As we are all most likely aware...cyber sex exsists. But what do you all think of it? Do you consider it cheating if the participents have partners? Do you think there is nothing wrong with it? Or do you think that it should be banned? I would love to know what you think.
Posts: 37 | From: England | Registered: Sep 2002
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this isn't unlike many of the questions we get asking "does this constitute cheating?"
the simple answer is, it's up to the people in the relationship to set their limits. some people are polyamorous and for some of them it's okay if their partners have sex with other people. other couples aren't comfortable with their partners giving a friend a kiss on the cheek or going to a strip club. And if your partner and you say that engaging in cybersex constitutes cheating, then within your parameters, it *is*.
This is why it is paramount to make sure you and your partner(s) are on the same page as far was expectations and limitations go.
for the record, i searched Relationships forum for a thread on cybersex and cheating, and couldn't find anything. but I know it's out there somewhere.
Check out Relationships and search keywords "is this cheating?" and you will get a barrage of qeustions about what is considered to be cheating.
Reminds me of Dashboard Confessional "Screaming Infidelities"
------------------ "Things are only fragile till they break."
[This message has been edited by Gumdrop Girl (edited 09-25-2002).]
Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000
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quote:Do you consider it cheating if the participents have partners?
I think it's worth remembering that different couples define "cheating" differently.
Some people might consider cybersex with someone else to be cheating, while others wouldn't, just as some people would consider kissing or flirting with someone else to be "cheating", while others wouldn't.
In my opinion, "cheating" isn't a question of some sort of official list of forbidden activities - it's about betraying the particular commitment you have made to your partner.
So what counts as "cheating" depends on how you and your partner define it. For example, some couples agree to be non-monogamous, so that sex with someone else wouldn't necessarily be "cheating" in any case.
Personally, I don't think that any sort of consensual, responsible sex is "wrong".
If people involved are lying or betraying their commitments to other partners in their lives, then I think that's a bad thing (just as any other sort of lying or betrayal is), but I don't know of any evidence that that's more likely to be the case with cybersex than with any other sort of sex. And I'm not sure what trying to ban it would achieve.
(eeep! mindmeld! )
[This message has been edited by logic_grrl (edited 09-25-2002).]
A good test for this sort of thing, I think, is to ask yourself the question, 'could I tell my partner(s) about what I'm doing, and will I?'. If the answer's no, chances are you're cheating.
------------------ "Isn't it amazing what you can accomplish/when the little sensation gets in your way/no ambition whisperin' over your shoulder/oh, isn't it amazing you can do anything" -The Tragically Hip, Fireworks
Like everybody else said, it's something that each couple has to define for themselves. When in doubt, ask your partner. That's one of those things that it's really important for you and your partner to discuss. It may seem a bit awkward at first, but it certainly could save your sanity later because you don't have to worry about "grey areas". Sit down with your partner and define exactly what is allowed in your relationship so that you know you're both on the same page about what does and does not constitute cheating.
a)Cybersex CAN be an outlet to have safe sex. b)There's nothing wrong with cybersex if you KNOW the person. c)There can be problems because of lies or because one party gets attached to the other. d)I concur with the idea that it's too broad to generalize whether it's cheating or not. e)I personally think IF for some remote reason Cybersex is banned, it's a big mistake. Why?? I don't know of any stats or stories that PROVE Cybersex is dangerous or could be illegal. Also, if it did become banned, who would enforce it?
I think a question to ask yourself is whether or not you would consider it cheating if your partner was involved in cybersex? I think your answer to that question would be a good guide to your own behavior vis-a-vis cybersex.
"Cheating" is best defined mutually by the members of the partnership and will increase the comfort level of the relationship once the boundaries are defined.
------------------ We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.
I think it's cheating. If you're looking for jollies in people OTHER than your significant other, it's cheating. I think cyber-sex is very pathetic and completely non-arousing, personally. But props to you if you enjoy it.
------------------ "Happiness is finding myself bundled in his arms, sleeping by his side, and sharing the same pillow..."
im agreeing with mostly everybody...depends on the boundaries of the relationship questioned. Personally, yah i think its cheating......because i'd feel like i couldn't make you happy and all the shtuff. i don't think there's anything wrong with it per se......as long as its someone u know......and all that. and no, i don't think it should be banned, i mean after all...it is safe sex.
------------------ what if my star is not to come? will my dreams fade to nothing? when the horizon darkens most...we all need to believe there is hope!!
Posts: 33 | From: A place where dreams end | Registered: Nov 2002
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It all depends on wat the person considers cheating, alot of the replys have been so right if u can't openly talk about wat u are doing with your bf/gf then u are prob do somthing wrong. But if thats what u like to do then I say go for it, wouldn't u want someone cheating on u cyberly rather than then them goin sleep around on you?
Posts: 22 | From: usa | Registered: Dec 2002
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