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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » I feel outnumbered.

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Author Topic: I feel outnumbered.
LocoMucho
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No joke, I never really knew that there was so much sex going on in highschool. But just yesterday, I discovered an old friend is pregnant. She's 16 years old. And lately I've been finding out that there are more sexually active teens out there than I thought.

It makes me think, am I the minority? Are there any teens left who don't have sex in high school? It scares me to think that high school sex is normal. It intimidates me. Will I be able to find a boyfriend who will like me for me and not try to get in my pants? Am I alone out there?

If there are any abstinent teens out there, let me know that all hope is not lost.


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MarvellousPurple
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I wouldn't have considered myself "abstinent" at any point, but I didn't have sex until after I'd graduated from high school; not because I thought it was wrong or anything, it just wasn't the right time or circumstance for me.

One big, big thing to think about is that many teens will claim to be doing things they're not if they think that everyone else is doing it. So, in reality, there may be far fewer people than you think having sex.

quote:
Will I be able to find a boyfriend who will like me for me and not try to get in my pants? Am I alone out there?

Don't worry, sweetie. There are many guys who want more out of a relationship than sex, even in high school (though I know it can seem like that's not the case). Yeah, there will be scuzzy types to filter out, but that happens in any situation, at any age. You've got lots of time to find someone who's right for you; I wouldn't worry about rushing things, hon.

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does summer come for everyone, can humans do what prophets say?


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LocoMucho
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Thanks, and I shouldn't have nessecarily used the word "abstinent", more along the lines of what you said. Just waiting longer, until adulthood.
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badly_behaved_badger
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Depends what you mean by sex! Hell, if you consider masturbation to be sex, I'm afraid you may be outnumbered People experiment at different ages. It's nice to see that you haven't been pressurised into something you're not comfortable doing, but many people in their teens DO feel comfortable with being sexually active in whatever shape or form and (I truly hope) are responsible enough. Of course you will be able to find people who like you for who you are! Being sexually active doesn't mean that you lose all interest in other areas of life and people's feelings (but I'm sure you already knew that )

I am a non-sexually-active 16 year old and I'm happy! But I don't think abstinance should give anyone a higher status if sex is safe and consensual. It's a case of when you're ready, not before, so I do believe that "all hope is not lost"

*badger*

[This message has been edited by badly_behaved_badger (edited 09-20-2003).]


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KittenGoddess
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(Psst...please don't double post. It's in the guidelines. I deleted your other post so that the discussion could occur here. Thanks!)

To answer your question somewhat, there are lots of people in high school (and even older than that) who are abstinent. That said, there are quite a few people who are sexually active in one way or another (note: "sex" is not limited to intercourse, but includes things like oral, manual, and anal sex as well).

That by no means implies that you can't date anyone because EVERYBODY wants to get into your pants. There may be some people out there who are only interested in relationships that include sex, and there's nothing wrong with that. But not everybody wants that. And you're going to be selling alot of people short if you automatically assume that everybody's out to get you. It's just important for you to keep in touch with and remember what's right for you. If you don't want to be sexually active, then let your partner know. It's really as simple as that.

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Sarah Liz
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Gumdrop Girl
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I want to repeat something I learn in class just last week.

When it comes to things like drug use and sexually activity, adolescents overestimate the amount of activity among their peers by a factor of 2 to 4.

That means when asked, if a teen says she thinks 80% of her classmates are sexually active or using drugs, the real number will be between 20-40%.

The lesson learned: people exaggerate, people fib, and people just plain don't really know. Not everybody is doing it. Really. Peer pressure is a pretty sick thing sometimes, and it's hard not to fall into those traps of doing things you really don't feel right about just to "fit in." You were likely fitting in better not doing those things at all.

hang in there and stick to your guns.

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Melancholy_Mango_Mania
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Well, im a 15 year old 10th grader, and im not sexually active, in fact most of my friends arent to my knowledge...but i say, whatever works for you.

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[This message has been edited by Milke (edited 09-27-2003).]


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crustpunk
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What I find REALLY shocking is that MIDDLE SCHOOLERS are having sex. Right now I'm in 12th grade, and when I was in middle school, I only remember maybe 3 people I knew having sex. Now it seems like a lot more of them do. It's just weird. When I was in middle school, I was quite unaware of sexual stuff, I didn't even know what half the terms meant, it's just kind of shocking that middle school kids now, only 4 years after I got out of middle school, are having sex and getting pregnant. What is the world coming to?
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Milke
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Probably the same thing it's coming to when high-schoolers are pack-a-day smokers, babe. People move at different speeds, and what seems right to one person might horrify their peers. It's up to everyone to make informed and responsible choices, and to try not to be swayed by influences that aren't in their best interests. The information's all out there, and it really is our choice to find it and protect ourselves, or ignore it, and let chance have its way. But do remember the adage about glass houses.

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Milke, with an L, Mrs BD to you, RATS, TMNTP, MF, CWCD, WAOTA

The Earth says Hel-lo!


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baroque dragon
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i'm 17, 12th grade, and so's my boyfriend. neither of us have had sex.
It seems to me like teenagers who hang around other teenagers who have sex all the time think everyone does, and teenagers who hang around teenagers who don't have sex all the time don't think everyone does it. just depends on who you talk to.

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Gumdrop Girl
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dragon, you're right. as i mentioned above, when it comes to things like sexual activity and drug use, adolescents have a remarkable tendency to overestimate the level of activity amongst their peers. which is why it's important to take the idea "everybody's doing it" with a grain of salt.

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Sweetpeas0214
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Just so you know all hope is not lost I am waiting for sex. Just a bit of ecouragement for you. And good for you for not being pressured into something you aren't ready for. We all do things at our own time and pace.
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Milke
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Well, it's not like pre-marital sex is sinking ships or making God kill kittens, so I don't see how there's any hope to have or lose here; the point is that people need to be able to choose what's right for them as individuals, regardless of what anyone else is doing.

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Milke, with an L, Mrs BD to you, RATS, TMNTP, MF, CWCD, WAOTA

The Earth says Hel-lo!


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