Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » Choice Day?

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Choice Day?
Green iPod
Activist
Member # 42060

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Green iPod     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I logged on to facebook today and looked at the articles that were posted by Scarleteen. I shared one and posted my own thoughts.

"Today is the 37th anniversary of Roe v. Wade. I've read many articles and personal experiences. One thing I can't get my head around is why people want to deny the right to choose. I can't see pregnancy as anything but something someone chooses to do. The right to choose isn't just about abortion either. Its about the ...right for women to be in control of their own bodies. Its not right for someone to use someone elses body against their will, but people think its okay to deny the women the right to say who and what uses them. With the way some laws and health care things are going, its getting a little scary. There seem to be so many people trying to overturn Roe v. Wade and I don't understand it. It's not their body. It's not their decision. Just like it isn't their decision if you get a tattoo or a piercing. It's -your- body, not theirs. If women lose the right to make the choice about having children, how long until we are restricted from certain types of birthcontrol? Or OB/GYN care..."

Someone on my friends list posted something some time after, not a direct reply to me but I know it is still a reply. And well, I'm a little disturbed. This is her post..

"It infuriates me to think of woman who claim the "right" to choose whether they are physically capable, emotionally ready or whatever lame excuse they may have to terminate a human life (btw-what about the child's rights?) that they "chose" to create whether it was on accident or on purpose.. When a woman -chooses- ...to have sexual relationship with a man she -knows- what can happen.. It's not rocket science people!"

I think what gets me the most is the part about being physically capable. Its like shes saying if a woman gets pregnant and her body can't take it she should just die. I knew some people on my list were Pro Life but I didn't think any of them were that bad...

Posts: 47 | From: Florida | Registered: Jan 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orca
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 33665

Icon 1 posted      Profile for orca     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Oh wow. I'm sorry you had to see that. [Frown] I think it's awesome that you feel so strongly about reproductive rights and want to be vocal about it! However, I also think you may want to put some thought into where you choose to be vocal. In my opinion, a personal page on Facebook doesn't tend to be the best place for that because a lot of people use it just for fun and want to keep things light. Now, if it was a group Facebook page for reproductive rights, then it would make perfect sense to post there because everyone joins it knowing that it is a pro-choice or pro-life page. You may even consider setting up such a page! [Smile] But for a personal page, it's not such a great idea because you are likely to have friends who don't feel the same way as you, or who even may be very hurt or offended by what you post. In other words, a personal page should be more mindful of the diversities of our friends and should be mostly just for fun and to keep people updated about our lives and what we're doing.

Thinking about it from the other side, I am very pro-choice and I feel very uncomfortable when I see my friends posting some anti-choice statements on Facebook. I value their friendship so I don't want to drop them from my friendlist, but I feel it's disrespectful of me and their other friends who are pro-choice to post those kinds of messages. This is why I think blogs are such awesome tools because we can write at length about our own beliefs and people can choose whether or not they want to read it based on those beliefs and not whether or not they want to be friends with us. Does that make sense?

--------------------
Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Posts: 2726 | From: North America | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Green iPod
Activist
Member # 42060

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Green iPod     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It does. That statement just surprised me though, another one of my friends did have an abortion because she most likely would have died. All the things I've seen people say on both sides that really just wasn't something I expected, it's a little scary.
Posts: 47 | From: Florida | Registered: Jan 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hey there. Just for the record, I absolutely hear orca's opinion on FB etiquette and approaches around this, and see it as a totally valid opinion, but I myself, disagree, and feel it's just as appropriate to post the kinds of things you did, particularly since the essence of what you were saying was that women deserve as much of a right to ownership of our bodies as anyone else does, a statement I personally do not find at all provocative or even political.

Mind, for me, because something like reproductive politics and the politics of women's autonomy are SUCH a huge part of my life, if I left all of that out of my FB posts -- including at my own FB, not just at Scarleteen -- I'd be left with little to post about, really, and leaving out a big part of who I am, and who the people I'm friends and family with on FB to know me to be. But the same may be true for you.

It's really rough when you have friends or family react that way. My own policy with things like that on FB has been sometimes to preempt statements or posts I make like this and simply ask that my friends support me, and just give some thought to my opinion since, as my friends, they obviously value me. You can also make clear that you want any discussion of this to be a respectful one: that response, obviously, certainly was not. Or, you can even say you just have something to say, but would really just like people to just listen and consider it without response.

So, there's some other perspective that's different, and you can consider that as well as what orca said, and hopefully land, from here on out, on a FB approach with topics like this that feel right to you.

Per today, what's done is done, and I just hope you get as much support as you do argument. And by all means, if you want to engage this person on choice and feel up to that, that's certainly something else you could do.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
P.S. I hear you that sometimes the way people talk about all of this can feel very scary and really shake us up. If you want a safe place to talk out your feelings about what was said, we're here. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orca
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 33665

Icon 1 posted      Profile for orca     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Just to add in, I can definitely relate to it being scary/unexpected when you see friends (or even people you don't know so well but like and want a friendship with) posting such negative comments on Facebook. In fact, a girl I've had classes with and think is pretty cool posted something pretty negative about abortion last night, and even though I know there's more to a person than how they feel about abortion, it does have me rethinking my previous feelings about her and wondering how much of a friendship I want with her. At this point, it doesn't scare me, but that's because I've grown up in the Bible Belt and been outspoken pro-choice and atheist since middle school, so I'm pretty used to any nasty comments, though I'm still a bit shocked when I see/hear them.

Personally, I think it all comes down to how you want to use Facebook, you know? So I like to use it for really fluffy stuff or to talk about current projects that are not political, and I keep my serious stuff here or in-person at another org where I volunteer. BUT that doesn't mean you can't use Facebook however you want and to express whatever you want. [Smile] I think we always have to understand, though, that people may not agree with us and may disagree in very loud and unpleasant ways. [Frown] It sucks when that happens, but to be honest, if you were writing a blog, it could happen even if your blog was about cakes. (Seriously, check out Cake Wrecks. It's a really goofy blog that's almost completely apolitical, but even she gets hate mail.) Part of being vocal about anything is having to deal with crap from other people. You just have to figure out a way to deal with it, whether that be making a joke out of it to tell friends, venting here or in a diary or some other safe space, or--if you're up for it--having dialogue with that person to see if you can come to some middle ground (that's different from Middle Earth, though, chiefly in the lack of hobbits).

Since she didn't post it on your page but just on her own page, I don't think you can ask her to remove it, just as she can't ask you to remove what you wrote. Does she know that that friend had an abortion? If she does and she's making that remark to be pointed at her, then I think you could absolutely talk to her about being considerate of your friend's feelings. But if she doesn't know, you could still talk to her about it and ask her to rephrase things so she's not risking hurting anyone's feelings, but you do want to be sure you aren't breaking confidentiality.

As I said before, it sounds like this is something you feel pretty passionately about and have a lot of great insight into, so you may want to think about writing a blog or having a Facebook page with discussion threads. [Smile] I know having that separation is helpful for me and keeps me from getting too annoyed at friends who feel differently. [Wink] But it's also a great way to build up a portfolio for the future, if you're interested in writing at all.

--------------------
Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Posts: 2726 | From: North America | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kaydee
Activist
Member # 41683

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Kaydee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
My facebook friends know that I am opinionated & most aren't offended very easily. Although I am the only one on my friends list that posts things about reproductive rights, gay rights, feminism, etc. I still do it on a regular basis. I do admit I occasionally get nervous about what some of my extended family that doesn't know me very well thinks of some of the things I post, but I've never had a problem. But posting things actually educates my friends more often than not, and there are a few of them that really enjoy some of the things I post.

--------------------
- Kaydee

Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence. - Albert Einstein

Posts: 55 | From: NY | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3