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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » Why have children?

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Author Topic: Why have children?
Scarleteen Volunteer
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If you do want to have children, why?

To anyone: What do you think is a healthy motivation for having children?

[ 12-02-2008, 01:06 PM: Message edited by: bluejumprope ]

without tenderness, we are in hell. -Adrienne Rich

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I think that the world is overpopulated enough, so I don't really think that people should still reproduce. Adoption is better, it gives the child a better future and you don't make the Earth's carbon footprint that larger [Smile]
(And I'm gay, so....)
When it comes to children, I generally have the same attitude I have toward cars: its nice to have your own, but its better for the overpopulated earth to use one thats already been produced.

I know there is an over the rainbow for me.

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Executive Director & Founder
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Hey Idir, just a reminder with thread like this: per our policy on reproductive choice, please stick to taking about what you think is best for YOU, rather than what reproductive choices you think are best for others, okay?


Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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I've actually been thinking lately that it'd be really neat to experience pregnancy. I don't feel ready to be a mother (I have my hands full just trying to take care of myself, how could I possibly take care of a child??) and I just don't really want to postpone my work-life or compromise on it, so I'm not sure I'll ever feel like I want children (also because for me, for health reasons, it'd be a bad idea). But as I've been becoming more comfortable with my body and feeling more at home in it, I am curious as to all of the things it can do and experience, and pregnancy, giving birth, nursing - those have got to be the most spectacularly frightening and exhilarating thing to go through.

Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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I agree, September! For the longest time, I just wanted to experience pregnancy but had no clue what I'd do with the baby afterward. I wanted to be able to feel life growing inside of me, plus I think pregnant women who are afraid to show off their belly are super sexy.

Now, though, I really do want the child after the whole pregnancy thing is over [Wink] I think it's mostly my boyfriend that's converted me. He is SO in love with children, especially babies - he's got a 1 yr old niece that he absolutely adores. I want to be able to look at our own baby one day and say, "this is a part of me, and a part of you." I'm NOT ready right now, but one day I hope to have two or three kids.

If something happened to one of our reproductive systems, I'd be fine with adopting kids, but I'd want to adopt older kids. I think it's so sad that after a child is no longer considered a baby, their chances for adoption plummet. Older kids need enormous amounts of love and care, too!

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I think that pregnancy and childbirth are amazing things. I mean, it's so fascinating to me to think that two people can come together and create another life. And from a female perspective, carrying that life? That's got to be quite the experience!
I've always thought about whether or not I'd want to have kids someday. I mean, right now, I am nowhere near being ready to be a parent. I've still got a lot left to learn and experience for myself before I start showing someone else how to live, you know?
But I've got friends who have known since they were little that they would love to have biological kids someday, but I just don't have that same drive. I know that I would like to have kids some time in my life, but I think I would like to adopt. I'm actually an adoptee, so maybe I'm a little biased? :-D But I definitely support both natural and adoptive child-rearing. If you feel ready and able to take care of another life, I congratulate you with utmost sincerity!!! Raising a life is a beautiful thing and I hope to one day experience that!

Knowlege IS Power.

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Oh, I'm sorry if it appeared as if I have attempted to impose my views on others.
I just said what I think is best for me, I'm totally not the person that tells other people what to do [Smile]

Everyone should do whatever they want as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else.
Or to say it in Lily Allen's words:
Say what you say
Take what you take
Do what you do
As long as it's real

I know there is an over the rainbow for me.

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I've been in love with kids as long as I can remember, and my mother always told me I'd be a natural mom. I went through a period of about a year inbetween my last year of high school and my first year of college, though, I thought I maybe didn't want kids at all. I would be a horrible mother- too impatient, too selfish, too crabby. It took me a while to realize that I only meant I would be a horrible mother right *now.* I'm actually quite excited about raising children with my girlfriend someday. I just catch myself thinking "I want to teach my kids this" or "I want to do this as a family someday," and I know that the experience of both being pregnant and then raising a child will be wonderful for both of us. Just a few years from now, lol.

"Cut her down."
"She is a witch!"
"But she's our witch. Cut her down."

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I'm definitely childfree. I don't hate kids, I just don't like them enough to want them around all the time. The thought of pregnancy and childbirth is the exact opposite of appealing to me, and I like being more free to pursue my own interests than I would be as a parent. Even if I do have the traits to be a good parent hiding around somewhere, I'd still likely resent the loss of time and energy that could be spent contributing to the world in ways I actually am passionate about. Signing up for a tough, 24/7 job I'm not really into wouldn't be fair to me or the hypothetical kid.

What don't kill you is a learning experience.

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I love kids and I'm looking forward to raising my own some day, though I only want one or two, and I want to adopt. Especially watching my little brother as he grows up, it makes me want to watch the same things happen to children of my own. And I'd love to share that experience with my girlfriend, if things go as we'd like them to. But there's no way I'm having kids until I have a steady job. There's time enough to wait until I can really provide for them.
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My boyfriend and I have discussed kids and we both feel like we don't want to have any at all. A lot of people seem to find this strange. In all the years since I decided I don't want kids I think only one or two people have told me "good for you" or "that's cool that you've made that choice". Everyone else says "whatever, you will have kids, you're just saying that cause you're young".

I couldn't tell you what I think would be a good reason to have kids. But I know one bad reason to have kids is just because that's what you think you're supposed to do.

I always thought I wanted to get married one day, but my boyfriend and I aren't even sure we're gonna do that anymore.

I guess I just grew up with this sequence of events lined up in my head and I thought that's how everybody's life was supposed to go.

But I'm older and wiser, and I know I can have a wonderful fulfilling life with kids or without them, married or unmarried.

But I must say, I've always been intrigued by the whole pregnancy process... that would be something interesting to experience.

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I don't have a compelling reason (or any 'longing') to be a father.

I've accepted the fact that if I ever marry, I'll be taking on stepkids. I've made peace with that, I think I'd have something positive to offer them. I just haven't found any personal motivations, healthy or otherwise, for procreating.

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I've never really thought about WHY I want kids. Actually, being from a conservative Christian background, I'm usually having to explain why we DON'T have them yet.

I honestly didn't think a lot about having kids until I met my husband. But now I want to have a family with him some day. But our lives are so hectic now as it is, I can't imagine introducing a child into the chaos.

We, too, have talked about adoption. And rosaline, you're right on the money. We want to adopt older children as well. Babies typically have no problem getting adopted (at least in the U.S.). There are typically waiting lists and some people are willing to illegally pay a pregnant mother so they can adopt her child. My husband lived in a group home for awhile when he was younger, but at least he had relatives to visit on holidays. Other pre-teens just had to stay at the home, and they all pretty much knew if they weren't adopted by age 12 (or even younger), it wasn't going to happen.

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I want to have children (biological or adopted) someday because I think I would be a good mom and it would be a good, joyful experience for all parties involved. I've also been thinking, for a few years, that when I'm older I want to take in foster children; I've read so many books in which foster kids were mistreated and misunderstood, and a few where they ended up in good foster homes, and I feel that that's one way I could make a difference.

I only want to have/raise/house kids if I know I have the means to support them.


The highest result of education is tolerance. -Helen Keller

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I love kids. I've worked with young people for years - positively contributing to the lives of younger people is one of the most awesome things I can think of.

I want at least one biological child, if that's possible with my future wife. Some of the reasons are that I want to know how wonderful the child of such an amazing, beautiful person will be, and also that my family's seemed to get weirder through the generations, and my brother's a recluse, so I kinda want to see how the next generation'll turn out.

Ideally it'll end up at three kids - at least one biologically mine and at least one adopted. I'd love to have kids representing different races/nationalities - I work in diversity and integration, so having a (super-cheesy) diverse squad of mini-Jack's would be phenomenal!

Mostly, although I'd feel complete were it to be just myself and my wife, I guess it'd feel even more of "the way it's meant to be" if there were children around to heap love upon. The aim's for this to be in a financially stable setting, but who's to say what's stable in this day and age?

My parents fostered fairly extensively and it made a huge difference to a lot of people - kids, parents, siblings, the whole deal. I'd like to support people in that way, too.

[ 03-29-2010, 08:09 PM: Message edited by: Jaak ]

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I absolutely love the idea of having kids of my own someday. I like that my partner and I will create an actual life together, that is half of me and half of him. I like the idea of a pregnancy, that a woman can literally grow a baby, and how close I imagine I'd feel to the fetus even before birth. I like the idea of my partner and I teaching him/her all sorts of things.

Other than selfish reasons, I think it's one of the best ways you can change the world, to be a parent. I'd like to think that I'd be able to raise a child that is both open minded and passionate, who'd take a strong stance on an issue and be an activist for something.

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Green iPod
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I don't want kids. There are many reasons but the biggest and most important is that I just don't like them.
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I REALLY want kids. Part of this is because my biological urge to reproduce is so strong. I've wanted to have kids ever since I can remember, and I've always been absolutely certain that I'm going to have them. (Let's just hope there's nothing wrong with mine or my future husband's reproductive system.)

Plus, the idea of being pregnant sounds absolutely amazing! (Yes, the morning sickness and the like sound terrible, but...) The idea that another life is growing INSIDE OF ME... so cool! It almost sounds God-like. The fact that you can create, with someone's help, a whole new life... Aaaaah... SO COOL!

I also love children. I'm the oldest out of the grandchildren in my family, so I've been taking care of my younger relatives ever since I was a little kid. I'm kind of like a third parent to my youngest brother, too. And I'm the main babysitter for two families, and I babysit other families fairly often. So I've got a lot of experience with them, and STILL like them. Hah hah.

I've also been told by a lot of people that I'm going to make a great mother. That's probably my favorite compliment that I've gotten from some people.

I'm not planning on being a parent for a few more years(at least 5, so I can finish college)... But I know that I want to be a mom.

I'm not sure of an ultra, super duper, good reason for people to have kids, but... the idea that my genetics will (hopefully) be around long after I'm gone is kind of comforting and amusing. ("Oh, you have your great great grandma Dev's eyes! And YOU have her nose," etc... Hah ha)

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I'm not interested in having any biological children.

To me, the whole pregnancy process sounds just HORRIBLE. Every time I see a pregnant woman, I can't help but think of the nausea/discomdort/ect. she's probably experiencing.

Now, If that was what I really wanted, I'm sure It'd be worth it, but it's just not.

I could, however, consider adopting or having a foster child. I wouldn't want a baby or small child though, because I connect better with older children. Also, I plan to be very involved with my future career and may or may not have a partner to help me. I think the youngest I'd consider is about 7.

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Executive Director & Founder
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Just realized I haven't ducked into this one, and I can.

I'm pretty firm at this point on not having biological children myself. I've just turned 40, and while I know that doesn't mean a female-bodied person can't have children, I'm also aware of how that ups a lot of risk factors for both mother and child, and for me, personally, I feel that's too late in the game.

I also have a LOT of things that have made me not want to throughout my life. I haven't had health coverage since high school, and while I'm not someone who would opt for hospital birthing anyway, I do get a condition when pregnant which is both profoundly uncomfortable and constantly difficult (imagine morning sickness 24/7 for the whole of a pregnancy and you get it), as well as which also poses risks to my health. I've been poor a lot of my life, and once in my adult life was even this close to winding up homeless: given me and my cats were having to get by at times on less than a meal a day for a while there, I was relieved I didn't have a child to put through that.

As someone who has worked both as an educator all her adult life, and who also serves young people in ways that often have a lot to do with either gaps parents leave or ways parents abandon either parenting or, quite literally, their children, that informs this for me, too. Additionally, some of the more painful parts of my upbringing had a lot to do with the pregnancy that resulted in me not being wanted, and parents not at all ready to be parents. Lastly, it's always seemed to me that given the amount of time and emotional energy I invest in educating other people's children, choosing to parent would mean, in some ways, choosing between helping one or two kids or the millions a year that I do. There are only so many hours in the day, and I wouldn't want to feel divided in any way, and certainly wouldn't want any kids I made to feel shafted. There's a whole bunch of other factors, but those are some biggies.

I do, however, think kids of all ages are the bomb, and am also very deeply invested in the care, collectively and individually, of all the children in foster care who are waiting for homes. So, at some point, I do hope to foster. When I lived in Minneapolis, they even had a specific fostering program for LGBT youth, and if I could make something like that happen here in the future, I'd be thrilled to participate.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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I think I'll have kids someday, maybe several years in the future. I'm not interested in having a lot of kids, though, maybe just 2. I think pregnancy will definitely be something interesting to experience. I just want to be ready for it, and have a stable job and the means to provide for them and raise them as best I can.
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No kids for me, I'm not fond of kids until they're over 5, and having kids clashes with my career plans.


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There can be so much love between two people that some of it overflows and they want to express it by nurturing another human being.


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I love kids, I'm great around kids, and I want to raise children, but I've known since I was about nine or ten that I was going to adopt, and hopefully adopt older children that otherwise wouldn't have a home. I definitely don't want to be pregnant or go through childbirth, and while I get that it's a miracle, it's not really a miracle I want to experience firsthand.
My local paper has a feature every wednesday called "Wednesday's Child", where they feature a child waiting to be adopted, and when I read them (even though I'm only 18 at the moment, and definitely not able to raise anyone, not to mention most of these children are in the 10-16 age range) I really want to be able to give them somewhere to grow up and call home.

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A person
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I'm guessing very very few teenage boys have the slightest desire to have ever even think about having kids, and I'm totally no exception. For that to happen, something about me is going to be different by that time.

Also, about the sub-topic of the world population, I think that we can relax about that for now. [Smile] Nearly seven billion people IS a lot of people, but the world still has plenty of room left. Now, there are certain places (East China, India, ext) that are so crowded, adoption would probably be a great idea. But in general; the more people there are in the world, the more powerful and successful the world can become.

Think about this, we have buildings that can go up thousands of feet in the sky. We have buildings that can contain hundreds of homes, in very little ground space. Just two hundred years ago, we didn't have this. So it's like we're so smart, we expanded how many people we can comfortably fit in the world (by a lot). We've developed incredible ways of transporting food, energy and water to everyone in a giant city. So it's completely plausible that we could be living on Mars within another two hundred years.

Sorry again to get kind of off-topic, but what I guess I'm saying is; I think you can most likely not have to worry about over-populating the world. BUT, the whole idea of adoption still makes a lot of sense; to give a place for a kid who doesn't have one. I'm not trying to tell people how they should make this decision, just a few more things to think about when deciding for themselves.

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