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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » The Randoms » getting over shyness

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Author Topic: getting over shyness
cool87
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I doubt you already know it but I'm a shy person. I'm really reserved. I'd say more than the general population. I wouldn't say my shyness is extreme since I am where I am now but it is existent and present often. I don't really have problems speaking to strangers but it does create some problems when I have to stand up in front of a lot people and give informations, explanations or give my opinions about a subject. I think this is a lot linked to a lack of self-confidence.

And it does create a bit of a problem when I'm in class with a group of other people at school because I am not the one who stand up the most when comes the time to discuss and things like that. And I'd like to be more able to. I know it is a gradual process, I am becoming more and more better at it but I still need to.

I've been told by teachers that I should speak more frequently because I often have a different ways of seeing things and that I often bring up interesting and original things to the conversation that allows reflexion. (which to be honest I've never really took presence of) And that I'm often the one who got the answer right but usually don't really tell because of my shyness.

And they told me I shouldn't be afraid of saying things even if those are not necessarily correct. I do hesitate in saying things which I am not sure of. There are all constructive comments I got which we all get often to help us progress.

The thing is it's really easy to be told that (to speak more) but to do it is another thing and it sort of necessitate some efforts and adaptation from my part since I'm usually shy.

So I don't know if anyone had to go through that (shyness) and could give me some tips on that. That would be appreciated a lot if you could.

[ 01-19-2007, 01:31 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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-Lauren-
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I used to be the shyest, meekest little thing in the world, always sitting at the back of the classroom and absolutely humiliated when any attention was brought to me. I think your observation that it's linked to your self-confidence is very apt, since I didn't feel all that great about myself then.

It's hard to say exactly how I overcame it, because it was such a gradual process. I took time away from school to rediscover myself, do some learning on my own, build my body image and self-concept, and learn to forget about what other people think.

I'm now in my first college course to start, and I'm among one of the best students there. I'm not afraid to voice my opinion, my takes, and my ideas. This has definately come from feeling more sure of myself.

Getting up in front of people and speaking is still a huge source of anxiety for me, even in that same classroom. What I try to remember is my commitment to not care about what other people think -- how will it harm me directly, since I can't read their minds?

Does your school offer a speech course specializing in public speaking? I'm going to take one next semester. Public speaking is a necessary component not only in school, but eventually in the medical field. [Smile]

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cool87
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quote:
I used to be the shyest, meekest little thing in the world, always sitting at the back of the classroom and absolutely humiliated when any attention was brought to me. I think your observation that it's linked to your self-confidence is very apt, since I didn't feel all that great about myself then.
Well I am mostly like that, maybe not now as much but pretty like that when I was younger. [Roll Eyes]

And no. I don't have this type of classes you're talking about. Not at least for now.

It's not really this bad but let's say I am not the most talkative person in groups you know ? I guess this is just a process I have to go through. I can't change from one week to another, it takes time.

And what is making it even more harder is lack of confidence and self-esteem which is a big problem. Really. I don't know if I am in depression or something, I don't know. But sometimes I just doesn't feel so good about myself and well it doesn't do me any good. I know I have to get over that before being able to go through my shyness. But it's not like a one day process.

I found that what helped me a bit is helping others. I find some self-confidence in that a bit but you know...

[ 01-19-2007, 04:33 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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SatisfactionBroughtItBack
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I know how you feel cool87,my teachers say the same thing to me(not that my answers are original and right alot of the time but that im far too quiet and should speak my mind mroe often).
I often find that the reason i am being shy is because i am afraid of what others will say if i speak my mind..and so i think about how often THEY make mistakes that others laugh at and that THEY still continue to speak their mind no matter what is said about them..this helped me get over alot of that quiet shyness..
Dont be afraid of speaking your mind because you are unsure,the more you tell yourself you may be wrong the more nervous you will become..Keep positive about things and speak your mind as much as you can..always remember that the more you speak your mind the more confident you will eventually become.

Remember that you are worth it,and no matter how many wrong answers you give,always remember that everyone else makes mistakes too.

Good luck!!
XXXTailsXXX

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cool87
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Hey Tails,

Thanks a lot for your reply and your encouragment.

It is indeed getting better. I wouldn't say I've gotten over my shyness entirely, this is a process that takes time, but I can say I am getting better at overcoming it everyday.

And, by the way, your trick seems like a really good one. I'll try to keep it in mind. [Smile]

[ 03-23-2007, 03:47 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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SatisfactionBroughtItBack
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thats no problem cool87. [Big Grin] im glad you found it helpful and good luck in the future!XxX

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King Joey
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quote:
I don't really have problems speaking to strangers but it does create some problems when I have to stand up in front of a lot people and give informations, explanations or give my opinions about a subject. I think this is a lot linked to a lack of self-confidence.
This is almost exactly how I used to be about 3 years ago. I joined a drama group which focused on building self esteem and confidence and at the same time produce a show. I have also worked in a shop for a very long time and to this day I still dislike approaching people to talk to them.
I can't really offer much in the way of advice apart from tell you that you are not alone, and building up confidence with strangers as well as your friends has its rewards. But at the end of the day there is no reason to change yourself to something you don't want to be.

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astrocyte
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quote:
it does create a bit of a problem when I'm in class with a group of other people at school because I am not the one who stand up the most when comes the time to discuss and things like that. And I'd like to be more able to.
This and everything you're saying sounds a lot like me. At the moment even the prospect of saying something in front of the class makes it really hard for me to organise my thoughts into something coherent. Almost everyone in my year seems quite paranoid about speaking up anyway, so I feel like I would sound like a know-it-all or too conspicuous or something if I did speak up.

I can't really give you much advice.. Sometimes I can let go of the need to be right, or hold onto my dignity or whatever (nothing is ever going to happen if I never risk making a mistake) and then I do better at this kind of stuff. Like what lauren said:
quote:
What I try to remember is my commitment to not care about what other people think -- how will it harm me directly, since I can't read their minds?

I think I need something along these lines tattoed onto my forehead. Or possibly written on my pencil case, so I see it in class and remember. That actually might help me, I don't know if you are a person like me who needs to write stuff down before they can do it.

Anyway not meaning to hijack your thread with my own troubles. And, you are saying you're finding this difficult but it sounds to me like you have made heaps of progress and are doing awesome at it, so kudos to you [Smile]

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cool87
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Hey, thanks you both for your response ! [Smile]

[ 03-26-2007, 07:22 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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