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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » The Randoms » Pregnant and losing my b/f....

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Author Topic: Pregnant and losing my b/f....
Member # 310

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Well, I'm about 3 weeks pregnant and I know that I'm going to abort the baby. I've already told my b/f that I'm pregnant and he wants to marry me, raise the child, and help me juggle college *I'm 19*. My parents definitly DON'T know and I'm not gonna tell them either. I've also told my b/f that I wanna abort it and we've been like strangers ever since. I just know deep down I couldn't love it the way it should be loved, and couldn't devote all of my time, the way I should. This is very hard for me to do b/c this is the man I love's child and I know I'm gonna kill it. It's just I think that this would be for the best since I don't wanna put a child into this sorta situation. Well, my b/f always yells at me now and has said that he doesn't know who I am anymore and his love for me isn't as powerful as it used to be *crying*. I truly feel like I'm losing him little by little, everyday that passes I see him pulling away. I just don't know what I'll do if he would ever leave, it's too hard of a thing to even imagine. I'm so lost in all of this, and to top it all off we're taking a week off from each other so we can think things through *my idea*. Things have changed so much in the past 3 days, he's not the same person I fell in love with, I mean I'm still hopelessly in love with him but he's just so cold. I want him back desperatly, but everytime I try and talk to him he just shuts me off. I dunno what to do!


iF oUt Of tIme I cOuLd pIcK OnE MoMeNt aNd kEeP iT ShInInG aNd NeW, oF aLL thE DaYs tHaT I hAvE LiVeD, i'D PiCk tHe mOmEnT I mEt YoU.

*~Go tO tHe 6 Yr oLd yOu OnCe WeRe AnD aSk iF ThEy LiKe wHaT tHeY'vE bEcOmE.~*

bEn & AnGeLa
MaRcH 25~fOrEvEr

Posts: 24 | From: TX, USA *yawn* | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I am so sorry you have to go through what you are. Pregnancy -- especially when it is accidental -- is something that is INCREDIBLY hard on any couple. Often, a lot of the anger and resentment stems from the fact that only one person does carry it and make the ultimate choices. My guess is, aside of not agreeing with your decision, your boyfriend is more angry about feeling powerless right now than anything.

No one should really second-guess any woman's opinion about whether she is or is not ready to raise a child in my mind, and I can't commend you enough on having such an honest and realistic attitude, which isn't easy when your partner opposes you.

But what you've got there could indeed be a child in time (and scientically, if it makes you feel any better, three weeks in, it isn't one), and no one should have one knowing full well they can't take care of it. Having taught children born into that situation, it's tremendously sad.

I think you taking a week off was also an excellent idea. All things aside, it says a lot about you that you can handle things so well in such a crisis, and it's clear you can.

But now I'm going to get pragmatic. This sort of thing (whether you have the pregnancy or abort it) is tough on the strongest of couples, even when they ARE in agreement.

If someone loves us, that doesn't mean they always have to agree with what we do TO love us. Love isn't about constant harmony or agreement. It just isn't. It seems to me that the pressure of this whole thing, and the choice you want to make, has your boyfriend forgetting that. Time may help.

It also may not help. But ultimately, you still need to be sure that WHATEVER choice you make is the one that YOU feel is best for you, and for the potential complete life of a child. That's a tough decision for anyone to make, especially on the fly.

People change. We do. WEe grow, we have experiences that change us. Ideally, our partners should be able to change and grow with us, and allow that change, since it's very rare we go to sleep one person and wake up someone completely different. We always have our core. It just sounds to me like the two of you are seeing sides of one another you didn't before.

Take you r week, and think about some of these things, but if you can, do try and realize that you have you no matter what happens, and honey, the ONLY person you will always have IS you.

I've rembled enough. But I hope you know you have a big, supportive batch of people all here for you when you need them.

(big, big hugs)
- Heather

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 105

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The same exact thing happened to my friend! She got pregnant and wanted to abort, but her boyfriend and his parents were just totally 100% against it and pro life. She eventually had the baby and they got married, but she is shure that their relationship would have fallen if she went through the abortion. People have very strong opinions about abortion on both sides of the issue, so it's really tough when couples are in conflict about this.
Posts: 384 | From: Malibu, California, USA | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 128

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Oh Angela,
{{{big hugs}}} I know this muct be so hard on you. I don't even know what to say.

If you feel you should abort the baby, try and tell him where your coming from, and how much it hurts you to know that you have to give up a piece of him, but that you think it's for the best.

All you guys need to do is talk about how you feel and a realalistic future if you keep or don't keep the baby. You have time.

Best of luck,

Posts: 22 | From: Pa, USA | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lady Moonlight
Member # 384

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My heart aches for you.

If your boyfriend won't talk to you at the end of the week, have you thought about writing out your feelings in a letter to him? You're obviously very articulate in writing. Sometimes I write stuff out even when I have no intention of showing it to the person to whom I'm writing, just because it helps me get my thoughts straight.

Good luck.

Posts: 943 | From: Missouri, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 250

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I hope everything works out for you. I think that it was a good idea for you to take a break from your boyfriend. Even though he's not carrying the baby, and dealing with the stress of having an abortion, this is probably really hard on him. In my case, it made my relationship with my boyfriend stronger, but I had to first understand that I wasn't the only one that this was happening to. The baby was a part of him, and I made the choice of what should happen to it on my own. I realized that my boyfriend was acting so distant because there was nothing that he could do for me. He was helpless. He couldn't say or do anything that was going to make the pregnancy go away, or help me feel better, he could only stand by and deal.
I think after your week you should talk to your boyfriend and see how he feels. Then you should let him know how you feel, and why you think your only choice is to have and abortion. The choice is ultimatly yours, and your the one that has to go through with it. All he can do is support you, and be there for you. Even though he might not fully agree with you, let him know that you really need him to get through this, because the more support you have, the better.

Posts: 46 | From: Winnepeg, MB, Canada | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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