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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » cybersex, cheating or not?

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Author Topic: cybersex, cheating or not?
Dark_Wolf
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As we are all most likely aware...cyber sex exsists.
But what do you all think of it?
Do you consider it cheating if the participents have partners?
Do you think there is nothing wrong with it?
Or do you think that it should be banned?
I would love to know what you think.

Posts: 37 | From: England | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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this isn't unlike many of the questions we get asking "does this constitute cheating?"


the simple answer is, it's up to the people in the relationship to set their limits. some people are polyamorous and for some of them it's okay if their partners have sex with other people. other couples aren't comfortable with their partners giving a friend a kiss on the cheek or going to a strip club. And if your partner and you say that engaging in cybersex constitutes cheating, then within your parameters, it *is*.


This is why it is paramount to make sure you and your partner(s) are on the same page as far was expectations and limitations go.

for the record, i searched Relationships forum for a thread on cybersex and cheating, and couldn't find anything. but I know it's out there somewhere.

Check out Relationships and search keywords "is this cheating?" and you will get a barrage of qeustions about what is considered to be cheating.

Reminds me of Dashboard Confessional "Screaming Infidelities"


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"Things are only fragile till they break."

[This message has been edited by Gumdrop Girl (edited 09-25-2002).]


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logic_grrl
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quote:
Do you consider it cheating if the participents have partners?

I think it's worth remembering that different couples define "cheating" differently.

Some people might consider cybersex with someone else to be cheating, while others wouldn't, just as some people would consider kissing or flirting with someone else to be "cheating", while others wouldn't.

In my opinion, "cheating" isn't a question of some sort of official list of forbidden activities - it's about betraying the particular commitment you have made to your partner.

So what counts as "cheating" depends on how you and your partner define it. For example, some couples agree to be non-monogamous, so that sex with someone else wouldn't necessarily be "cheating" in any case.

Personally, I don't think that any sort of consensual, responsible sex is "wrong".

If people involved are lying or betraying their commitments to other partners in their lives, then I think that's a bad thing (just as any other sort of lying or betrayal is), but I don't know of any evidence that that's more likely to be the case with cybersex than with any other sort of sex. And I'm not sure what trying to ban it would achieve.

(eeep! mindmeld! )

[This message has been edited by logic_grrl (edited 09-25-2002).]


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Dzuunmod
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A good test for this sort of thing, I think, is to ask yourself the question, 'could I tell my partner(s) about what I'm doing, and will I?'. If the answer's no, chances are you're cheating.

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"Isn't it amazing what you can accomplish/when the little sensation gets in your way/no ambition whisperin' over your shoulder/oh, isn't it amazing you can do anything"
-The Tragically Hip, Fireworks


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KittenGoddess
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Like everybody else said, it's something that each couple has to define for themselves. When in doubt, ask your partner. That's one of those things that it's really important for you and your partner to discuss. It may seem a bit awkward at first, but it certainly could save your sanity later because you don't have to worry about "grey areas". Sit down with your partner and define exactly what is allowed in your relationship so that you know you're both on the same page about what does and does not constitute cheating.

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KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Advocate (and Labia Lady)

"The whole world is full of morons...they just congregate on the internet cause it's easy for them to push the buttons."


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Sticky_60
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i would just like to say that i tihnk that it is cheating...cause ive been there..
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mnsouthpawjr
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In response to Dark_wolf's post, I think:

a)Cybersex CAN be an outlet to have safe sex.
b)There's nothing wrong with cybersex if you KNOW the person.
c)There can be problems because of lies or because one party gets attached to the other.
d)I concur with the idea that it's too broad to generalize whether it's cheating or not.
e)I personally think IF for some remote reason Cybersex is banned, it's a big mistake. Why?? I don't know of any stats or stories that PROVE Cybersex is dangerous or could be illegal. Also, if it did become banned, who would enforce it?


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Bobolink
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I think a question to ask yourself is whether or not you would consider it cheating if your partner was involved in cybersex? I think your answer to that question would be a good guide to your own behavior vis-a-vis cybersex.

"Cheating" is best defined mutually by the members of the partnership and will increase the comfort level of the relationship once the boundaries are defined.

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We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.

- Albert Einstein


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FedLips
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I think it's cheating. If you're looking for jollies in people OTHER than your significant other, it's cheating. I think cyber-sex is very pathetic and completely non-arousing, personally. But props to you if you enjoy it.

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"Happiness is finding myself bundled in his arms, sleeping by his side, and sharing the same pillow..."


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Dzuunmod
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It's worth noting, Fed, that some people have significant others. If my partner knows that I like cybersex, that I have it, and is still okay with it, it is not cheating.

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"Frank, get back to work! And if the acid burns you, well, good!"
-Ms. Gusto, Grade 11 physical geography class


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Amanda2u2002
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Yah cheating.
Posts: 28 | From: Seattle,Washington, US | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lemming
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Amanda, please read the guidelines you agreed to when you just signed up.

One-word or one-line answers aren't really helpful to anyone; this topic was created as an exploration, not as a poll.

Why don't you tell us a little more about why you consider cybersex cheating, and what makes you feel that way? That's more helpful to other users than a 'yes' or 'no' response.

Thanks,

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Laurel Lemming
Scarleteen Advocate

"Ooh, I'll settle down with some old story/About a boy who's just like me/Thought there was love in everything and everyone, you're so naive!"-Belle and Sebastian, "Get Me Away From Here I'm Dying"


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OmnipotentLover
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im agreeing with mostly everybody...depends on the boundaries of the relationship questioned. Personally, yah i think its cheating......because i'd feel like i couldn't make you happy and all the shtuff. i don't think there's anything wrong with it per se......as long as its someone u know......and all that. and no, i don't think it should be banned, i mean after all...it is safe sex.

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what if my star is not to come? will my dreams fade to nothing? when the horizon darkens most...we all need to believe there is hope!!


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lillachic
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It all depends on wat the person considers cheating, alot of the replys have been so right if u can't openly talk about wat u are doing with your bf/gf then u are prob do somthing wrong. But if thats what u like to do then I say go for it, wouldn't u want someone cheating on u cyberly rather than then them goin sleep around on you?
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Heather
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quote:
Originally posted by lillachic:
wouldn't u want someone cheating on u cyberly rather than then them goin sleep around on you?

Bear in mind that if you DO feel this is cheating in your relationship and aren't okay with it, you would never have to accept it because it's "less of a cheat" than another scenario.

Making do with things that aren't okay with you or within the bounds of your relationship is always a very bad idea, and no one needs to "settle" in that way..

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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quote:
Originally posted by lillachic:
wouldn't u want someone cheating on u cyberly rather than then them goin sleep around on you?

Bear in mind that if you DO feel this is cheating in your relationship and aren't okay with it, you would never have to accept it because it's "less of a cheat" than another scenario.

Making do with things that aren't okay with you or within the bounds of your relationship is always a very bad idea, and no one needs to "settle" in that way..

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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