today I went to my best firends engagement party, I'm supose to feel happy for them but I don't when me and her was at school she got picked on quite a bit and everyone thought me and her would get together because world got round that i liked her which was true but i never admited it. and there she was getting engaged, it's not the fact that she getting engaged that bothers me.
What bothers me was the fact that i was the only one there without a partner, being there was so depressing even though it wa supose to be a joyful event. I just don't know why this is happening to me. Everyone there had a partner and i do mean EVERYONE except me. I just wanna know what i did to deserve this. i want to write more but i can't i rather cry instead
Well, it probably doesn't do much for you to know that I've been in the same situation. Not necessarily an engagement party, but the same ordeal. It kinda hits you in the face. Especially since this was the girl you used to like. Know that your feelings aren't unordinary...
Kev, relax and take a breath here. It's all ok hun! I've spent quite a while myself going to weddings and other events like that and being sad because I was alone. So ya know what I did about it? Last summer I finally started dating (yes, I was 19 years old before I went on my first date), and I dated and stayed with someone that I didn't care about for 2 months. And ya know what? Yeah, we both got out of it what we wanted (I could say I was dating someone, and he could say he was dating an ex-cheerleader), but in the end, I discovered that I was happier being single.
I know that you're tired of being single and being told to just be patient and it will happen when it's time. Believe me, I've been there too. I've had to spend 20 minutes in the bathroom when I was out, just to get away from all the "snuggling people"...I've cried at night because I was so lonely and honestly felt like I was just ugly and no one would ever love me because for some reason I just wasn't good enough. But evenutally it will happen, really it will...and if it doesn't, then you have to make peace with the fact that maybe that's just the way things are going to be. But really, it will happen, you just have to give it some time. Just give it time and it will be more amazing than you ever expected.
------------------ "What is the odds so long as the fire of soul is kindled..." ~Charles Dickens
You are not in any way pathetic. And I really feel for you because I've felt like you have. What did I do to fix it? I'd go with guys who didn't treat me well just so I wouldn't be alone. It didn't make me feel any better. Sometimes it was so bad I wouldn't even go somewhere because I couldn't stand seeing all the happy couples, girls with boyfriends holding their hands and kissing them. It actually hurt to see that because I never had that, the guys I had been with didn't really care about me.
I kept asking what I did to deserve it too. Why didn't anyone want me as something more? I knew I wasn't a bad person, so why wasn't I given any happiness? Then I realized something, I was given happiness, I just didn't see it because I was spending so much time being lonely. You have to find happiness with you first. And complete happiness, where you can say, "hey, I'm single, but it's not that bad and sooner or later I'm gonna meet someone who will love me as much as I love them." And believe me, when that person comes, it will be worth the wait.
Chin up. I know it's hard to be alone, especially when everyone around you is with someone and seemingly so much happier than you. But you know what? You don't need to go out with someone to be happy. You don't have to have a girlfriend, or a boyfriend, or whatever. You can be happy on your own. And it's not like you're doing anything wrong. I have so many gorgeous, fun, intelligent, talented, wonderful friends that are single. Just because you're not seeing anyone doesn't make you any less of a person. Someday you will find someone. For now, enjoy the single life. And when someone comes along that returns your affection, embrace that and enjoy the wonderful feeling of being in a relationship. Don't dwell on what you don't have, think about what you have good luck, feel better. love, -Alex
------------------ It's sickening how comforting the privacy of the mind can be...
Posts: 120 | From: california...well, at least it sounds cool. | Registered: Apr 2001
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All of the advice given has been right on the mark.
I've recently rejoined the Singles Club, and it is definitely something that takes some getting used to. But realistically, there is nothing wrong with being alone! Kev, if it helps...I have a list (albeit small) of advantages that I have found I now possess as a result of being newly single.
I do not have to check in with anyone if I feel like changing plans. When I want to drive to the beach, I can do it without working out a time that is convienent for my partner. When I want to see my friends, I can do that without making sure my partner has other plans. If I go out to eat, I pay for one meal instead of two (heehee). I can talk to women all I want with no worries about a potentially jealous girlfriend. I can loaf around all day with no shirt on and without shaving, and I have no girlfriend complaining. I can stare all day at the gorgeous women sunbathing near the pool beneath my balcony and, as long as they don't mind, I'm in no trouble at all. I never have to spend hours with a girlfriend looking for that perfect pair of shoes in the mall. I never have to hear the question, "Do I look okay in these?" I can watch stupid Cop Chases and other "guy" shows on TV all I want. I cook whatever dinner I want, and can leave the dishes piled mountain-high in the sink. My bathroom trash can doesn't fill up seemingly overnight once every month or so. And most importantly? You're now officially invited to Uncle Dan's Super-Duper Summertime Singles Barbecue!
It's all in how you look at it, Kev. If you look hard enough, I'm sure you'll find some things that you have now which you would not have with a girlfriend. I think it's important to enjoy what we've all got, when we've all got it...so let's you and I live up this single-dom while we still can.
------------------ It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood...
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