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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » Sex Education

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Author Topic: Sex Education
Heather
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At home or at school, are you getting what you need? If you aren't what AREN'T you getting that has you stressed, or feeling uninformed or misinformed?

If you don't get it at school or at home, where ARE you getting it?


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cloudyMouse
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That sounds like a riddle.

But I think I lack company. Each time I feel like going out, there're only a few friends I can think of to ask. And since I have a boyfriend, guys aren't on my list (well, maybe only one guy, but I don't know him that well). And my friends aren't always free to accompany me. And right now my boyfriend is away at a "training camp" (for those army guys), so I'm even lonelier than ever.

I think it's more difficult to make friends as you get older. A lot of my close friends were made when I was around 13. It's very hard to get close to someone else; some people don't want to open up, while you just don't click with others.


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Mophead
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Sex education at school is a crock. We do the same activities every year. They teach uis how to say "no", but don't even consider what may happen if we decide to say "yes."n They teach us about "semifiburous tubules", but not about anything useful. Knowing about semifiburous tubules won't prevent pregnancy or std's. They teach us about condoms or other options, but I think that it should be more like a discussion session, instead of "schooling." It's ridiculous.
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Beppie
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I was very lucky in that I have very honest parents. My mother told me about the in's and out's of sex when I was very little- pretty much the first time I asked how babies were made, I guess. I don't remember it though. Gradually, as I got older, she explained more, as I was capable of understanding it- things about desire, contraception and protection etc. My whole family is pretty comfortable talking about sex- we even discuss it at the dinner table sometimes. Now that I'm at college (and have been for nearly two years), people often find it odd when I don't get grossed out if someone says the S-E-X word during a meal.

At school we had basic sex ed for the first three years of high school, and in tenth grade we went a bit more in-depth into it. We learned how to use condoms, what the pill did, and that cling wrap does not a good condom substitute make.


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HotGrrl99
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All sex ever did at my school is make people more and more curious about it. And giving out free condoms was like an invitation to "try these!!" We learned about sex mainly from boys or our friends.
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Hanne
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What sorts of things do you wish you'd been able to learn in sex education classes in school? What kinds of things would've been useful to you? What would've been more helpful, or at least less dorky and stupid, than what you did get in school?

What's the one question you would've liked to have asked in school sex ed, but didn't because you were afraid of being laughed at or afraid that you might get in trouble for asking?

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Hanne Blank
Associate Editor, Scarleteen

"Be Excellent To Each Other" -- Bill and Ted


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HotGrrl99
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Well, a lot of us girls have trouble getting orgazms, but they didn't seem to want to discuss that at all. They were far more interested in teaching us about abstinence or condom use.
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Heather
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Man, oh man.

And surely, Hot, you see how silly they were, since if most women could easily bring themselves to orgasm, they'd probably cut down the numbers of times they had sex with partners at all EASILY in half.

But, in sympathy, do bear in mind that a great many men and women (I"m talking adults here) probably couldn't help you much since they have never gotten the same information themselves.


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Flyus192
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Most if it I learned from my mom and dad. The rest came from books, 'playing doctor', the Internet, a girl buddy I grew up with, My first, second and third girl friends, and a LITTLE bit at school.
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wear*a*smile!
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well, if ur not getting it at school or at home, open up ur eyes!!! what website are u on right now??? CORRECT!! u are at scarleteen.com!!there is so much info here u might find out something that u weren't even looking for. so cut out some time to check out this site, its really good!!

wear*a*smile
PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE, TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE!!


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Pink_Girl
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im getting my information from boards like these!! or friends.
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Sallynha
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i'm not from the US, and in my country there is no such thing as sexual education. the closer thing we learn is how the reproductive system works and that's it.
in my case i haven't learnt anything from my parents either, neither of them ever talked with me or my sis about it, but i wouldn't feel comfortable talking with them either (guess it has to come from when you're little so we get used...).
thinking about it, i guess i learnt things thru life, sometimes i heard people talking, sometimes i heard words i didn't know and found out,... but i never considered myself to be uninformed and in fact i think i'm pretty well-informed and self-conscious about sexual matters.
i have also learnt a lot with my boyfriend (first and only love ), we both need to learn new things and teach eachother a lot, and we also use this site sometimes, read thru the posts together, and it can be great fun while you learn about this stuff.
i dont have that many friends and the ones i have are not so close, so i dont talk with them about deep issues like sex or even problems i have with relationships. i find it hard to trust someone, and at the moment and for the past 8 months my best friend is my boyfriend and although that sometimes is a problem, i wouldn't like it any other way.
i recently found a guy in who i trust, i can say he's like a best friend to me, and i love talking to him about everything including my relationship with my boyfriend - althouh we get along so well there are always small problems that i would need to talk about with someone apart from him.
i've found a lot of friendly advice thru here and for me this site should be more advertised so it could help a lot more people that i'm sure are out there clueless about so many subjects we deal here.

thanx everyone for your support and Miz S. and the team for your guidance!!!

stay safe!

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*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
~~~~~Sallynha~~~~
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


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Candy_Chica
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I live in the US, in the city, attend a public school, and I KNOW we haven't been offered anything close to sex Ed. Aside from our one vague menstruation video in elementary school, I'd say I had to find out about everything on my own. I've never even had "The Talk" because my mom seems to fear the fact that I do have hormones, and still believes I haven't had a boyfriend even though I'm 16.

I didn't even know what a clitoris was until last year! (good thing ta know )

I guess I'd realized that I needed to learn a little bit more about myself and others when relationships I was in progressed into areas passed kissing, so I looked to the net for info. I'm just lucky I found the right people and pages...

[This message has been edited by Candy_Chica (edited 01 July 2000).]


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Blu_Phenox
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Well after I got out of elementry school *6th gr* I didnt hear anything about it in school so I learned from experiance, Parents, Friends & places like this. All I learned were the facts. What this is what it does. What BC is and to ALWAYS use it. Thats all they tought us and I didnt feel it was enough. ACCUALLY when I was in the 3rd grade was when I stared researching sex ed. My sis was in the 6th and got the little pamplet and I was interested so I studdied up on it!

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~Blu_Phenox


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*sonia*
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sigh... sadly i haven't been as well informed as others either; i got my basics when i was in grade 5, and learned more from my friends. it wasn't till about january when i found scarleteen that i figured i should know more bout this before i start to go further with a boy. i thought it'd be best that when the time comes one of us should know what to do...
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hotchick
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Man, sex education at school is a disgrace. I remember when I was in ninth grade or something and in health class a speaker from Planned Parenthood talked to us. And I go to a school with like two-thousand kids, and I'm sure half of them are clueless about sex education in its entirity. Now, I'm about to be a senior and only this year have I really learned things. And I learned them on my own.
The last time I was with a guy I believe that I 'walked a tightrope.' By that I mean that I was more open and I did things I never did before. But still I wasn't totally relaxed. But I learned things about guys and also myself.
So when it comes down to it, know your body(only this year did I find out where my clitoris was!), know your partner, and always use some kind of protection. And I believe that if you can't discuss it with your partner then you're definetely NOT ready for it.

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Katri
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Unfortunately (only in this reason), I go to a private, religious school that advocates that sex and sexual contact before marriage is just wrong, and that's all they tell us. Not what it is. Not even once. In my gradeschool (K-8) they avoided the subject and in High School they just tell us don't do anything until you're married.

I was 11 when the subject first came up between my mom and me. And that's because I got my period then and didn't really understand it. (I knew what it was though, so I didn't panick. I just didn't understand why it happened or anything.) She only told me about periods and stuff, nothing about sex and guys. Anyway when I was 14 it came up again, and she told me some things, but she also said "when I was your age I wasn't curious about all this." and she felt I wasn't old enough to know about sex at age 14.

Neither of us ever brought it up again.

Where I learned it? Sneeking off to the library and reading books about it. On the internet. From friends.


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Dzuunmod
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I've always thought that high school students ought to be able to opt into sex ed in whichever year they think it will be most useful to them. They should be required to take it before they graduate, yes, but if someone plans to become sexually active two years before they'll be getting any sex ed, they should have the option of opting into the class. I got most of my sex ed in grade nine, and frankly, at that point, I didn't think I'd be having sex for about twenty years, never mind sex with girls!
If I'd had my sex ed in, say, my last year of high school, it would have been of much more use to me. I can barely even remember what I learned in the class. All I can really recall, is watching a video of a woman giving birth.

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Heather
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That's a really excellent idea, Dzuun.

I hope that all of you who are still in high school realize the power of your own voices. Creating, for instance, a petition for your school board about needing sex id, and some of the ideas you've been talking about here, may or may not get you what you want, but it'll send a pretty powerful message, and perhaps down the line, some kid MAY get what they need.


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lemming
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The Internet, I think, is the single most powerful sex education tool for any child-adolescent-adult today...and I'm not trying to sound like Bill Gates or Al Gore (who we all know invented the Internet).

I can only echo what the rest of you have said about school regarding sex ed: it's a joke, a crock, useless, and demeaning. Our school district has a policy which only allows for abstinence education, and teachers other than biology teachers are not allowed to bring up the subject of sex at all.

That never stopped us from discussing it in my sociology class.

We had many long discussions, and finally agreed that teenagers in the C- C- schools didn't HAVE sex. At least, that is the attitude held by the teachers, administrators, parents, priests, rabbis, and everyone else in power in the community who haven't said a thing about this.

I've tried, and it's all a brick wall. I've graduated now, and I hope there are more students who feel this way.

Maybe they'll get farther than I did.

I think if all schools said about sex was to teach masturbation, we'd reduce many "social ills" as teen pregnancy, date rape, and even suicide by as much as half.

Don't be a jerk. Jerk off.

~lem

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Understand that sexuality is as wide as the sea. Understand that your morality is not law. Understand that we are you. Understand that if we decide to have sex whether safe, safer, or unsafe, it is our decision and you have no rights in our lovemaking.
Derek Jarman


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lemming
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The Internet, I think, is the single most powerful sex education tool for any child-adolescent-adult today...and I'm not trying to sound like Bill Gates or Al Gore (who we all know invented the Internet).

I can only echo what the rest of you have said about school regarding sex ed: it's a joke, a crock, useless, and demeaning. Our school district has a policy which only allows for abstinence education, and teachers other than biology teachers are not allowed to bring up the subject of sex at all.

That never stopped us from discussing it in my sociology class.

We had many long discussions, and finally agreed that teenagers in the C- C- schools didn't HAVE sex. At least, that is the attitude held by the teachers, administrators, parents, priests, rabbis, and everyone else in power in the community who haven't said a thing about this.

I've tried, and it's all a brick wall. I've graduated now, and I hope there are more students who feel this way.

Maybe they'll get farther than I did.

I think if all schools said about sex was to teach masturbation, we'd reduce many "social ills" as teen pregnancy, date rape, and even suicide by as much as half.

Don't be a jerk. Jerk off.

~lem

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Understand that sexuality is as wide as the sea. Understand that your morality is not law. Understand that we are you. Understand that if we decide to have sex whether safe, safer, or unsafe, it is our decision and you have no rights in our lovemaking.
Derek Jarman


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Alathiella
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My parents always avoided the topic with me. In elementary school, we only talked about what happens to our bodies when puberty hits. Through out most of high school, we only discussed the biology of the parts involved (hence, sex ed was in bio). I remember our book was a lot more thorough and talked about all the contraceptives available at the time; it also broke down the orgasm into five different parts. My bio teacher once went on a ramble about being attentive to our partner's needs.
I didn't really get my education until I hit college when I became seriously involved with someone. My cousin took it upon herself to extoll the wonders of masturbation, vibrators, pros and cons of different birth control and the basic of first-time intercourse. At one point there was even a trip to Good vibrations (the local sex shop and at www.goodvibes.com) where she gave me a copy of the Kama Sutra. From there, I read a lot of sex education books like the Guide to getting it on! (it's really informative) on my own. So I guess I'm self-taught?

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Mophead
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Well, I find that once the kids realize that I can answer the questions so easily, they often ask me stuff on their own time, out of class.

If you know more than your sex-ed teacher, take over the class. Talk out of turn. Let people know what they have a right to know.

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MASTURBATING IS NOT A CRIME


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Silver
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Sex ed... Coming from a small (not to mention small-minded) community, where it would hardly surprise me to see the parent's someday petition for it's abolishment, I have to say my experiences were... less than sufficient. To my parent's credit, they gave me a book entitled 'where did I come from' as soon as I asked the question, but my entire life until about age sixteen I was under the impression that abstinence until marriage was _the_ only _possible,_ moral course of action, and I was under the impression that masturbation was some sort of dirty thing done by men... The fact that steamy passages in books interested me was something I didn't understand from the age of ten until I finally stumbled onto an Internet site discussing such matters...

I think I have two large gripes with the current system. One, it's too little, too late. Just look around... sex ed started at eighth grade for me, and really all we learned about was what sex _was_ (intercourse). But I can still remember watching a girl and a guy touching each other in sixth grade while our class watched a movie with the lights out. By the time they actually started saying anything, many who might have benefitted somehow had already 'ventured there', as it were. Kids should be able to know what's going on with their bodies early- and almost as important, be okay with it. Instead, kids interested in sex (not necessarily even having it- just the act itself) generally are stuck either guilty or figuring things out for themselves.

Secondly, abstinence is said to be everything. In high school, a speaker announced that abstinence was a moral 'being true to yourself' in the middle of an otherwise ordinary inspirational speech. Moral? Wise for some, perhaps. But emotional and moral blackmail, coupled with raw scare tactics and a lack of alternatives seemed to be a common method used for the promotion of abstinence. When a movie showed in health class actually _did_ discuss condoms, the teacher was forced to fast-forward through the portion showing how to use them!

Sex education is not the same thing as abstinence education meets anatomy, something that seemed to escape the folks in control in my old district...

Silver
8)


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Sweet*howl
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I found out the most about birth control on the internet and tv and such. In sex ed at school all we learned was the how-to-technics (you place the penis into... yada yada), sex gives you bad diseases that will haunt you forever if they don't kill you or something, and that condoms went on the penis. We never even saw one, for that matter we never even saw genitals. BUT I did have an outstanding sex ed class at my mothers unitarian church. Altho most parents, would most likely disagree with this method. We saw filmstrips of a lot of things, and not porno type. We saw pictures of genitals and most of us were like "that's what it looks like down there?" We were taught the parts of our genitals and what their purposes were, we met a ob/midwife, who talked about birth control pills and diaphrams. But surprisingly we, the girls in the group didn't learn about condoms. The only thing I knew about them until VERY recently was that you could get them at the drug store, they went on penises, and they caught sperm. I didn't know how one was supposed to be put on, I figured hey it can't be that hard you just put it on right? OH goodness...With a boyfriend who's parents, when ever the topic of sex comes up sternly turn and tell him you are never having sex, what's a girl to do? SO...I did the research and I found out along with him and *I* buy the condoms(partially because he refuses to get his driver's license so...) and we decide after a few tries that maybe...uhm...maybe we'll wait...we don't really know if we're doing this right... oh well. How to get birth control for me (for in case we try again so we can be safer) whole 'nother story. I'm still trying to figure that out.

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-Sweet*howl

Knowledge is power, use it wisely


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Celise
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I have learned way more abou sex from this site than I would have ever dreamed of at school, I think we had 3 days of sex ed when I was a freshman and the guy that was teaching it was a football coach, I really didn't get anything from it.
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lemming
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I learned how to put on a condom while in a roomful of adults in a Crisis Hotline training class, during a talk by a guy from the AIDS clinic downtown. He said it was "just for review," but I had never been taught. Two weeks later, I did it for real. I really wish someone had shown me earlier...
~lemming

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"Two little girls, growing out of their training bras/This little girl breaks furniture, this little girl breaks laws/Two girls together, each a little less alone..." ~Ani DiFranco, "Two Little Girls"


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theglitztiger
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I go to catholic school and their sex ed is basically DONT DO IT... it really sucks..I have mixed veiws about wether premarital sex is ok. because of reading theses boards i realize how sheltered my life has been..and that people around me are more active than i thought. in school we learn about making heatlhy decsisions not stuff like this "part" is that thing and stuff. I learned it by reading the chapter our school skips. oh did I tell u that we can get in trouble for having condoms in school .... this guy had one in His wallet and it fell out and he got detention because we cant use those because their birth control. Its crazy
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Ashley
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I learened all about sex about in the 1 st grade. I know it sounds young, but I am glad. I think it has kept me from having sex. By the way I am almost 14. My mom is very open with me until resently when she found pot, and notes that were from poeple asking me for sex advice. That didn't fly to well with her. As far as schools trying to teach us...that doesn't work. They only tell us that we are to inmature to do it, and then pass out deoderant samples, and tampons. Well, I am glad that I got the basics when I was young, becuase my friend didn't. She died at the age of 13 for aids, and that has incouraged me to know as much as possible on the subject.
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popsicle6
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we are definitely not getting enough in sex education at my schools. only a week is actually spent on the things we should really know about sex, condoms and the important things. teachers should have a class where they just answer general questions about sexuality because lots of teens really need to know.
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PoetgirlNY
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Up until last year I went to a small nonreligious private school. Now I go to a different one, but anyway, at my old school there was no sex ed at all. I think they thought that we would figure stuff out on our own. Of course in biology we spent a few weeks on the reproductive system, but it was only from a scientific point of view. Fortunately my parents have been teaching me about sex since I was 8 and I am also a curious person, so I've found websites like this. I remember in 9th grade I had to explain to a friend of mine that no, oral sex does not mean kissing. I don't know how many people in my school went into their teens not knowing basic important information, but I think it is really terrible. I also think that schools that do have sex ed should broaden the curriculum to include not only intercourse and heterosexuality. Even people my age(16)who have had sex ed usually don't know that you can STDs from oral sex. I also hate how most sex ed classes that aren't abstinence only are still like, "Sex is bad, bad, bad, but if you must. . .use a condom." The pathetic state of sex ed in this country(and the world) today almost makes me want to become a sex ed teacher. . .but then I would have to take a lot of science classes in college probably and I'm terrible at science. Whatever.

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Jenie_Ruben
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i just started getting my info here that i didn't get in school like the REAL personal and REAL sex stuff my teacher was to embarrissed and my parents thats just WAY TOO weird
Posts: 48 | From: N/A | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Milke
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Member # 961

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Well, in about grade four, my parents gave me a book for teens written by the people who'd done Joy of Sex, which seemed fairly liberal. It, being very obviously from the seventies, had a lot of misty pictures of couples in odd outfits, info on puberty, and VDs, and advocated the use of sheaths. Which meant . . .okay, keep reading, look at the pictures, and discover that VDs are sexually transmitted diseases and sheaths are condoms, but AIDs wasn't even really known about back then. Good try, but a bit confusing. School sex ed was sympathetic enough, but not overly helpful, and again, it seemed very dated (but in an eighties way, this time). So my info is what I've figured out, and sought out. In my group of friends I tend to be in a maternal role, and thus, give advice, which probably explains why I was looking for info even before I had any intentions of using it. And there is always curiousity . . . The internet's is a wonderful thing.
Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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