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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » Pornography (Page 2)

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Author Topic: Pornography
blessthechild
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I don't understand what parents have against pornography. If I have a son ever, I'll but porn for him. It's safe and it's pleasurable and I'd rather my kids be looking at/watching porn than actually doing sexual things. I know guys whose parents buy them magazines (mothers too, not just guys) and it's not an issue, but most parents don't like their kids looking at porn, hence online blocking services. Porn doesn't bother or offend me. I don't enjoy looking at or watching it, but my boyfriend does and likes to give me details of it over the phone and it doesn't bother me.
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Hanne
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Like many of the other people in this world who do sex education work, I also write about sex. Some of what I write is sexual/erotic fiction, a.k.a. pornographic or erotica stories. Basically, I'm pro-porn, because I think that porn, like other expressions of sexuality, can be a useful, helpful, sometimes beautiful, and sometimes even spiritual thing (and before anyone gets cranky about my using the word "spiritual" here, trust me when I tell you that positive, active, sexuality is a major, major part of many religions, up to and including decorating houses of worship with illustrations of people and/or gods/goddesses having sex).

I also agree that a lot of pornography on the mainstream market is bad, stupid, ugly, badly-produced, and boring as heck.

But I feel it's better to light a candle than to curse the darkness. If I don't like the erotic material I see available, I feel an obligation to try to make some erotic material that I do like, whose values I can support, whose images I find empowering. That's why I bother. Frankly, that's why I bother doing sex education, too, so that I can try to help people feel empowered and supported around issues of their sexuality.

It may be worth keeping in mind that it is possible for porn and erotica to be *good* and artistic and thoughtful and all those good things. A lot of it is crap, yes, just like a lot of TV is crap, and a lot of pop music is crap. But some of it is of good, even excellent, quality, too, and people are continually working on making more good stuff to help counter the cruddy stuff. It's definitely something to think about when you think about porn and erotica.

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Hanne Blank
Associate Editor, Scarleteen

"Be Excellent To Each Other" -- Bill and Ted


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chickenrider
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I think pornography can be good and bad... For some people it is a real problem, it interferes with their marriges and relationships. But it can also be good. It teaches. It lets us induldge fantasies. I especially like erotica, it is simply the best. You don't have to pay alot for it. (If anything) And it can be just as good if not better than visual photographic stimulation weather still or motion. It also teaches. New positions and ideas. I think that as long as people realize it is just fantasy and that they must act appropriatly in everyday life (with respect to snuff/non-consensual/murder and all of the so called "darker" pornography) and that it must be treated as fiction.... Its a good thing if used properly...as with most things...
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Shenzie2007
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Here I have to agree with some people and disagree with others. I don't mind pornography. If it's done artfully, I might even like it. And as long as no-one's poking it in my face, I don't think there's anything wrong with someone else enjoying porn. I'll even draw it from time to time.
I do think that the laws against minors having access to porn are silly. I'm a legal minor. I have myself and sex ed workbooks as referance if I want to draw hardcore, and even if I don't I can draw/write my own porn. No-one's going to stop me, unless they catch me and have a problem with it.

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"Pope John Paul today confirmed his opposition to gay marriages. Said that they are unnatural. Gay marriages are unnatural. Then he put on a pointy hat, his dress, and returned to never having sex at all." -- Bill Maher, Politically Incorrect


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Daydreamer24
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I think [most] porn is fine. I don't like whenever they say "watch tight teen girls get their cherries popped" and things like that, though. I think it's rude and very disrespectful.

Like sullengirl said in her first post, if two people are talking about it one might feel uncomfortable, they're not mature enough to look at it anyway.


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logic_grrl
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Personally ... I think there's a lot of porn out there that's misogynistic, misleading, and just plain depressing.

On the other hand, there's also a lot of non-pornographic material out there that's misogynistic, misleading, and just plain depressing.

I generally find mainstream porn pretty unappealing at best. And often it does seem to reinforce damaging myths about men, women, sex, and bodies (e.g. that huge penises or breasts are automatically "sexier", that all women have writhing screaming orgasms from intercourse alone, that ultra-young "barely legal" girls are the sexiest of all, etc. etc.).

But I've also seen porn (by which I mean any sexually explicit material intended to arouse) which I've found arousing and beautiful and humane and generally life-enhancing.

And one of the sweetest, most gorgeous and tender books I know, David Steinberg's anthology "Erotic by Nature" would be officially classed in the UK as "hardcore pornography" (since it includes photos which show erect penises and/or penetration).

[This message has been edited by logic_grrl (edited 07-30-2002).]


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PixieDust
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I went to an "Adult bookstore" once with my friend on his 18th bday...just to say we went there. I personally have no problem with it. As long as the parties involved are 18+. I don't really care to watch it...or whatnot...it's not stimulating for me. I'd much rather watch the movie "But I'm a Cheerleader" (which has no nudity in it). That movie gets me off. No porn can do that for me.

For those who don't know the movie...it's about two girls who realize they love each other at a camp that turns gays straight. Look into it...I dare ya!


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DC_WillowFan
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I'll agree with everyone who says some porn is acceptable.

I have nothing against it, as long as it's consentent and respectful. I think that most porn is unreal but some of the amateur can be good, in part because it shows a much more real image. Usually a simple couple (with every imperfection you can think of) just having a good time.

I must also say that I was never told porn was bad even if my parents are against it, but they trust me as to what I do and I had a nice sex ed which was largely completed by educational websites like Scarleteen.

As for those ones who say that the people involeved in pornography have no respect of their bodies, I must totally disagree with you. It takes a lot of courage, self-esteem, and respect of ourself to do such a thing. Just go to a nudist beach. Nothing sexual there, yet people are naked in full view of each other. That shows an incredible self-respect in this modern world.

But as far as porn might go, I think erotic stories mught be the most accepted form of it, mainly because it's majorly fictional and without any images. Some have pics with it, but it's not common.

So far, I've looked pics, videos, read erotic stories, and I've enjoyed some of it. And yes, it might get repetitive in the long run, but there's always something you haven't seen before.

If people don't agree with me, I'll accept it. Although, I don't see any reasons to be against it. Not liking it is one thing, and not accepting it is another. Just don't confuse those two concepts.

David

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- I hope I shall be able to confide in you completely, as I have never been able to do in anyone before, and I hope that you will be a great support and comfort to me.

Anne Frank to her journal
(1929-1945)


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CutiePie4eva
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porn... the sound of the words makes me shudder with grossness and scrunch up my face in disgust...

i'm just not interested in the idea of looking or watching porn.

its your own business if you look at it or whatever... just keep it away from me... if i wanted to see semi-naked or naked or whatever woman... i could just take look at the mirror at myself lol. and i know there are naken men in sum of them... but i'm not really interested in seeing that... and i'm sure i could pay off sum guy to flash me if i got desperate to see someone lol jp.

porm makes me very uncomfortable... i mean... i'm not toally sexually comfortable with myself even. i dont really like watching other people doing things... i start squirming and stuff... i dunno i feel sort of "dirty" even if its in a movie or sumthing. and reading about stuff... ehh... sounds not so bad... but i dunt need to read things for my imagination to go wild lol.

i know guys and girls watch it for various reasons... i kinda get the feeling that if i was in it i would feel degraded... i mean people watch it just to get some sort of arousal... altho... the sacks of money i'd be getting would probably buy me enouf ice cream to make me happy lol. but those women can do whatever they wish with their bodies... thats their business not mine

i didnt really consider it anything that creates some type of sexual arousal... but now i know that =)

sociaety seems to makes it seem like its only movies or magazines of naked men or women... all fantasy and stuff

but... even tho i sey anyone can go ahead and look... i would be uncomfortable if my boyfriend looked at it... i read a post that a girl was jealous about it... and i'm just as bad... i get jealous about that type of thing... heck... i was kinda shocked when my bf (at that time...) told me he masterbated... i was like... hey! i want to pleasure you... dont go pleasuring urself... lol but i didnt say anything cause.. thats kinda possesive and psychotic... and i know i couldnt always be there for him and yadda yadda yadda... not the point... lol

hmmm... i wonder how a guy i was dating would feel if i looked at porn with guys in it... prob wouldnt like it...

its like... y are u looking at other people? look at me... o well... i'm a jealous one... but i know when i should say something and when i should keep it to myself cuase its not fair to my bf...

[This message has been edited by CutiePie4eva (edited 08-03-2002).]


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sapphirecat
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I don't like pornographic images. They don't leave enough to my imagination to fill in what I find attractive. Stories, on the other hand, are wonderful, so long as they're halfway decent writing. (Good grammar is never noticed, but it sure wrecks my train of thought to run over a confused it's/its... or worse!)

Of course, in the absence of pornography, it's easy enough to create my own.

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Sapphire Cat
A matriarchy is as incomplete as a patriarchy.
Artist, poet, programmer, dreamer, and crossdressing bondage kitty


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angelicmadrigal
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How do I feel about porn?

To tell the truth I don't care for it, as far as veiwing it myself. I really don't care if other people look at it/make it/ or whatever. In fact I don't really get upset when guys I date look at porn as long as _I_ don't have to see it/hear about it from them.

However, I DO think pornography is for ADULTS only. Children should be kept away from it in every sense of the word. Subjecting children to such graphic depictions of sexuality ( sometiems very violent ones in the case of some porn)in this day and age probably isn't terribly healthy, and here in the US it's ILLEGAL.

I suppose for ADULTS that enjoy pornography it is not a problem, and is well within their rights as adults to veiw porn if they choose to.


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guitarchick2003
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I have extremely mixed feelings on pornography. When my boyfriend first told me he watched it, I got REALLY upset (naive little me... I didn't realize how common it really is). I felt that it was degrading to the people depicted, as well as to our relationship. As some people said earlier, I figured, why would he need to look at anyone else?

Eventually I got over myself and my own insecurities. I've even watched a bit of porn myself, and read some books. Honestly, some of it I find disgusting, and I have to look away (or skip to the next page). But other stuff... pretty damn good! (hehe) I just had to keep an open mind, but still realize there's some of that stuff that just won't ever do it for me. It's true that porn caters to male fantasy, that's why I find books specifically for women more appealing. Besides, out in the "real world", most things cater to men too. The world of porn is only a microcosm of the world out there.


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MarvellousPurple
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I can't say I really have an opinion on pornography -- the only real problem i have with it is that it can tend to create dissatisfaction in someone's sex life if not viewed strictly as fiction. (e.g., "but i touched her vagina! why isn't she screaming in pleasure?...)

the only problem i have with children watching/viewing porn is that it could, potentially, give them false ideas of what sex is really about; i.e. love and trust. (and many, many, many other things, but those two came to mind immediately.)

I can't say I've honestly looked too hard for good porn, but I have surfed porn sites on the internet before and the vast majority of it seemed cheap and fake. some seemed degrading to those involved; to be honest, none of it looked very interesting.

the only other sad thing about porn (that, however, is not a result of porn) is that far too many teens are forced to use porn as sex education -- my partner, i know, was one of these. i think porn can be part of a healthy sexual education, but it's definitely a far cry from being a complete one.


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PixieDust
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Well, since my last post in this topic, my good friend sent me over to some of Miz Scarlet's work. I have to say that her work is not disgusting (like most of the porn I've seen)...it's real...it's the real her...and the camera angle on this one pic...just beautiful. It's amazing what emotions you can capture with just the slightest turn of the camera. I must say that those sort of pictures...they definately do it for me. Thank you Miz Scarlet!
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Gumdrop Girl
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Just a light-hearted aside http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2002/08/27/MN73350.DTL

Retired Library of Congress curator catalogues porn.

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"I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-r-t....I mean s-m-A-r-t." Homer J. Simpson
"Mmm ... floor pie!" Homer J. Simpson


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CollegeChickFL
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I consider myself a reasonable and logical person, and my personal belief is that there is nothing essentially wrong, dangerous or im-moral about sex, sensuality and, yes, even sexually explicit material, aka "porn." I even believe that porn can be a healthy, enjoyable part of one's sex life. For example, a married couple I know loves viewing videos together on a regular basis, and too, on the other hand, reading some stimulating stories sure beats a one-night stand when you're stuck on the singles scene. However...

All my sensibilities seem to fly out the window when I'm dealing with my own sex life. I recently moved in with my boyfriend, and I've discovered that, besides drooling over babes in his Maxim and FHM magazines and reading all my Victoria's Secret catalogues, he's also been looking up oodles of porn using *my* computer. And to clarify I don't just mean a favorite site or two, I'm talking about probably upwards of 50 pictures in one day, several times a week. I have been furious and sick to my stomach with anger about this all week long.

Now, none of this would surprise or even majorly bother me if my boyfriend were your typical "horny guy," just looking to enjoy some stimulation or arousal. However, up until now I never thought my boyfriend really even liked sex. Ever since we started dating, we rarely ever have sex and I must always beg him to do anything with me. None of the seductive moves, sexy clothes or anything else that tempted boyfriends in the past ever even causes him to raise an eyebrow at me. If we're lucky we get into bed maybe twice a month, but we've had dry-spells of up to six months in the past. He's the best friend I've ever had and he's a considerate lover so I shouldn't complain, but we just don't seem to connect in bed. He has always attributed his lack of physical interest in me to his age and "declining libido" (he's 32, which is 12 years older than me), but how can someone with so little interest in sex enjoy spending hours with pictures of naked women? Even though I know it sounds insecure, I feel betrayed and I feel scared that maybe I'm just not attractive enough or sexy enough to satisfy him.

I guess what I'm wondering is: is it unreasonable of me to feel this way? Is it really normal for him to prefer the girls on the internet to his lover's touch?

I also wonder how I should approach this with him. I know talking is really the only way to resolve things, but he's a man of few words and I don't expect it will go well. I tried starting a similar conversation months ago (he had borrowed a porn movie from one of *my* friends, in the midst of a multi-month, self-imposed dry-spell), and we got nowhere with it. He said I was being "ridiculous" and "just trying to start a fight" then he totally clammed up.

So I'm just kinda sad and frustrated and looking for some advice. I don't really have anyone in my life I can talk to about this, so I thought I'd ask all the awesome folks who participate on this site.

Sorry so long and semi-off-topic!

Luv,
D


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Dzuunmod
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I don't think that your situation, College, should be an either/or sort of thing. That he looks at porn doesn't mean that he "prefers" it to your touch, but frankly, I don't think he should have to choose between the two. As long as his looking at porn isn't having negative consequences on your relationship (other than perhaps you being uncomfortable with it) I don't think it's a problem. Incidentally, I'm not suggesting that there's something wrong with your discomfort, here. It's perfectly normal, and this very question has come up on these boards a number of times.

Having said all that, you're right, it is rude of him to look at it using your computer. And you should tell him that knowing that he's looking at porn bothers you, and you shouldn't have to have the results of his porn-browsing in your face (or on your computer screen).

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"Isn't it amazing what you can accomplish/when the little sensation gets in your way/no ambition whisperin' over your shoulder/oh, isn't it amazing you can do anything"
-The Tragically Hip, Fireworks


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Touchstone
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First off, sorry i didn't read the article the topic was about, the link doesn't seemt o be working

some porn is fine with me, lots is not.
whenever i look at porn, i find myself wondering if that person really wanted to do that, or if they just ran out of money and had to, or something along those lines...

and i also agree with previous posters that porn doesn't leave enough to one's imagination


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Dzuunmod
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Hey, Touchstone, and anyone else who's interested: link's been updated, you can now read the article.

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"Isn't it amazing what you can accomplish/when the little sensation gets in your way/no ambition whisperin' over your shoulder/oh, isn't it amazing you can do anything"
-The Tragically Hip, Fireworks


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Heather
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Just a few thoughts, Collegechick:

Sounds to me like the two of you need to have a long talk about sexual issues, period. You "having to beg," is a really bad situation, even if everything else is okay -- which, to be honest, it doesn't seem to be, because him being unwilling to entertain discussions on things that are important to you doesn't sound very healthy or balanced to me at all. Nor does it sound like how a "best friend" should act -- being unwilling to talk aboiut something that is upsetting you isn't very friend-like behaviour.

While I'm of the mind that sexual metrial can be just fine, can be used healthfully, and need not be a problem in relationships, that doesn't mean that it CAN'T be, and in your case, it sounds like it miught be a symptom if larger issues and may well be one of the things that is causing some problems, especially if he is using porn as his primary sexual stimulus, and, to boot, he can't even talk about it with any modicum of reason or patience.

You get to make limits when you need to, but from the sounds of things, I'm wondering if you feel at all able to do that? Because if you can't, that is the bigger problem, combined with the fact that YOU aren't getting what you need both emotionally and sexually. And I hear you keep bringing it back to you and being your fault, which is disconcerting and may be blindsiding you from really looking at the problems in the relationship. Given what you've said here, it's no wonder you feel insecure: you're not being treated with much respect in this regard, and it sounds like he's been giving you the runaround.

Personally, I'd suggest you have a talk and that you make clear it HAS to be discussed, and I'm not just talking about the sexual material, I'm talking about all these issues. The "slagging libido" thing flatly sounds like an excuse to me, and if it isn't, he can check in with his doctor. He's 32, not 62, after all. If he's given you the idea or told you that people in their thirties naturally lose nearly all interest in sex, he's not been forthright with you. We certainly can, but if we do, it usually isn't about age, but is about either relationship or personal issues, or due to depression, etc. Now, perhaps it does feel slaggy to him and that just scares the heck out of him so he's not dealing with it himself, but that's counterproductive.

In bringing it up to discuss, I'd simply open the discussion by talking about what is upsetting you: not being heard, him not being willing to look at you not getting what you need and desire and handling that with excuses or half-truths or denials, your feelings about the porn right now and the like. And I'd make clear that you NEED to be heard, and that if he can't have this talk with you without calling you ridiculous, that you've bigger problems in your relationship than just these, even, and they need to be addressed if he's actually participating in the relationship.

None of it's easy, but it's pretty vital, especially when things get to the point where neither party is willing to really identify and look at problems and work on them.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


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TifaStrife
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I like porn. I'm not obsessed but occasionally I'll surf the net or be tempted to shop at the local adult store (but I can't for another few weeks! Damn, birthdays come so slow...)

Porn is mostly useful because I only see my significant other every now and then since I'm living away at college, and sometimes I like to explore my sexuality safely without having to sleep with some other college guy I don't even like just to get off.

My problem with porn is not about objectifying women, but about how straight-female-oriented porn is so hard to find! I understand there's more of a market for straight men, but there are women who like porn, too! And I'm generally not interested in men's gay porn; it really isn't in my tastes to see two men, even HOT men, going at it.

However, I have a good grip on reality. I'd rather share a night of passion (even if it's just kissing) with my beautiful boyfriend than watch some Chippendale shake around.


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cupcake
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I am of several minds on porn.

I just recently (like a few months ago) started downloading some. I find some of it is really.... not appealing. I'm not up for "huge black guy taking virgin 8 year old", and there's surprisingly a lot of it.

I also find that nicely done stuff can be very arousing, HOWEVER, and this is a personal thing, afterwards, I sometimes feel a bit dirty.... it's kinda shameful. It's probably just the way I grew up.

My bf looks at porn, and I have no problem with it, especially because we're doing the long-distance relationship, i find it totally understanable (heck! i do it!)

However, as we discovered yesterday, I'm not entirely cpmfortable talking about it with him. I've always believed that there are certain things which are best remained private within a relationship.
ie We know that we each have it, but we don't need to go into what exactly it is that we watch on our own times.


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Dark_Wolf
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I think that there are different aspects of porn...being only 15 myself I have never had that much experience of it, but from what little I do know I think that you cannot be justified in hating porn and wishing to ban it.
It does things for some people that it may not for others and people who think porn is gross have no right to bannish it or think anything less of people who do enjoy it..is it just me being dull or does anyone agree with me here?

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TotalRecall
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Pornography is sinful. It generally has two or more people not married to each other having sex. And you are supporting their lifestyle by giving them money. Pornography is so easy for the devil to get you, because all guys like to look at the beauty of women. Would you want your daughter, or your spouse, or your future spouse, or your parents making porn movies?? If you say no, then pornography is wrong!!
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KittenGoddess
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TotalRecall,

Again, please remember that this is just your opinion, and we'd appreciate it being presented as such.

Thanks,
KittenGoddess
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Milke
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A lot of porn is pretty stupid, but I'm not sure that even the dumbest stuff is wrong. If you're of age, and know what you're getting into, I have no problem with you, any possible future spouses, or any friends or relatives being involved in porn. If someone chooses to be involved in the sex industry, that's their choice to make, not mine. And not all men care all that much about naked women, nor vice versa, or else there are certain genres of porn that wouldn't exist.

TR, I'm not saying that your thoughts aren't valid, but I think it'd really help discussion if you stated what independent thoughts have lead to your conclusions, that they are indeed your thoughts, and not necessarily those of everyone, and acknowledged that dissenting opinions have a right to be expressed. Discussion and civil debate on sexual issues, and morality are certainly encouraged here, but stating that certain things that you hold true are absolutes doesn't go over too well with any of us, since it tends to encourage bad feelings, and bad communication.

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Milke, SSBD

Nature is a language - can't you read?


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Sticky_60
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well i tihnk porn is ok...alltho my parents think it is made up by the devil (the christain parents)

P.S. Miz Scarlet i didnt know you did pornography...


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MiSs_Behave
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I think it abuses the real true nature of sex - love, and self-giving. It does nothing for me.

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Follow your inner moonlight, don't hide the MaDdNeSs...


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Gumdrop Girl
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soemtimes i find pornography inspiring. other times, i find it laughable at best.

quote:
...fell asleep while watching Debbie Does Dallas.

having hosted a midnight ivewing of this film, i can honeslty say that I and other members of my viewing party fell asleep too.

I know that acting isn't the centerpiece of a porn flick, but at least don't insult our intelligence. I'm not looking for 'Citizen Kane' or even a plot, just dialogue that is remotely believable. I saw Disco Dolls in 3D a few weeks ago, and good heavens, not only was the acting *heinous* but the 3D didn't line up at all and watching it gave me a splitting headache.

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"Things are only fragile till they break."


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Dude_who_writes
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quote:
Originally posted by Gumdrop Girl:
I know that acting isn't the centerpiece of a porn flick, but at least don't insult our intelligence. I'm not looking for 'Citizen Kane' or even a plot, just dialogue that is remotely believable.[/B]

Oy. I know the feeling. Unfortnatually, for the most part, porn is treated as something that just needs be fastforwarded or skimmed through until we the watcher/reader finds something that works for them.

I mean, really, porn with a message? What a novel idea! But, it's likely not going to happen, at least not for the mass market. I mean, that's not what sells the videos and all... Ugh.

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Tim

I am not Dr. Freud, nor is he on staff. The talking cure this ain't.


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thisonecanbe
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Although I've always been taught pornography is wrong, if I am in the right mood (not necessarily an aroused mood), then I enjoy porn.

I can see, however, how people would find things wrong with it. I don't think it should be taken so seriously though.

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...i've done all i can do; could i please come with you?


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Mad_Larkins
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It seems total recall is a very religious person.
But him saying pornography is sinful is me saying “Got any evidence God exists”?
Hmm”?
No"! so I think he better just re phrase the way he talks about it as Beliving in God rests entirely on faith, Some people have it and some people don’t.
Some people like to look at it while masturbating some don’t”.The same"...
Lots of smiles
I can think of about ten reasons why what he said is total crap backed up by very strong bible references on love. Like.. Can you tell me that the pope has not fantasised"? Is he not the most holy persons of all"?
-Heh Heh

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Dude_who_writes
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Mad, as per the Guidelines, you are prohibited from making personal attacks on another user's beliefs and/or opinions. Please keep that in mind.

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Tim
Scarleteen Advocate

I am not Dr. Freud, nor is he on staff. The talking cure this ain't.


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maverickthree
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quote:
Originally posted by entropie:
hmm.. indeed, an interesting subject!
I think I've become desensitised to it, since it's common feature in my life, and my b/f's. I don't have any problem with it, it's not degrading, women have a choice, and they do it. Child porn, sick, no way; but between consenting adults.. I find it OK.
You should see my magazine collection! The result of many late nights and 24 hour service stations

entropie


Share your view with respect to porn--consenting the key. 24 hour service stations-
were you an attendant? You meet a lot of in-
teresting people doing that.


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kandie
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I think that porn is alright to an extent.
I mean if you are the type that gets off by it by all means
But I think there is a limit on how far a porn should go! I mean when I see porns that involve young teenagers or something along those lines (Im asuming you all know what Im talkin about) It really is repolsive! People should have limits on to what they do! sex is supposed to be something special and fun right? Not something to make degrading! ither then that I don't see a problem in mild porn

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~*KaNdIe*~:)


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