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Author Topic: MY stuff, that only 'I' can touch!
The Confused One
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My dad came home today, and saw my guitar. He just bought me a tuner on Sat, so today, I was motivated to start playing again, or at least try. Because of that, my guitar was sort of 'out in the open'. I was napping at that time (just an hour ago, actually). He took it up and decided to start tuning the guitar and playing with the strings, despite the fact that it was ALREADY TUNED THIS AFTERNOON!!!

Needless to say, he broke a string -.- And he says "It's fine! We'll go have it changed!". Guess what dad, it's Monday. Would you REALLY take my guitar to the shop TOMORROW or SATURDAY?!

Yeah sure, it's just a guitar. No big deal, but it emphasizes just WHY I'm so bloody selfish about MY things. Why I always complain when they use MY things. Why I refuse to lend others MY things. It's funny that my parents wonder why. This is EXACTLY why I don't let my mum use my epilator. Not only can it hurt HER (she doesn't read manuals/instructions), it can hurt MY epilator by accidentally breaking a tweezer or something. Really feel like screaming until my voice runs out atm...

So do you guys have any similar situations? Where your parents break YOUR stuff and then tell you "Oh it's fine" and you want to scream but can't?

[ 07-04-2011, 08:55 AM: Message edited by: The Confused One ]

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Kawani3792
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Yes, definitely! Mine is less breaking, but for example, there's a certain drink that our whole family really likes, it's a certain type of cream soda in a glass bottle at walgreens. And I saved mine, I was going to let a few friends share that one and see if they liked it. Instead, my dad, when he went to get my mom a drink from the fridge, saw MY Butterbeer (that's what we call it, it tastes like what is served at the Harry Potter theme park attraction thing) and decided to take it in to her. He goes "oh, there were no waters" and I took it as fact until I got out there and found two waters in plain sight, despite my having asked him if he put more in the fridge and he said no. And then he promised to get me another and never did. And of course I have to be polite because he's my father.

That's usually what the problem is, is that I save things...when we get candy, or soda or anything, I have some left after a week and nobody else does, and little brother is whining so parents will just give little brother the rest of big sister's candy, because she won't mind, they'll just get her more except they never have the money to.
Or else the laptop that my mom bought me for my 18th birthday. It was beautiful, huge screen, huge laptop in general. We bought a carrying bag to go with it so I could take it around. I had my background set up on it, I stickered it half to death, and it went to a pawn shop so I could go to prom and my parents could pay bills. I never saw it again. Then they bought me a new one (from the pawn shop, ironically) and I had it for a month or two, just enough time to actually think I'd get to keep this one, got my stickers on it, put a background up that I liked, saved all my favorite sites and put a password on my account, and then it had to go to the pawn shop so that we could pay rent. Haven't seen it in four months, at least, and we're about a month behind on our weekly payments. One of the guys who works there has been covering payments for us (telling the system we're paying even though we aren't) but we're moving in two weeks and this is just gonna be another one I never see again, despite my parents protests to the contrary.

I hate being all territorial, but sometimes I just want to start yelling for everyone to keep their grubby paws off my stuff, that it's mine, fair and square, and I don't want anyone touching it. I've evolved to a point where I save spare change that my dad hands me or the doubles of state quarters that my mom has me check, just so that I can buy stuff and be able to say that it's mine and nobody else has a claim on it.
On the bright side, I'm now one of the most financially responsible people my age that I know, I detest driving because of the cost of gas and insurance, I can live for a couple weeks on a budget of ten bucks (two loaves of bread, a jar of peanut butter and a case of water), I stopped using birthday money for toys years back and started asking for cash rather than actual items so I could get things I needed. I budget better than my parents do-my mom tries, but my dad is a "I have money! I want stuff! I buy stuff!" mentality, rather than "I have 1400 in paycheck! I have 1000 in bills! I need food for a month from this paycheck!" I've gotten pretty great at delayed gratification.

[ 07-07-2011, 07:04 AM: Message edited by: Kawani3792 ]

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The Confused One
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Ouch... I don't have siblings, so I didn't have problems of my stuff (eatable) going to siblings, but I have the problem of them going straight into my dad's mouth -.-

My chocolates that I take a lil nibble bit by bit? The next day, I'll find the wrapper in the dustbin and mum will say "Ask your father." And of course, I'll immediately know, HE ATE THE WHOLE THING! Even after KNOWING I kept it to enjoy it. Same goes with any of my snacks. He can eat an entire container of Pringles in one movie...

The worst thing about it being your father is not that you have to be polite. When I TRY to complain, my dad would go "So? I bought it with my money right? You have no right to complain."

I don't have the luxury of earning my own money or saving them either (unless I start stealing...). Dad doesn't believe in pocket money [Frown] So I definitely know how to hoard money, but I wouldn't know how to budget myself. And my parents are total opposites. Everything in the world is expensive to them, bloody cheapskates -.-

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Kawani3792
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Yes, my dad does that too! It's SO annoying, because he doesn't apologize, and in his mind he doesn't need to, because he paid for it, he bought it and he just "loaned" it to me basically. He was so incredibly generous that he shared with me before finishing it off, and if I complain I know that I won't get any more.

Right, my dad doesn't do pocket money either. I have to earn anything I get...I washed and dried about ten loads of laundry one day, had all of it laying on the couch in the front room because I didn't know whose it was, but I knew it was clean and everyone can just figure it out. He came home, nodded, and asked if I was going to fold it. Then I said that it should last everyone into next week and he goes "And what if it doesn't?"...and I know if I said what I was thinking, which was "Well you can do your own darn laundry!", that he'd go off. But if he had, for example, gotten me and my brother a few 2-liter sodas and said it should last us until payday, and I had asked what if the drinks didn't last us, he would have said that we'd just go thirsty or drink water. And then, he gave me twenty bucks for doing the laundry. The really bad thing is that I did all the laundry because he was whining about me not doing anything all day long sitting at home-because apparently I'm not doing my physical therapy, or taking care of our pets or anything, I'm throwing a big ol' party-and I got very annoyed and did a bunch of laundry. I decided that the twenty bucks was a fine he was paying for being rude.

Yeah, hoarding money was ingrained in me when I was very young-I'd keep the dimes I was given in a little change purse and carry it with me everywhere. I've been lucky...when I was younger, my uncle would give me 5 dollars for vacuuming three rooms in his home (very large rooms...), he also had me bag up all the cans in his backyard (probably seven-eight huge trash bags full) then gave me the 8 dollars he got when he recycled them. My grandma had a paper route and would let me go along and roll papers, then when she emptied out the paper machine that she tended, she'd give me the change from it. When my mom had a paper route, she'd give me a dollar or two a month for running papers around and throwing them on porches-to be fair, she was paying two of her nieces, a nephew, and my brother, at the same time. Eventually, I got her to let me get a door-to-door job selling newspaper subscriptions, and I got a commission off anything I sold. Or there would be people like the woman who said "I don't want a subscription, but I want to help you out. Here, let me write a check" and handed me a check for ten bucks. Or my first sale, the guy who gave me an extra dollar for being so brave and asking him. Probably didn't hurt that I looked like I was 10 at the time.
Ouch. That's annoying-my parents let me get most stuff, I just end up feeling guilty later when we don't have money. Today, for example, I mentioned to my dad that the store had a certain type of shirt that I really liked, and the one I had ripped a while back, so he let me get another one. But we'll be out of money by Monday.

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The Confused One
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I wish I was able to do all that ._.

Seriously, my parents won't pay me for doing chores around the house either. All they'd say is "Oh good! You're finally learning to grow up and be the perfect wife! Continue, continue..." So I just don't bother. I even got used to the 'music' that happens when they complain about me not doing anything. It's like background music now [Razz]

And I wish my family members were THAT generous... Or that I'd be able to actually walk in the neighbourhood on my own... We don't run out of money like that because my parents are waaaaaaaaaaaaay money-minded, but I really wish I can earn my own money. Heck, I'd even get pounced on by every dog in the neighbourhood if it meant I could do part time dog walking services. That would help both my pocket and my body -.-

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Jill2000Plus
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I had a very generous (and financially fairly well off) father growing up (my mum would just take away my pocket money whenever we got in an argument and I yelled, even though she sometimes yelled too and I was yelling because she didn't listen or just told me that something was no big deal when it really was, so I wouldn't really call her generous), I really feel for both of you. I can understand parents who are struggling to pay the bills in the first place (and not because they're blowing the money on nice things for themselves all the time) not giving pocket money on a regular basis, but I don't think there's any excuse for well off parents not giving their children some money that's theirs to spend as they choose, so the child can have greater autonomy and enjoy nice things like their well off parents are. And as far as I'm concerned welfare payments should include enough money that people on them can have some fun as well as survive.

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Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

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atm1
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This is a complicated issue for teens, because in many cases, the teen doesn't make their own money and so it *is* the parents money to do with what they please.

That said, I've also known teens who work more than 20 hours a week outside of school at regular jobs and give a large portion of the money that they earn to help their parents pay for household expenses.

I think what's always necessary is that the expectations are clearly laid out, and I never think it's unreasonable for a teen to ask their parents exactly what those rules are. I strongly believe in parents being open about their finances with with their teens in order to teach lessons about budgeting and what things "in the real world" (eg utility bills, insurance, food, etc).

Along those lines, Kawani, have you ever thought about whether or not you'd just rather that your parents didn't get you things like laptops in the first place if it's just likely that they'll pawn them later? If so, I encourage you to talk to them about it. You can also encourage your parents to actually think about budgeting by asking to see how they budget--you can say that you want to learn about how to pay household expenses.

My parents worked to help me budget starting when I was about 12. They added up all of the costs that they thought they'd have to spend on me in a year, including clothes, activities with friends, toiletries and a couple other things that are escaping me now (I think school supplies were part of this, but I'm not sure--it was a long time ago). They took the total number, divided it by 12, and gave me that amount of money every month. That meant that if I wanted to go "back to school shopping" I actually had to save up during the summer. It worked pretty well, but this plan was only made possible by the fact that my parents had a very comfortable, stable income. When I got a bit older, I supplemented it with babysitting and pet sitting money. Things that I bought with money that I earned or was a part of my monthly allowance (I discovered very early on if I bought cheaper clothes and ate in with friends instead of going out, I could pocket a decent portion of the money for "necessities") where definitely mine, though my brother was known for "borrowing" my nice headphones (he wasn't as good at gaming my parents' system as I was and so he had less money for fun stuff).

The upshot of all of that is that I'm now quite good with money now that I'm on my own. I also know that I can seek out financial advice from my parents when I need it.

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Jill2000Plus
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I don't care if the parent earned the money, if they can afford to give their kids an allowance, the kid should get one, I don't see why a parent should be driving a mercedes and buy designer clothing while a kid doesn't get money to spend on fun stuff, on the same principle that I don't see why rich people shouldn't have to pay taxes, for a lot of kids, school is more than enough to cope with (including me, if I had had to have a job as a teenager I could not possibly have coped and would most likely have constantly cried in front of customers, etc.), and kids don't even get paid as much if they do work as their parents do for the same work. Part of being a parent is giving kids spending money, I don't see why adults should get to keep all the fun for themselves. Also, if the family is struggling financially it shouldn't always be the kid's fun stuff that is the first to go, if a parent has a lot of fun stuff they should be willing to give some of that up as well instead of just taking everything from a kid (for instance, I have a huge DVD collection -we're talking just under 800 units, considerably more discs than that-, and if I had kids and we were in financial trouble, I would try and sell some of it instead of just taking away anything that they had that they didn't need and keeping all my own goodies, because I think that's only fair, though in my case a lot of my DVDs are ones that a lot of children would enjoy anyway as I have a lot of animation). I reiterate again that I understand parents who don't have spare money not giving pocket money, but if parents are well off then they're just being selfish by not giving the kid an allowance.

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Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

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The Confused One
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What's even worst, is if the kid works, earns money, and is denied the ability to spend it. I worked for 3 months while waiting for my o-levels results. My salary, went into a bank account (as usual). But guess what? I've no idea what happened to that money. I mentioned to my parents that I want to use that money to buy myself a better phone... (my current one is not MINE and is starting to die everytime I turn it on...) That was during those 3 months, which was Jan to March. It's, oh, July now. I REALLY don't want to know if my parents already spent it. And if they did, I don't wanna know on what.

And my guitar? I told my parents NOT to buy. Emphasizing on the NOT. Told them that although my mum's guitar was way too old and can-no-longer-be-played, I'll still practice on that one. But they went ahead and bought me a guitar (with a fat neck that I can't grip well, btw). So since they already bought it, might as well I take awesome care of it, right? But no, dad wants to play and so break a string. It's now next Monday. The string is not fixed. Just as I get the motivation to retry learning the guitar, I can't. And yes, of course I'm happy to have a guitar, but it doesn't change the fact that they bought it for me when I told them no and then ruin it when THEY are the ones who told me to be careful cause the strings can break.

As for helping me learn about budgets? Kids needn't ASK their parents to teach them. They should be taught once they learn about money. Just like how mums teach their daughters about menstruation. But no, my parents are so secretive that I no longer bother to ask about anything (and sometimes, these things just cannot be asked. Like you can't ask your parents to buy you condoms. If you can, well, you are one hell of a lucky kid.). Since no answer would actually answer my questions. Or, my dad would just scream "Can't you see I'm busy?!" while in actual fact, he's just busy on Twitter. Nice parents, eh? [Smile]

And allowance? Well, all my dad does is put say 10 dollars in my wallet. I happen to use 3 that day and he puts in another 3 the next. Yeah sure, I get to have money to spend on lunch, but am I able to actually save money for myself? Nope. Because that's not money that my dad gives me to be mine. It's still his. He's just paying for my lunch in a way that he doesn't have to come to school with me to pay.

[ 07-10-2011, 05:27 PM: Message edited by: The Confused One ]

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Kawani3792
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In that situation-a dad like that-I'd be spending, say, 3 dollars a day, but take an extra 2 or 3 dollars and put it away somewhere. Say that there's ice cream sandwiches at school or something that I really wanted to eat so I'm spending a little more now. That's how I usually end up saving money-my parents send me to Walgreens with 5 bucks and I'm told to get drinks for everyone, so I pocket the extra 50 cents. Or they hand me a 20 dollar bill and say "Ok, that's for your cat's spaying, if she's in heat then we have to pay an extra twenty bucks so you hold onto that just in case" and I made sure to ask what would happen if she wasn't in heat, in which case, I was told, I could keep the cash.
Instead, the day of her appointment she didn't act like she was in heat and my parents needed gas money. My twenty bucks got taken away and it turns out she actually was in heat. We're finally getting their cash to them now, and the cat got fixed about 4 months ago.

Well, my family has gotten rid of their nice things too. My mom's laptop is also at the pawn shop, and we've got maybe 20 DVDs out of a collection that used to be easily 100, 150 maybe, because the rest of them have gotten pawned. They do lose their things long before they touch anything belonging to my brother and I, but they do end up having to pawn our things. My mom, for example, spent hours prying a spinner piece off a ring that my dad bought her in Kuwait so that she could keep the spinner and sell the thicker, heavier part for goldweight. It's just annoying that I don't get most of my stuff for very long.

I am basically just telling them not to get me stuff anymore-I'd rather have the cash they would spend on it than the stuff. It's a mark of growing up, I think, that I spend most of my money on actual stuff that I need, not that I want, at this point. I spent 3 months babysitting a couple of kids and their mom finally gave me 100 dollars, and then a family friend gave me 20 for tutoring her in math and typing up her english papers, helping her refine her thoughts. I had it budgeted out for stuff for camp...before my mom and I went to a concert. At least it was my idea, though. I got another hundred just after my birthday and spent half of it on a menstrual cup, a little bit on food because my dad makes a lot of food that I dislike, and then bought a t-shirt from the internet, after making sure I had everything I needed.

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The Confused One
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That is what I meant by stealing. Even with the 50 cents thing, my parents always ask for the receipt. If I don't come back with the receipt, they'd go and ask for it themselves. And like I mentioned, I'm not allowed out of the house without them, so they're always there to watch me pay for whatever -.-

I'm pretty much in a locked cage. Since 'prison' is meant for multiple cells and stuff. 24/7 grounding for the 18 years of your life, anyone?

[ 07-11-2011, 12:55 AM: Message edited by: The Confused One ]

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Kawani3792
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Oh, wow. That's...really creepy, honestly.
At school, find a friend and ask for their receipt, then keep the amount that differs between that receipt and the actual one?

That's awful. How old are you? I mean, I'm 19 and speaking from that perspective, if you're 12 or so I could understand their reasoning, while not agreeing, but once someone gets into teen years they should have some autonomy.

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The Confused One
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I'll be 18 in Dec. As for receipts, that won't er... work...

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Collin Stefani
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quote:
Originally posted by The Confused One:
My dad came home today, and saw my guitar. He just bought me a tuner on Sat, so today, I was motivated to start playing again, or at least try. Because of that, my guitar was sort of 'out in the open'. I was napping at that time (just an hour ago, actually). He took it up and decided to start tuning the guitar and playing with the strings, despite the fact that it was ALREADY TUNED THIS AFTERNOON!!!

Needless to say, he broke a string -.- And he says "It's fine! We'll go have it changed!". Guess what dad, it's Monday. Would you REALLY take my guitar to the shop TOMORROW or SATURDAY?!

Yeah sure, it's just a guitar. No big deal, but it emphasizes just WHY I'm so bloody selfish about MY things. Why I always complain when they use MY things. Why I refuse to lend others MY things. It's funny that my parents wonder why. This is EXACTLY why I don't let my mum use my epilator. Not only can it hurt HER (she doesn't read manuals/instructions), it can hurt MY epilator by accidentally breaking a tweezer or something. Really feel like screaming until my voice runs out atm...

So do you guys have any similar situations? Where your parents break YOUR stuff and then tell you "Oh it's fine" and you want to scream but can't?

Thank you so much for your post.
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