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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Pregnancy Scares » Confused as to what type of risk activity (Page 1)

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Author Topic: Confused as to what type of risk activity
Shiloh2345
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My boyfriend had boxers on and pre cum soaked through them, I touched the spot of precum with my fingers and hands and then touched my genitals, is this still dry sex since he had boxers on and I never touched his bare penis just the spot of pre cum?

I'm asking because I know that if pre cum soaks through boxers and the girl has no clothes on and they are humping this is zero risk. And in that situation it would be soaked through pre cum rubbed against a girls genitals and in my case it is fingers touching the wet spot and then those fingers rubbed in the vagina so I would be no risk too right?

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September
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Hi Shiloh, can you take a look at what we told you in your previous thread about pregnancy risks from pre-cum transferred via fingers? http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/54/t/000379/p/1.html#000000

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Johanna
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Shiloh2345
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But im talking about pre ejaculate now not a full ejaculate like my last post, and I was asking if it was even more of a no risk because it was on his boxers before my hand.
if he had boxers on wouldn't it be dry sex still? I also rinsed my hands with cold water before touching myself and i think i used hand sanitizer but no real soap.

[ 04-28-2014, 11:26 AM: Message edited by: Shiloh2345 ]

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September
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Yep!

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Johanna
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Shiloh2345
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So I'm no risk? And you were saying yep to the fact that it would still be dry sex even if it was fingers touching the precum on boxers instead of boxers to genitals like usual dry sex right?
Thanks!!

[ 04-28-2014, 01:10 PM: Message edited by: Shiloh2345 ]

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Karybu
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We've given you all the information you need about your level of risk: our answers will not change, so please go back and re-read what we've told you if you need reassurance.

Several people have also told you that the problem here is likely your anxiety, which is something you need to get help with. In your last thread, you mentioned that you were going to try and see a counsellor - have you managed to do that yet?

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Shiloh2345
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I only replied again because I didn't know what Joey was saying yes to I apologize and yes I spoke with a counselor but she wasn't very helpful
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Karybu
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I believe Joey was confirming that yes, the situation you were describing would still be considered dry sex.

I'm sorry to hear that the counselor you spoke to wasn't very helpful: is there any way you could see someone else?

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Shiloh2345
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No because I don't want my parents to find out about it but for the past 3 weeks I have been feeling a lot better about reassuring myself that there wasn't risks and that even if I did get pregnant I know of a clinic close by and I could get an abortion if I wanted but now I started freaking out about that because I can't have my parents find out, they are very conservative baptist and things like this would change their whole view of me forever
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Sam W
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Hi shiloh,

I'm also sorry to hear that your counselor wasn't helpful. If you don't mind my asking, why would seeking out a new counselor mean that your parents found out that you're being sexually active?

I do want to add that there is never a way to gaurantee that a parent won't find out that we're being sexually active. So, if you feel that the consequences of them finding out are ones you'd not want to face (or would put you in at risk in any way), that's something to factor into the decisions you make about what risk level of sexual activity you're comfortable engaging in.

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Shiloh2345
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Because I wouldn't be able to pay for it on my own, and I know I try my very hardest to not do anything sexual and this last time that it happened my boyfriend took off his pants and only had boxers on with out me knowing because he was behind me and I touched him thinking he had jeans on so I didn't know. it was an accident idk and now I'm just all worried again because my breasts are hurting so bad, but I keep trying to tell myself that no sperm could have gotten through the boxers and I rinsed my hands with water but I still get worried [Frown]
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September
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Have you had a conversation with your partner about the activities that make you anxious, and taking them off the table until you feel more ready for them?

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Johanna
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Shiloh2345
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Yes but I guess he didn't think that I would freak out over it since he had boxers on and he probably figured I would wash my hands idk I have tried to talk to him and that's why we do basically nothing anymore and even nothing ends up weirding me out some way because I can't get it through my head why sperm on my finger couldn't get me pregnant if I put my finger in my vagina like idk I just can't grasp it.
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September
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Okay, then it sounds like you may need to explain that to him again, and if he still is not willing to support you in this, then it may be that he's just not a safe partner for you to be sexual with at all. Pulling down your pants while your partner isn't looking, when you know full well that that partner has anxiety around sexual activity, is not a respectful or nice thing to be doing. So, if he can't get on board and support you here, then you may need to consider ending at least the sexual component of this relationship.

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Shiloh2345
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That's what I plan on doing, but I want to wait until I get my period so I know for sure that I'm not pregnant before I break things off with him or do you think I could do it now?
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September
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I am glad to hear that, and I see no reason to wait!

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Johanna
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Shiloh2345
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Okay thank you, I was only waiting because I wanted to have someone to tell, if I was pregnant, but since you guys say I didn't have a risk I'm going to trust that and I'm going to free myself from this.
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Sam W
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You're quite welcome, and good luck [Smile]
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Shiloh2345
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I had one more question about dry sex and fingering, with these activities are they still no risk even if it was deep fingering with pre cum on fingers, or if someone had boxers on and the penis went into the vagina?
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Sam W
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If either of those factors altered the risk level, we would say so in the materials you've read.

Have you spoken to your boyfriend/ ended things with him like you'd planned on?

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Shiloh2345
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Okay, I was just making sure, and Yes I did yesterday, I feel a lot better and he didn't like freak or anything I think we both knew things weren't like they used to be and we couldn't give eachother what the other needed, he said we could be friends so that makes me feel better too.
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Sam W
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I'm glad to hear it went well, and that you're feeling better [Smile]
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Shiloh2345
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My nipples are starting to feel really tender and sore and that's never really happened before so I'm getting really worried again, I keep thinking that it could have happened since it wasn't very long after I touched the wet spot that I touched myself does the length of time between matter? is there a risk if it's immediately with pre cum, cuz I feel like this happened really soon after I touched it. Do you know what I mean?
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Heather
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We really need to move past discussion of pregnancy with you, Shiloh. Especially since we have already given you all the information about what does or does not pose risks.

It sounds to me like your next best step here is to step away from any sexual activity with someone else until you can talk to someone, like a counselor or general doctor, about the anxiety you are having, and figure out, with them, what you need to engage in sexual activities without feeling like this afterwards.

Do you need help finding someone like that?

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Shiloh2345
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Okay I'm sorry I just really was curious about the immediately thing with pre cum, but I guess since the articles don't mention I time period when they say no risk that a time period doesn't matter, I'm sorry I'm just really stressed about school and when I get stressed about other things my anxiety gets worse. Thank you for trying to help me
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Heather
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Nope, a time period really is a nonissue here. But again, it is really sounding to me like the fears you are having are less about a lack of facts and more about continuing to do things that freak you out, and not getting help with underlying anxiety.

Facts cannot fix or manage those things. So, can we help you get some real help for those issues so you can not stay stuck with all this?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Shiloh2345
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Well I broke up with my boyfriend and don't plan on getting a new one anytime soon I just don't think I'm ready for all of it so I won't be doing anything anymore
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Heather
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But you clearly are still feeling very scared and clearly still struggling with anxiety. And breaking up with a boyfriend is unlikely to take care of that for you, you know?

Anxiety is a health condition, and like most, to get and feel better, treatment is usually needed.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Shiloh2345
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I know, but I only have anxiety around this and once I get over this stupid non risk thing right now, I won't have anymore risks in the future if I don't do anything with boys you know?
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Heather
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Well, you just said that when you get school stress, it amps your anxiety, too.

Being triggered by only one thing -- if and when that really is all that triggers anxiety at a given time -- does not mean someone does not have anxiety or does not need help with it to learn to manage it. Having anxiety is what shows us someone is having anxiety.

I do think steeping away from sex with partners is a smart first step for you, but it really is likely only that. To get help with your anxiety, you are likely to need to get help with your anxiety. And that is what is most likely to leave you feeling a lot better soon. I can only assume you do not want to keep feeling like this, especially since you keep coming here asking for help, where we really can't give you the kind of help you need. [Frown]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Shiloh2345
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I know and I understand all that, right now I just want to get through the next few weeks and maybe this summer I can really work on getting the help I need with this, I know you guys can't help me the way I really need, but you have helped me a lot, with questions about risks and knowing I have options other than being pregnant if I did have a real risk and I thank you a lot for that.

[ 05-04-2014, 06:42 PM: Message edited by: Shiloh2345 ]

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Heather
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Well, if you do find you want help finding real help, we are willing to help you do that.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Shiloh2345
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Hey guys I got one period since the risk I was talking about in this thread and haven't done anything sexual since, but this month I haven't gotten my period and it's two days late I'm freaking out about it. My boobs haven't hurt as bad as long as normal but they are hurting right now close to the time it's suppose to come, and my stomach has been cramping a little like it normally does before it comes so like all the signs are there but it's not here, what should I do?
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Sam W
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I would give this a read

M.I.A or, Dude, Where's My Period?

[ 06-09-2014, 01:14 PM: Message edited by: Sam W ]

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Shiloh2345
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So just take a test and make sure and then if it's negative stop worrying and let it come whenever it comes?
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