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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » WAY too horny for a 17 year old girl?

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Author Topic: WAY too horny for a 17 year old girl?
Member # 108194

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I'm sorry for the long post.

First of all, this website has been a wonderful resource! Thank you!

As I mature into becoming an adult, I've discovered LOTS of changes happening to me. For my entire teenage years (from the time I was 11) I've been very horny to the point where not even masturbating everyday keeps my hormone levels down. It's VERY embarrassing, especially because I'm female and I feel like I can't talk to any of my friends about this because they haven't reached that point yet. I lost my virginity a few months ago and have since been somewhat "obsessed" with sex.

Here's where I get nervous, though. I consider myself a very smart and educated person with good morals... except when it comes to sex. I have no problem seeing myself as a stripper in a few years. The college I'm shooting for (Full Sail) is a very expensive, high end college but it's a wonderful school for computers and programming, which is what I'm passionate about and want to get into. I've even started programming my own website. Does this make me a slut? Strippers get paid lots of money and, the way I see it, it could help me get into the college of my dreams.

When it comes to getting into romantic relationships, it's like parts of my brain just turn off. All I can think about is sex. And it's gotten me into situations where I'm making online dating accounts, flirting with lots of guys I see (in the mall and such), and just agreeing to go out with whoever asks me out. I feel like this isn't like me, yet it's completely like me! It's very confusing.

It feels very lonely to have opinions like this. Especially the stripper thing. I guess I don't really have a question, but I wanted to see if there was anyone else out there who shares my opinion? Or someone who has some advice for me?


Posts: 7 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Hey there, fierceturtle. [Smile]

Before anything else, I do want to make clear that there's no "right" or "wrong" level of sexual desire for people of a certain gender or a certain age. Just a LOT of serious diversity.

There also is no real definition for "slut." That's a word mostly meant and said as a slur against women, sometimes based in sexuality or sexual choices, and sometimes not.

Since we're not people who think there is anything wrong with women having sexualities and sexual lives, we do not think anything is "slutty" in the way people tend to use that word. Also, it is truly a crappy word in these kinds of uses, and since it doesn't mean anything literally (except "sloppy woman"), it's not a word that will help clarify any of this. So, how about we leave it at the door, eh? [Smile]

Discussing whether or not sex work is right for someone is not something we can do as a young adult sex education service, and is outside our scope, especially since for a sex worker, sex work usually has little to nothing to do with their own sexuality in the first place. It's work that is about OTHER people's sexualities.

If you are curious about what it means to be in sex work, or have practical questions about sex work, our best advice when you are of age to consider that would be to look into a local SWOP (sex workers organizing project) and speak with someone doing that kind of organizing. Before you're of age, you can certainly look at SWOP info online. There are also a couple good anthologies out there from sex workers that can fill folks in on the fact that more times than not, it can be a really tough, and not-at-all-sexy job, and rarely is it big, easy money. Strippers usually have to work incredibly hard, and work awfully long hours to make the kind of income it sounds like you're thinking of, and even then, many won't.

And again, we are certainly not going to call sex workers derogatory names here, or suggest that whether it's you thinking about that work, or someone else doing it, that tells us anything at all about their sexualities or their sexual behaviors. Because it doesn't: all it tells us is that the person doing that work needed a job and that was either the only one they could find, or it wasn't, but it's something that meets their needs and works for them, like any other job.

You know, it's okay to not be interested in romantic relationship but in sexual relationship that are not romantic. Some people are sometimes: some people even are always. And that's okay, just like it's okay for people to have an interest in romantic relationships, but not sexual ones, or for someone to have interest in neither.

But for sure, saying yes to everyone who offers is often not about sexual interest by itself so much as it is that getting tangled up with issues with things like assertiveness or esteem. After all, you probably have other criteria for being sexual with, or even just going out with, someone besides that they want to go out with you, no? If not, it might be worth thinking about why not, if for no other reason than your personal safety.

I'm not sure what opinions you're asking for company in here -- because I'm not seeing any of what you've posted here being about expressing an opinion on something? -- so I can't really speak to that. [Smile]

[ 07-13-2014, 06:45 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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(Just so it's also clear, masturbating probably does not do much of anything to your "hormone levels" -- masturbation or sex can't change things like how much estrogen, testosterone or progesterone is in our bodies at a given time, save that when we get aroused, for everyone, testosterone tends to go up a bit -- and a lot of our feelings of sexual desire aren't even about hormones in the first place.

That doesn't mean it's not okay to do it though! If it feels good to you, and makes you feel sexually satisfied or more relaxed -- or any other reason - it's just fine to masturbate, including daily.)

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 110155

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You mentioned considering yourself "moral, except regarding sex." What are your sexual morals? What are you doing that you think is immoral or amoral?

I ask because to me, sexual morality is, essentially, respecting my partners' physical and emotional needs, and their right to make their own rules about their own bodies; not engaging in sex that I know is not good for or dangerous to me or my partner; and not betraying anyone's trust in regard to sexual things. So none of what you've said sounds immoral to me. Of course, your sexual morality is probably different from mine... but I just wanted to check if you've actually thought about what sexual morality is to you, instead of taking concepts like sluttiness and sex being bad and accepting them without much critical interrogation.

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Member # 95725

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You shouldn't feel lonely, I have felt the same before - and also felt the opposite. There was a time a few years ago where I wasn't interested in anything sexual at all. I wasn't afraid or anything, it just wasn't something I cared about. It put a strain on my relationship at first, but we talked through it and we are still together. But I felt lonely and I felt bad about it. I felt like something was "wrong" with me.

And you shouldn't feel embarrassed about being a female and masturbating every day. There are many many women who masturbate every day.

Just don't worry [Smile]

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