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Author Topic: What if....
antonio99
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I would like you all to be honest with your answers. THis is more like a 'what if' kind of question but here goes:

What if your current bf was deaf or hard of hearing... and you had this feeling that it was not easy socializing with him... would you try really hard to talk with him and be with him forever ? Or would you become bored in the relationship and move on and find someone else who is normal like you ?

If you don't have a bf right now then what if YOU did have one and he was hard of hearing.... JUST read the above questions and answer the same one for this part.

thanks,

antonio99
P.S. I would like answers about how you would feel about this. Not answers that are too nice or answers that would just make me feel better. So can you please answer these questions openly and honestly ?


Posts: 208 | From: Tennessee | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
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quote:
Originally posted by antonio99:
What if your current bf was deaf or hard of hearing... and you had this feeling that it was not easy socializing with him... would you try really hard to talk with him and be with him forever ? Or would you become bored in the relationship and move on and find someone else who is normal like you?

What you've left out of the entire situation is whether or not you love the person. A disability doesn't matter at all in the grand scheme of things, but how you feel towards that other person does. If you're asking me if I would learn to adapt to someone's disability, and then stay with them just because I'd spent the time learning and because I didn't want them to feel bad...then the answer is no. And if you're asking me if I'd get bored with someone just because they weren't exactly like me, then the answer is still no.

Disability or no disability, you can't make yourself love someone. And if you stay with that person just because you feel sorry for them because they're a little bit different from you or like you've put time into the relationship and have to stay with them because of it, then you're hurting both parties involved. If I truly loved him, then I'd make whatever adaptions were necessary to be a part of his life, and if I didn't love him, then I'd do the right thing for both of us and move on.

~KittenGoddess

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"What is the odds so long as the fire of soul is kindled..."
~Charles Dickens

[This message has been edited by KittenGoddess (edited 04-23-2001).]


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antonio99
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thansk kittengoddess... that explains it. But I would like to hear more replies from others and I don't think a lot of you are replying because this has nothing to do with your interets. does it ?

well, just one more thing. Let's say you fell in love with someone and didn't know if he was deaf or hard of hearing until later he finally admitted that he was but couldn't tell you because he was afraid you WOULD NOT like him the way he was.

Would your love for him change ?

curious,

antonio99


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Celtic Daisy
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I don' tthink that should affect a relationship at all. if you love the person that's all that matters. You can learn to cope with the disability.

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"A six foot tall anorexic bimbo,with plastic breasts is making me feel weird about my own body."
-Miss Bif Naked


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fLoWuRz
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hi antonio,
i think that this is a really good question to ask because you can get so many diferent opinions and answers. but personally, it wouldn't matter to me at all. i have dated someone hard of hearing that wore a hearing aid and i didnt know. when i met dan, i thought he was the hottest thing adn he was so incredibly sinsitive and good to talk to. so we started dating and i found myself having really deep feelings for him, then about 3 weeks into our relationship he told me..he never wore his hearing aid around me so when he didnt hear me i just thought he was easily distracted. he hid it from me because he thought my feeings for ihm would change. but they didnt at all. i sitll loved him just as much as i did before i knew, even more. but sadly, about 3 months after he got addicted to cocaine and had to go into rehab, and he hasn't been the same since. i still love him as a friend, and nothing will ever change that. he treated me like a queen and i used to stay over night at his house, and it was never always about sex. thats what i really loved about him. we used to talk and talk for hours and he'd stay awake until i fell asleep in his arms. i miss him with all my heart and i'd give anything for him to be the same again.

i know i got a LITTLE personal here, antonio, but i hope it has helped you with your question. a disability hasnt ever stopped me and shouldnt stop anyone...but lets face it, it does. but the people that cant accept it just arent worth trying for.


Posts: 56 | From: to,cnd | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lynne
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Had I a boyfriend, or were I looking for one, his ability to hear would be near the bottom of the list of things I cared about, ranking somewhere near what his favorite color is. Really, it's a complete non-issue for me.

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To the rational mind there can be no offense, no obscenity, no blasphemy, but only information of greater or lesser value.
-- Jennifer Diane Reitz


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antonio99
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thanks lynn... that was really nice of you.

and flowurz... your story was beautiful. It said a lot about me. Sometimes I don't want people to know that i'm hearing impaired. As a matter of fact, i think what you did and said about him was lovely.

I can only say that I'm in the same position as the guy you fell in love with, flowurz. Even though I am not into drugs or anything for that matter, sometimes I think we find ourselves confused for being who we are and how regular people are different from us.

It's really hard to get along. Sometimes it's just too painful.

flowurz.. I loved your story...

thanks again,

antonio99


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fLoWuRz
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my heart goes out to you antonio, and i hope that you will find that special someone that will love you as you love them.
as far as im concerned, you seem like an amazing person, and any that wouldn't care for you is definitlt not worth your time.
Good luck and God bless

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antonio99
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flowurz,

wish me luck. And by the way, are you still keeping in touch with him ?

antonio99

thanks again.


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glitter695
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I love my boyfriend so much there is no way I can break up with him beacause he was hard of hearing. He loves me for me so I will love him for him. Love is strong, and if your truly do love somebody you wont leave them because they are hard of hearing.

Everyone finds their special somebody, it may take years, but in the end it is worth it.

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*~*~12/3/99*~*
*~*~*~I LOVE YOU BOB FOREVER AND ALWAYS*~*~*~

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't" -Erica Jong<~~~no thats not me :)

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Lucky1402
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I definately wouldn't dump my boyfriend (if I even had one) just because of a disability such as bad hearing (or any disability for that matter). I guess I wouldn't really care about that if I really loved the person. I know some of my friends probably would, but why? If you love somebody and you're meant to be with that person, why should something small like a hearing disorder matter? I've actually considered it in my head- if I was in a good relationship with a really nice guy, who treated me good, and had a really awesome personality, but they had a hearing disorder or they were blind, or whatever, would I still go out with them? Absolutely! Love is love, and everybody has flaws, so why not embrace those flaws?

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*^Lucky^*
Come check out what's goin on in Lucky's mind!

"At one point we decided to fight fire with fire. Well...basically...your house burned even faster."


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antonio99
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glitter and lucky,

thanks. I think there are a lot of things that have been confusing me lately. And I know I'm not very good at socializing with my friends but i do find our times valuble.

antonio99


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Lady Moonlight
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I wouldn't reject somebody just because he was hard of hearing. We've all got problems, and as folks have said, it's more about love than anything else.

That said, however, I would be annoyed if somebody had hidden an important part of who they were from me for a significant period of time. I try to be honest and up-front about how I am, and I expect the people close to me to do the same. I'm not saying that we couldn't get past the issue, just that it might take a bit of dealing with, depending on the exact circumstances.


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Siren
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My kitty cat is deaf and I don't love her any less, I think it makes me love her more because it amazes me how smart she is and how she doesn't let her hearing effect her.

But, seriously, if my boyfriend was deaf or was hard of hearing I would not get rid of him. I like him for him, the person he is on the inside, the way he makes me feel, and the way we are together. I don't need him to be perfect, but to me, he's perfect no matter what.

And I would want him to be upfront with me about it. Just like you'd be upfront about anything else. I usually tell my boyfriends right away that I have lupus, an illness, just because it's part of who I am, but a part that isn't known unless I say something. Honesty is important. If he told me later, I'd be upset he didn't tell me sooner, but in no way would I love him less.

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Lil Siren

Read My Thoughts...


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ThisGuy
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I've never had a boyfriend...but if I was in love with a woman who was hearing impaired, I wouldn't give a damn.

I waited 9 months, and travelled literally to the other side of the planet to be with my fiance. I left behind everyone I knew. I put my career on hold. I'm dealing with her parents (trust me, they're hard to cope with!). In short, I've covered a great distance, emotionally and physically.

If she loves you, she'll get over it.

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Bow down before me, for I am Testicles the mighty Greek warrior!


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