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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » How to tell your parents your sexually active

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Author Topic: How to tell your parents your sexually active
Member # 49080

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I am a 16 year old female that is in her Jr. year of high school.I know that I should tell my mother that I am sexually active but too be honest,I am so afraid [Frown]

I want to get on birth control and be more protected,and I feel telling her will help.

Any advice on how I can approach the "Sex" topic or any stories on how you did it?

Please,I really could use some advice

Posts: 5 | From: Arizona | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 43206

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Remember that one of the best places you can get advice is from yourself. You know your parents a lot better than we do, and how you should approach it depends a lot on what kind of people your parents are.

In my case, I just told my mom that my girlfriend and I had just been to buy condoms, and would probably be using them that night; she was cool with it (and glad we were being responsible about it).

Not everyone's parents are going to react that way though. ^_^

I think the only nearly universal piece of advice I can give is that parents tend to appreciate honesty and it's generally better for you too, so it's great you want to tell your mom, and you really shouldn't be afraid of doing so.

Chin up and face the future, wonders beyond your wildest dreams await us!

Posts: 47 | From: Crescent city, CA. | Registered: Jul 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Hi Ashlie,

Well done on being responsible and wanting to keep yourself protected from pregnancy.

Are you sexually active at the moment or is this just in case? Do you know about condoms etc?

You should check out this article for loads of info on sexual readiness [Smile]

In terms of talking with your parents, have you seen our article:

How about you take a read of those and come back here and if you have any other questions we can go through them? [Smile]


Posts: 896 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 58277

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I'm 16 also it's also hard for me to tell my mom if your not comftorable with telling her some confidential clincs such as planned parenthood or surch for ones nearby you and get check ups on your own(pap smears,testing bith control) somethings are just better unsaid. But this is if you absolutely know your mom will be mad or couldn't take it


Posts: 16 | From: st.louis | Registered: Mar 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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I first became sexually active at 16 as well, but I chickened out and didn't tell my mom until I was well into my college education. I framed it as a recent thing, because I was worried that knowing I hid it from her for so long would hurt her feelings. My sister was much braver (and, honestly, doesn't have my poker face) and told right away when she became sexually active at 16. Mom expressed some disappointment -- she thought my sister wasn't emotionally mature enough yet to handle sex -- but hardly condemned her for it. It allowed her to make sure my sister was seeing the right doctors, staying on top of this new aspect of her health that would need to be monitored, and taking her birth control pills correctly.

Of course, my mom is the sort that always told us that she wanted to know when we started having sex, and looking back I wish I had been more forthcoming. I can understand the fear -- even at 21 and from the safety of a college dorm it was an intimidating conversation -- but I know Mom felt that being in the loop allowed her to take care of my health more effectively. Assuming that you have a good relationship with your mom, it'll still be an awkward conversation and she may be resistant to the idea, but I'm sure she'll appreciate your honesty and that you felt comfortable coming to her at all. If you approach it as a health issue and talk about how you feel being on birth control would allow you to be more responsible, it should minimize any fireworks.

Posts: 5 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 71422

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I am a few months short of being 16 and am less than a month sexually active. My boyfriend and I both decided that I should be on birth control to be safer than we have been, but I am terrified to tell my mom. She has already told me that she wants me to at least wait until I'm around 19 or 20 to start having sex. I want to tell my mom so she can help me make an appointment or something to start taking the pill, but I don't want her to get mad at me or my boyfriend. I generally don't lie to my mom but one night i did, and that's the night i lost my virginity. I know if i tell my mom she will want to know when it happened and I know my mom, and she will get mad at me for lying to her and she will be disappointed in my decision to lose my virginity at such a young age. How can i tell my mom in a way she wont get mad at me or my boyfriend, or make me stop seeing him? :/ or how can i make appointments without my mom knowing? Help please... :/
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How is your relationship generally with your mother? Do you have a pretty open relationship and are able to communicate honestly?

If so, I'd encourage you to try and talk to her, rather than going behind her back. Honesty is pretty important in any good relationship, and lying about something like this could end up damaging your relationship, especially because these things to tend to come out.

Is it going to be an awkward conversation to have? Yeah, probably. But it can only get more awkward if you continue to lie to her and she finds out on her own later.

Now, you CAN get reproductive health care without having to explicitly tell your mother. You can ask her to make a gynecologist appointment for you so you can start your regular check-ups, and then discuss birth control with your doctor.

You can also make an appointment with a clinic such as Planned Parenthood, where you don't need to use your insurance if you don't want to.

But, before you think about any of that, I'd still advise you to talk to your mother first and be honest with her.

Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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