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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » The Randoms » teenagers don't know what love is... (Page 1)

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Author Topic: teenagers don't know what love is...
Celise
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Hi, i don't want this o sould mean because i don't mean it to be... ok. some teenagers at like 16 or so (i'm 16) i don't think they can say they love somebody and really mean it, i think that you have to be in more than 1 serious relationship to really know what real love is. what does anybody think about this??
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Hanne
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Well, I'm not sure that I agree. I think that for many people, having more than one relationship over the course of their lives can be very helpful, important, and educational in a myriad of ways, not just in terms of knowing what loving someone is all about.

On the other hand, my maternal grandparents met when they were both 14. They will have been married for 65 years this October. Neither of them has ever had another sexual or romantic relationship. I dare say they know a thing or six about love and relationships. Similarly, my friends Bill and Desiree have been together since they were high school freshmen, and have been married about 6 years now, and seem to be going strong.

In short: everyone's different. For you, and for many people, it may take several relationships to figure yourself out in terms of what love really means to you and what you really want in relationships and partners. For other people, that's not the case at all.

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Hanne Blank
Associate Editor, Scarleteen

"Be Excellent To Each Other" -- Bill and Ted


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ItsAdam
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Well i have been in like 3 different serious relationships. Love is something great. I mean the other 2 girls i had a relationship. I mean Ya i loved them but it just didn't feel right. U know what i am saying. But Now the girl i am currently going out with. I can honestly tell her that I LOVE Her, and truly mean it mean it w/all my heart and soul. It really just depends on the person who think they know what true love is.
It something that u really need to look deep inside ur heart and ask your self

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Adam


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Romeo160
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I have to say, when I saw this topic it up set me. I've heard adults say this all my life. When I saw it was a teen saying it, it surprised me. You are right though, some teens haven't got a clue. Don't let that control your judgement though. The other two replies pretty much covered how I feel. Trust me you'll know when you fall in love. I have two pieces of advice. One: Don't look for it, It'll more than likely find you. Two: Never, ever mistake physical plessure for love. In fact I suggest abstaining until you know you're in love, and you know you are loved. I'm Speaking from experience when I say waiting is worth it.
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Heather
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I don't think teens have a amonopoly on misunderstanding love, or not having a handle on what it is or could be. Adults do it all the time, and truthfully, with no less regularity.

I think no matter HOW old we are, our perceptions of thing and our lives changes as we grow. if it doesn't, we aren't really growing like we should be.

My notion of love has evolved and expanded for every year of my life, and I doubt that will ever cease.

I also think that teens certainly CAN know what love is -- no matter the num,ber of relationships they've been in -- FOR THEM, and to put it plainly, that's all any of us can ever know about it, whether we're 12 or 85.


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HotGrrl99
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My mom says that sometimes when teens think they are in love, it's just physical attraction, lust or hormones! That's why teenage relationships don't seem to last too long.
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Heather
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I don't mean to be an *** , but that is nothing close to exclusive to teenagers.
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Mophead
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Riddle me this...
If teenagers didn't know what love was...
How would we know when we weren't in love?

I'm 15. I know what love is. I can't define it in words, but I know what it is. That's how I know I'm not in love. If I didn't know what love was, I would get a crush and think I was in love.


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sacreddragon
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I know a couple that grew up together, and have just celebrated 55 wonderful years of marriage.
Love is something that is often mistaken, yes, but if it really is love, then you will be able to tell that it is love.
Some people aren't sure what love is, and as HotGrrl99's mom has pointed out, some relationships are just physical, but don't adults do it too?

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Goober
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Well, this is my take on it:
Teenagers don't have to be in more than one serious relationship to know what love is. I know what it is to me, and I never want to be in another serious relationship again..the one I am in now will be my one and only.
Just because it's the year 2000 doesn't mean teenagers suddenly got stupid and are incapable of the knowledge of love.
I hate to put it this way, but EVERYTHING we feel is chemically controlled. It's not like some chemical jumps into our body once we're twenty and no longer teenagers and says, "Hey! YOu know waht love is now! so go find it!" hah! I don't think so...just as teens new what love is while prancing around Mount Olympus praying to Zeus and Athena, teenagers now can know what love is.
It's been said by many, everyone is different. There are twenty, thirty, fourty and beyond year old people that still have no clue. Love to me is named Chris...love to my friend is named Jason...it's all in who we are. If my phermones like yours, hey baby...we're meant to be! (sorry...I hate to make it so scientific...it's so romantic the other way..)

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Ivory
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That's a bunch of bull****. it all depends on the person. So what if they haven't been in alot of relationships? All that means is that they were lucky enough to find the one they were meant to be with before they had to endure alot of heartache. I say more power to them!
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lemming
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I'm sorry if it makes me sound like a total weenie by agreeing completely with Miz Scarlet, but...

She has a point. This phenomenon is NOT limited exclusively to teenagers. There are couples twice and three times my age *seventeen* that have not had the fulfilling relationships I've had, and I feel I'm lucky. I also think, having been told by my mother since god knows when that I can't be in love, that this gives teens yet another excuse to do mean things to people...

Also, at what magical age do we become old enough to know what love is? Is it thirteen? Eighteen? Twenty-one? The truth is, this is something each person has to decide for themselves, and through experience. It's not up to one person to tell anyone else what's right for them, (in sex, religion, or anything else important) and this situation counts among those.

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~the semi-elusive lemming


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Mophead
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Ivory, let's be nice. You can get your point across without bashing someone else's opinion.
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HotGrrl99
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My uncle is like 36 and he still has no clue of what love is all about! He just goes from one girl to another and gets into these wild whirlwind sexual relationships, and after a few months he gets bored and dumps the girl and finds somebody new! Yet, he swears that he is totally in love almost each time he starts another relationship! Go figure!!
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wear*a*smile!
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well, i hate to say it, but u really do sound mean. to say someone at a certan age doesn't know what love is is wrong and hurtful. how can u speak for millions and millions of teenagers???? love is great and u have no right to speak for them.
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Ivory
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Hey, freedom of speech, you know?
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KoRnKoRnKoRn
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Love is not based on age, It's based on the heart.
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Spiral
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I feel you Romeo, love does find you.
I guess some teens do get all crazy with the hormones, thats why they say they fall in love, or maybe it is lust. But not all the time, we all have hearts and feelings, and when they feel good, it feels great.

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Jenny kissed me when we met, jumping from the chair she sat in;
Time, you thief, who love to get sweets into your list, put that in:
Say I'm weary, say I'm sad, say that health and wealth have missed me, say I'm growing old, but add,
Jenny kissed me.
-Leigh Hunt
(1838)


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Gumdrop Girl
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i am skeptical about anybody who thinks they know what love is. yeah sure, you may be in love, but that doesn't mean i have to believe you. i know, i'm a horrible cynic

look at the statistics for divorce: 50% in the untied states. seems a *lot* of people don't know what love is.

it really pisses me off when people throw the words "i love you" around. love is powerful stuff. it makes people do crazy things. i never take it lightly. when i finally told my boyfriends that i loved him, i really, really, really meant it with all my being.

what i'm trying to say, though my logic is nonlinear, is that knowing what love is isn't about age, it's about definition, and our ability to understand what we're feeling.

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i think you're special ... and i don't mean that in a short bus kind of way


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Sweet*howl
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All right. I believe that you can be any age and know what love is. I believe there are thousands of different loves, you know? There isn't just familial, romantic and amical(friend), there are varing shades of color between the extremes. I know that we are talking about romantic love here but many times romantic and amical can evolve into the other.

Just because a couple gets divorced doesn't mean that they don't know what love is. There are many couples who have been in love with each other but that love changes, as love always does. Sometimes it changes for the better, they grow closer and their love grows deeper but sometimes it changes into amical love.
There *are* people who rush in to marriage who do not know what love is, who while they love each other deeply cannot be a married couple. There are teenagers who do not know what romantic love is, there are poeple who never know what romantic love is, or any love for that matter.
I think that we should be thankful that we experience what we do, and not jugde others on their versions of love. Because what one strictly defines as "this is love and only this" others see as one fraction of what love is. Love is different for every one and I don't think that anyone should assume that any person does or does not know what love is.

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-Sweet*howl

Knowledge is power, use it wisely


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Beppie
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I'm inclined to agree with Gumdrop Girl. In my experience, many people who say they're in love don't really know their partner at all, and it makes things very hard for them when they do start to find out those things- that's when relationships often start to break down. I'll also say that it is more common for teenagers to say that they love someone they don't really know all that well, although it's certainly not restricted to them. I don't think that teenagers are incapable of being in love due to their age, but that a large percentage of people say they are in love when they're not because of a misconception.
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XoXo Chasez
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I must say I disagree.. or just have a different view. I am 15 and I do believe you can be in love as a teen. It's hard to tell someone what love is.. but you do know you are in love once you feel it.

Hormones may take control over it, but once you are in love (no matter what age) you know it's real.. by the way you feel with and without the person.

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"Always look forward to the best of everything, or else you might miss out." ~ me
--------------------
* __ sarah __ *


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Romeo
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Well i also only heard adults say what you have said. I can not say i truely know what love is by having a longterm relationship nor do i think love is just sex but many of my friends do(jerks) they try to sleep with a girl because they look good or "fall in love with their LOOKS" But i tell them that is all just plain old LUST. The longest relationship i have ever had was about for 3 months thats it!!! That is not a long time i usally go through girlfriends like a monkey through bananas! All my friends and everyone i know thinks i am so cool and wish they could be like me but I HATE IT i just wish i could find the one for me. I honestly think it very well could be my best friend But we are so close but i love to be around her. I love everything about her and everything she does. I know every single thing about her, And about all her ex-boyfriends and it really Pis*'s(*=s) me off the way they treat her. One guy acctually tried to practally rape her, She was crying and i just kept getting more angry then she told me he had the nerve to punch her and told her she was a little Who*e (*=r). So by the time she finshed crying and telling me what had happened i went to his house dragged his A** out side and beat the living SH*T out of him. And i mean he had broken everything. He tried to take me to court. But i told him he could but i would tell them what he did to my bestfriend. Well i never heard from him agian. So if this isn't love i feel for her then i don't know what love really is. I hope my girlfriend doesn't find this page . I am not to sure how i really feel for my new girlfriend but i think she may be what i am looking for.

Well i gotta get going chat wit you guys later,
-Chris

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"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st:

So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee."
-William Shakespear-


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Spiral
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Love can be so beautiful and yet......at times it can be so painful.

Like Eli said on Xena,"love is the way".

------------------
Jenny kissed me when we met, jumping from the chair she sat in;
Time, you thief, who love to get sweets into your list, put that in:
Say I'm weary, say I'm sad, say that health and wealth have missed me, say I'm growing old, but add,
Jenny kissed me.
-Leigh Hunt
(1838)


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deegurl143
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this is my point of view....SOME teenagers tend to think that they are in love and really aren't. i did think that with age you grow to understand it better, but as you guys point out even adults think they are in love and get divorced. then again the question is who REALLY understands love? that's not the point though . point is that i believe there are teenagers that know love and really are in love. i'm in love...my bf and i have been thru EVERYTHING and we are still together for almost 2 years. we are best friends as well as lovers. also many of my friends are engaged or married. i know they say that relationships that start early on in teenage/early twenties don't last. but i believe if you have had your "party" life being single before you enter a serious relationship that is more likely to last than the jump in your first relationship and get serious. what i mean is i have friends that are in long-term serious relationships and haven't been with anyone else or if they have it's also long-term and they think i wanna be single for just a little bit before they "grow up". this is just my opinion.

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~*GoDdEsS oF lOvE aNd BeAuTy*~

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
JaMeS & DoReEn 4eVeR
^*^*^*^^*^*^*^*^*^*^*

[This message has been edited by deegurl143 (edited August 24, 2000).]


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Observer
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hmmm... does anyone ever look at the end of the last page? :-)

anyway, i agree with most of the people who replied but you see, the "real world" is a BIG place.

You can find grownups (30-90) who act like 16 year olds and still don't know what love is, since they've never felt those complicated feelings of care, worry passion and compassion.
You can find 17yearolds (like myself ;-) who know exactly what True Love is... not in a movie kind of way... I wish you will ALL be able someday to feel Loved and manage to Love back. It's the best thing ever :-)

"When you fall in Love, the lonely nights begin..."


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libra_beatle
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I fell in love at the age of 15.I'd been in some really crappy relationships,and me and this guy,we just completely fell for each other.He'd always write me poetry and songs,and we could always talk to each other about anything.Unfortunately with first love,it tends to get a little scary.To go from people treating you like crap to someone thinking the world of you,it's a bit overwhelming.And it overwhelmed me.So after 5 months,I broke my boy's heart,and treated him like dirt,basically because I was scared.But through it all,he stayed.When I needed a friend to talk to,he was there.When I was stranded somewhere at night,he'd come to get me.That 5 month relationship was over 4 years ago,and we still talk on the phone every night and hang out together all the time.He's one of my best friends as well as my lover.I guess what I'm trying to say is I know teenagers can fall in love because it happened to me.Love can happen at any time,you just have to know it and embrace it.
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aleox
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I'm sorry but I believe you can be in love at any age...why if your under 16 are you not able to be in love????

Until you are in love you can not truly understand your feelings, but when you are in love you know and you should never doubt it because of your age. I think I'm in love, and maybe I'm wrong and when I'm older I realise I am not, but for now I believe I am, and I may only be 15, but I still have the same feelings that I will have when I get older.


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aleox
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I'm sorry but I believe you can be in love at any age...why if your under 16 are you not able to be in love????

Until you are in love you can not truly understand your feelings, but when you are in love you know and you should never doubt it because of your age. I think I'm in love, and maybe I'm wrong and when I'm older I realise I am not, but for now I believe I am, and I may only be 15, but I still have the same feelings that I will have when I get older.

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How will it work out?
I don't know...it's a mystery.


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Daisyluv
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Something I've noticed is that well everyone is talking about like dating love. Well first of all there are different types of love. Love for friends, family, pets, etc... and if a teenager can know what those types of love are then they should be able to reconzie dating love. I'm not saying they will for sure but most are able to. Like now in my current relationship I could be but I'm not sure so I'm not gonna lie and say I am to other or to myself I just like him more than anyone else I have before. And I agree with those that say people can grow out of love its possible I loved someone once and over time I stopped I mean he'll always mean something to me but not in a love way just as a close friend now.
well thats my rant

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*~ Daisy ~*

Love ya wheelbarrow & wheelbarrows full


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KristenNicole
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You don't have to be in more than 1 serious relationship to know if you're really in love or not. And it doesn't matter how old you are. People are all different. Some people do need to go through several relationships before they really "know" what love is. Others don't. I didn't. I'm 18 now, and I KNOW I love my boyfriend. I love him so very much. And I didn't HAVE to go through several relationships to figure it out. Every relationship you're in is different from the others, so you really can't judge one by another.
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GuYaNeSeCHiCa
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I dont agree with the statement that teenagers dont know what love is!! I think that everyone has their own definition of the word!! to me, being in love means someone you care for, someone thats there for you and you are there for, someone that cares for you, someone that you can talk to when you are down, basically a tight relationship with your b/f or g/f! i'm going out with a guy for almost 3 months now, and we have exchanged the 3 WORDS!! and we mean it, because of our definition of the word!! to other people, LOVE means something else!!
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Lee
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Love isn't based on age. Some people may think they are in love or say to themselves that they are, but not be. Others may be deeply in love and not really realize it. Knowing what love is doesn't have anything to do with your ability to experience it.

Lee


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jupiter
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I think it's kinda silly to go yelping about, debating over whether or not people "know what love is". (Know what love is? C'mon, do we all reach for the dictionary every time we hear the word? Somehow I doubt it...) Love is subjective. If anyone ever compiled a list or wrote a pamphlet entitled "Seventeen Ways to Know You're in Love", everyone would decry it as bullshit. Why? Because it would be utter bullshit. Since love is subjective, it's really easy to determine whether or not you're in love with someone. If you think you are, then you are. Saying that you "don't know" is like saying that you don't know whether or not you like pizza, or that you don't fully comprehend the concept of being bored (which you do now, from reading my babble).
Of course, your perceptions of the emotion of love may change as you grow older. For instance, I was madly in love with the cutest little kid when I was about nine or ten years old. Have my ability to love and conceptions of what love is changed over the past few years? (Well, I should certainly hope so!) Do I say that I didn't love that kid back in primary school? Nope, 'cuz I did, as best as I was able at that point.

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'maybe you'll keep me from ever being happy but you're not gonna stop me from having fun...'-ani di franco

'i weave for you the luminous web glowinthedark threads all neon like'-bjork

'you only exist in what you do'-federico fellini


Posts: 55 | From: West Sand Lake (aka Cow Pasture), NY | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sympathys_Sin
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No matter how old we get, we all look back at younger people and think about how much more we must know than them, and how much more experienced we must be than them... Truthfully, everybody is different, as far as mental maturity and certain life experiences go... And a lot of times (im not gonna say most of the time or all the time, since i only know about 1000 teenagers out of... um a lot more than that in the world hehe) teenagers DO overreact over little things, and over dramatize a lot of things, and say things without even exploring what the true meaning is... Love IS relative... it's whatever YOU think it is, whoever YOU are... but if I have to hear one more time about how my best friend is in love (again... and again.... and again... and again...) I'm gonna puke. In MY opinion, she doesnt magically fall in love every week. Right?
Posts: 49 | From: MA | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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