Okay so I'm going to try to make this as less confusing as I possibly can even though for me it's pretty confusing already. I live in wisconsin I am 18 and have a lot of history of sexual abuse. From age 6 - 10 I've been molested and in the summer of when I was 16 I was date raped. I'm still going through treatment and I got out of a relationship that I didn't feel safe in. I see my therapist every tuesday and so far it's helping, I'm getting to know myself sexually by looking up advice asking questions going to sex shops ( I've never seen a lot of things people have slang terms for ) So I'm learning a lot about my body, my gender and what I like. There is this guy that lives in New York, we've been speaking to one another for a year ( Yayy!! ) and I really really love this guy. He's bi sexual like me but he's never dated a girl ( Like me as well, lol ) I am his first lady lol. I like fem guys which basically means, guys that are feminine that I can dress up with and such. And he fits that perfectly. I just wanted to know, is it bad that I like feminine guys? He knows of my history and has had some abuse himself so he understands my boundaries and respects them. We aren't worried about sex because when we do meet we just want to be able to enjoy one another for a few months/years. But things happen not always as planned, I know. He doesn't know how the girl body works or what girls like which is to be expected, so its really up to me to guide him. But I have no clue what I like or how to do so! Will masturbation help me understand what I like? How else can I get to know more about what my body is aroused to? He's super sweet, I just don't want to mess it up, also I just don't want to make my trauma worse, please help. Thank you
There's nothing wrong with liking a certain type of person and, as long as it's mutual then, honestly, why not? And while it may be worrying to enter a relationship with a man who has never been sexual with a woman or vice versa, I don't actually think that's something to worry about.
Every singly body is different. One woman's body won't necessarily react the same way to the same touch - in fact, it's pretty unlikely that it will. Certainly getting to know your own body will help so you can make sure to communicate what you do and do not like is a great way to start. And also making clear from the beginning that just like he's just learning your body, you are still learning how you react to compassionate touch, too, and setting up communication about what you'd like to say or how you'd like him to check in or whatever you are concerned about is imperative.
-------------------- Hey folks, my name is Andrew and I was a mod here for awhile a couple years ago. I'll be here for a couple weeks while Heather is out and the site is even more short-staffed than usual Posts: 441 | From: Boston, MA | Registered: Dec 2010
| IP: Logged |
Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998
Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.