Hey all, I'm going to be gone from the boards for a couple of days...I have to go to the hospital for depression. Yesterday at school I cut my arms up with scissors. I wasn't scared at first, but now as the time keeps inching closer, it's getting a little bit scarrier. I'm SO afraid that I might lose it in there. If I do, they'll send me to the quiet room. I'm SOO scared, I just want somebody to hug now... I almost feel like crying or somethign. Well I'm goign to get into my mail and start emailing some friends and telling them what's up. I'll see you all later.
We'll be thinking of you, Josh. Think about it as a chance to think through your issues and figure out what you want to do for yourself -- for Josh -- and don't worry too much about what other people have to say. You are a smart, sensitive person and I have the feeling you're going to come out on top with all this.
Be nice to your arms! Screwed up arms = no typing = no Josh at Scarleteen, and we'd miss you too much for that.
Thank you all very much. I hope so, I'm just so scared I'm goign to break down in there. They won't let you listen to music, talk to friends, or be on a computer. That's my LIFE! That's how I calm myself down. Now what am I to do? My mom says I'll only be there for about 2-3 days. I think that's bull crap. They say themselves it takes 3 weeks to see how meds work! This is crazy and I'm so scared. I only scratched my arms up really bad Hanne. Just my biceps and my fore arms. I wrote, "MY OWN PRISON" on my right fore arm, a heart with a sword sticking through it that says "LOVE?" in the middle of the heart on my right bicep. And this symbol I made up. My left forearm says "BLEED" I drew a rose on my left bicep. Plus a symbol I made. I wrote "CHILD OF GOD" it didn't show up very much at all. I also wrote really small "WHY?" Well I have to go now. Love you
You may find out that that really ISN'T your life. Really, doll. You exist as you without any of those things. And knowing how to do that is a pretty big deal. And know what? You'll learn that in time. I promise.
I spent 3 weeks on a psychiatric ward for depresion in 1987. My biggest problem there was that everybody smoked like a chimney and I am allergic to tobacco. They have since changed their policy and smoking is now only allowed outdoors.
While I did not have access to a PC (few did in 1987, I did have my own radio and telephone and access to the TV lounge. Unfortunately, everybody wanted wo watch WWF wrestling. :-(
I don't know what psychiatric wards are like in your area but in Ontario, they are friendly places with the accent on getting well. I found it a positive experience.
------------------ "A free society is a place where it's safe to be unpopular."
- Adlai Stevenson
[This message has been edited by Bobolink (edited 02-08-2001).]
I know almost EXACTLY what you are going through, I had a date this past weekend, and it went so good and my emotions took hold of me and she kissed me right there and then(frenched me too), but the aftermath was incredibly terrible, she told me she didnt like me in that way and that the kiss meant nothing to her, I snapped and told one of her close friends something I shouldnt have, she is so angry with me that I am so angry with myself, Ive been cutting my arm recently too and threatened suicide almost. Im seeing a therapist right now but my next appointment is in 2 weeks, Im was not sure if I would be able to hold out. But then A friend of mine called and told me that everything was going to be OK and she told me a long list of christian things I keep in my head and remember, It helped out a lot. I really hope the friends you have are supportful, cause friends are the ones that have kept me alive at this point and they mean so much to me. Talking to friends can really help a person out, ya know what I mean? I hope everything goes well for you man, take care of yourself and good luck.
Oh man . . . one of my friends, a depressive, cutter, and general melodramatic (not saying she's not unwell, but she does play it up), ended up in hospital after overdosing. I'd been supposed to see her that day, but ended up being held responsible for the overdose by her mother, taking a bus to my partner's and trying not to cry too much, and eventually found out which hospital she was in, and spent most of the weekend there. Other than being a bit upset over not being allowed out, she seemed fine, and had a decent room mate, who actually seemed impressed that I was dressed like the slut-girl from Degrassi Junior High (Stephanie Kaye . . . I think? She did have that reputation). My point, I guess, is that she survived, I survived -- and if you avoid doing anything too scary, your friends and family should be fine too. You'll be okay. I'm quite ceetain of this.
Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000
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Hey all ye dawgz, I'M BACK! Dang that was a LOOOONG stay. I saw people come, people go, the whole time I was stuck in there. Usually on the lowest level possible. I cut on the first day, that didn't help, and ended up sleeping in the quiet room which is a padded room. After a while, when they knew I wouldn't hurt myself they gave me a radio, some paper, and markers. I wrote a poem then. I just got out yesterday afternoon. Oh my gosh, we had to watch a lot of Degrassi High films. I saw some of the one when this guy committed suicide. And then there was the one where this guy found out he contracted AIDS from his first sexual intercourse. Well ANYWAYS! I made a couple of friends while I was there too. Most everyone that was there while I was left before or the day of my discharge. Well, it was definately something of an experience. The reason for my extended stay was b/c of the cutting and they found out I had anger management problems. My self esteem is a little bit better now too. I'm still WAAAY behind on my homework. I don't think I'll ever get it done. Today, I went to a store that is closing down. So I got this towel with a tigers head on it. I got a soft, cumfy pillow with tiger stripes on it. The main thing I bought cost $200!!! 5 cd 100 watt STEREO SYSTEM BABYYYY! YYAAA HAAAA. It is SAWEET. :P heheehe well there's the update on me. Lot's of love to all of ya! OH WAIT, now I remember what I wanted to say! On Valentines Day I made two Valentine cards. 1 for this one girl that I kind of liked and could talk to pretty well and one for this other girl that was really nice. She is a bit behind though mentally. So I thought it would help make her smile some. Before I left I told her to not forget to smile. I helped her write a letter to her family also. She doesn't know how to read that well. It was fun. Well I'll talk to you later.
Welcome back and I'm glad you're feeling better!
------------------ "You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip." ~Jonathan Carroll
Josh, Hey... I know what you're going through... I just got diagnosed with severe depression today. If you ever wanna talk or just need some kind words, just email me, ok!!! I am glad to hear that you're doing better... hang in there bud!!! It will be ok, hopefully...
[This message has been edited by Sourgirl1986 (edited 02-19-2001).]
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