Donate Now
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » The Randoms » Childhood Fantasies

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Childhood Fantasies
oOo Lea oOo
Activist
Member # 26647

Icon 10 posted      Profile for oOo Lea oOo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I was talking to my boyfriend the other day and the topic of marriage or us being together forever never comes up, but in my heart I assume that I will be with him for the rest of my life.

I told him that I wanted to persue my dream of opening my own hair salon and also do body peircings and permanent make-up. I told him I wanted to start going to school for it now, and that I found the perfect one I wanted to attend.

He told me that he could own his own car shop, and my hair salon could be right next door. I started to think. It felt amazing. I knew it would be years (6 or more) before we could be stable together. And I always pictured us together forever, but we never spoke of it.

Now, its all I can think about. I never WANTED to get married, but now, I think of my childhood fantasy, and how i pictured it in my head. How I pictured my husband and how my boyfriend fits perfectly. It is so amazing looking at him and actually feeling like I have met the "one". That this guy is the guy I am supposed to be with. I remember all my times of crying and aching over past experiences and having false hope or even no hope that I would ever find him, and now I am comforted knowing that person does exist. I am even happier and even more amazed that the person is in my life..RIGHT NOW!

I always pictured my wedding on the top of a mountain at night with candles lighting my way up the aisle, everyone crouded around in their suits and dresses, maybe a gazebo with white lights and lillies, my husband waiting patiently for me, looking at me, watching me make my way slowly closer and closer to him. Stars so bright out side. Sometimes I picture it snowing. I think of it more now than ever.

I just wanted to share that with you and also see what everyone else dreamed of as a child. What did you think of marrage? How did you picture your "one" person? How do you picture it today?

Thanks guys!

[This message has been edited by oOo Lea oOo (edited 02-22-2006).]


Posts: 366 | From: West Virginia | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JennX
Neophyte
Member # 17835

Icon 10 posted      Profile for JennX     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Interesting topic!

For me, I pictured a very traditional wedding as a child. I would wear a magnificient dress and walk down the aisle in our Roman Catholic church, and my hansome husband (who looked suspiciously like the human equivalent of a Ken Doll) would be anxiously awaiting me. We would have big party with *all* my family, and then we'd jet off to some remote, tropical paradise for the honeymoon.

Now that I am a little older and wiser, I would say my views on marriage have changed drastically. I have been together with my boyfriend for 2 years now, and though I sometimes daydream, I don't know if marriage is as important to me as it once was. My parents had an apparently near-perfect marriage, and are together to this day. My bf's folks split when he was young. So, we definitely have different views on marriage.

In a way, I do sometimes want to get married (but nix the church, the 200 relatives, and the $10k vacation). But then I also wonder was is to gain from it?

Frankly, I was just put on his medical insurance package at his work today, and that in itself freaked us out a little bit.

------------------
Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love. ~ Woody Allen


Posts: 15 | From: NB, Canada | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lizenny
Activist
Member # 22661

Icon 10 posted      Profile for lizenny     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Even when I was little I found traditional weddings rather silly and lacking much of a point. However the "wedding of my dreams" at that point wasn't much better in that regard.
Whenever I thought of it, it was always outdoors someplace and I imagined myself in a neon green dress walking down the aisle to a sort of hip-hop/reggae dancehall remix of the wedding march.

Whoever was waiting for me at the altar was a blur and apparently wasn't that important at the time. There could have been nobody up there for all I cared. I might even have actually entertained passing thoughts of marrying myself...lol.

I was probably around eight or nine years old when I imagined this and at that time it wasn't just some passing "wouldn't it be outrageous if..." sort of thought. In my mind THAT was how it was going to happen. End of story.

I'm still contemplating the wedding march thing.

------------------
You catch more flies with manure than you do with honey.


Posts: 110 | From: Worcester MA | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
feefiefofemme
Activist
Member # 23917

Icon 10 posted      Profile for feefiefofemme     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I've always wanted a beautiful, more or less traditional, fairytale wedding. I picture myself in a gorgeous, insanely expensive dress with a super long train in a beautiful cathedral. I don't want to have too many people there, but I want it to be something magical. I figure, if I only do it once, I don't want to regret anything. If I do it more times than that, well the next time around I can change my ideal. The whole idea of marriage isn't really a big deal for me, but the idea of a wedding is.

My ideal partner hasn't changed much since I was a little kid. I'm still attracted to smart, artistic, sarcastic types, only now my Prince Charming is more of a Princess. :)


Posts: 406 | From: California | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Irm
Activist
Member # 27418

Icon 10 posted      Profile for Irm     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
: ) It's really wonderful to read about these fantasy weddings. The mind of a child, especially, is so imaginative and can take a beautiful concept and craft it into its purest form.

It's almost... ODD for me, though, because literally until coming across this thread I didn't even consider the possibility that marriage was something children thought or fantasized about. I suppose it makes sense, of course--"bride barbies" and "little bride dresses" and "bride princess" items meant for young girls sells all the time. I guess I just never connected the dots. I wonder how I would have imagined my wedding as a child. It's great that you all have those memories to look back and and draw on, or take humor from, etc., as you approach those situations seriously happening in your lives. It's sort of like comparing "What did you want to be as a child?" to the career you actually end up persuing.

------------------
~Meddle not in the affairs of Dragons, for thou art crunchy and taste good with ketchup


Posts: 213 | From: Private | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
HempHippie
Activist
Member # 22303

Icon 10 posted      Profile for HempHippie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I remember I was about 5 or 6 and I told my very Catholic grandmother I was going to wear a red mini skit to my wedding, she told me I would go to hell.
So that quickly changed my mind. I would wear a long red dress instead.
I still really want that strapless red dress, I want a corset underneath and I want my boobs to touch my chin. It has to be huge and poufy at the bottom. And I am going to get married in the dead of winter, when it is snowing, in a field somewhere, and I want red rose petals everywhere. I will carry a bouquet of the rarest orchids and will be freezing my arse off the entire time, but I will be gorgeous so I can take it for a little while. I don’t know who I will be marrying, but it will be the man that I plan on staying with forever.

Even though that all sounds nice, knowing me, it will probably be by Elvis to a guy who bought me my first drink in Vegas and me standing at the ‘alter’ with his puke stains all over my greatful dead shirt.

------------------
Do everything in moderation, including moderation.


Posts: 56 | From: Deep woods of NH | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Konfuzed
Neophyte
Member # 27779

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Konfuzed     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Ahh...weddings. Sadly I've never been to one, but I have this wonderful little fantasy. I'm going to get married in the fall, somewhere where the leaves actually change colors, unlike where i live where the leaves just die. My bridesmaids are wearing some form of dress in violet. My dress will be a traditional white gown with long lace sleeves. You know the rest. Then, I'm gonna fly to my mom's hometown in Korea and have another ceremony, traditionally Korean. I love how their weddings are! I know it sounds crazy to have two weddings, but I'm a crazy person.
Posts: 5 | From: Texas | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
summergoddess
Activist
Member # 11352

Icon 7 posted      Profile for summergoddess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
As a child, i imagined my wedding to be traditional. My sense of traditional wedding is having the ceremony at my church, me in my white dress with the veil, and etc. My husband would be donned in the traditional black tuxes. I had a feeling that I would marry young, like in my 20's. I didn't think much of the reception or what the bridesmaids would wear and etc. I imagined that my wedding would be in the spring or the summer. [Smile]

Now, i'm 22. I am in a nearly five year relationship with Isaiah. I've been engaged to him since I was 20. We are getting married this May (May 27, 2006). Our wedding is a lot like my childhood fantasy. We are having the ceremony at my church where I've attended for the last nine years. Our reception is at the old courthouse. it's so beautiful. My bridesmaids are in navy blue. The guys are still in traditional tuxes along with navy vests. I am still donning a white dress. The fantasy of the style of my dress has changed. I've evolved! It's gorgeous though, very much like me! [Big Grin] I'm still having the veil, but no longer in the front of my face. It'll be positioned the back of my hair and I've added the tiera to my bridal day look. Also, i'm still married at a young age as I predicted i would be. [Wink]

It's interesting how your childhood fantasy of your wedding really comes to reality when you are finally getting married.

Jules

--------------------
~Jules

Posts: 369 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Lauren-
Activist
Member # 25983

Icon 1 posted      Profile for -Lauren-     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Awesome topic, Lea! I'm laughing my head off just remembering the days in my childhood. Being raised in a family of girls, we were ALWAYS fantasizing about our weddings. In fact, I very vividly remember wrapping a white sheet over me to make a weird toga/dress, and putting a white pillowcase over my head, and forcing my poor younger male cousin to march down to the garden with me. Yeah, we've sort of grown apart. Awkward.

I agree with other posters who say that now we're older and in serious relationships, we view weddings much differently. I don't see it as much of a necessity as I did as a child. I would be so contented with a private ceremony, or perhaps a few friends/family, in the evening, under candlelight. Just simple and touching. But, the rest of the money goes to making me gorgeous!!

Sorry, but it seems lots of women see their wedding as the chance to appear as the princess they always longed to be. I'll be damned if I'll give that up! lol

Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
Activist
Member # 13388

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Ecofem     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Ironically, my childhood fantasy never included a husband or dream wedding or anything like that; I'm not against those things, they just never came up.

I dreamed of being something like an interior designer/caterer/CEO of my own stationery company while raising a bunch of much-young siblings or foster kids (this is what "Big-Sister-Syndrome" did to me. [Wink] ) I spent a lot of time planning crazy dreamhouses, such as a steel-glass warehouse in the middle of the woods that I could decorate any way I wanted! (I shared rooms and wasn't allowed to put holes in the walls when I was little.)

Maybe a little unconventional to some, but my parents always really encouraged independence rather than searching for a partner or "settling down." I can't forecast who I'll meet, but I do have a reasonable amount of control over my job and location. (Not to mention I couldn't even get legally married if "Mr. Right" should turn out to be "Ms. Right," although I'm not really down with those terms/concepts anyway.)

FFW to my current situation... Now I rent my own little apartment that I can decorate any way I want. But I'm moving in a few months, so I'm saving the bright orange kitchen and collaged bathroom walls for later. [Smile]

Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
wobblyheadedjane
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 11569

Icon 1 posted      Profile for wobblyheadedjane     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Ecofem:
Ironically, my childhood fantasy never included a husband or dream wedding or anything like that; I'm not against those things, they just never came up.

Same here! Even looking through my old diaries, weddings or marriage are never mentioned. My best friend and I used to joke that we'd be cat ladies each with a long string of lovers.

Mostly I fantasized about what I wanted to be when I grew up: dentist, teacher, marine biologist, and later when I found out words and study were more my forte: professor, researcher, NGO project developer, secret agent (who knew Canada had a CIA-equivalent, eh? [Wink] ) and so on. I've come full circle to considering professor again, but it's hard to say if that will pan out or not. In the meantime, I'm happy to continue my studies, and see what opportunities emerge on my way to finishing my degree.

As for weddings, I've certainly had the discussion now that some of my friends have gotten hitched, but if I do tie the knot, I'm not the fairy princess type. The actual marriage, and having a kick-butt party with my friends and family will be far more important to me than wondering if my tiara is glittery enough [Big Grin]

Posts: 1679 | From: London, ON | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
blueveggie
Activist
Member # 26508

Icon 1 posted      Profile for blueveggie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Lets see.. I'll train my faithful pony to bring the ring [Smile] That would definitely be a good wedding. Any that included this little terror..

[brag] http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v292/lady_blueye/b0032f5d.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v292/lady_blueye/proph2.jpg [/brag]


:-D

Posts: 86 | From: southern CA | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
kitka
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 22756

Icon 1 posted      Profile for kitka     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Faithful pony? I second that motion.
She's a good looking horse.

Weddings have never been a fantasy component for me, but I think my wedding is still a fantasy for my parents. My dad came across a book of wedding locations in NY state a few years ago -"Mark Twain's summer house! You could get married there."

If I do get married, I know that I want to wear a dress designed and sewed by my mother. It was her idea too, but she doesn't know how much embroidery I have in mind! I also want Mendelssohn's wedding march in the background. I would like to have a small ceremony like my parents did, in the house of someone in the family.

I've daydreamed about weddings when I'm dating, just for fun, but it's something I do just once or twice. I'm a cynic about my own life, so I don't see the sense in thinking about it when it's so far off from actually happening.

When the subject of weddings comes up, I tend to be disparaging. Bridal magazines make me think sarcastic things. But I have to say that reading all the responses here has made me appreciate the fact that a lot of good people take weddings seriously, for good reasons, without blowing them out of proportion or getting all saccharine about it.

[ 03-13-2006, 10:54 PM: Message edited by: kitka ]

Posts: 455 | From: New York, NY | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
oOo Lea oOo
Activist
Member # 26647

Icon 1 posted      Profile for oOo Lea oOo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Beautiful. . Blue veggie! I'm a big horse fan [My boyfriends parents have 17!! (Oops, 19 now, with the 2 babies]

Glad you guys enjoyed it [Wink] It was delightful to read all of the replies.

*giggles*

--------------------
And I say thank you for the scars
And the guilt and the pain
Every tear I've never cried
Has sealed your fate.
Did you take me for a fool
or were you just too blind to see
that every effort made has failed
and there is no destroying me?
Atreyu

Posts: 366 | From: West Virginia | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
fabulousandthick
Neophyte
Member # 28421

Icon 1 posted      Profile for fabulousandthick     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I used to have a real Disney attitude toward marriage, I wanted to fall in love, get married and have two kids. This is primarily due to my mother's old-world sixties attitude toward women. The minute I turned 29, my attitude changed. I'm defninitey not ready for marriage/kids yet, not ready to put myself last as far as needs are concerned. With all the emotional, mental and spiritual bad luck I've been having so far, I need to put myself and my needs first, long before I take on a partner.

--------------------
http://www.livejournal.com/~fabulousnthick/

Posts: 7 | From: Miami, Florida | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kaybie87
Neophyte
Member # 28172

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Kaybie87     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
When my sister was little she said she was going to be a Marine Biologist, Hairdresser and Makeup Artist, all at the same time! God Bless my parents for letting us know we could be anything we wanted to be.

As for weddings, I only started fantasising about them when I was in my teens. I still think that IF I get married its going to be on a beach, and everyone will be barefoot and the Wedding March will be played by a steel pan band.

--------------------
"too often, I have been the Lover
cursed to Love the F*****
and f*** the lover over " Raquel Ramirez, The women I have been

Posts: 17 | From: Ohio | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
likewhoa19
Activist
Member # 28218

Icon 1 posted      Profile for likewhoa19     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I never pictured ''one'' person. I was going to be a famous adventuring scientist of some kind sort of like Indiana Jones. I was going to travel the globe and have lots of lovers and then maybe go into politics. When I was about 50 I'd retire and live in a little cottage in the hills and own lots of pets and be the village eccentric-lady. Sometimes I thought I'd like to find a life partner when I was around age 50 who outdoorsy and rugged and kind and would fit with my lifestyle.
Posts: 193 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Apr 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Mina
Neophyte
Member # 29057

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Mina     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Awwhh...When I was younger, I wanted to get married in a big , beautiful church during spring, then right after the ceremony my husband and I would be whisked off to some where like London, Paris, or Italy. My dress would be white and long, the bottom a lacy and poofy, while the top was strapless, silk, and form-fitting.
Now, the only thing that's changed really is that instread of being whisked away to Europe with my new husband, I'm hoping to be whisked away with my new wife. [Smile]

--------------------
In a city created with
a perfection calculation,
there is only one truth. I love you.

Posts: 31 | From: Washington | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
joyfulgirl
Activist
Member # 29302

Icon 1 posted      Profile for joyfulgirl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
i've pretty much been a lesbian all my life (whether i knew it or not) so i was never big on weddings. i mostly fantasized about my future house. and i still do, when i'm in a store a see a pretty set of plates or a cool piece of furniture. i can't wait for the day that i get to have my own house and make it beautiful.

--------------------
"they say you can bear anythng if you can tell a story about it."

-sue monk kidd
the mermaid chair

Posts: 50 | From: western massachusetts | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
domncroxd
Activist
Member # 20869

Icon 1 posted      Profile for domncroxd     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Nice thread!

When I was younger, I wanted to be married in a long, white dress in a church. What I didn't realize was I wasn't born a Christian, but I watched too many Western movies (I'm an Asian, Buddhist, and living in South East Asia). But now that I'm older, I would love to still be married in a white, slinky halter neck gown, and considering that I'm dating a Christian guy, well, hey, we might get the church wedding too. And according to Chinese tradition, I would love to dress up in traditional Chinese garb and then have the tea ceremony, where you give tea to both sets of parents. Hopefully the guy I'm dating now will be the one, although it's still too early to tell. 10 months into the relationship, and it's just my first year of uni! And he's going back to Sydney (studying in Australia, currently) for a whole year to do his medical research year...sigh.

--------------------
still flowin on the river of life...and i have no regrets.

Posts: 53 | From: Melbourne, Australi | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Just to add in (and provide a little more diversity and balance), I never had any wedding dreams and fantasies as a child, adolsecent or adult.

Growing up, I had some dreams about partnership and romance, sure, but there weren't white dresses and ceremonies involved: there were adventures. In my dreams about my LIFE and all the things I'd do with it, now and then a friend or partner would figure in those dreams and visualization, but all and all, my dreams and goals were about the adventures I'd have, the dreams and goals I'd bring to fruition, the ways I'd change the world and the things I'd do living in it.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67933 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Faith54
Activist
Member # 27855

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Faith54     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I've never given much thought to the actual event. I've thought about the guy, the bridesmaids, and the seating arrangment (lol can you tell I'm OCD? [Roll Eyes] ) But as far as where and my dress? Not really. If I do get married to my bf, my family is Catholic and his is Lutheran, so I'm sure they'd be expecting a traditional church wedding. I don't want to do that. My family is very Polish and Lithuanian, while his is all-American, so I would like to combine tradition with traditions from my background.

--------------------
"My grandmother never gave gifts- she was too busy being raped by cossacks." ~ Woody Allen

Posts: 107 | From: United States | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
poppybluefrogs
Activist
Member # 22137

Icon 1 posted      Profile for poppybluefrogs         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I always wanted the big white wedding when i was little, pretty white dress bridesmaids in pink, married in a church, the works.

Now though, as i've found my religious path, one that isn't christian, i decided that should i ever get married i want to do it in my pagan way. Obviously living in england i'd have to have a civil ceremony in a registrary office at some point so that it was actually legal.

So the way i think i want to do it is to have a nice civil ceremony, say in a big hotel or a beautiful country house where we can have the big wedding meal afterwards and dance into the night. And at sunset (i decided it would have to be midsummers eve as its a night i believe is what could be called 'holy' for want of a better word) we would have a handfasting ceremony under a big gazebo decked out in beautiful summer flowers with all the traditional candles and the circles. And i would wear a dress with a beautiful ivory skirt and a red bodice so that it would fit with both traditions (traditionally a celtic bride would wear something scarlet).

Posts: 228 | Registered: Feb 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Gumdrop Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by chicanu:
Nice thread!

When I was younger, I wanted to be married in a long, white dress in a church. What I didn't realize was I wasn't born a Christian, but I watched too many Western movies (I'm an Asian, Buddhist, and living in South East Asia).

interesting...

I always thought weddings were very pretty affair, but I went through a long "Boys are yucky" phase, so I never dreamed about getting married when I was a kid.

My cousin married in a traditional Thai ceremony when I was 7, and that made me acutely aware that I'd never get the big fluffy white wedding because that was just NOT who we were.

Instead, I wondered, "Where the hell am I gonna find a Buddhist guy who's gonna be okay with THIS?" "THIS" refers to the seemigly interminable monk chanting that comprises a Thai Buddhist wedding. Hell, even I didn't wanna sit through all of that. So instead of dreaming of weddings, I DREADED them.

Now that I'm older, I've figured out that I can pick and choose certain traditions. and having a lapsed-Catholic boyfriend gives me a good excuse to skip the monks chanting.

Anyone know a good Chinese caterer in Santa Barbara, CA?

--------------------
LA County STD Hotline 1.800.758.0880
Toll free STD and clinic information, and condoms sent to your door for Los Angeles County residents.
1 in 3 sexually active people will be exposed to a STD by the time they turn 24.

Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
oOo Lea oOo
Activist
Member # 26647

Icon 1 posted      Profile for oOo Lea oOo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I have a friend currently living in Bangkok. She is Thai, but her family lived in Switzerland most of her younger years. When she turned 18 she went back to Thailand to study her background.

She is getting married to her swiss boyfriend of 5 years next summer. She invited me to attend, but that's a good ways away.

We met at a museum in D.C. while she was in the U.S. for 2 weeks. I haven't seen her since, but we have been online pals for 4 years. So, I'm not sure if I'll go. I'd like to, but . .

She's having a very traditional Thai wedding. I never really looked too much into it, so until now, Gumdrop, I didn't have any idea whatsoever as to what was traditional in Thai or non-traditional. So thanks for giving me a little insight. [Wink]

--------------------
And I say thank you for the scars
And the guilt and the pain
Every tear I've never cried
Has sealed your fate.
Did you take me for a fool
or were you just too blind to see
that every effort made has failed
and there is no destroying me?
Atreyu

Posts: 366 | From: West Virginia | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Djynnjah
Activist
Member # 20056

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Djynnjah     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I never dreamed of weddings when I was a child. I dreamt of travel and still do. Like Gumdrop Girl, my 'Boys are Icky' stage lasted a long time and I personally felt no need to marry and set up house. Ma exacerbated the situation by always referring to some point in the future "when you're married." At first I snapped about it because of the 'ick' factor and then I kept insisting because I genuinely didn't see the need.

Ma was horrified for a long time. She's very much into the white picket fence and well-behaved children ideal of a woman's life and often told me things like, "But women MUST get married." I asked her why once and she had no answer. I didn't realize it at that time, but that good old ornery fight I put up seems to have opened her mind to the idea that marriage and kids isn't an obligation and that there's nothing wrong with that. Either that or she genuinely gave up on me. It hit me one day when she was idly discussing what she'd bequeathe to whom and when. "It's a present for when you all get married. Or graduate, because everybody might not get married." Said with a direct glance and a smile in my direction. Amen.

Once the environment was conducive to actually having that choice, my complete aversion gradually relaxed. If it happened, it happened, but I wasn't going to feel bad about it either way. Marriage, and even a romantic relationship, wasn't a priority. Studies and career were what I wanted most of all, and I still do. As luck would have it, I met somebody in a class at college and we gradually fumbled to a point where we really want to spend the rest of our lives together. We both had been pretty anti-marriage at the start but things just took that turn.

And NOW I fantasize about weddings after years of complete disinterest. They aren't entirely necessary, I think, but I'd appreciate the benefits and I'm still an Indian girl so I'd rather not freak the old folks out too much. My boyfriend and I are in no rush. We'd both like to achieve a few more personal goals before we become a team effort on the books. Our date is set 'ten years from now' and my 'wedding planning' consists of actually paying attention to things like cake, dresses, music, cake, how the whole affair actually comes together, venues, cake and trying to work out a suitable fusion of my Presbyterian/Hindu and his Hindu background for the ceremony. If we're able to make it that far into the future, our parents might even get used to the idea of us simply cohabitating and we might skip the whole shebang and just have a cake.

--------------------
What don't kill you is a learning experience.

Posts: 65 | From: Caribbean | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
feefiefofemme
Activist
Member # 23917

Icon 1 posted      Profile for feefiefofemme     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
On a sort of side note, I just went up to see my uber-conservative relatives in Oregon, and some of the conversations I had there were rather surprising to me. I have always planned on getting nice and settled before I get married: going out/living with my partner for several years first, getting so that I'm financially stable and to where I want to be career-wise, all that jazz. I figure that, unless there's some sort of unforseen change in my life, I won't get married until I'm at least in my early thirties, roughly fifteen years from now.

In any case, I was talking to an Oregon relative of mine who was just celebrating his 30th aniversary. When I congratulated him, he said to me "It won't be too long before you're getting married, too. Just about five more years, yeah?"

I was pretty shocked. I replied with a laugh and a "Maybe not that soon," but inside I was screaming "WHAT!?!" Five years from now, I'll be barely out of high school! And, while I respect that it might be right for some people to be married that early, it's certainly not what I want. I was just stunned that he expected that of me. Marriage is all well and good, but I want to live on my own a bit first, thank you very much.

That said, I do love browsing through wedding dresses online. But that's more because of my interest in fashion design than my desire to get married within the next half decade.

Posts: 406 | From: California | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Rumored
Neophyte
Member # 27901

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Rumored     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
It's kind of funny, because I fantasized about kissing and cuddling and I played with babydolls, but I never really thought about weddings beyond "I hope the dress isn't as tacky as barbie's." Maybe her dress put me off hte whole thing?
Posts: 33 | From: California | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ScarcelyHeard
Activist
Member # 29242

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ScarcelyHeard     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Haha, when I was little, I used to picture myself getting married to a guy but have him either cheat on me or die, and then Ricky Martin would comfort me and we'd get married!

I'm not kidding. I used to fantasize about dramatic situations.

But now that I'm older and wiser, as JennX put it, and am near celibrating my one year anniversary with my boyfriend, the only boyfriend I've ever had... well, to be honest, I can see us together in the near future, but cannot really put together an image of us 15 years from now. I can imagine him having a steady job, what kind of place we're going to live in, me getting a dog, having children... but when it comes to the rest, I just can't picture it. I can only see us in the next three years... but once I graduate from university, I really don't know what things are going to be like. All I wish if that if we do end up together forever like I hope, that we'll be happy and healthy and that we'll get to experience the things that the both of us have always wanted to experience... like my boyfriend always wanted to go to Greece and Egypt. I want to be able to do those things with him.

[ 07-04-2006, 12:59 PM: Message edited by: ScarcelyHeard ]

Posts: 80 | From: Canada's East Coast | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kristin@ MHS_@2009
Neophyte
Member # 29979

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Kristin@ MHS_@2009     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
well up untill a few years ago my dreams had been simple. I had wanted to go to college, then leter, get married,have a few kids, and be a dtay at home mom. But in the summer of 2005, I was diagnosed w/ pcos. So now, i can't have kids. so much for my dreams.

I have created mew dreams though. Now I want to adopt as many children as i can. I still plan on doing all of the other stuff i had planned on doing.

--------------------
Oh, cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
But children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust, go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby. Babies don't keep.

Posts: 4 | From: usa | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3