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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » The Randoms » That lonely feeling

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Author Topic: That lonely feeling
KevMezz
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Well I gueess today had to be one of the worst days' ive had since last year. It was kinda hot today and one of my friends asked if I wanted to go down to theo i thought yeah why not, BIG MISTAKE. It all was going great we was chatting about the silly things we had done when we was at school after about a few mins he stared talking to his g/f. After a bit of talking ( i dunno what they were talking about becase the were talking quietly) they started kissing. The as you can guess dam my self esteem hit rock bottom. When they had finally stopped i made my excuses and left,

I had parked my car a few yards away from where we sitting, when i got in the car i just sight and held back the tears as best i could. Funny isn't how alone someone can feel even when they are surrounded by people.


Posts: 118 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
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Kev dear, I'm going to say something here that I'm probably going to catch alot of flack for saying, but somebody needs to say it. Get over it! I'm sorry if that sounds mean, but really...do you realize that about 90% of the times you post, it's about how sad you are that you're alone? And everyone has told you the same things time and time again...that you don't need someone to be happy, that you should get a hobby and find something else to fill the time, that not having a relationship isn't the end of the world, that maybe you just have to be patient.

I understand what it's like to be lonely. I spent my life up until this year being lonely and wishing I had someone. But I certainly didn't spend that entire time feeling sorry for myself. You cannot spend your whole life whining about how lonely you are and expecting everyone to feel sorry for you. Because you know what? Sometimes lonliness really is a choice. You choose to close yourself off to other people and you get this mental block about how no one loves you and that makes it very hard for anyone to get close to you because you're so wrapped up in this "poor me" mentality. Eventually people will stop feeling sorry for you. I'm sorry if all this sounds mean to you, but I really don't know any other way to say it.

And as far as your friends kissing in front of you, they weren't kissing just to hurt you. They were kissing as an expression of affection between the two of them, it had nothing to do with you. Not everything is about you, and not everything is about having a romantic relationship with another human being. There is a whole lot more to life than that, and it's about time you gave yourself a good kick in the pants and went on about the business of living rather than whining about your lack of a love life.

Sorry if you feel like I'm being rude or mean, I'm just saying what I think.

~KittenGoddess

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the kittenblog

"Follow me or perish, sweater monkeys!"
~from 'Bring It On'


Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KevMezz
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I'm not gonna argue with you Kitten for the simply reason that some of the things you've said in your post are right. I don't post on here to get sympathy or anything like that i post on here because i felt that this was the one place I can let out my feelings, I know my friend and his g/f don't kiss to try and hurt me or anything.
It's me who's got the problem, and it's not like i've not tried to do something about it because i have.

I do have a life and I do get on with it as best I can. and the reason i harp on about it so much is because to be honest i'm scared. The thought of being 40 something and still not had a relationship scares me so much. I can't help it. I'm sorry so from now on i'll keep my postings down to a minimum.


Posts: 118 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lin
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You know Kev, that's isn't what anybody is saying at all. We are not saying we don't want you to post but we want you to post on positive things not dwell on the fact that you might be 40 and alone.

Kevv, we are all scared. None of us here can guarantee that the person we are with now will be the one we are with when we are 40. It doesn't matter if we are single, attached or even married. There are no guarantees.

We are not trying to put you down but we are trying to tell you that there is more to life than obsessing about finding that someone. You know you have issues but you seem more than willing to dwell on them and make yourself miserable. That is not trying Kevv.

So we would love to see you post on ST but we would also love to see more a positive Kevv.


Posts: 2294 | From: Singapore | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
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Kev, you're missing one very important point here...it's ok if you do end up being a 40-something who's not with anyone!

The first week of my freshman year in college, we had a speaker one night who said something that really struck me. He said that some people would leave college with a million friends, and some people would leave college with a few close friends and lots of aquaintainces, and some people would leave with one good friend, and some people would leave without ever really being close to anyone...and all of that was ok. The same thing goes for romantic relationships. Some people do go through their entire lives without ever being romantically close to anyone. I know some 40-something's who are single and have always been that way, and let me tell you, they're some of the happiest most fulfilled people I know.

I guess I'm just trying to say that you don't need someone else to make you happy. You've gotta work through whatever issues you've got on your own before you bring someone else into the mix. If you go into a relationship with this attitude that you have to get with somebody, you're more likely to become co-dependent on that other person and open up a whole new set of problems.

We do like to have you around posting Kev, but Lin's right, we'd just love to see a happier Kev a bit more often!

~KittenGoddess

------------------
the kittenblog

"Follow me or perish, sweater monkeys!"
~from 'Bring It On'


Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lilnerd
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Kev, really, don't get the wrong idea.. there's only so much someone can tell you to stop you from dwelling on foolish things. You've got people in your life who care about you, so what if it's not a girl right now? So what if it doesn't happen for you in the next few months? We've all felt lonely. I'm feeling it too! But the only way to look for a relationship is to go in it excuding confidence. If you look at yourself as worthless, that's how other people will view you as well. Work on boosting that confidence level -- it will do you a world of good. Promise.

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"nothing's quite the same now - I just say your name now - but it's not so bad - you're only the best I ever had"


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Sallynha
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Humm... I read Kev's post and some lines from the replies here, and I thought I'd write a bit here, even if it will not be a "reply" but maybe just a share of my ideas/feelings...

I think there are lots of people who feel alone. Some are in fact alone, some have lots of friends, but still they all feel like they're the only ones out there and everyone else belongs to a different world that makes our lifes' background.

I must say I completely sympathise with you (sorry for any spelling erros ), and I know you're not looking for sympathy. I'm going through a phase (I like to believe it's only a phase) where I'm kind of alone and feel like that, all sad a miserable...

It all started when my first boyfriend broke up with me about 5 months ago. I didn't go into therapy and was not diagnosed for any kind of depression, but I strongly believe I was close to. If someone said something less nice to me I'd cry immediatly, I couldn't concentrate, I could just think about "why me? we were perfect together...etc etc"... It even led(lead?) to self mutilation, such as cutting, but that I was able to stop and now I'm ok about that.

Well, a couple months later I had a new boyfriend. He had been a great friend for a long time, and was basically my only support after I broke up, so we became very attached to each other, and he had always cared a lot for me...

Now I have a steady long distance relationship with that boy. He means the world to me, and we only meet once each month for a day or weekend, which is very hard for both of us, but maybe "more" for me, because here I don't have any friends, so I'm literally alone.

I'm very shy (and I mean, very), and I tend to hide myself from people, but it's not on purpous, it's like the way I am. My boyfriend loves me being like this, he says I live in a little shell and I created my own kind of lifestyle inside it.

What I wanted to say, is that there are people here who feel alone. And sad. I know sometimes I come here, and although I don't start any topics, whenever I find one to reply where I can tell about my life and stories I write a lot, like I was talking with someone. This makes me feel better, I guess.

So, I have a partner, no friends, and I feel alone. Just like you, without a partner, but you do have friends who care for you.

I think and you can support me on this one, this is something some people our age go through, we're in the middle of life and just "growing up to the world", being aware of all the troubles and difficulties there are out there and it kind of gets to us, and we just have to learn to deal with it.

Come here anytime to talk if you don't have anyone else. I'll sure be here ready to reply

Stay safe

*got to go have dinner eheheh*

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~Sallynha


Posts: 390 | From: * my own little shell * | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sallynha
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*just got back eheh*


And hey you're from the UK kewler than that? impossible! eheh

Stay in touch, we're all here to support eachother and those who need I found being here all the time, reading through the posts and writing the odd reply, makes me feel better because I'm able to help and advise, and also because I learn how to deal with lots of things and not only sexual-linked info.

It's great being here and I'm proud to be the only (or one of very very few because I haven't seen any around) of Portuguese people eheheh Yay!

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~Sallynha


Posts: 390 | From: * my own little shell * | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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