Donate Now
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » The Randoms » dating advice for the naturally creepy

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: dating advice for the naturally creepy
pyrotech
Neophyte
Member # 107386

Icon 1 posted      Profile for pyrotech     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hi all, pyro here.

Well, i'm trying to get out there "on the market" again but the truth of the matter is I could use a hand, see all my life I've been plagued by an unfortunate truth: I have a natural disposition of being creepy. No seriously, I'm one of those guys who if I'm in a picture I look either like I'm a pedophile, high, or both. I also have a weird habit of stalking people without realizing it, well, stalkings a bit of a harsh word, more like "Haunting their steps" or something like that. My friends tell me I scare people because I look too clean, like the kind of clean psycho's and child molesters you see on tv are. I'm not a mean person or anything, but I just give off an aura of creeper, seriously, I scare off women and even some men without even trying. Is there anything I can do that? I could use a hand here!

--------------------
Cheers!
Pyro.

Posts: 32 | From: California | Registered: Apr 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Redskies
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 79774

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Redskies     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Well, I think that's the first time I've heard "too clean" listed as a problem!

I think that when we're discussing something like this, it's helpful to draw a difference between appearance and behaviour. A lot of how we look - including mannerisms - aren't things that we can change, and it's also this part of things that is very subject to everyone else's prejudices and stereotypes. And that, at root, is their problem and not ours. Our behaviour is something that we can change and learn about, and which does legitimately affect the people around us (as opposed to, for example, "existing while looking unusual").

To give people a better idea of how to help you, do you have difficulties only when you're hoping to form a romantic or sexual connection, or also when you're hoping to form purely friendly and platonic connections?

--------------------
The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

Posts: 1699 | From: Europe | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hi Pyro,

With the things you're describing here, it's pretty difficult to give you feedback online as to specific things you can change.

Since you can't really help how you look, or how people perceive that, are there any particular habits you have that

Incidentally, the way abusive people are portrayed on TV generally isn't how they are in real life. Abusive people in real life generally know very well how to blend into the woodwork and how to be disarming. In other words, they're more likely to be your average, everyday sort of person then to be overly charming or overly creepy.

So, even if people perceive you in the same way they perceive that creepy person from their favourite television show, that doesn't actually mean you're creepy. [Smile]

So, are there specific things you think you can change to help you here, or that your friends have given you feedback that it would be helpful to change?

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hi Again Pyro,

I need to apologize. When I responded to this post earlier, I didn't pay attention to where you'd posted it. You were looking for input from your peers and I stepped right in all over that. That really wasn't cool of me and I'm sorry for doing that.

This said, what you're sharing here sound to me like some pretty serious dating and relationship concerns.

Would you like me to leave this post here so you can discuss this casually with peers, or move it to the Relationships forum where we can dig into it more deeply? It's up to you. Just putting the option out there to make sure you can get what you need from posting this here.

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pyrotech
Neophyte
Member # 107386

Icon 1 posted      Profile for pyrotech     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
@redskies: I don't have any trouble forming normal friendships, I have a good amount of friends and have been friendzoned more times then I can count, but most potential partners, unless they are willing to take a few moments to get to know me, will shy away because they perceive me as a creep.

@robinlee: Nah, nah, it's all good man, you actually did bring up a good point. One piece of feedback from my friends was I should stop wearing my hair in a ponytail. Now, I have shoulder length wavy hair that you can't really do anything with so I just keep it a ponytail so it's out of the way.

--------------------
Cheers!
Pyro.

Posts: 32 | From: California | Registered: Apr 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3