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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » Who gets to be on top??

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Author Topic: Who gets to be on top??
lovebuggirl
Neophyte
Member # 41978

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We all know the drill. Woman lays on her back with her legs spread while her guy humps her from up top.

Lol. Yeah, right.

Why is this image of female submission still so overwhelmingly dominant (no pun intended) and acceptable in our country? 8 times out of 10 in a sex scene, doesn't Hollywood show the man on top? Or am I wrong? Because, for some reason, throughout my life I've learned that it's ok to have power play in my sexual life...as long as he's the one with the power.

But just last night, we tipped the scales. I eased both of us into roles that at first seemed awkward and highly uncomfortable -- because I was on top, and I was the one with control -- but which ultimately turned out to be both highly enjoyable and highly awesome [Smile]

Here's my fear: that the assumption that men need to be dominant and women submissive is robbing many couples of a sensational experience when power is either shared equally, or tipped the other way.

Has anyone ever challenged this male Dom, female sub status quo??? What are yall's thoughts on the issue?

Am I the weird on in liking to dominate my man?? Or is this beautiful, yet somewhat taboo side of female sexuality just hidden in polite society??

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[=lovebugsmile=]

"I sometimes wonder why...but often I just run with it."

"It's not fair and I thnink you're really mean...You're supposed to care, but you've never made me SCREAAAAM!!!" -Lilly Allen

Posts: 16 | From: USA | Registered: Jan 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
evilstrawberry
Activist
Member # 39129

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Well, i see what you're saying with the stereotype of men as the dominant sex. And while I can't say I've watches many mainstream movies with sex scenes, the ones I have seen have portrayed the sex as something romantic, and I think in most people's eyes, standard missionary, or at least face to face, is an intensely personal and romantic thing.

Off the top of my head, i can only think of the scenes in Cruel Intentions and The Girl Next Door. And in the girl next door, the main, romantically centered sex scene was actually with the girl on top, so maybe you should take a look at that one [Wink]

I agree that being on top is pretty awesome, although I can't say I view it necessarily as me being dominant or in control, in fact maybe that's just perpetuating the stereotype that the top partner is the one in control. While me being one top could mean i'm being the aggressor and initiating, it could also mean that he just ordered me to get on top of him [Wink]

I think things like positions are not really a great indictor of the "dominant" partner in a relationship, at least I don't think of them that way. Also, it depends how you're defining "dominant." I can see where you're coming from though, and you're definitely not "weird" for wanting to be dominant/on top. [Smile]

Posts: 117 | From: U.S. | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I think evilstrawberry mentioned something pretty important, and I want to expand that a little bit.

Who is "on top" physically during any given kind of sex may or may not have anything to do with who is in control, or who is being dominant. Not only can either partner be equally active, and also have equal say of what happens, so matter what position we're in, what the power dynamics are during sex with various couples varies a lot. Some couples may choose a dynamic which involves dominance/submission, while others may not. Even for those who do, who is on top may have nothing to do with that OR the person on top may not be the dominant one.

So, it seems to me like in a way, you're talking about two different things here, and it might be more helpful to separate them, even though your personal experience of being dominant has had to do with a given sexual position. Make sense?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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jessonli95
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I agree about the movies from hollywood. but if you've seen other videos, they are 99% women on top. and i feel that when i do have sex for the first time, i want to be on top.

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<3Jess

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I also just want to insert a little reality check in this, since if sex is new to you, or totally abstract, it might not be obvious.

And that is that during partnersex, no matter what kind of sex we're talking about, or what gender partners are, it's pretty atypical for couples to do only any one given sexual activity in only any one given position.

What's more typical is to shift around a lot: you do this thing for a little while, then you do that thing for a little while. You start in this position, you switch to that one, you shift to this variation of that one.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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