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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » Teenage boy's last wish

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Author Topic: Teenage boy's last wish
Member # 2014

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A 15 YEAR-OLD boy is terminally ill with cancer. He knows he doesn't have very long to live, and he has a dying wish. It is not to go to Disneyland or to meet his favourite actor, rock or sports star but it is this: he wants to make love to a woman...,5936,3473426%5E12634,00.html

What do you think?
Should he have gotten his wish?
Should his parents have been informed?

IMO, I'm glad he got his wish. (And I hope they used protection.)

"Sometimes people care too much. I think it's called Love."
---Pooh Bear

Posts: 96 | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 168

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I'm glad he got his wish, as long as whatever he was dying from wasn't contagious! I'm not sure whether or not his parents should have been consulted. They are his parents, and under normal circumstances have a right to tell him he can't have sex. On the other hand, most young people are capable of having sex against their parents wishes, and being in a hospital, he might not be able to get out if they were watching him. It would have been pretty sad for him to die without having his wish granted, and it's not like he's going to get in much trouble at this point.

"I'll be a Venus on a chocolate clamshell rising on a sea of marshmallow foam."

Posts: 1101 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2057

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I think it's great that he got his wish granted. The concluding comments about it being therapy in the same way as a trip to Disneyland would be made a lot of sense to me.

That acknowledges that the desire to have sex is just as natural and healthy as the desire to do anything else, as long as it's dealt with responsibly. I think that if more people that acknowledge that, it will be a lot easier to educate people about sexuality, and to help them become comfortable with it. Why shouldn't your final wish be to engage in something as normal and enjoyable as any trip to Disneyland could be (probably more so!)?

As for the ethics of involving a sex worker, that's a whole different debate. But personally I would say that if providing a service brings as much joy and relief as it did in this case, then it has to be justifiable.

Finally, I think it's very brave of the boy to actually come out and express this desire. Too often, terminally ill people are almost 'de-humanized', patronized (generally with good intentions) to an extent that we forget that they are humans, and in the case of teenagers, still experiencing the difficulties and developments of adolescence.

You wanna save humanity, it's just the people you can't stand-John Lennon

Witness the infinite justice of the new century. Civilians starving to death whilst waiting to be killed.

Manky Confuddledness-My new, improved Blog.

Posts: 394 | From: Manchester, Lancashire, England | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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I've been interested in the concept of sex as therapy for a long time, so this was fascinating to me. I'm very glad the boy was able to have his wish fulfilled before he died, and I think it was very brave of the psychiatrist and the sexworker to do what they did.

As for the ethics of involving a sexworker -- well, I've been a sexworker, and honestly, some of the guys I encountered broke my heart. They were sweet and respectful to me, and very grateful for what I did. I can understand why the sexworker who helped the boy was willing to do what she did, and if I were in her shoes, I think I'd be very concerned about the legality of it, but not at all bothered by it ethically. In this case, I think it was absolutely the right thing to do.


Scarleteen Advocate

"The only unnatural sexual act is that which you cannot perform." - Alfred Kinsey

Posts: 1685 | From: New York City | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 713

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I too think that this was the right thing to do. I also think that using a sex worker was possibly the most ethical way to give the boy his wish -- even if he had had female friends -- because it probably would cause him the least stress. A sex worker, after all, is unlikely to get nervous, so the boy wouldn't have had to deal with an anxious partner. Also, I'd imagine that many sex workers have experience with calming down nervous clients, so if the boy got anxious himself, his partner would have something of an idea about how to reassure him. And lastly, because the woman is doing a job and getting paid for it, I suspect that the boy would be less worried about his performance.
Posts: 266 | From: Portland, Oregon | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Celtic Daisy
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Member # 2971

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I think it was the right thing to do to let him have his wish granted. Seriously, chances are this day in age, he may have already lost his virginity, had he not been sick, then again maybe not. I have some mixed feelings about the parent thing, i'm not really sure if they should have been informed, i'm sure it wouldn't have gone over well. So yeah, i think that it was the right thing to do.

"where'ths my mommy?"

Akimsa (non-violence)


Posts: 1747 | From: Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 631

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For the past year and a half I've had ethics class, and this would have been a good example for the final exam of this session's class.

Let ethics aside, and I'll say it's a good decision to have his wish granted.

Include ethics, I'll say the same thing.

Why ? Well, first of all because it's what he wanted (the most I guess) before dying. Then, because the (bad) consequences were supposedly minor, if non-existant. Morals and/or values in life are there to humanize us, to keep us from forgeting who we really are, and what we really like. I mean, he didn't cared of what his parents thought, as long as they didn't knew while he was alive.

And to have a granted wish, even if we're not dying, just shows that someone still care about us. It shows affections towards the person, and him, who didn't had many friends, probably felt that more that anyone else.

The only thing that makes me sad in that story is that he's already gone. So young, and there he goes

For the sex worker, I dunno how she might have felt, but I'm sure it must not feel so great to know that the person with who you're having sex is going to die. Her only consolation was to know that it was his last wish, and that she was making it true.


- I hope I shall be able to confide in you completely, as I have never been able to do in anyone before, and I hope that you will be a great support and comfort to me.

Anne Frank to her journal

Posts: 201 | From: Montreal, Qc, Canada | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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