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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » What Do You Think About "slut"? (Page 1)

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Author Topic: What Do You Think About "slut"?
Pixie69
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Okay, I thought it would be interesting to get other's opinions on this. I just told my friend C that I had been fingered, I asked if she thought I was a slut and she said, "yeah, and I think W is too and I told her so too" W is another friend. It really makes me mad, C has frenched one guy and she thinks she's better than us for it. Then she informed me that I'm not so much a slut, but more of a wannabe. I act like one, I talk like one but I never end up doing anything. Which ticks me off even more. So, have you ever been called a slut? Do you think you're a slut? How far do you have to have gone to be a slut?

Me, I'm 14, I've frenched 8 different guys (many many times each). I've had very passionate make out sessions and been fingered. If I'm not looking for a relationship then I'm looking for someone to just do stuff with (friends with benifits) and I do have a few currently. Does this make me a slut?

W, she's 14 and has dated a 19 y/o for the last three years. She's been fingered and jacked him off. She's only frenched like 2 or 3 guys. Does that make her more of a slut or less?

Brittany

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Dude, just smile and pass the zen margaritas...


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Heather
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Depends. What's her room look like?

Because slut actually means "sloppy."

We can come up with all sorts of names for people, but reallyt, because it's slang, and because it is arbitrary or subjective, none of it means very much. people who call others "sluts" and mean they are promiscuous or simply not very choosy probably each have their own criteria which is based on what they themselves want to base it on.

Sexual experience shouldn't be a copmpetition or a race. To use it that way is to devalue it and yourself, it really is. If you or anyone else is seeing it that waay, in my mind, that doesn't make you a "slut," it makes you someone who is missing out on what sex is really all about and in exchange accepting something fleeting (guess how important what people think of your sexual expertise will be in five years?), which is really a raw deal.


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Beppie
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The linguist in me has to say something here. The origins of the word slut do indeed mean "sloppy", but even though it once meant that, it no longer does. Language changes and the sole meaning of "slut" is now a person, usually a woman who is sexually promiscuous.

Anyway, that's just my pedantic little part- now as to the main question. I don't like the term "slut" very much at all, because it is usually used in a derogatory sense. I have seen it used in a non-derogatory sense (including in one of Miz Scarlet's own sites) and I don't find that offensive in the least, but usually, what it signifies to me is that the person using it is denying the person they are talking about sexual freedom. I was with someone last Christmas, and we ran into someone we had both known in high school. This girl was known to be promiscuous, but I felt that was quite irrelevant- she was (is, I should say) a nice person, who acted very glad to see both of us, and wished us well before we went on our way. But as soon as she was out of earshot, my friend viciously said "slut!" This was a completely nice person, and yet she was being judged for something that had nothing to do with that, and which was none of that person's buisness.

The reason I tell you this story is because I think it demonstrates how truly derogatory, but at the same time meaningless, the word "slut" can be, when it's used as a put-down. It doesn't make a difference as to whether or not a girls has slept with twenty guys or only kissed one.


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ThisGuy
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What do I think?
Personally, I find "sluts" irritating. The type whose only means of judging themselves is in their attraction to the opposite sex.
ie. chicks who are proud of themselves cos their legs spend more time pointing up than down. ;p

That said, I'd love it if both men and women were sexually equal. I don't see a woman who has had 5, 10, or 20 times as many partners as me as bad or slutty. Its who she is, and why she does it that counts.

But here reality must interject. Women and men cannot ever be sexually equal. Pregnancy is still a concern, and men simply do not get pregnant. Lets face it, however one-sided the judgement, it has basis in both the past, and the present.

The term slut or whore is frequently derogatory. It's also frequently unmerited, in my opinion. But I doubt you'll ever truly eliminate that prejudice.

Lets face it, humans just need someone to look down on.

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Sufficiently advanced stupidity is indistinguishable from malice
Crazy like a shoehorn, bay-be!


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bettie
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I think it comes down to judgment of sexuality. People use the word slut and its companions as a put down. Mainly it is directed at women. I don't agree with this way of thinking though in the past I have done my bit of crule slander because of my own insecurities.

Regrdless of why someone has sex, with whom, what acts they choose to do, how many times, with how many partners, I do not feel it is my place to put a value judgement on their behavior. I do hope they are practising safer sex as that can help protect all of society from risk of disease and I hope that they are happy with their choices because I like it when people are happy. Otherwise, it is just none of my business.


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Milke
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Slut . . . I've always associated this word more with unkind and irresponsible sex, than with having a lot of partners. And some people just do seem slutty. I mean, going around screwing anyone you can for quick fun or power, regardless of the risks, just isn't right. And those are the sort of people I think of sluts. Still, on the gender equality level, would it surprise you to know that the one thing I've used this word against frequently isn't female, or even human, it's a rather unpleasant fish my friend had to segregate because he just wouldn't leave the female fish alone. Go figure.
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PoetgirlNY
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I used to consider myself a "slut in a good way." As in, sexually free and whatever. Now I look back and see that was just my excuse to make a whole bunch of stupid decisions about whom I had sex with and why. Now I consider myself sexually free in a more positive way . . . if I like someone and we want to hook up, that's fine. But I won't just hook up with random older strangers anymore just because I'm horny. That's what masturbation is for

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glitter695
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SLUT?? well a real friend wouldnt call you a slut to begin with, your not a slut because you have kissed guys and got fingered, and shes not a slut either, I agree with Mike that a slut is irresponisble and doesnt care about the consequence of having sex.

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U2girl
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YOU ARE SO NOT A SLUT! why is it that these people can call girls sluts for something that is totally at our own free will and just being HUMAN. it is natural to have sexual tensions and feelings. why is it that guys are studs with having sex with lots of girls but girls are sluts?? why?? because people are jelous and people a have nothing better to do than annalize and gossip about people. You know i felt i was sorta slutty for the longest time.. and then i found this site.. and really i realized IM SO NOT! and u arent either! just follow your heart and do what u think is right.

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StarryRedhead
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Poetgirl, I feel the same way. Sexually free. Yay.

Anyhow, I have definitely been termed "slut" although my friends just call me "friendly." I think it depends on the persons opinion of sex in general. To me, sex is not dirty or something BAD like some people make it out to be. As long as you're responsible about it, it's a wonderful means of expression and affection, love too. So, I have been very open about sex and doing it, but it's never been something I HAVE to have, in fact, before my current boyfriend I went almost a year without anything but a kiss. And it didn't matter.

So to me, to be termed "slut" you have to be someone having sex irresponsibly, doing it to hurt someone, or someone who just doesn't have respect for themselves and their body, or the bodies of others. I really hate the term "slut" though, it's used to loosely these days.

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}{*Starry Ali*}{

"It's a narrow margin, just room enough for regret, in the inch and a half between, "Hey, how ya been?" and "Can I kiss you yet?"

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rainbowGrrL
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In my opinion, making out with 8 guys doesn't make you a "slut", sure friends w/ benefits, who doesn't want those? you're not even having sex with them so why would you consider youself a "slut"? why are you asking other people if you're a "slut"? do you want to be a "slut"?
*~kat

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KimmyP
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I've got a little something to add on the subject of calling people "sluts"

My car is now offically the "Slut Moblie"

A crazy girl decided that it would be nice to carve "SLUT" into the drivers side door of my nice, brand new car--because her boyfriend said he thought I was pretty.

Okay, how does that make me a slut?

grrrr, we girls need to be nicer to each other! Calling names sucks, and vandalism is even worse! (Don't worry, I called the cops)


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lilnerd
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YOU are *NOT* a Slut....but i do believe that there are people who are so irresponsible that that is the most fitting word for it. A ex-friend of mine is 15 years old and has had sex so many times; half of which she didn't even KNOW the guys...now that, most definitely, is a Slut!!
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U2girl
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Okay im 17 years old i have had sex with 3 guys .. all were somewhat serious relationships.. does that make me a slut?

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PEACE


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live4travel
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U2girl, I don't see how that could make you a slut at all. Like you said they were serious relationships. You did this with a meaning. It is up to you alone on what you do. But to answer the question about you being a slut? No, not at all.
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ThisGuy
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quote:
Old McDonald was a slut, e-i-e-i-o!
He's a slut, she's a slut, everywhere a slut-slut!
Old McDonald was a slut, e-i-e-i-o!

How about if I name everyone in this thread an Honourary Slut?

For that matter, you can all be fags, whores, queers, jews, blacks, asians, and pistacchio nuts as well. (I hate those bastards)

Now that we've dealt with the delicate moral dilemma of who is slutty, we can move on. We can all dive in bed with whoever we feel like.

You are you. How you choose to live your life is your decision. Are you going to let other people not only tell you what to do, but what to think?

In the immortal (and fictitious) words of Mr. S. Hussein, "relax, guy!"

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ThIs Is AnNoYiNg!!!!!!
8u+ +H1z 1Z R3311Y r3311y @nN0y1nG!!!!!!!!

You vil use ze condoms, or ve vil use ze hot poker!


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playingbyheart
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A slut is someone who is addicted to needing someone to "need" them, giving themselves up -sexually and otherwise- to one person or many different people so that they always feel wanted. A slut can be male or female, and just like someone with any other disorder, they need help. A slut is not someone who is sexually free. They are someone who has no control over their own sexuality and does much sexually that they regret during and later. They might have been abused when they were younger and have become this way in effect.

And those people are only sluts because they've lost control. They aren't the slut that someone should scream the title at, and they aren't the slut that would wear clothing with the proud name 'slutgirl" on it or slutmobile as the title of their car.

They might act like they know what they want, but inside they are falling apart.

They need help.

And sluts can change. They can become free again. Help is out there.

- and i say this not to sound rude or mean or cruel. I'm just noting the changes in a few of my friends as they've gotten older. One particular female has suddenly gone from being a prude to loosing her virginity w/ a boyfriend of a few months because she didn't want to loose him... then, the "slut spiral" began. She even told him she was pregnant so he wouldn't leave. She was never really pregnant. He found that out. They broke up and got back together again and again. She had unsafe sex with him because he wanted to. She never said no to him. When they broke up, she wanted to make him jealous. She kept messing around with guys she didn't care about, just so that her ex boyfriend would want her back. She met guys from online and gave them head without using protection. She put herself at risk and put herself up sexually to try to gain back something that wasnt going to come back. As far as i know, shes still acting the same way. She is my good friend and I've never called her a slut to her face. However, i've repetitively told her that she needs help and that i'm always here for her. Its her life and -

EVERYONE HAS THE RIGHT TO BE A SLUT IF THEY WANT TO BUT THE THING IS, TO BE A SLUT, YOU DON'T HAVE CONTROL OVER IT SO YOU PROBABLY DON'T WANT TO.

-and those people who are sexually free- more power to you! Those who pratice safe sex and who are responsible and do what they want when they want! Thats being horny, smart and yourself. More power to ya. Don't let anyone ever call *you* a slut.


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Altoid103
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Whether you're a slut or not is really an opinion. It depends on your definition of slut. Some think that a slut is someone who sleeps around, some think that it's someone who steals other people's boyfriends, some think that it's someone who does stuff (not necessarily sex) with a lot of guys. To be honest, I think you are kind of a slut because you're looking for guys just to do stuff with and you don't really care about them.

(Note from Miz Scarlet: Altoid -- and anyone else -- the question is what people think of the term itself, not determining whether a poster is or is not, as it isn't okay to ascribe generally derogatory terms to anyone at the boards. Please bear that in mind and be kind.)

[This message has been edited by Miz Scarlet (edited 10 November 2000).]


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playingbyheart
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Miz Scarlet: I think altoid was using "you" in a general way, and that he/she did not comment about any poster in particular.


note to all: btw, i still hate the use of the word slut. It's just that some people actually are sluts and need help but it's not right for anyone to call anybody it even if they are.


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'rin
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there's a really nifty recent book out called "slut" there's some subtitle to it, i forgot who wrote it, but it a bright greenish large paperback (trade paper, like 12 or 14 dollars) and the word slut is in bright pink. (and the bookstore clerk will roll their eyes, i know: i am one, but if you tell them it's called slut and was published this year they can find it). it should be mandatory reading for everybody everywhere. it's a really good social scientific look at the lable and the girls stuck with it, complete with interviews. it rocks. it's good research and it's useful (not something that tends to go together in most cases) and it's a really good read. it's about the fact that girls are often called sluts for reasons that have little if anything to do with sexual promiscuity and everything to do with social controls.
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aroseisarose
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To answer your initial question, I have to respond with a question...why do you care about whether or not people would call you a "slut" based on your sexual activities? The only thing that's important is that you feel comfortable with anything you do, and that you are doing it in a safe manner. If you're looking for approval for your actions, the only person you need approval from is yourself (and, of course, your partner).
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logic_grrl
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quote:
there's a really nifty recent book out called "slut" there's some subtitle to it, i forgot who wrote it,

That would be "Slut! Growing Up Female With A Bad Reputation" by Leora Tanenbaum. And yup, isn't it a fantastic book?


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Eskimo
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By that definition you friend must think the majority of the population over 14 are sluts. Tell her to grow up.
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logic_grrl
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quote:
btw, i still hate the use of the word slut. It's just that some people actually are sluts and need help but it's not right for anyone to call anybody it even if they are.

Personally, I'd vote for ditching the word altogether.

In terms of its recent history, it's almost always been used as an insulting term for "someone female who has more sex (or is more sexual) than the person speaking thinks they should" - or as a way of dissing someone by implying that they're that sort of person, regardless of whether their sex life bears any resemblance to the stereotype or not.

And of course, there's the old double standard at work - there's no equivalent male term. If a guy has lots of sex, there's no derogatory term for that, and lots of complimentary terms, like "stud". If a girl has lots of sex, there aren't any complimentary terms.

I've seen some people trying to re-define it by saying "well, sluts are people who have irresponsible sex" or whatever.

But I think it's better to ditch the word altogether. If someone's irresponsible, call them irresponsible. If you think they're self-destructive or compulsive, then call them that.

Don't try to haul in a word which carries all these out-dated connotations and associations about sex itself being bad and dirty - and which has so often been used to stigmatize women for not obeying social rules.


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Dzuunmod
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quote:
Originally posted by logic_grrl:
And of course, there's the old double standard at work - there's no equivalent male term. If a guy has lots of sex, there's no derogatory term for that, and lots of complimentary terms, like "stud". If a girl has lots of sex, there aren't any complimentary terms.

I agree with most of what you said, logic, but I think that in recent years, while there hasn't been a complimentary word which describes a female who has lots of sex, women who do have been seen in a new light.

I often hear the word "empowered" and the phrase "in control" associated with women who are very sexually active. Next time you see an article about Sex and the City look to see how the character of Samantha is described.

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-Ballad of a Comeback Kid, The New Pornographers


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logic_grrl
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quote:
I think that in recent years, while there hasn't been a complimentary word which describes a female who has lots of sex, women who do have been seen in a new light.

I agree that perceptions are definitely changing. But I'd also say that those changes are sometimes limited. There's often a sense that it's okay or even positive for women to be sexually assertive - as long as they don't take it "too far".

And of course what's "too far" is left up to other people to judge. So the idea of "sluthood" is still being used to keep women in line.

I think we're seeing that in some of the stories people are telling in this thread about their friends and the judgements they make: it seems to be accepted now that being sexually active in itself doesn't make you a "slut" - but there's still an idea that some sorts of sexual activity do make you "slutty". There's still a line there to be crossed, even if people disagree on where it is.

I've seen reviews of Sex and the City which describe Samantha as assertive and powerful - but I've also seen a whole lot of reviews which describe her as "the slutty one".

So I think social perceptions are still pretty ambivalent about this.


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shakeXtoXexplode
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turn the word aroudn to help you .. my friend and i call each other "sluts" becasue we take control of our sexuality and are not embarassed to horny or sexually proactive. Instead of conforming to what we are told abou teh word and its dangers we embrace it and in doing so take away its power

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and no one, not even
the rain, has such
small hands


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betty!
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this makes me so mad! because if man sleeps around hes a stud and if a woman does it shes a slut or a slag or a slapper and thats just not on! everyone has different views on sex and are intitled to them and some women like to have many partners and some choose not to, but it doesnt give people the right to tell someone there a bad person for doing this. id say each to there own. i cant stand when ppl look down on others because there attitude to sex, or the way sum1 chooses to dress, it makes my blood boil that they cant be open minded and not judge them, they dont have 2 agree, but name calling is pathetic and hurtfull and dusnt acheive anything good.
my own experience is that one of my 'friends' decided i was a slag because of my older boyfreind at the time and went round telling every1 that, and it didnt make me dump my boyf it just made me change my freinds lol.
*takes deep breath* lol sorry its one of those subjects i can rant on and on about!

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scarlet_fairy
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it's been said, I know, but there is a double standard. refering to the original post, does your friend think that the guy who fingered you is a 'slut' or a male equivalent? I've done stuff with guys which I have told my close friends about, and that's just fine, because we can talk about it in a mature way, and understand eachpther, but then I do ask them not to tell anyone else, because at the school I go to (all girls private school) gossip travels fast and you can easily get a label, like 'slut'. the double standard comes into play here: the boys school that most people associate with has many guys at it that would be called sluts if they were girls, but as they are boys they are just 'cool' or 'a bit of a player'. when they do stuff with a girl they are cool, the girl is a slut. no fair! what has she done 'wrong' to be looked down upon like this?
anyway... your 'friend' needs to get a little understanding and realise tht everyone is different. concerning friend W? she seems like a very resposible girl, 3 years and no sex? go her! well done for finding a relationship where love is the thing, not a competiton for who has 'gone furthest'!

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Milke
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As an FYI the original post is over three years old, so this topic now exists for general discussion, rather than advice for the person who started it.

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Milke, with an L, Mrs BD to you, RATS, TMNTP, MF, CWCD, WAOTA

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pinkharlygirl
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*peeks in on this topic*

personally, i like the term slut. Sure, 50 years ago, sluts were bad. But this is a new era, and as long as the sex, or in your case, making out, is safe, protected, and consensual...

do what ya like and have fun doin it
don't let anyone judge you or your activities.


Posts: 4 | From: Paradise, CA, USA | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie
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We also have to take into consideration that, for some people, the term 'slut' is not offensive. I do not take offense when my boyfriend calls me a slut. In some ways I am. I won't really elaborate on why until someone gives me the okay to do so. Don't want to get in trouble after my first post.
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nico
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I like the word slut, and my friends and I affectionately call ourselves and each other "sluts". I guess because it has the sexually assertive connotation to it, and we see that as a good thing (for and by ourselves, if someone I don't know called me a slut and I didn't know how they used it, I'd be insulted. It's the thought that counts, not necessarily the word).

Most people call someone a slut where I live not because they neccesarily know about their sexual past (though maybe they heard bogus rumours or something), but because of the clothes they wear and the attitude they put forward. The phrases "stupid prep" and "slut/whore" are used almost interchangeably by the tougher alternative girls who may be sexually assertive themselves and not worry at all about it. Basically, the "preps" wear provocative and exposing clothes. Basically, if you DRESS / ACT provocative, don't be shocked if people assume you ARE provocative (and in many people's eyes, a slut :| ) Sluts here are also called "pucks" (yeah I'm canadian lol) By definition, a girl who is with a new jock every week is called a puck because she's "passed around like a hockey puck." Puck is a worse word than slut because it's never meant in a teasing way, it's purely derogatory.

slut is just another common insult that packs a punch because of its many, many meanings. (ie "vacant tease who will sleep with anything") Also a girl who's "dirty" or does "dirty things"(which is all subjective!) who gets horny and wants to have sex. Which is somehow a bad thing.

Also, I've NEVER heard anyone refer to a guy who gets a lot of sex as a "stud". Seriously, the only time I've ever heard it used is when girls are talking about the double standard. I usually call them "oversexed" as just a joke. I mean, no doubt the double standard exists, but I get a little annoyed at hearing "If a girl has sex she's a slut. If a guy has sex he's a stud." everywhere, because I think the word "stud" is so outdated and irrelevant now (well at least where I live, it's seen as a dumb word our parents used...). The term "stud" makes me think of girls cutting class to smoke in the bathroom and talk about "hunky studs" or something. Which probably hasn't happened since the mid eighties Guys are sometimes patted on the back, but more likely it's treated as something COMPLETELY NORMAL or cool.

[This message has been edited by nico (edited 03-04-2004).]


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autumnleaf
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Slut... what a ridiculous word. I mean, honestly, by now it has so many definitions that hardly anyone knows what it really means. I don't think that anyone can really be termed a slut, because sleeping with 'a lot of people' is a relative term. To some people, TWO people is a lot to sleep with. To others, twenty might be the limit. Why not just make your own decisions as to who and when and how much? After all, it only affects you. Anyway, most people who call others sluts (in a mean way) are probably just jealous.
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jeangenie
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I am a proud slut. There is nothing wrong with you if you like sex. You deserve to. It is your birthright as a human and as a woman not to let anyone tell you who you are supposed to be.
When I was 14 my two best friends called me a slut constantly because of my limited experience and I made the mistake of letting it go on for years. The first diety created by a civilization was the Sumarian sex goddess Inanna. She embodied feminine power and creation. There is no such thing as a good or bad slut, just women. We need to respect ourselves and eachother. When your friend calls you a slut she is throwing the feminist movement out the window. As far as books, i recomend Live Nude Girl by Carol Queen. More power to you (but i must add, I am a saftey girl. Never had sex without a condom doubt I ever will. Social stereotypes are one thing, you still don't want STDs.)

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