I suppose I will cut to the details. I am 16 and my boyfriend is 23. While out of context this would raise just about anybody's eyebrows, it's a legitimately loving, compassionate, and committed relationship. "B" and I met eat other through out common love of performing arts (as in mimes and living statues and the like).
We spent quite a bit of time together in relative terms to the free time we both had on weekend for most of this past winter and spring. It's been quite lovely. My parents even let him sleep over after a concert once, and "letting boys sleep over" and my parents in the same phrase is like saying "the Pope likes gay people". It just doesn't happen, and they were fine with our friendship for a while.
A little over a month ago, however, they asked for the first time about his age. I had not brought it up because I wasn't sure how to present it to them, knowing their obvious reactions as my parents.
"Well, he's 23."
My father has met him several times, but my mother never has, and immediately she gave me lectures about "he doesn't give a **** about you" and "where's your moral compass?" and "you sleep around", "you're easy", etc. B was very hurt by these comments as well, and he asked to maybe sit down one evening and talk with my parents, not with the intention of changing their minds, but more to help them understand that it was not a case of an "older guy finding ways to get his rocks off" and that I am not just a naive, idealistic and hormonal teenage girl.
True love is so often mistake for foolishness on the girl's part...
The idea would be that I would also be present, as well as my therapist, who is also my neighbor, and my mother's best friend for 30 years. This woman, Pam, is amazing and would be a perfect moderator to make sure it doesn't turn into high drama, because I have told her everything about B since day 1 and "I have a date this Saturday with this great guy I can't wait!"
Right now we are banned from seeing each other. Yes, we are physically imtimate, which I fully understand is the main reason this is all so concerning. However, my mother, being my mother, yells at me all the time that I'm easy and cheap and I sleep around because she doesn't believe I am ready for any sex. I told her that when I did lose my virginity, which was with my last boyfriend, I felt 100% ready and that I have no emotional regrets. I'm the youngest and only girl, so my mother's only comparison is herself, and she was a painfully shy teenager. So obviously 16 and sex are unfathomable for her.
She does not want to talk with B in any setting. She is a very controling and stubborn person, and she views attempts at understanding or compromise as trying to trick her or make her change her mind.
I guess that should be enough for a context.
I know pictures are discouraged, but I'm feeling rather sentimental writing all this. I miss him very much... We're not allowed to talk except via instant messaging, which is really no substitue for interaction...
I guess I'm asking for ideas and advice. I am not trying to play a game of right and wrong with my parents. I do not view them as an enemy in this situation. They have a very good point, I do, however, feel like B and I do as well. I simply have never connected well with people my own age. The 18 and 19 year old boys I have gone out with (which is about the age limit my parents have non-verbally set their confort level at), they just seem at a different place emotionally. They're more insecure, less articulate, they're... well, they're 18 and 19 year old boys. I don't mean to sound arrogant, but the relations in any form lead to the dissapointing realization that they just do not view the relationship on the same level as I tend to...
B is just at the same place as me. I feel like though we come from different molds, we are from the same lump of clay. Though we are not allowed to see each other now, we are committed to the relationship. We're in love, and it's not very healthy to pick flower buds the very moments they are ready to blossom in full. I feel cheated out of a very special developement point in the relationship by this. Note that does not mean I feel like I want "revenge" or anything...
I guess I'm just looking for advice and ideas. How to make this better for my parents. Because the relationship isn't going to vanish! *sigh*