My college just had an open forum on sex and sex techniques. We started out by having the girls and the guys make lists of things they wished the opposite sex knew about sex and things they liked. The guys aded stupid things like, "Don't make us return the favor" or "sex feels better without condoms" The girls said equally stupid things like, "Shave your balls" or "Size DOES matter"
I'd hate to think that our generation's that...well, stupid. Granted, I'm talking about college students, but do both girls and guys really have that many unrealistic expectations of each other? It makes me uneasy...
Well, I don't know. My friends have all been Scarleteenized by now, and we all talk frankly among ourselves about sex, so I haven't heard stuff like that since high school (maybe even junior high). One thing's for certain; if I had heard that, I would have spoken up. Did you? How revolting to hear "Sex feels better without condoms." Sex feels better when you're alive than when you're dead, condoms or no. :P
I suspect that it's not so much ignorance per se as people posturing, trying to seem worldly-wise in front of their friends. And all it takes is for one person to come out with some stupid bragging stereotype, and the other sex will start retaliating.
For example, think all those girls really care so much about the size of a guy's penis? Frankly, I doubt it (and if they do, then all I can say is that they have a sadly limited idea of what sex is about).
But it's a way they can turn things round on the guys - "yeah, your worst fears are true, we're judging you, if your penis isn't 'big enough' no-one will ever love you or have sex with you". Unfortunately, it just perpetuates the vicious circle of anxiety and stereotyping.
Well, I think logic is likely correct: the answers weren't so much sarcastic as they were indicative of how people can behave in that sort of setting when sex is being discussed if they feel vulnerable, scared, defensive or attacked.
It's a pity that most of the world can't handle talking about sex sincerely in that sort of group setting yet, but most of them cannot. I suspect you'd have seen different responses if it wasn't such a big group, if the group was divided into much smaller groups, or if the answers weren't shared in a different way.
But I also suspect that if even one person said something about how depressing those answers were, you'll see some different behaviour next time. So, I hope someone did. Being proactive is really important.
Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998
Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.