When I turned 18, I knew I had to take advantage of my new legal status and visit some of the local mainstream sex shops with my friends. I live in South Florida, so there is a booming sex industry due to tourism. Now, I love sex and I'm quite fond of sex toys, but no matter how hard I tried to muster a positive attitude, sex toys/porn shops depress me. This has led me to be interested in a couple of things.

1. "Sex-positive" sex shops. There was brief mention of sex-positive sex toys shops in the sex-toys-as-gifts thread. So far, I only know of three. Good Vibrations, of course. Come As You Are, up in Canada, and now, Toys in Babeland, since it's linked to from this site. SafeSense, another Scarleteen link, also looks like a friendly link. Are there any more sextoyshops along the same lines? Better yet, is there a directory of such places, if I ever get to take a cross-country sex tour? And of course, are there any more of these places with websites?

2: More importantly, what do/would you look for in a sex toys shop?

Some things I've thought of include... even if it's a small shop, it might be nice to have partially seperated areas. Everyone has different tastes and are at different levels of sexual exploration, and they might be more comfortable if they didn't have to look at the whips or the buttplugs or whatever if they didn't want to. Not that certain naughty things would be hidden off in dusty back corners! Just that there would be departments or aisles or sections or some such.

Books, books, books. The mainstream sextoys shops I've been to NEVER have good books. Sex toys shops should not only have books sections with a wide selection (and especially classics: Translations of The Perfumed Garden, The Ananga Ranga, The Kama Sutra; modern classics like The Joy of Sex...), but books should also be placed thoroughout the store alongside relevant products. You know, there should be books on vibrators next to the vibrators and books on bondage next to the handcuffs and so forth. Maybe even a nice place to sit down and read!

There should be a G-rated forum or entryway just inside the door. Again, it doesn't have to be big, but it would be nice to give people some mental space between the parkinglot and the shelves full of dildos to make the mental transition between a sex-negative world and a sex-positive space. It would also be nice to have that be a low-pressure place for unfortunate formalities like checking IDs. For example, a college group drops by the sextoys store, and one of the young students is still 17, and the people working there don't want to get in trouble of course, so she has to wait outside. It would be nice if she could sit in a little chair or something in this entryway, instead of having to hang around in the parkinglot infront of the store. Even nicer if they hand free pamphlets and things about sex sitting out in the entryway... you know, like the birthcontrol pamphlets that Planned Parenthood sends out and that sort of thing. Maybe some fliers advertising Scarleteen!

I can think of a few more things, but that should get you all started!

Aloha,
E(lipse

I will add, though, that I am a big fan of Good Vibrations. I live a few blocks away from it and I like to take friends (and various curious cousins) there.

I thought that since the Babeland link on www.scarleteen.com/shop goes right to the page with the dildo pictures, links to front pages with "Are you 18?" questions (actually the Good Vibrations is supposed to be 21 and over) wouldn't be a big deal... however, I realize how important it is no one gives anyone any excuse to complain about Scarleteen, so I will gladly edit them out. Sorry.

It's still a worthy topic, I think--maybe people who're too young to have visited a sex toys type shop won't be constrained in imagining how they could be.

quote:

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It would be nice if ... they had free pamphlets and things about sex sitting out in the entryway

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Good Vibes has the pamphlets in the doorway

A cousin of mine is moving to Bangkok, and after taking her to Good Vibration, she said that what Bangkok needs is a woman-friendly sex shop. Very cool. too bad she's going back to her yuppie office job.

As for sex shops for the Under 18 set, I think that's unlikely 'cause a lot of consent laws require both parties to be over 18 (but that depends on location). So why should they sell sex supplies to people who aren't supposed to be doing it?

At least there's no age restrictions on condom purchases.

That's why there are no sexuality boutiques that have "under 18" sections: they'd get busted, fined so heavily it'd bankrupt them, the owners might end up doing jail time, and that'd be the end of that. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but that's the plain truth.

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Hanne Blank
Co-Editor, Scarleteen

For instance, I think it's uber-important that people start by learning how to use the tools that are already a PART of their bodies first.

Also, there are some sex toys that aren't the safest thing on the block.

One more thing: sex toys are VERY expensive. If you have dispensible income at 16, I'm inclined to think setting it aside for living expenses, college and neccessities is pretty darn important.

Lastly, even if you WERE to change that law to what: 16, 14...? There would be serious ethical issues to deal with in terms of protection, especially IN sex shops. Most mainstream sex shops are NOT the most wonderful places in the world and can be really full of creeps.

There's more, but I'm multitasking right now and can't think of them at the moment. The point is, I'm a pretty liberal person, and I'm not sure I'd be in favor of changing that law.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

On the other hand, I have a reputation amongst two of my peer groups as "the one who likes to talk about sex."

It would never happen either, is currently illegal, and of course, would have infinite practical problems, BUT... what about a sex *library* for teens? Limit it to the 13-17 age range to keep out creepy adults, have a girls' one and a boys' one, make it an open room or use mirrors so the staff could make sure nothing untoward went on... limit membership, and fill it with "tasteful" (of course, see the page on 'what is porn?' for the problems there) books about sex.

Again, it won't happen, but mightn't a society where it could be rather pleasant? (And a society where it wasn't necessary perhaps even moreso. Of course, I feel the same way about abolishing compulsory education. It'd be a mess if we did it now, but it's terribly pleasant to think about).

I think half the problem with a lot of things cultural about sex is that it gets set apart, when for everyone's optimal health, sexuality should be a fully integrated part of our lives.

I do remember having to get parental permission to check out a book from the county library once, but it was just a graphic novel (I think it was "Stuck Rubber Baby," but it might have been "Cages")...

I really don't think there's enough accessible information out there for people of ANY age. That's good advice though. Once I have something of a personal sexuality library, I'll talk to some librarians and donate something appropriate.

And let me tell you this...price is a very good indicator of quality in sex toys. The one I bought was a piece of crap that I could have ordered from the back of Hustler. I let my friend buy me a GOOD one and aaaahhh...

I took a trip to Seattle in November with my son and met up with a bunch of my mama-fide friends. We drove past Babes in Toyland, looking longingly out our windows. Salivating. Oh...how I wished to go inside. We had plans to get a sitter and visit before I left, but, alas, sitters are few and far between.

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fairykoger@hotmail.com