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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » Stupid School! (Contains examples of Anti-choice beliefs)

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Author Topic: Stupid School! (Contains examples of Anti-choice beliefs)
Saffron Raymie
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At our school, (this was about eight years ago) we used to have this personal education program to 'help us become good citizens'.

One day, the teacher separated us into groups of 'boys' and 'girls' and asked us to write a list of qualities we would like to have in a romantic partner. The teacher promised these lists would not be read out to the class.

Of course, gender identity being strong among school children, all the girl groups were writing stuff like 'nice smile', 'six pack', 'pretty eyes', 'loving nature' and all the boy groups were writing stuff like 'Big T*ts' and other strictly objectifying things.

However, of course the teacher did read out the lists, and drew copious attention to the differences between body types.

He ended by saying 'You SEE. Boys and girls, at this age at least, do want different things.' He ended with this poem 'Girl plays at sex, before she is ready - she just wants to be loved. Boy plays at love, before he is ready, all he really wants is sex'.

I honestly have never felt so weak and stupid in my whole life. I dropped the female gender identity like a stone that day. I remember thinking 'yeah, poor helpless girls like Jessica (the most feminine looking dame in the class), this lesson would be good for them.' Neertheless, it made me seeth with anger to think how powerful the boys (who were loud) in the class maybe were feeling. But probably, they just felt lost like me.

Later in life, everytime I had fully consentual sex, I thought I'd been damagaed in some way. I dismayed over my 'number' not because of the 'slut' idea, which I fought against with every breath like most, but because I thought was being 'damaged' in some way. Every encounter seemed abusive.

Later still, I had sex with a boy when neither of use wanted to. Him because he didn't want to let me down, and me because I thought, as a 'boy', he'd be desperate for sex. He was nowhere near ready, and I read his fear as need. He'd said 'we're going to have sex aren't we?' and I thought he expected me to. We were 22. I asked him why he was so upset after, and he said he wanted to "lose his virginity" you someone he felt loved and in a secure relationship with.

I just can't believe them classing love and sex as binary opposites. You should be as caring with a one night stand as you should in a ten year relationship. And if 'Boy plays at love when all he really wants is sex', it's not consentual and close to assault. There was no mention of this fact by the teacher. It was just 'sex' to him. Of course, sex would also be defined as penis-in-vagina intercourse, and what of all the other sexualities in the class?

What the teacher also didn't mention was that the things the boys were listing weren't 'rude' as he put it, they were objectifying. And I love how he wrote 'six-pack' - which was one every girl groups' list off as just 'sweet'. To him, sex is lying, lack of consent and objectification. Great, what an awesome thing to teach a bunch of adolescents.

I really don't think it's a coinsidence that I tried to sleep with every boy in the class in as objectifying, demeaning way to them as possible. (Of course, I'm really not proud of this). They were all pretty freaked out by me.

The next 'personal education' we had began like this:

'The second a baby is concieved: hair colour is decided, and eye colour.' I looked at Jessica, (because I couldn't stand to think of it happening to me) I thought of her being trapped into pregnancy because of people like my teacher and burst into tears. The teacher read this as horror at abortion! Honestly, I felt too young and powerless to scream at him, but I really wish I had.

I never forgot any of this. I think the first session caused me to purposefully scorn love and relationships at every opportunity, for the fisrt 21 years of my life. At least I know it was just rape culture talking now, and I can want to be loved without being feminine and therefore 'needy' - but it's taken me till I'm 23 to accept.

I really want my children to be sent to a sexuality-celebrating, female-empowering alterative school. Anyone know any, anywhere in the world? I would move there.

[ 03-09-2011, 01:11 PM: Message edited by: RaeRay2112 ]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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Kawani3792
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So, about eight years ago is...what, maybe 9th or 10th grade?

At that age, everything is clichéd. Most of those kids, if not all of them, knew that those were probably going to be read out loud, and if a boy dared to put "Nice smile, good listener and talker, fun to hang out with", he'd be the one getting messed with for the rest of school.
Not to mention, great way to convince teenagers not to trust adults. "I promise they won't be read aloud." and then reading it aloud.

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Saffron Raymie
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Exactly! It was so patronizing...I don't understand the US grade system but we were 15 years old. Tenth Grade I think. I didn't think of the silly message he was giving about not trusting adults too. What's wrong with just saying 'nobody should ever objectify or decieve people' and making a fun lesson about respect and consent, rather than gender sterotypes, maybe by showing us artist pictures like Heather's? That would have been better, and more fun.

Also if a girl had put anything sexual, she would have been called a 'slut' or whatever through the rest of school. I was sexually experiental, and had one of my ribs broken by bullies because of it. They were vry lrge groups we were in too, in a group of 3O young adults, there were only four groups - and not really friendship groups, so the peer pressure would have been rife.

[ 03-11-2011, 05:14 AM: Message edited by: RaeRay2112 ]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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Kawani3792
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Yeah, 15 years old would be tenth grade in the US. That would have been a better message than the one that was sent. Yay, they managed to teach a bunch of kids that boys only have sex on their brain and obviously can't love, and that girls aren't sexual beings, that all they want to do is exchange Valentine's and go out to romantic suppers. Which means that pretty much any girl who admits to being a sexual creature will be a 'slut' because every other girl was good and pure and only cares about love. Which would scare any other girls, and...it's a scary path.
(Every time I read these things, I thank God that the first thing my high-school sex ed teacher said, to our 15 person girls-only class, was "It's perfectly normal to touch yourself, everyone does that. There's nothing nasty or wrong about you down there. If you're going to have sex, and you need condoms or birth control or a pregnancy test, let me know, and I can help you talk to your parents or take you to get the condoms or pregnancy test." She was amazing)

That's about 7 or 8 people to a group, and if nobody really is friends with each other, the peer pressure to fit in would be so much worse. It feels like friends can be told anything, but random people can't. I can't think of anyone who would honestly and truthfully put what they really want in a partner down on paper around a bunch of strangers.
That's awful. Did the school do anything about the bullies? It's not like a couple of bruises (which are bad in and of themselves) but a broken rib, because you actually had a sex drive that you didn't pretend didn't exist? Wow.

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Saffron Raymie
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The school did offer to help, but the bullies knew where I lived and it was just me and my brother in the house for a while, so I was thinking the windows would be smashed and things, so I just kept quiet. It was because, when I was dating one of the popular boys, rather than having penis-in-vagina intercourse, I preferred masturbation with him there. He told the entire school, but hey, if he'd been taught 'that's what boys are supposed to do' and 'girl's are sex-free' it's probably not entirely his fault.

It is a scary path. Your sex ed teacher sounds phenomenal though! What a star, I really hope I can be like that when I actually get a career. People like that help us march down that Scary Path! [Big Grin]

I think what really stuck with me though was the pro-life session the following week. If the first one taught us that girls would most certainly be lied to and do things before they're ready because they're desperate for love...how on earth could this one be anti-choice? 'Boys will lie. You will be hurt. You must at all costs stick with any resulting pregnancy, despite school or anything else in your life.' What did he expect these young people to be, superwomen?

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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Kawani3792
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Well, I'm in the US, so it might be different, but when someone got injured badly or there was bullying to the point that someone was concerned about their safety even outside school, the school brought in police and a couple kids in the school were actually charged with...misdeameanors, I want to say...hm. Don't remember the actual words, but it worked, at least to the point that nobody ever got anything broken there.
I can see where it's not totally his fault, but it's still...ouch. That must have been rough.

It wasn't exactly a hugely progressive class, but it was taught in a progressive way, if that makes any sense. There was never anything about same-sex relationships, we had to do a slideshow presentation on an STD, which is basically a huge scare tactic, but the teacher herself was pretty amazing, even though she got badmouthed by half the class because obviously, someone who was comfortable talking about sex and masturbation must be a *fill-in-derogatory-word-for-females-here*.

And they were allowed to teach this stuff? That's frightening, really frightening. So..."guess what kids, you're all doomed to lie to each other, sex will hurt, you'll become pregnant and you can't do anything about it and you'll die." I feel so bad for the kids in that class, that's an awful thing to learn, especially at around 15 when everyone's still figuring out kisses and dates. Seems like they weren't trying to educate so much as they were just trying to scare the sexuality out of all the girls, and turn the guys into potential rapists "girls don't want sex. they never will. you will though. if you pretend to love them you can get sex."

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Saffron Raymie
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Thanks Kawani, I'm so glad you understand, I really admire how you believe in adolescents [Smile]

(On a side note, I'm really proud of myself in the sense that my sexuality became much more desire-crazed in response to this lesson - and of course he was wrong. I was never lied to - I don't how anyone expects to measure what constitues 'lying' anyway, when love can be so fleeting at any age, and people at any age can mix it up with the craving of being desired by an 'attractive' person and cared about by them with loving someone (whatever their sex) [Big Grin] Take that, teacher!)

[ 03-18-2011, 07:40 AM: Message edited by: RaeRay2112 ]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

Posts: 1285 | From: England | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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