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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » "Argument Advice" seems pretty damned sexist to me

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Author Topic: "Argument Advice" seems pretty damned sexist to me
Onionpie
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Hey y'all. I have a little sexual politics thing for you to think about. The other day, I came across this article, and it greatly pissed me off. It's an article giving advice on how to avoid useless arguments. And it's geared solely toward women. And only heterosexual women, at that. The author, a woman herself, seems to perceive her fellows as the stereotypical woman -- over-emotional, the one doing the household chores, etc. She seems condescending as she says things like "ask nicely (ie. don't yell)" as if we don't understand the concept of asking nicely.

Throughout it, it seems to me that she's assuming a LOT about women and our relationships; she seems to assume that it's always us who start useless arguments, and the idea that we shouldn't express our opinions in case they start an argument seems a little too central for me to be happy with this article. I suppose in some cases it makes a good point -- don't make a mountain out of a molehill. However, it also seems to discourage women from expressing discomfort, and to tiptoe around "our guy"s' feelings in case he gets mad.

For example, it says to not mention his ex's name if we feel we're "in her shadow" (unless he's talking about her 24/7!). Wtf? If you feel uncomfortable or overshadowed by his ex, there's got to be SOME reason -- even if you're a paranoid delusional THAT'S a reason -- and it should be discussed if you're THAT uncomfortable with it. Sure, don't start an argument about it, but this author seems to be assuming that's the only way women know how to talk about this stuff. So enough of my rambling, you read it!

http://ca.lifestyle.yahoo.com/family-relationships/articles/dating/divine/sex_love-8_couple_arguments_not_worth_having-8_couple_arguments_not_worth_having

(I know, "Yahoo, there's your problem".) What are your thoughts?

Posts: 1182 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JamsessionVT
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I had to laugh a little bit, because almost all of those things are things I WOULD nitpick about. I'm sorry, but nosy moms, hovering ex-girlfriends, and a guy who can't pick up after himself? ABSOLUTELY things I'd bring up. You don't need to argue about them, but they do need to be discussed.

I'm less inclined to be offended by the fact that this is geared towards straight women because, let's face it, most of these articles are. Based on how it's written, it'd be difficult to include gay couples in this as well. Doesn't make it right, but it's pretty common to see this trend.

But I do agree that the tone and wording is a little condescending, but moreso just senseless. I mean, this is common sense, ladies and gentlemen. Yes, do not make a mountain out of a molehill, but DO express discomfort with your partner, no matter how trivial. I think more arguments get started because people hold grudges or don't discuss their insecurities.

And yes, Yahoo is notorious for bad articles, mostly because anyone can write anything they want anytime they want. Not a source we'd give anyone for information, that's for darn sure.

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Abbie
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Onionpie
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seriously, yeah. I'd have a talk with "my guy" if any of these things came up. Because you really do need to discuss discomfort or your insecurities, otherwise they just fester.

And I suppose I'm not so much offended as I am tired of these articles being geared solely toward straight women because, as you said, they almost always are, and I find it annoying. That's more what bugs me; that and the fact that the author seems to think women are always the ones who start arguments =P

and although this is yahoo, the fact that it's in the "LifeStyles" section bugs me -- people go to the "LifeStyles" section for advice, because it's written by certain columnists, not "just anyone". I'd never take advice from yahoo, but there are some people who do (by the sounds of some of those comments), which makes me laugh and cry at the same time =P

Posts: 1182 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
jessonli95
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I just finished reading this.

and I am also, Disgusted I can't believe it that a girl wrote this!

I totally agree about the Exgirlfriend topic. If there's an ex-gf problem, bring it up. Like you said, don't tip-toe around problems so he doesnt get mad. This is 2009. Time for a woman to be able to say what she needs to her "loved" one. If I had to tip-toe around like this all the time, and once again in the Cleaning Up part, the relationship would DEFINATLY NOT last long!

Money & Sex
Bring it up nonchalont like, you kno?... no need to yell, but sometimes it does help.

This article thoroughly irritates me.

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<3Jess

Posts: 15 | From: New York | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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