Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » Abstinence until....oy, vey...

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Abstinence until....oy, vey...
Jesse
Neophyte
Member # 13813

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Jesse     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
This is EXASPERATING. I just got into an argument that almost snowballed into a Romeo-vs-Tibaltesque brawl, complete with guns, over abstinence until marriage with a friend of mine. She told me that if I stayed as uptight as I am about abstinence until marriage, I was never going to get anywhere. Now, this all boils down to, in part, religion and in another part, just plain ethics. For the longest time, I've had my hand on the bible, so to speak and said "yup, no fun until I get married". But Gadzooks! People are calling me a prude! So in another conversation, a more logical friend told me that "I may have to compromise and stay at waiting until you're engaged." Oy... The reason I'm waiting is because Christianity traditionally says that you should wait until you're married, and because of the risks involved. Can I have someone else's take on this, please? *grin*

--Jesse

------------------
"Hi, is Sam there. Hi Sam. I have no idea what I'm doing. Any suggestions?"

(Common sex conversation with best friend over the phone, actually took place 7/4/03)


Posts: 7 | From: Phoenix Arizona United States | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
Activist
Member # 13388

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Ecofem     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Just to repeat what Miz Scarlet said in a post not-so-long ago, marriage is not an option for some people, even if they'd like to be married.

------------------
"Tear up the cloak of indifference that you have wrapped around your hearts! Make up your minds before it is too late!" ~Sophie Scholl


Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
logic_grrl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 8067

Icon 1 posted      Profile for logic_grrl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
If you believe that sexual activity before marriage would be wrong for you, then you should most certainly stick by that, and ignore any pressure to the contrary.

And unfortunately, we live in a media culture which is prone to making it look as if everyone's having wild sex all the time, and anyone who isn't must be a "prude" or "weird".

However, I'm guessing that that may not be all of what the argument was about ...

Sometimes people get upset because, rightly or wrongly, they feel that their choices are being criticized or attacked.

If you're giving off the impression that you think people who don't wait until marriage (or who don't want to get married, or for whom marriage is not a legal option) are not "ethical", or are bad Christians (if they happen to be Christians), then yes, you may find that they don't take kindly to being treated that way.

But if you make it clear that you don't judge their choices, and ask politely but clearly that in return they don't judge your choices, you may find that you get much less hassle.

And hey, I do seem to recall a certain "Judge not, lest ye be judged also" thang featuring in the Bible ...


Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Confused boy
Activist
Member # 1964

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Confused boy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It should be noted that there are an awful lot of things in the bible and in religion generally that have been altered or simply omitted over time. For some reason, people like to concentrate on sexual morality and point to biblical law on that.

However, for many years, money lending for interest was strictly forbidden under Christian doctrine as it for many muslims today. And it is fairly clear that Jesus himself was not too fond of wealth hording and in fact almost any wealth at all. And yet today the whole of Western society is based on money lending and financial possession: banks, investments, mortgages, loans, credit. This liberal economic system has made many very wealthy and there is much to say for it. But it is not strictly Christian and thus anybody taking part in mainstream Western (and American) society is not strictly Christian either. So one cannot simply look to the bible as a means of finding the right ethics for one particular aspect of life, and ignore the rest. We either follow what we believe is the word of G-d without alteration or we must examine ethics rationally.

------------------
'An Anarchist is a Liberal with a bomb' Trotsky


Posts: 711 | From: England | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bebebutton
Neophyte
Member # 13913

Icon 1 posted      Profile for bebebutton     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm fully behind you, Jesse (so to speak). It's your life, your body. If it makes you feel any better about the "prude" thing, I have a friend who's 28 and still a "virgin" because she's saving herself for marriage. Now, to her this means that she hasn't had vaginal intercourse. However, she has done a lot of other playing around which makes her feel sexually fulfilled. Everybody's definitions are different, and that's what works for her. Good luck!
Posts: 4 | From: Fort Bragg, CA, USA | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Blue Roses
Activist
Member # 9928

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Blue Roses     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I can't really say anything that hasn't already been said - kudos to you for sticking to your beliefs :-) I just wanted to say that that was a delightful post to read, as far as grammar and spelling and spiffy Shakespearean metaphors go! I had been considering stopping reading Scarleteen boards since the writing style so many people post in represents to me one of the downfalls of Western civilization, but your post just absolutely made my day :-D I hope you can sort out your problems with your friends
Posts: 105 | From: Bryn Mawr, PA, USA | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jesse
Neophyte
Member # 13813

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Jesse     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
*grins* Well, I certainly feel alot better about the issue now. Thanks very much for all the comments and feedback, and for the compliments, Bebe and Blue Roses. My mother was always a stickler for grammar and spelling, EVEN in emails! Thanks again!

------------------
"Hi, is Sam there. Hi Sam. I have no idea what I'm doing. Any suggestions?"

(Common sex conversation with best friend over the phone, actually took place 7/4/03)


Posts: 7 | From: Phoenix Arizona United States | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Latina Chik
Activist
Member # 14041

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Latina Chik     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I know EXACTLY what you mean, Jesse.I am all against intercourse before marriage. And no, I don't think you are being a prude. I, like yourself, believe in sexual activities AFTER marriage and it is a great idea to think so.
Just think, finding THAT special person, THE ONE, whom you can confide in, and love for eternity, that's what I look for. What we all search for, THE ONE.

I don't have anything against people who are more "modern" as I say, then myself. Our bodies are something sacred, that only one can chose what do with it. Whether it be having intercourse or not. But remember, what one choses to do with one's body another one doesn't. That's the way life is. We are all different, each in our way. Unique, as I like to describe it.

Well, my friend, I hope I was somewhat of help to your situation.

------------------
"sad hours seem long....."

- Romeo
( but they are not! It only seems as though it is eternity! Be STRONG!)

[This message has been edited by Latina Chik (edited 07-18-2003).]

[This message has been edited by Latina Chik (edited 07-19-2003).]


Posts: 59 | From: Georgia, USA | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3