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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » Dorm Sex

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Author Topic: Dorm Sex
Gumdrop Girl
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Hey all, it's back to school season, and for some of you, that means you're finally going away to college. So, in the spirit of American Pie 2 and Fox's new series Undeclared, let's talk about dorm sex. Specifically, let's talk about how you communicate with your roommates so that all of you can get the privacy you need sometimes and avoid big ugly conflicts.

I lived in the dorms back in 1998 and 1999 (in the Uni. of California system, you aren't guaranteed housing for all 4 years, but that's another gripe for another time). I shared a two-bdrm suite with three other girls, and at some point in the year, all of us had boyfriends. My roommate and I were lucky enough not to have any serious conflicts -- she was seldom around and i was able to do as i pleased.

This is not the case for everyone. my suitemates in the other room did have a small clash. One girl had her boyfriend over all the time and it was making the other girl anxious. Their activity was disrupting her sleep. The girl with the boyfriend didn't know there was a problem until she saw an email from her roommie's mom on the computer discussing how she should deal with the boyfriend situation. Luckily, girl with the boyfriend took a hint and was more courteous to her roommate.

Starting simply, it's a good idea to sit down with your new roommate(s) and discuss how you will deal with sex. Make up some signals (the old tie a sock to the doorknob, or leave a note, etc.) that will let your roommate know that you want a little private time. Then the roommate can maybe go to a cafe for an hour or two and come back later. But out of common courtesy, don't overdo this. It's your roommate's room, too, y'know.

Set some boundaries. If you don't want your roommies to bedoing it in your bed, tell them specifically. It's your stuff and they should respect it. Then, in the event that it happens, you have full right to get royally pissed off. Then again, if you don't mind them having sex on your bed, that's cool, too, though i think it might be a good idea to wash your sheets frequently.

have a good school year, and don't forget to go to student health services and get tested for stds and pick up free condoms. and don't spend all your time screwing around, you have to study, too, y'know.

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A waist is a terrible thing to mind.


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
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I don't have to worry about disturbing my roommate, or being disturbed...cause I don't have a roommate! Yay for private rooms!

The only thing I have to worry about is figuring out where I can let my boyfriend shower when he comes to visit (since it's an LDR so going home isn't an option) since I live in a single sex dorm, and letting guys use our bathrooms isn't allowed at all. We've got guest bathrooms, but there's no showers...

lol, So I suppose that's my only dilema about the issue.

~KittenGoddess

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"Not everything in this magical world is quite what it seems"

"Remember, I'm pullin' for ya. We're all in this together!"


Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
'rin
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it's definately a good idea to have rules w/ your roomate about this kind of thing, preferably ones made before one of you comes in and finds the other stark naked. some people think it's ok to have sex while your roomate is sleeping, others find that idea disgusting. some people don't mind their roomates significant other sleeping over if all they do is cuddle and sleep, but other people would be uncomfortable having an extra person over overnight. my roomate and i were lucky - we didn't have any major issues over that stuff (excpet that her bf snored and didnt' think it was funny when i got him those breath right nose strip things for christmas), but a lot of my friends ended up having to sleep in the hall/call in their ra's/move/resort to buckts of cold water. good luck!
oh, kittengoddess, couldn't you have him shower in a guy friend's dorm area? or is that logistically impossible there?
'rin
ps -gosh i'm nostalgic. it's my first fall that i'm not in school and i miss it. i think i'll go to grad school afterall...

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"-and i hope i'm not shooting my mouth off...again...and i pray i'm not tempting the fates....."
-james, off millionaires


Posts: 219 | From: lost in yonkers | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BruinDan
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Aaahhh yes, dorm sex. Not that I had any, but I was close enough to a roommate who was that I certainly feel like I played an active role!

Seriously though, it is just one of those things that can get people in trouble and create rifts between roommates. Communication is key, as I shot myself in the foot by not stopping my roomie from bringing his girlfriend over every night early on. After several months of having an extra roommate in an already-cramped space, I told him I would appreciate it if they could do their business in her room instead. "Oh, but her roommate doesn't like it," was his reply. Sound familiar? Eventually I just began bringing my own girlfriend over all the time, having her sit in my roommates chair (like his girlfriend did with mine) and drink his beverages (like she did to mine)...and after six straight nights of that, my roommate got the message.

And incidentally, Fox's new show "Undeclared" is being filmed at UCLA...so if you watch carefully you'll probably see me in the background.

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"Verdugo, Engine 14; you can cancel all units responding to this structure fire...this is just a dishwasher gone bad."

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morganlh85
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I think out of common courtesy you should ask the roommate if it makes them uncomfortable, if it's okay for you to have a bf over. If they don't like it, I think it would also be common courtesy to either keep it down, wait until the roomie is out, or take it elsewhere.
Posts: 304 | From: Pittsburgh PA | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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let's expand this to apartments. for example, if a gumdrop girl is sleeping on the couch, please make sure she is really asleep before going at it. it's very awkward for a gumdrop girl to wake up and and have to throw a sweater over her head and quietly wait for the party in question to finish up. scandalous.

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A waist is a terrible thing to mind.


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pixie69
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Oi! Poor gummy!

I think that this would especially be a problem in studio apartments, where having a roommate is ever-common in places with horribly high rent (ie: Boston). When you've got a bedroom you can go to, it's not too bad to go at it in the bedroom if your roomie is in the kitchen (well, if you're quite about it), and if you have more than one bedroom even better. But...when you've only got one room? I'd imagine it'd be a major bummer, especially as a college student. By the time you and your honey(s) find time between school and studying and work to have a little fun...you've got to coordinate it with your roomate being gone.

Makes a girl glad she doesn't have to worry about these kinds of things.

Brittany
-Scarleteen Advocate


Posts: 1339 | From: Las Vegas, NV, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BruinDan
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Jeez Gummy, you've got some nasty luck with couches these days...maybe you should just wear dark glasses all the time or something.

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"Verdugo, Engine 14; you can cancel all units responding to this structure fire...this is just a dishwasher gone bad."

BruinDan's Blog!
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Stars N Stripes
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My school started about a month ago. I knew my roomate a little before we moved in together, we actually requested to be together. We went out in the summer, and talked on the phone quite often. When we moved in all was fine, until her boyfriend started coming over constant, He wanted to sleep over too. I dident feel comfortable with him in the room when I was sleeping, and my boyfriend had a bad feeling about him too. I confronted her about it, and she got all pissed off. It was bad, we constantly fought!!! I could not have lived like that for the whole yr, we woulda killed each other. So I have a medical problem, and I was able to get a single room! Thank gosh! Now we are friends, I think its much better since were not in the same room! I just feel bad for her new roomate!
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Daniel
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Well, not many students in Britain have the pleasure of sharing rooms, but last year, I was one of the few unlucky ones, and ended up with a room-mate.

It's scary that at the notion of getting some sex how many people will abandon common courtesy. One night myself and my housemates went off to a party, and my room mate took his girlfriend with him. they were acting pretty heated, snogging all the time, nothing unusal for two people in lust.

One of my other housemates offered to put me up for the night so that my room mate and his girlfriend could have some privacy. I put the notion towards my room mate, and his response was that I was being silly, and that I shouldn't put myself out just for him. What a great guy!

Unfortunately, a couple of hours and quite a few drinks later, it was a different story. I had the upstairs portion of our shared room, and I went in first. A little bit later, the two of them came in, and while I don't know how far they went, suffice to say, I heard them doing... stuff. They did stuff in my room quite a lot, even though she had her own room across campus. Grrr.

When I got a sleeping partner of my own, he was very considerate though, perhaps out of guilt. He'd spend half the night outside in the kitchen and let us get whatever we needed out of our systems. But I never had that luxury...


Posts: 105 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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