Okay, people, I am sorry, but I need to vent and ask for your opinion at the same time.....
A girl I go to Uni with, Cutie, who is an acquaintance (not a close friend or something) of mine, made a pretty shocking & uninformed heterosexist comment today.
Let me explain first – I think Cutie has some general issues regarding sex; at 23, she seems to be pretty uninformed even though she is sexually active. A few weeks ago, for example, I had to explain to her how the pill works - she has been on it for a few years and has abstained from Sex on days 12 – 15 of her pill since then, because she thought she was still ovulating in the middle of her *cycle* and that therefore the risk of getting pregnant was higher in the middle of her pill pack.... She just doesn’t seem to know some of the basics. Cutie has been raised in a relatively strict catholic environment, which hasn’t kept her from having sexual relationships though, but from getting good Sex Ed and she doesn’t seem to have been in contact with people who lead their lives and their relationships in a way that is different from hers (and her relationship is heterosexual & monogamous).
Today, over lunch with Cutie, Sporty (a more open friend of mine) and me, we were discussing pornography (yeah, the things we discuss over lunch, I know) and somehow started talking about sexual orientation and whatnot, when Cutie said:
“I don’t think two women can have sex anyway, you know, after all something (she meant: a penis) is missing! Two women can only do “petting” and that isn’t real Sex. And they can’t do anything else in bed, can they?”
Sporty and I were a little dumbstruck. We stared at each other in disbelief, raised our eyebrows and were speechless.....and when we regained our composure, we both said something along the lines of “Cutie, there are a lot of other things two women can do in bed.”
I mean, what do you say to a comment like hers? Am I supposed to explain to her that Sex is definitely a lot more than just vaginal penetration? Ask her whether she and her partner do nothing but penetration in bed? Am I supposed to explain to her that two women in bed have oral sex? That some lesbian women do include penetration into their sex lifes by the means of dildos & strap-ons? Am I supposed to explain that there are simply a myriad of ways to make love to (or have sex with) another human being, no matter which gender that person is?
I was pretty shocked that she has obviously never spared a thought to what sex actually is, and obviously hasn’t realised that vaginal penetration is only a small part of it.
I am pretty unhappy with my reaction to Cutie’s comment - I should have stood up for my opinion - but at the same time I feel like I am lecturing her on sex and sexual health issues often enough anyway. I don’t want to shock her or force my views on her or whatever and to be honest, I simply find it terribly difficult to bring my point across to someone who hasn’t thought about an issue at all and is just generally uninformed. I feel like I have to stand up and tell her what I really think to challenge her, because no one apparently challenges her views, but I don’t want to give her the impression that my views are superior to hers.
Anyone an idea regarding how I can react next time the topic (or a similar topic) comes up and Cutie reacts with a similar heterosexist statement?
Just a regular lunatic.
Go inside Alaska's head...
[This message has been edited by Alaska (edited 12-14-2000).]