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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » Young Girls + Older Men = Bad News

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Author Topic: Young Girls + Older Men = Bad News
Executive Director & Founder
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So says this report on a recent study:

I'd agree with some of the points made here, but not necessarily all of them.

But what do you think?

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
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"If statutory rape laws were indeed more stringently enforced, many teenage and young adult males will be prosecuted. They will become convicted felons and be characterized as deviant sex offenders when their behavior is in fact quite common," Leitenberg and Saltzman write.

just because it's common, doesn't make it right. exploitation under any circumstances is wrong, imho.

we covered this topic in my repro class, and i really have a lot to say about the -r and -K selective reproductive strategies and pre-frontal lobe connectivity and various things rlating to attachment theory, but i'm really tired right now. when i make more sense, i'll say something.

Maurice! Bring in the albinos! muwahahahahaha!!!

Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Honestly, I tend -- in very general terms -- to believe that broad age gaps in relationships involving teenagers and young-twenties people are usually not all that great, and may be broadly indicative of some potential for exploitative relationship dynamics.

On the other hand, I know from experience that it depends, incredibly much so, on the individuals involved. Your average 35 year old guy who thinks he's hot potatoes because he can seduce a naive teenager is, yes, probably going to cause some problems, even if they're mild and of limited scope.

On the other hand, at the age of 19 I had an affair with a man who was 56 which was loving, respectful, kind, and really very joyful. We both went into it knowing that it wasn't conventional, but also knowing that it was a mutual thing and knowing what we both wanted out of it (I should add that he was very good about sharing the benefit of his age, experience, and levelheadedness with me, which was part of what made the experience a good one). We've stayed friends since then, and this May, when he will be retiring from a long career in academia, I will be very proud to dance with him at his retirement party.

Perhaps I'm just the exception that proves the rule, but I do think it's possible for there to be nonexploitive crossgenerational relationships. I do NOT, however, think that this is usually the case. I think I lucked out.

Hanne Blank
Co-Editor, Scarleteen

Start a Revolution -- Stop Hating Your Body!

Posts: 1538 | From: boston, ma, USA | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Well first off I would like to say that all relationships with Older guys and Younger girls are not all bad, some can become a success.For instance my friend which is 17, her boyfriend is 21,(in our state the age of legal consent is 16)theyve been 2gether for 1 year, he got her pregnant and then proposed to her. He has a degree and has a career,he is mature and truly loves her. Also am 17 and my boyfriend is 20 eventhough I dont see this as a big age gap, I would not go any older, he is a freshman in college and Iam a senior in high school.We love each other, are best friends and lovers,also we want a education and to be successful.So all age difference relationships are not bad.It depends on the maturity of each partner.!!!!!
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Executive Director & Founder
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I don't mean to be a killjoy, but all other things aside, I have to say that in my book, getting a partner pregnant within one year of being together (and I'm not one of those that thinks getting married "fixes" that or makes it better or worse, for that matter) doesn't exactly equal success, and sadly, it stands to illustrate exactly what some of that report documented.
Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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