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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » Coed Sleepover

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Author Topic: Coed Sleepover
Member # 3888

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Hi I'm new here and i was wondering about coed sleepovers. I'm 14 and i was just invited to one. My mother said it was ok as long as she talked to my friends parents first. But i'm not usre how comfortable everything makes me i mean i've never been to a coed sleepover before and i'm not exactly sure what happens so could someone please post back?

Posts: 1 | From: Auburn | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 3879

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Nothing happens that you dont want to happen, do you understand? I am not saying I dont trust the guys, but do not ever let yourself get pushed into a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable. If a guy starts to come on to you, or tries to get you to do things that you dont want to do, do not take that ok? Its fine to say no!

I myself have never been to a coed sleepover, by defenition, but I have slept in a room with guys and girls both. It was at an academy on the last day. There was the usual, people kissing in the corner, but nothing more than that. I "slept" with my boyfriend. We slept side by side. Nothing happened, we just talked.

It really all depends on how mature the people at the party are. You could probably expect some Spin The Bottle or 7 Minutes In Heaven, but by no means do you have to do anything that you dont want to. Other than that, have a good time!

The term 'legally insane' was adopted for me

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Gumdrop Girl
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your mom's got the right idea about talking to your friend's mom. make sure there's oging to be adequate supervision. really avoid alcohol -- it can make ppl do some pretty stupid things. don't join in any party games that make you feel uncomfortable -- and don't worry if your friends think you're being a wuss, it's your body, and you dictate what you do with it. if the sleepover part really bothers you, maybe ask your mom to come by and pick you up later. there's nothing wrong with that at all.

i use angst

Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Only In Dreams
Member # 3661

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Oh, geez....flashback sequence:

My first coed sleepover was last year. It wasn't actually planned or anything; it was just me, my best girl friend, and my best guy friend (whose birthday it was at the time) deciding to sleep over at my girl friends' house spontaneously. It was pretty fun for a while...but then my two friends (who have always been pretty flirty with each other) got a little....hormonal. They didn't actually do much sexually, but in my opinion at the time, they seemed pretty close to it. All the while I was just kind of uncomfortably watching on the sidelines. I think I was still a little confused about sexual feelings and hormones at that time.

Anyway, I wouldn't worry too much about it. But you should take Gummy's advice, and have your mom talk to the chaperones. (At my first coed one, the chaperones pretty much went to bed after we arrived- -so we basically could've gotten away with a lot!) If you don't want to do anything, make sure to have that known. It's your body, your life, they're your decisions.

"Only in dreams
We see what it means
Reach out our hands
Hold on to hers
But when we wake
It's all been erased
And so it seems
Only in dreams..."

"Wow, someone slept in sex ed!"

[This message has been edited by Only In Dreams (edited 05-28-2001).]

Posts: 268 | From: Somewhere | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2059

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i don't think i ever went to a coed sleepover! my parents would have flipped!

but i'm having one tomorrow night. i'm throwing an after-prom party for about 15 of us, and i'm not letting anyone drive because i am a responsible host. so we're all gonna cuddle up on the floor. well, except for me and the boy, hehe. we'll sneakily escape to another room.


if you want to kiss the sky, you better learn how to kneel (on your knees, boy) -U2

Posts: 786 | From: Washington, DC | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Starry Night
Member # 3476

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This is what's happened at all the coed sleepovers I've been to:

-Parents greet us, show us where food, bathrooms, general sleeping areas are.
-Kids change into pajamas or the like.
-Put on movies, music, eat food. Repeat this step for the duration of the evening until around 4-5am, where one by one everyone pretty much drifts off to slumberland. Sometimes couples will go off to corners or other rooms during this time, but this is pretty discreet if it happens at all.
-Wake up for breakfast, usually bagels or cereal, milk, juice and coffee.

I've always had an amazing time at coed sleepovers. None of my guy friends ever made me feel uncomfortable even if alcohol was involved. But, maybe you'd like to have a code word you use with your parents or a present friend if you're in an uncomfortable situation. I know that I used to call my mom at some point during the evening, and if I was uncomfortable, I'd say "Did I get anything good in the mail today?" and she would ask if I needed to be picked up, etc, all answerable by "yes" or "no" responses.

Also, if someone is truly bothering you, feel free to sleep in another room or simply talk to another friend. If they continue to harass you, then they will embarass themselves in front of an even larger audience. But try the code bit, I find it really helpful even at parties and stuff like that.

[This message has been edited by Starry Night (edited 05-28-2001).]

Posts: 164 | From: U.S.A. | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
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I've never been to a coed sleepover. When I was young enough to even do the sleepover bit, it was almost completely unheard of to even suggest a sleepover. I know that even if one had been suggested, my mom would have never let me simply didn't do that sort of thing.

But things are different these days. You youngsters do alot of things I never did (lol, I'm only 20, so don't think I'm totally out of touch yet ). But the advice given here seems really good...listen to these brilliant ladies!


the kittenblog

"Follow me or perish, sweater monkeys!"
~from 'Bring It On'

Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
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I've never been to a coed sleepover either

I lived w/ my mom up until last August and i was never allowed to have one, or go to any that i was invited too. It was so so unfair...

When i moved here w/ my dad, he was a little more flexible ... at least at first (he's not now, i think he *knows*). He let me sleep over at my bf's house a few times. That was as coed as it gets tho ... Just a guy and a girl lol But i've never had a big coed sleepoever w/ more than two people. No ... Boohoo

For I am a bear of very little brain and long words bother me.
~ Winnie the Pooh

In a Smurf's world ...

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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the closest i've had to a coed sleepover is simply not letting my guests go home till they were sober. that's a smart thing, not letting them on the road like that. we stayed up and watched 'The Matrix,' the DVD edition was a gift I received. no sexual delinquency going on there; i went to bed with my boyfriend, but all we did was sleep, we were so tired.

i use angst

Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2510

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I've been to a co-ed sleepover, and all I can say is, I can understand why parents would be concerned about the whole thing, but really, how many people would want to have sex or do something like that in a room full of people?? I know I wouldn't.

A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a best friend will be sitting next to you in the jail cell saying, "THAT WAS AWESOME!!"

Posts: 141 | From: The Bolton Ghetto, Mass. :-) | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 3349

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Well, I really guess it depends on YOU and your relationship with the guys. In my case, I'm 15 and I have a lot of really close guy and girl friends, and so I have co-ed sleepovers nearly every weekend. My best guy friend practically lives at my house. For me, it is absolutely no big deal to have a sleepover with guys, it's the same as one with girls in terms of the feelings about it. In fact, I don't think I've had a sleepover without guys in ages. But I think it would depend on how well you know the guys, I can see that it could get awkward if my boyfriend was there or if there were guys I didn't know very well. But, don't worry about it. Co-ed sleepovers are really fun, I love breaking all gender barriers possible. It's cool having guy friends. So, have fun! Maybe you'll get closer to the guys.

Do you want me girl to be your theif? Oh baby, just for you, I'll steal anything that you want me to.

Posts: 120 | From: california...well, at least it sounds cool. | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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