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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Pregnancy Scares » Pregnancy Scare

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Author Topic: Pregnancy Scare
Internationalburro
Neophyte
Member # 110671

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Dear Scarleteen,

Hi! I am 15 years old and suffer from a anxiety disorder, which is a major cause to the stress I have been feeling about a certain sexual encounter that has generated a pregnancy scare for myself. So here it goes:
About 10 weeks ago I participated in manual sex with a female (I am male). During this, I excused myself to use the bathroom where I noticed that I had gotten pre-ejaculatory fluid on my hand. I rinsed my hand with cold water and dried them off, and after waiting about 5-10 minutes (during which I natural wiped my hands of various things), I again participated in manual sex with my partner. I just can not remember if my hands were dry at that point; however, I am fairly certain that there was no noticeable fluid on my hand, but possible a sort of sticky feeling, which could have come around from sweat, humidity, or a number of other factors. So my first question is, did this pose a threat of pregnancy?

Secondly, this event happened about 8 weeks ago, during which my partner has had two "regular periods". I know that you can't have a period while pregnancy; however, I googled myself into a frenzy and read about implantation bleeding, ectopic pregnancies, and other kinds of bleeding during pregnancy, which made me really nervous again. My partner also has had "no pregnancy symptoms whatsoever", and is not worried even though I am going off the walls (for hopefully no reason). So my second question is, is it possible that she could still be pregnant from this information.

And finally, I have spoken to my partner at length about this and urged her to take a pregnancy test. However, I was forced to respectively give in because she feels hesitant to go out and buy/use a test, which I am disappointed with, but nevertheless I must respect her decision. So lastly, do you think that a pregnancy test is even necessary? And if so, do you have any ideas on how I can convince my partner to take one?

Thank you so much for all you do here!
-- The Anxious Teenager

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September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Please read this page: http://www.scarleteen.com/this_is_your_pregnancy_scare_answer

Also, are you receiving any help to deal with your anxiety disorder?

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Molias
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 101745

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In addition, I would really suggest you listen to your partner when she talks about how her periods feel, and what her worry level is around pregnancy. I understand that anxiety is hard to deal with, but it's important to understand that your girlfriend is going to be the best expert on her own body, and to trust her feelings and decisions around that.

It's really not a sound question to ask how to convince her to take a test; it's certainly something you can talk to her about, but that's really her decision to make, in any situation.

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Internationalburro
Neophyte
Member # 110671

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Thank you for the quick response!
I agree my final question came across awkwardly. Rather, as a Scarleteen volunteer, would you advise taking a test as a necessary course of action at this point?

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Patricia H
Volunteer-in-training
Member # 103815

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Hi! If I could jump in here, I would advise listening to your partner instead and trusting her to make her own decisions. I know it's much more challenging for you to not do anything as opposed to wanting to take action, but like Molias said, this is about her, not you.

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Nolite te bastardes carborundorum. - Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid's Tale

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I'd also advise that you focus on what YOU can do for yourself. It's not your fault you suffer from anxiety, but it's yours, not hers, and it seems to me you have found out that it is triggered by sexual activity for you right now.

So, what *you* can do, moving forward, is figure it's probably best for you and others if you step back from that right now, and get help from someone qualified in helping people with anxiety to figure out what your own best sexual choices are. It may be you need to get a better handle on your anxiety before being sexual with others, it may be you need to learn some new tools, it may be you need certain information before you can engage in any kind of sex without having your anxiety triggered. You may also find you need to come into any sexual relationships being more clear with potential partners about your anxiety, and find out first how willing they are to make concessions with that like, pregnancy testing, for instance, when it's not something they would want to do for themselves, but it may be something you find you need.

All of those kinds of things are healthy ways to go about this without pushing someone into doing something for you that they do not want to do. We would not advise that you push this girl into pregnancy testing. You already asked: she said no.

We would not say it is a necessary course of action, either: pregnancy testing is necessary when someone who could be pregnant wants or needs to know if they are. That's not you, it's her, and it seems she already knows she is not pregnant and does not want to take a test to find out (probably because she already knows she's not, even if you don't believe her or the facts). Okay?

[ 06-29-2014, 04:57 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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