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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » The Randoms » The Bad Choice Confessional

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Author Topic: The Bad Choice Confessional
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Almost everyone has made, or will make, sexual or interpersonal choices they're ashamed of, which just weren't so smart, or which were absolutely destructive or abusive in some respect.

Have you been there? Are you there now? It might be a comfort to see you're not alone. (And to know that given many of our users, it's likely that many of the folks who've made a poor choice have turned things around for themselves to be a lot smarter since.)

Curious about the bad decisions everyone else is making or has made, just for a reality check? takr the poll and find out.

Polling is not enabled in this forum. This poll is inactive.


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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67933 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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A summary of the results of this one, which as of this date, has had 140 participants.

Not pretty stuff here, but knowing realities is helpful to any of us, as is being reminded that no one is immune from making poor choices or mistakes, and if we have the idea that we and people around us are immune, we're being unrealistic.

The query is: At some time, I have:

The basic biggies are, from most prevalent to least:
• Engaged in a sexual activity of any kind when I didn't want to, without saying no or trying to: 39%

• Told a friend or a partner a lie about enjoying sexual activity when I did not: 35%
• Defamed/slandered someone on a sexual basis, such as calling someone a slut or a whore: 31%
• Told a friend or a partner a lie about sexual experiences I said I had, but did not: 25%
• Told a friend or partner I had NOT engaged in sexual activity when I had: 25%
• Pursued, dated or been sexually involved with someone I knew was in another relationship where the other partner did NOT know about me: 23%
• Had sex without using birth control when I did not want to become pregnant or cause a pregnancy: 21%
• Cheated on a partner and never told them: 19%
• Stayed silent about someone I knew was a rapist or abuser: 16%
• Had sex without using safer sex practices when I did not want to: 16%
• Lied to a partner in some way to try and get their attention or care (such as pretending illness or pregnancy): 16%
• Agreed to do something sexual for a partner I did not want to do, but felt I had to to keep them with me: 14%
• Told someone I liked I was not in a relationship when I was: 13%
• Emotionally abused a partner:11%
• Coerced someone else to engage in a sexual activity when I suspected or knew they didn't want to: 10%
• Harmed myself to please or satiate someone else: 9%
• Pursued, dated or been sexually active with the partner of a close friend: 6%
• Had sex with someone I knew or suspected was dangerous to me or others: 5%
• Had an STI or genital infection and NOT told a partner when sexually active: 4%
• Physically or sexually abused a partner: 4%


Those who made some of these poor choices replied that when they chose to do any of the above:
• 25% knew they were making a poor or destructive choice, but it seemed worth it at the time.
• 23% knew they were making a poor or destructive choice, but didn't know how to avoid it.
• 14% weren't sure if they were making a good or bad choice
• 21% just didn't know what they were thinking and only
• 2% earnestly thought they were making sound choices.

Of those who have made some or any of these choices, if they told others about them at all (and 16% did not), 51% shared with best friends to 38% with romantic or sexual partners.

Since the time users chose to do any of the above 71% state they have since learned to make what I feel are smarter choices, 6% feel they have not been able to learn to make better choices, and 7% feel that those choices weren't poor ones at all.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67933 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
AngelC27713
Neophyte
Member # 32722

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I was dating this guy that was 22 and I was 13..I didnt think at the time that I was doing anything wrong because he told me everything that I wanted to hear..He would always tell me how pretty I was and how smart I was..And that he loved me..Now that I look back on it I realize that he was just trying to have sex with me and Im glad that I never did anything with him because I would probably regret it today..He was soo.. not worth it!!

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!!-->MizZLoFteN<--!!

Posts: 33 | From: Durham, North Carolina | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Damien
Neophyte
Member # 33830

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I don't feel safe at all answering these quizzes, especially these questions regarding abuse of any sort. This is primarily because of another post I read regarding a girl who intended to perform self-harm, and had her ISP contacted on her behalf - an experience I can guarantee was wholly humiliating for her (having her parents find out etc). I think you should add a confidentiality clause somewhere in the T&C, as this site is not as friendly a place for confessing problems as it purports itself.
Posts: 9 | From: Australia | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Damien, the user you are refering to had repeatedly posted on our site, asking for help with depression and suicidal thoughts, and had never followed our suggestion to get some in-person counseling. So in that specific case (which, as far as I know, was a one-of-a-kind situation), it was simply a matter of being really concerned for the poster's safety. We do not, as a rule, contact ISPs to rat users out. That is completely counter to what we try to do here and was, in that case, an absolute last ditch effort to try and help that specific user.

Also, in the future? If you've got a bone to pick with administrators? Please contact the administrators, rather than making an issue of it on the boards.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9166 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Also, so that it's clear:

1) We do, in our guidelines all users agree to when registering (where it also talks about the appropriate way to lodge complaints), make clear that users should not be posting about unlawful activity or intent to engage in it. And I'm not going to add a clause promising that we will always, in every situation, keep all information confidential, because every now and then (I can think of about five instances during our long tenure), we are in a position where that simply is not something we feel we can do for everyone's best interest and safety.

2) We have no way of finding out who answered what per the polls here: we don't have the ability to trace anyone's individual answers.

[ 05-13-2007, 12:43 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67933 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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