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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » blaming the parents

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Author Topic: blaming the parents
Member # 29737

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I have been coming accross posts everywhere (on this site and others.) blaming the parents for the rise of sexuality and sexual dressing in younger teens and preteens.
personally I think that the parents control is a factor which is varied by economical status, and the specific child.
thus while in some cases the parents may take most of the blame. however, in the majority of situations I believe that it is the media, peers, and society (girls competeing with each other to get more male attention, males giving more attention to girls who show more skin)who are to blame

what's your opinion?

Posts: 246 | From: canada | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 19692

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Personally, our PROBLEM with it is societal, going back to obnoxious Puritan ideals. Hormonally, our bodies are ready for sex at that age, so it should be no shock that teens and preteens are so aware of their sexuality. Parents DO, however, need to speak to their children about making responsible sexual decisions. It seems that many (not all) parents are of the mind that if they don't tell their children about sex, then they won't have sex. This is pretty ignorant, and very untrue.

"You owe me two lifetimes and a pair of perfect blue eyes."

Posts: 407 | From: Georgia | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 12381

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I suppose I'm a living example of the effect parents can have on their childrens' sexual choices.

My parents taught me that pre-marital sex was wrong, and I didn't have sex until I was married.

However, my decision wasn't solely dependent on my parents. I was pretty active in church and that had a tremendous effect as well. If it wasn't for the people I knew who were also waiting to have sex, I may have given in to the idea that everyone was doing it and I wouldn't ever get a guy unless I did it, too (I've heard many girls who intended to wait but got discouraged because they didn't know anyone else who held the same ideal).

And I had fairly intelligent friends. None of them waited until they were married, but all but one waited until the late teen years to have sex, and they were responsible about it then anyway.

But even those other factors may go back to the way I was raised. My mom instilled in me that church was important (and while I took a few years off to figure out my own beliefs, I ended up back in church). My parents also taught me inquisitive, to ask questions, to be careful about how I let friends affect me and to be rather resilient to peer pressure (I had to be--I was a gothic Pentecostal kid--often too freaky for the church kids and too religious for the other outcasts).

My conclusion? I think parents have big effect on their children's choices in most instances, whether that effect is direct or not. However, I know other children whose parents seemed to go above and beyond even my parents, and their children made all kinds of unwise choices (such as having unprotected sex, getting in trouble with the law for an assortment of things). So we can't really "blame" parents, except maybe in extreme circumstances. Even then, as they mature they are still responsible for their own actions.

Posts: 81 | From: MO, USA | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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JUs a quick note: there's actually NO data to indicate there is a rise of 'sexuality" or that teens are having sex at increasingly young ages. In fact, over the last fifty years or so, young adults have been choosing to have sex at LATER ages.

The sexual dressing stuff isn't about having sex, and often isn't about sexuality at all, but more often, about women (after all, it isn't young men walking around with g-strings hanging out, t-shirts that proclaim them to be sexually avoiable to any men who happens to be passing by, or with a shred of clothes on) and about objectification of women.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 34549

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The internet is who should be held accountable for this phenomena.


Posts: 8 | From: New Orleans | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 25983

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The Internet should be held accountable for this phenomenon.

Then how do you explain the number of younger/poorer folks who don't have access to a computer at home who are picking up on these behaviors, as well?

Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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