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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » sperm donors

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Author Topic: sperm donors
Dzuunmod
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Hey, this is a question for girls, mostly. How would you feel if you were in a committed, long-term relationship with a guy, and he decided that to make a bit of money, he was going to be a sperm donor?
Would you worry about the prospect of him possibly having kids with another person (in a sort of roundabout way)? Would you feel like he was cheating on you? Would you be bothered if he didn't even consult you about the decision, and just went ahead with it on his own?

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unhappykoger
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i think i would be uncofortable with the fact that he had kids out there somewhere but not jealous or anything. i think that he should know his kids and find it to be a privelege to have kids. but if he was going to be a donor i would want it to go to someone who we both know and that wants to have kids.

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Lynne
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Provided that there was no real way the resulting children could find their father, I'd only be a little annoyed. It's his sperm; he can do what he wants with it. I wouldn't feel like he was cheating on me -- ejaculating into a cup is a far cry from having a romantic relationship with somebody else. Even if he did do it without consulting me at all, I wouldn't particularly care. The annoyance would come from the fact that the world already has too many people on it, and I don't think that contributing to that problem is a very ethical thing to do.

If, on the other hand, there was a real chance that the offspring could find their father, I'd be a bit more upset. Anybody in a committed relationship with me would know that I don't want a thing to do with parenting. I wouldn't dump him over it, though -- dealing with adult children looking for their biological father would be a completely different thing than raising a kid -- and I'd still hold the opinion that he can do what he wants with his sperm.

I'd expect, though, that if for some bizarre reason I decided I wanted to donate eggs, he'd allow me the same right to do what I wanted with my own reproductive cells.

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Heather
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I think it's completely excellent.

Second that for egg donors as well.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


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KittenGoddess
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I really don't see a problem with it, provided that the place he chooses to donate to has a good reputation. I'm not sure I'd be comfortable knowing that any of the children born using his sperm could find him later and make any legal claims, so I'd want to know that the clinic kept everything private. But I'd also want him to donate to a place that took extensive records of his and his family's medical history so that any children who were born could have access to their biological medical history and at least know if there was cancer, etc. in the family line. Other than that, I think it's a wonderful oppertunity to help out someone who is unable to have children, yet still would like one.

~KittenGoddess

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"You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."
~Jonathan Carroll


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LilBlueSmurf
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I would be alright w/ it, i think ...

I would want to know tho. If he were to go behind my back and do it, i would be beyond pissed!! I think it's great tho. I do plan on having children (later), and if i weren't able to, i would feel better knowing there are other options. Such as sperm and egg donor bank things ...


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Aria51
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I really think genetics have very little to do with what makes a family, so I don't think that a child a woman concieved with my significant other's sperm and raised as her own would be his child at all. And I'd be happy that he did it because it helped a woman to conceive a baby -- one that she -wanted- to conceive, -wanted- to have, -wanted- to raise. I think of it as... spreading the love

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Rizzo
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I think it would bother me, though I feel very controlling and hypocritical to admit it. I am pro choice, and I want to have complete control over my own body, and yet I'd have a problem with my boyfriend doing that.

I'm just afraid that one day I'd run into a child that looked like him, and it would be so cute I'd want to steal it! Haha. Or, that I'd run into his child and see it being mistreated.


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Heather
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I feel inclined to mention right now that sperm donor or no sperm donor, it has been REALLY common through history for men to take part in procreating outside their relationships, and with no knowledge and/or participation with their children.

...and maybe some of this is an age thing. A good half of the people I've dated in my adult years already had children of their own, which is pretty common once you get into your late twenties and thirties, so being proprietary about people creating children or having them just strikes me as a wee bit odd or unreasonable.

...and given how in history the way most men have "donated" sperm didn't involve turkey basters on clinics, it seems a far cry less worrisome.

I did however once have a partner who was HEINOUSLY against my being an egg donor, which I'd very much wanted to do at the time; gone through the screening and the whole nine yards. So, some people are just not okay with it.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


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Lin
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Fantastic idea. We only have like 3 sperm donors a year in Singapore.

It's sperm and that's all it really is to me. I honestly don't see myself having a problem with it.

And should the kid want to look for her daddy, whom is my bf, no problems with that too.


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KittenGoddess
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Wow Lin, there are really that few? That's interesting. Any ideas on why?

I guess I'd be bothered by the child looking for their father depending on why they were looking. I know people who (if they'd been born using donor sperm) wouldn't feel bad at all about finding their biological father and saying that they deserved to be supported (if you could do that).

~KittenGoddess

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"You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip."
~Jonathan Carroll


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Lin
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I think it's just because people don't know much about it and you know *whispers* most things to do with sex is a nono here.

Alot of people don't really think that it is ethical plus i think alot of people just think it's kinda embarrassing.


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Gumdrop Girl
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I'm still looking out for the ramifications of egg donation.

but sperm donation is cool. and you have to go thru a rigorous screening process to become a donor.

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Rizzo
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It is just sperm, but it also isn't. Just like a word is just a word, but it isn't. Anyway, maybe to you it's just a bunch of little wriggly things that can help someone out, but to me it's genetic material, and half a child.

Donating sperm to a friend wouldn't bother me though. If my boyfriend wanted to help out a lesbian or infertile friend of ours, and I had some assurance that the child would be treated well, then I wouldn't have such a problem with it.


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Lucky1402
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I was going to say that I wouldn't really care. And then I imagined myself in that situation with my current b/f, and I guess it would bother me a little. I definately wouldn't be jealous, I just figure that if we ever got married, I would want to be the ONLY person who had his children. Even if it is only donated sperm, it would be weird to imagine that my b/f (or husband) has other children somewhere. I would be especially ticked off if he didn't discuss it with me first. Even if my opinion wouldn't matter in his decision, I would still like to be informed.

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Pixie69
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It wouldn't bother me. This goes for egg donations and sperm donations too! You could be giving someon a child that they always wanted, that for whatever reason they couldn't have it on their own (if he/she was infertile or if there was a genetic history of a disease they didn't want to give their child, if they were lesbian and wanted kids but couldn't have them for obvious reasons...) and you get a little extra money too. I don't see doners as a father or mother, biologically yes, but they did nothing to raise the child or anything, just gave up their DNA. So I totally support that

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Brittany
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Bobolink
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I'm leary about the whole thing.

Ontario has had an epidemic of adopted children tracking down their biological parents. Some of whom do not want to be tracked down.

I worry that if I donated, someone might track me down and some court might find me (as the biological father) liable for support.

Parents who gave their children up for adoption were promised anonimity. They are losing that protection. Will sperm and egg donors be the next target?

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"A free society is a place where it's safe to be unpopular."

- Adlai Stevenson


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