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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » oral sex

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Author Topic: oral sex
Member # 16278

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I guess that this is mostly aimed at guys.

For a while it's been bothering me that there are conflicting attitudes towards oral sex, especially blowjobs. On one hand it's an insult to call someone a cocksucker or tell them to blow you. There seems to be a whole derogatory side to it. But while oral sex seems to be reserved for your worst enemy its also what you want the person you care about most to do to you. This seems kinda confusing, especially when you enjoy going down on someone. So, does anyone else feel like this and have an opinion? Is it only insulting if it implies you are gay in a derogatory sense? Personally, I'm starting get fairly hung up about it, on one hand I think that going down on a guy or a girl is one of the most intimate, pleasurable and hot things you can do, but at the same time I get the feeling that somehow it must be degrading to me. Sorry if this doesn't make much sense, I can try and clarify if you want.

Posts: 6 | From: UK | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 16422

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I understand what you are saying. Of course, guys started saying "FU" as the worst curse there was and then turn to their girl friends and ask, "Oh, baby, can I FU?"
So, I guess it is all in how it is said, just like "God" can be used as a curse or a plea for help. I don't like it but that's the way it is. I tell people what I don't want to hear if they like it or not.

Posts: 19 | From: Brooklyn, NY USA | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 13388

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colette, this is a really good topic (!) and something I've also questioned myself.

To me (a female), fellatio is more intimate and a bigger sexual step than penis-in-vagina intercourse. To many others, however, it seems like it's more like a step before sexual intercourse.

I have a friend who swears that, "Blow jobs are what a guy lets you do because he doesn't really like you." I disagree, but can say from personal experience, there must be a really strong mutual level of trust because while at the time I did it out of like for a particular ex-boyfriend, when I looked back later I felt kind of used, that it was an example of how the relationship was unfair (as in more giving than receiving). However, I think it had more to do with the particular person and my attitudes towards the relationship rather than the act. Nowadays I like to think I'm smarter about relationships and when to participate in particular levels of intimacy so I wouldn't have the same unpleasant feeling about oral sex on males.

Interestingly enough, I don't have the same hang-ups about cunnilingus. While I'd define myself as attracted to males, although I do believe sexual orientation is fluid, I have had oral sex with two females in t he past, whom of I wasn't having relationships with, I felt a greater level of trust and did not at all feel "used" afterwards.

And, most importantly of all, I would not have oral sex with anyone who did not practice safe sex it's really a shame that so many people think a condom (or dental dam) is not necessary for oral sex since you can't get pregnant that way...

"I'm a cunning linguist" ~Princess Superstar

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Member # 3

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(I feel I should mention that I'm not aware that we have any historical or academic proof that it was men who began using "f*** you" derogatively. In fact. as I understand it, the etymology of the word altogether is incredibly murky.)

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Member # 11352

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Okay. Here's my 2 cents.

I had an ex-boyfriend who wanted me to give him oral and he literally pressured me. I hated it. I said, no. But we broke up like a month later. For many reasons but a BIG one was that i was not being treated respectfully as an individual and as a girlfriend.

The oral sex act made me felt used and i didn't get over it for like almost a year.
I chose and refused not to give any oral until i had gotten over that hill.

Over that time period, i had lost my virginity (to the next ex-boyfriend). My current boyfriend didn't ask me for oral for the first 4 months because he knew of my past and history. One day, i gave him oral out of the blue and it was my choice (not for his sake or anything). Then, my view on oral sex changed for the positive.

However, i find it degrading or not right if people ask you for oral pleasure because in a relationship, people should just be comfortable of how they feel towards sexual stuff and not be pressured to do it if they don't want to.


Posts: 369 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 14566

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My roommate is a Classics major, and she says that in the Roman empire fellatio was a very degrading thing--something that was an embarrassing punishment. I just found that interesting!
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Member # 15989

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It confuses me too sometimes. I think it's one of those things that people just say, without actually meaning what they say... like "oh that's gay" meanwhile the person has nothing against homosexuals, they just say it without thinking, you know? I think for most people oral is considered the most intimate and enjoyable thing for a male or female. I don't find it degrading at all, but that's just me.

Posts: 61 | From: ON Canada | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 16755

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1m 14, i went down on a guy for the first time yesterday actually...

No hunnie, i haven't got anything against it... you are who you are, enjoy yourself and do what you want!!

Posts: 7 | From: scunthorpe | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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