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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » The Randoms » I hate college =(

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Author Topic: I hate college =(
Member # 37368

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Everyone around me is changing so much. The friends that followed me to college were just like me; we all had no interest in alcohol or drugs. Now, these friends won't even hang out with me because they're too busy going out partying and i'm just the loser who helps everyone when they come home drunk. Even my boyfriend who encouraged me not to start drinking is now having second thoughts for himself. He wants to go out with them and have the same kind of fun.

I don't know what to do. I'm stressing over this. I want to have fun like they do, but I don't really know if I want to get into that kind of "party" lifestyle. Plus, I don't want to start because everyone around me is doing it. Sure I can go to parties and be sober, but it really isn't fun to me just watching them. Any ideas for what to do?

Posts: 4 | From: london | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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You need to do what feels right for you, not for other people. (Perhaps obviously, binge drinking just really isn't right for anyone: it's incredibly risky behaviour that can really derail one's life and health.) And if your old friends are a bad fit for you right now, college is a great place to make some new ones.

I'd also suggest taking yourself out of the role of being the caretaker for your friends. If these are the choices they're going to make, while you can be a support for them, there's a line between that and being their keeper or denmother, you know?

If you all have just started, I'd also suggest giving things some time to shake out. This sounds very much like brand-new-to-school stuff that often will settle down over a relatively short period of time. For a lot of folks, college is the first time they've had real freedom, so they are in the earliest stages of learning how to deal with and manage that.

[ 09-19-2008, 10:50 AM: Message edited by: Heather ]

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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To add to that: you're putting yourself under a lot of pressure, being the one who doesn't go and drink or to parties.

There isn't anything wrong with going to parties or having fun, but it has to be balanced with time to yourself, homework, etc. Don't feel like you can't allow yourself to enjoy what college has to offer just because it's something you don't normally do. I didn't drink or party at all when I was in high school either. I still am not a big partier or drinker, but it is enjoyable to go out sometimes on the weekends and just have fun.

Change isn't always bad. Yes, people do stupid things sometimes, but you can't worry about them. Take care of yourself, but don't be afraid to try things out.

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Posts: 3987 | From: Greater Burlington Area, Vermont | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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I did my share of partying while I was at uni, but I only found it fun when I drank to excess - and I found that I couldn't just have a few drinks. And once I was trashed it didn't matter that I was at a party - I just wanted to sleep. These days I'd rather stay at home or have dinner with someone than go out to a party where I can't hear what they're saying and don't know the music.

The point is, what works for them may not work for you. It doesn't mean you should cut yourself off from new experiences, but if you're doing something you don't want to do for any reason, I don't think it's worth it.

You should allow yourself to have fun - whatever fun is for you.

And as for your friends snobbing you off until they need someone to hold their hair while they vomit? Ditch them, you deserve better.

I'm feeling a wee bit opinionated today.


Posts: 465 | From: Canberra, ACT, Australia | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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If your friends aren't doing the same things you are doing anymore, get some new friends who don't like drinking and partying. They exist even in college- I was one of them, not too long ago.

Your friends may not be lost to you- a lot of freshman go party crazy at the beginning of college until they get their first failed test back, or their courses become harder, and then cut back on the partying. So you can get back in touch with these friends six months from now.

Also, a note to you, because I wish someone had told me this when I was a freshman- you can go to a party and drink in moderation. You don't have to get drunk. You'll make more friends and earn more respect that way. Drunkeness in freshmen and sophmores is tolerated, but as you get older, you'll find the students who come to parties and get drunk, puke, and black out generally don't get invited back.

Posts: 39 | From: United States | Registered: May 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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There ARE people in college who don't drink - but I didn't find them til after my first semester. During my first semester of college, I thought all there was to do on weekends at college was drink and go to parties. I was never a drinker in high school, but I became one in college because that's all my friends did.
But second semester I became friends with the "Wellness kids" (students who lived on the substance-free hall) who had a great community and found plenty of things to do on the weekend that didn't involve drinking.
I hadn't really felt like myself that first semester - it just wasn't me to get drunk every weekend. I felt more like myself second semester and much, much happier.
I definitely know what it's like to see your previously-alcohol-abstaining friends suddenly become party animals and to feel like that's all everyone does - but really, a lot less people drink in college than is assumed. The drinkers just make their presence better known.
So I'd recommend seeking out other activities that more alcohol-abstainers are at and making friends with them. Don't join the party lifestyle if you don't feel like it's right for you.

Looks like we're in the same year - I started college fall of 2008 as well. Have you adjusted better by now? It takes most people awhile. College is definitely a change.

Posts: 219 | From: Indiana | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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