So my university brought in a guy to give a lecture about sex this past weekend. I think he was an alum, and apparently he's spoken in past years and is always very popular - he was definitely a hit this year! I managed to convince a couple friends to go with me; I think they were just in it because it was kind of a novelty for them, but I'm pretty sure they both got something out of it too.
Anyway, about the lecture. The speaker focused on what he called the "seven stages of sexual desire" which are, according to him: 1. Kissing, spooning, cuddling, etc., fully clothed 2. Touching each other everywhere BUT the primary erogenous (sp?) zones, fully clothed 3. Touching the erogenous zones, fully clothed 4. Touching everywhere (including breasts/nipples) EXCEPT genitals, unclothed 5. Mutual masturbation 6. Oral sex 7. Intercourse He wasn't saying that this was the order in which you had to progress; he just wanted to make us aware of everything else that you can do with a partner instead of actual intercourse. And I was very proud of him for making the point that orgasm is NOT a goal, just an experience!
There was a huge emphasis on consent and saying that the ultimate responsibility for determining whether something is okay lies with the initiator of that act.
Also he mentioned a "sexual Bat-belt" (like Batman's utility belt... yeah, that got a huge laugh) of words: faster/slower, harder/softer, up/down, left/right, clockwise/counterclockwise. He said these were the key words to use to guide your partner and show him/her what you like.
(A very cool thing he did was to make a point of keeping his presentation open to people of all orientations. He consistently used "partner" instead of boyfriend/girlfriend, and he'd give scenarios and in each one would cast himself as a different person: "heterosexual male," "lesbian female," "straight female," "bisexual male," etc.)
Let's see, what else... I was a tad bit annoyed because he couldn't pronounce "clitoris," but he tried, and I could tell that English wasn't his first language. Although when he was speaking about sexual desire, he said (this is pretty verbatim) "when guys get that feeling in their nuts and ladies get the feeling in... I don't know, your ovaries?" which admittedly was quite amusing, but still not all that accurate in terms of where arousal is felt. Oh well, he made an effort, and overall he was very good.
One of the most interesting things, though, was to watch the reactions of people around me. My friends were generally okay, although they both got kind of uncomfortable expressions on their faces at some point or another during the lecture, but other people kept giggling or behaving like they were really not sure how to act at something like this. It just made me that much more aware of the degree to which sex and sexuality is taboo to discuss frankly in our culture, even though it's so prevalent in the media... very weird dichotomy there.
I was very excited because I knew pretty much everything that he was saying, and I was perfectly comfortable listening to him, all because of this website. Three cheers for Scarleteen!!
Basically I'm posting this because I want to know what everyone thinks about his seven stages/any other points I mentioned. I thought he was good, as I said, but would you agree/disagree with any of his presentation, from what I've said?
-------------------- So if you care to find me Look to the western sky As someone told me lately Everyone deserves the chance to fly Posts: 365 | From: DC | Registered: Aug 2006
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Lucy, From everything you've described, I would love to hear this man speak too! It sounds as if he has a very fresh and open approach to sexual topics, which is what we would all like to see more these days.
In terms of his 7 stages of sexual desire, I think he's pretty close. I'm sure there are those who would say there are more or less than 7 stages, but I have to give this man credit for coming up with such a unique way to present the topic. It's also nice to see that he realizes they don't have to happen in that particular order, but he's pretty darn close (if not right on) in that respect as well.
Obviously, he has some experience in public speaking on sexual issues. He is sensitive to everyone's orientation and yet, has the sense of humor to pull off things like the "Bat-Belt." That shows that the man has class.
I couldn't help but comment on the people who you saw giggling during the presentation. I think people giggle at what they don't understand. I remember giggling every time my sex ed teacher said the word "penis." That's because I didn't understand everything that part of the body did (and I was immature.) Those of us who can listen to /or/ converse with another person about sexual topics (without giggling) have a great capacity to learn new things and become more sexually aware. It's a great thing.
In conclusion, even though you might have known about all of the things this man talked about, you are certainly better off after getting a review from him. It has only bolstered your sexual understanding. And now that I've read your post, thought about my response, and written this post, I'm better off too.
Thanks...to both of you.
Posts: 71 | From: United States | Registered: Nov 2006
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