Donate Now
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » ....So Confused!

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: ....So Confused!
Zerocool
Neophyte
Member # 14975

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Zerocool     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
So here's the rub... A while back I met a really awesome girl who I dated for about a month. I know this seems to be a short time, but our relationship was really intense and, if i have ever truly "loved" someone before.. its her. Also, if I didnt "love" her.. I was really close to it. Her an I were active in... everything but intercourse, but it never got in the way of our relationship. Due to awkward circumstances, her and I had to split but we remained friends and sometimes had a little "phone-fun".. dont knock it till ya try it! Eventhough we did this, i was still hurt that i couldnt have her.. and so wouldnt try a relationship with anyone for about 3 months... I just fooled around with many... many girls.
Well lately ive met this other girl... a really sweet one. She doesnt do "those" kind of things and I really am not into the whole corrupting ordeal... ive had bad experiences there... and though I dont get the "funny feeling" that she gets when we're around each other, I really do like her.
I figured I could supress the urges in order to be with her... it would be healthy for me. I was wrong. Lately the thoughts i hav have been 10 times worse then ever. I cant rightly do things with this new girl because everyone who knows her says to me "take care of her... shes like my sister." Her and I are now boyfriend and girlfriend... I dove in to see if I could shake off the last heartache... and finally move on.
But im driven insane by two choices... a sensual labotamy... or let her down gently and become the enemy of her zillions of "brothers and sisters" Any advice would be warmly welcomed!

Posts: 2 | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
logic_grrl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 8067

Icon 1 posted      Profile for logic_grrl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
There's nothing wrong or "corrupt" about having sexual desires.

But if your girlfriend doesn't want to engage in sexual activity, or just doesn't feel ready yet, then you have to respect her decision.

If you truly can't cope without being sexually active - or it's just not what you want in a relationship - then you'll have to be honest and end the relationship.

That's going to be less hurtful to her than continuing to string her along when you know that the relationship isn't what you want.

However, it's worth remembering that masturbation is a perfectly good (and always available) way of taking care of your "urges". Your body doesn't know the difference between your hand and someone else's vagina - only your mind does. So you don't "have" to be sexually active with someone else in order to take care of your own desires.


Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Zerocool
Neophyte
Member # 14975

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Zerocool     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I understand.

But... do you think that staying with her could be good too? Is it safe to believe that, under controlled environments, that I could both control my urges and stay with her?
She is a very talented, sweet, and funny girl.


Posts: 2 | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
logic_grrl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 8067

Icon 1 posted      Profile for logic_grrl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
But... do you think that staying with her could be good too?

If that's what you both want, and if you feel you can accept and respect her decision not to engage in sexual activity, yes .

quote:
Is it safe to believe that, under controlled environments, that I could both control my urges and stay with her?

You get to choose how you behave, whatever desires you are feeling. Your desires can't over-rule your brain and "force" you to do something sexual against your will.

And as I've already said, you can satisfy your sexual desires on your own just fine.


Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3