 and about 165, and well, no one worries about the fat girl starving to death.

I really don't hate my body at all. In fact, most of the time I absolutely love it. It was more about control and hurting myself than it ever was about losing weight. I would go days and days without eating anything at all. When I did eat, I made myself throw up after, at it's worst, I was throwing up like 4 times a day. But I never binged, and I never went a very long amount of time eating very little, so I couldn't be diagnosed as anorexic or bulimic. About 60% of the time I would eat like a normal person, so I couldn't be anorexic. When I ate I did purge, but since I never binged I couldn't be bulimic. So basically I was ignored. I've even told my therapist about it, and he's just not concerned. I've managed to get it under control this summer. I stayed with my wonderful supportive understanding aunts, and they actually took me seriously. It was so amazing for me to have someone who actually cared if I was taking care of myself. If I felt like I wanted to throw up, I could tell them, and they would talk to me about it, and keep meout of the bathroom for a little while. And it could make such a big difference just to recognize it, and have someone acknowledge that I was in emotional pain. One day I was having a really bad day so I just didn't eat. When I got home, I avoided dinner, and my aunt was like, "Honey, are you okay? You look sorta sad. What have you eaten today?" When I said "nothing," she said, "Well, do you think you can eat dinner with us and we can all talk about whatever's wrong?" And I could. Just having someone who cares makes such a huge difference. I wish my parents were like that, but actually I don't think it could ever be the same from them. Well, this has been quite a ramble. I'm doing pretty well now. I've only thrown up once since June. That's very impressive for me.

------------------
*Limes Are Sublime*


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Siren
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Unfortunately yes. For 7 years now *sigh*. I'm not exactly sure how it happened, but it was a combination of many things. Being teased for reasons not relating to weight, except one boy calling me fat just because he was a jerk, family problems, not doing as well in school, and I started losing weight as a way to feel better about things.

Eventually it escalated to the point that I was eating one meal a day and other days not eating at all. I used to have to stop in the hallways in school because I felt so dizzy sometimes. But everyone kept saying how good I looked, so I kept doing it, afraid they would stop liking me if I got "fat". I've never been fully diagnosed with anorexia nervosa....I think they said I had to be 84lbs. in order to be considered anorexic.....and everytime I went in to talk to a counselor, I would start eating again to avoid people knowing about my eating disorder. I went through one year, my senior year in high school, where I was fine. I ate normally, worked out, I was in good shape, and weighed 118lbs., and felt fine about that.

Now I weigh 99lbs. and sometimes I still feel fat. I eat only fat free food which usually consists of rice and a protein bar (fat free), and I usually fast once or twice a week. I know a lot of my eating disorder has to do with the perfection image that people have of being 5'9" and 100lbs. I'll start eating again, feeling okay about my body, since face it, the average person, even someone who I'd think was perfect, is NOT 5'9" and 100lbs. But then I'll see a model in a magazine, or someone on tv, and think, I'm fat compared to her, and stop eating again. I feel like no one will think I'm pretty or worthy of anything if I'm not skinny. Although I know my eating disorder is more than just looking good, it's about having a learning disability, about things that have happened in the past, about how my family has raised me. It's hard to deal with. I want to get better, am in the process of working on it, doing alright, but it's hard. And I know I'll never be *completely* recovered, even when I am.

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Lil Siren
[i]"But how can you know what you want til' you get what you want, and you see if you like it?"[i]


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Sapphire85
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<Raises her hand> Hi! I'm a member of the "I have issues with food/ my body/ my weight" club. Unfortunately. I used to have a real problem back in 5th grade (5th grade! So young and beautiful!) when I was a gymnast. I made a deal with myself that I could drink as much water as I wanted, in place of food, and I would weigh myself after every time I went to the bathroom- to be sure I stayed at my 69 pounds. I don't know what set it off.. I think I disliked my thighs at the tender age of 10. And now, at 16, I'm back, slave to the plan. Except the hate is stronger now. I'm always angry at myself- for eating, for not feeling happy, for feeling selfish because I am so concerned with my body. I can't remember crying this much ever. It's so tiring, and I don't know how toy make it all stop. All I want to do is to stop hating myself and hurting myself and counting calories. I want to be able to love myself the way I am, but it's hard to get through alone (as I have told only one person of my difficulties) and sometimes I feel like I'm a crazy person. The thoughts that go through my head are really whacked. I don't know... this, on top of everything else is overwhelming. I'm trying to find help somewhere, but I don't know where to turn, and I don't want to tell anybody because I don't want to burden them with my problems. Oh well. I hope nobody else has to endure this.

------------------
"Do what you will, always..
Walk where you like, your steps...
Do as you please,
I'll back you up.." ~DMB


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Nocturnal Kitten
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I've had issues with my weight on and off since my early teens. For years I have been at or around 5'9". By the time I was 13, I had already reached 5'5" and I was around 145 pounds. I wasn't over weight by any means. I just had a little fat on me. To me, I looked fine when I was dressed, but I had a bit of a belly and my legs were less than thin.

So, I started to work out and watch what I eat. I didn't really do anything drastic. I cut down on the snacks I would eat whiel watching TV, I would eat slower during meals and, most importantly, I started lifting weights and excersizing.. It was a slow process but, within a few months, I started making progress. My body was slowly but surely toning up. And I got to a point where I was happy with myself.

Two years ago, I had a flair up of anxiety and my eating habits changed drasticly. I wasn't hunrgy all that much and, when I did it, it was due to being so hungry I could eat anything put in front of me or because I knew I had to. Sadly, what caused all of this was the prospect of getting my wisdom teeth removed since the thought of it scared me, but now that I think back on it, I've had the symptoms of this for years.

After a couple of months, my weight was down to 125 and my parents took me to the doctor. He diagnosed me with anoerxia. This horrified my mom because she thought of it as being something that gives you a distored body image, but he explained to her that it can be a sideeffect of depression. He gave me some samples of Paxil, but I never took it. My parents are big into herbs, so after some research, I started taking St. John's Wort, Kava Kava and Lavender to help with the anxiety. It helped and I started getting my appitight back.

Eventually, I got fed up with it all and had the surgery done. I lost more weight that first week and a half since I couldn't eat anything other than soft foods or liquids, but it helped. Soon I was eating more, but my stomach had shrunk, so I got full fairly easily.

Now my weight ranges between 115 and 120, depending on if it is a good or a bad month. A good month is when I am happy and the herbs work. A bad month is when the anxiety will flare up, due to either a bad situation in my life or forgetting to take the herbs. Last month I thought I could get off of them and ended up nearly going crazy. At the moment, I would say I am probably closer to the 115 mark. Since mid August, things have been on a rollar coaster with ups and downs and for the first week after the 11th, I hardly ate anything.

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It took so long to remember just what happened.
I was so young and vestal then.


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girlie*
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quote:
Originally posted by Sapphire85:
<Raises her hand> Hi! I'm a member of the "I have issues with food/ my body/ my weight" club. Unfortunately. I used to have a real problem back in 5th grade (5th grade! So young and beautiful!) when I was a gymnast. I made a deal with myself that I could drink as much water as I wanted, in place of food, and I would weigh myself after every time I went to the bathroom- to be sure I stayed at my 69 pounds. I don't know what set it off.. I think I disliked my thighs at the tender age of 10. And now, at 16, I'm back, slave to the plan. Except the hate is stronger now. I'm always angry at myself- for eating, for not feeling happy, for feeling selfish because I am so concerned with my body. I can't remember crying this much ever. It's so tiring, and I don't know how toy make it all stop. All I want to do is to stop hating myself and hurting myself and counting calories. I want to be able to love myself the way I am, but it's hard to get through alone (as I have told only one person of my difficulties) and sometimes I feel like I'm a crazy person. The thoughts that go through my head are really whacked. I don't know... this, on top of everything else is overwhelming. I'm trying to find help somewhere, but I don't know where to turn, and I don't want to tell anybody because I don't want to burden them with my problems. Oh well. I hope nobody else has to endure this.



-
you sound just like me...oh my gosh. everything about crying, about feeling guilty about eating, about feeling guilty about feeling guilty..ect. i would like to talk to you...post on here agian is you see this and i will try to work something out so we can relate.
thank you


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glitter695
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I dont think that I have any type of eating disorder. I am 5'1" and 115lbs (it varys up or down). Maybe I do in a way. I always worry about how my body looks and what I eat. I eat okay, sometimes I cant eat right because of work (its right after school). I always eat lunch, never breakfast. I munch here and there. I'm just not happy with myself, I dont know why.

I can just feel myself getting bigger or something. I hate that feeling. You know I realize that there are A LOT of bigger people out there and that I am lucky, but I am still not happy with myself.

I never thought of becoming anorexic or bulimic because I know what it will do to you. I never had a bad childhood, the only person who would call me fat is my sister. My boyfriend yells at me if I even say the word fat. Heather (Miz Scarlet) yells at me that I am not fat too. I just see myself different. My mom tells me too that I have to accept my body and that I have what I have, but it is hard.

I dont know what I want to be, I just want to be where I am happy. I used to be happy about my weight, about a year ago, but now I am not.

And Heather, no I never took those diet pills or anything that I have asked you about. I PROMISE!

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*~*~12/3/99*~*
*~*~*~I LOVE YOU BOB FOREVER AND ALWAYS*~*~*~

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't" -Erica Jong<~~~no thats not me

*~*Scarleteen Advocate*~*

[This message has been edited by glitter695 (edited 10-04-2001).]


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Sapphire85
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Hey Girlie, what's up? I know we can't post our emails on here, so I dunno how we'd stay in contact, but I'd like to talk to you too. Maybe we can work something out. :-)

------------------
"Do what you will, always..
Walk where you like, your steps...
Do as you please,
I'll back you up.." ~DMB


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Miss Thang
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oh i'm glad i found this little eating disorder forum. i actually created a new forum under "body and soul" called eating disorders because i had a question and i didn't know this one existed! moving on... i have had problems with eating my whole life. it started when i was in grade school, and i would starve myself and exercise like crazy. now i just starve myself. is there a different name for those two things? someone told me that one is called anorexia and one is called anorexia nervosa. is this true? anywho, i'm gonna get some counseling (not for my eating problem but for something else- but i will talk to the person about my eating problem and get some help). you see, i've had this problem for like 6 years now, and my parents don't see it as a problem, i don't know if they even notice or care, so i've never seen a counselor for it before. but i'm gonna. so don't worry about me- but could ya answer my question pleeease?
Posts: 211 | From: Chicago, IL | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sapphire85
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Anorexia Nervosa is commonly known as Anorexia- they're the same disease, just called different names. Just like Mononucleosis is also known as mono. Anorexia is a disease, and nothing to be ashamed of, so it's good to see that you're taking the first step and deciding to talk to someone who will take you seriously about it. I hope everything goes well and you get better.

------------------
"Do what you will, always..
Walk where you like, your steps...
Do as you please,
I'll back you up.." ~DMB


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Miss Thang
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thanks for the last answer.. now i have another question! like 3 days ago, i started making myself throw up everything i eat, and then when i have to eat (like when i'm with family), i barely eat anything. my friend told me that this is called bulima-anorexia. is there such a thing?
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Miss Thang
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I'm so sorry for the last, um, 5 posts! There's something wrong with my computer!
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Lady Moonlight
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quote:
Originally posted by Miss Thang:
I'm so sorry for the last, um, 5 posts! There's something wrong with my computer!

I zapped 'em for you.

In the future, make sure you refresh the screen (use the "refresh" or "reload" button on your browser) before assuming that your post didn't go through.


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sugarvaulter
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after reading all these posts, i feel the need to contribute.

i am not one of those experienced anorexics who can say "been there done that" or anything. i am have just always mostly had body image problems, and often feel as if it is just a matter of time before i full-out qualify as an eating-disordered teen (if im not one already)

i am 18 years old, 5 feet tall, currently 110. i never even LOOKED at my body until high school. then it hit me that i wasnt happy. guys and girls alike often tell me i have the "perfect body" because i have 32C bra, a almost-flat tummy, and still magor hip curves. but although i lok okay when i have a nice outfit on, i still feel as if they don't know ym body ENOUGH, and if they knew it as well as me, or had to see it as much as me, especially in all its naked-chunkiness, they, too, would see how imperfect it is.

through high school i have had my best friend go through anorexia, go through a "pretend" recovery, and now seems to be sturggling with it again. my other best friend is also "trying" to be bulimic, as well as me "trying" to be anorexic a lot. we probably do it for attention mroe than anything, but i gotta say, i always convince myself that if i just had a more beautiful body, then my self esteem would be higher, i could be a more natural person, and people would like me better. i've fasted, exercised myself to the point of pain at ungodly hours of the night, tried every diet from weight watchers to water diets to 1 meal a day diets, ive considered every way there is to lose weight. now i am on diet pills. in the past 2 weeks i have lost a good 8 lbs. although this all sounds tragic, i would be lieing if i said it didnt make me happy. i want to keep going until i am down to at last 100, i know i can reach a point where i will be happy with myself. i feel like ive finally found a solution, because event hrough all my other weightloss ideas, i never lost more then 2 lbs.

this is all quiet mental, and i know how ridiculous and nonsensical it sounds. but i just want to be able to accept me. i envy those of you who can say you love yourselves for who you are, and those of you who don't obsess over making yourself thinner or more beautiful. i have so many people telling me i am beautiful and yet i just think they must not know me CLOSE UP enough or something. this is me, and i don't know if ill ever change, or if i'll ever actually believe im beautiful. i wish i COULD accept me!

gina


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Sapphire85
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Sugar, I know where you're at with the whole "I want to love myself" thing. I've been trying really hard, but nothing I do seems to help.

So can I vent here? Because everybody else seems to. Here goes. Last week, I had a quasi-nervous breakdown in the middle of the school day, so I went to talk to my guidance counselor (she's really cool). I didn't mean to say anything at all, but I ended up telling her about not eating and trying to throw up and my cutting. She called my father, and he took it all very well. He was like "It's okay, we'll help her out. We don't think she's crazy or anything." So then, that night I went home, and my parents said that they had noticed I'd been a little depressed lately and that they'd take me to a doctor who could help me out. I thought they were serious and all, and I was glad, because I really do want to get better and stop hurting myself.

But now it's been almost two weeks, and I haven't gone to see any type of doctor, and for a while I was okay (a few days), but now I'm back to my eating routines. And my parents are totally ignoring anything and everything that has to do with me, and they just keep yelling at me for stupid things, and it's not cool. If they're going to forget about me and not help in any way and just make it worse then I just want to be left alone. My best friend just gives me lectures and watches me when I eat and I don't want that because I don't want to be watched. And my poor boyfriend has no idea what to do, and I'm exhausting him.

Anyways, I'm just annoyed that my parents reacted like I thought they would and aren't really taking this seriously. It took me a lot to admit to someone that I haven't been doing well. I mean, my parents see me eat sometimes, so I don't think they care. But I am sick of being sick and now I am lost because they've given up. This is monstrously large and really hard for me to deal with, and I feel like I'm just spiraling. Sorry for taking up space, I just had to tell someone. B

------------------
"Do what you will, always..
Walk where you like, your steps...
Do as you please,
I'll back you up.." ~DMB


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smittenkitten
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I've never had an eating disorder, but my mother is constantly causing body image issues.

I'm 82kg (not sure about lb's) and 5'4" tall. I'll admit I'm a little overweight, but I love my curves. My mum is constantly telling me to suck my tummy in and lose a few kilos. Although it would be nice to be a little smaller, (since it's so hard to come by nice clothes in size 14-16) I'm quite happy with myself. I weigh as much as my mother, but I'm not as fat (to be blunt).

I go into places like Supre, and I can only ever find Small & X-Small sizes. It's shops like that that create eating disorders. The pressure is on girls to be thin, from the media, from everywhere. I'd like to see a magazine with beautiful voloptuous models, and less superficial content.

Hugs & Scully,
Winnie :0)


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hmg7500
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Hello all... I have been reading this post over and over again, trying to decide if I should actually reply or not.

I have been anorexic and/or bulimic for going on 8 years. The only time I wasn't harming my body in the attempt to feel better about my weight was while I was pregnant.

And that's my problem. I gained a *significant* amount of weight (we're talking 95 pounds) during my pregnancy and now, in trying to lose that weight, I find myself slipping closer and closer to the eating disorders again. I have been purging for almost 4 months now- in an effort to keep losing this "baby fat." A few weeks ago, I started limiting my daily fat/calorie intake again.

I feel like such a hypocrite! I am a wife and a mom, for goodness sakes' and I am still fighting this ridiculous battle that (in my mind) is reserved for teenagers and college kids! I don't mean to step on anybody's toes... I just feel that in my case, it is *ridiculous*.

So I guess that's where I end this- just know that you are not alone and that it is a *VERY* tough fight, but I'm told that you can make it!

Heather

[This message has been edited by hmg7500 (edited 11-26-2001).]


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alaska
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Hi Heather,

no worries, it is NOT ridiculous to suffer from disordered eating. - And common preceptions aside, eating disorders can hit people of all ages and genders.

Do you have anyone who you could discuss this with? A doc maybe, your gyno, your midwife or a close friend? If you feel that you are sliding down the restrictive eating thing (and duh, do I know what that's like), you need to get out and get help now. - Just before you completely slip into the old habits that you had before you got pregnant.
Did you seek help in the past? Maybe you could seek help there again?

Now that you know the warning signs, and have recognized them, try to do something against it.

------------------
Caro
~Scarleteen Sexpert~

"Through repetition the magic will be forced to rise."
Alchemical Precept


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