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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » EXPERT ADVICE » Pregnancy Scares » Pregnancy scared please help (Page 1)

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musicismyescape
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I think my boyfriend possibly had pre cum on his hands when he fingered me.... I want to take a pregnancy test so how long should I wait to take one for accurate results? I've read 14,19,or 21 days after the activity...which ones right?
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Karybu
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You want to wait at least 14 days after a possible risk.

For more on pregnancy tests and what poses a risk (or doesn't):
Peeing on a Stick: All About Pregnancy Tests
Can I Get Pregnant, or Get or Pass On an STI From That?

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Heather
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While you are not posting about a situation at all likely to result in pregnancy, when taking a test you just want to follow the directions of the actual test you have purchased.

It will tell you when it can be taken to yield accurate results.

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musicismyescape
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So if it happened on march 22nd if I took a test today it would give me the right result?
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Heather
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What do the instructions of the test you have say?

I am not the box instructions, nor can I magically know what your tests instructions say just by thinking really hard. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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musicismyescape
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It says you can take it five days before your missed period or the day of your period...the problem is my cycle is SO messed up. In February I had my first pregnancy scare(kinda same situation...my boyfriend fingered me and I was so afraid I was pregnant) I was stressing out so much I believe that's what caused me to miss my period in February. I got my period in march (2-7) so, I had a normal one in January, skipped February and had one march....now I'm waiting for April with almost the same amount of anxiety... I have no idea when my period is supposed to be or when I ovulated in march and was fertile.... So if my boyfriend fingered me on march 22 do u think if I took a test now it would be accurate? Because I honestly have no idea when my period for this month is expected
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Heather
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If you don't chart your fertility daily (and not by just periods), you likely don't and can't know a thing about ovulation. But that really does not matter here anyway. You can be ovulating all you want, but without engaging in the kinds of activities that actually pose a real risk of pregnancy, pregnancy cannot happen.

But if you want to take the test anyway, just go by when your period would be, about, based on when your last period was and how many days your cycles usually are before this changeup. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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musicismyescape
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Okay,..thank you so much for all your help! I'm so glad there's a website like this. I'm sorry for all the questions, but I've read articles on your site that say take a test 14, 19, or 21 days after a risk could have happened (I know you're telling me I wasn't at a risk, which I just really have to make myself believe to stop worrying so much) so since today would be day 19 since it happened, do u honestly think I would get an accurate reading?
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Heather
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Again, the expert on the right time to take the test is always going to be the manufacturer of the test: not Google, not anyone on yahoo answers, not us.

You want to just read and go by your own tests directions. [Smile]

If that means waiting things out a bit more, how about doing what you can to do some self-care in the meantime to soothe yourself while you wait?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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musicismyescape
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Okay another question: Would it be normal to have had my period on march 2-7 and then Get it at the end of April? ..... Also I feel some tight cramping in my stomach at moments and I have yellow discharge. Is that normal?
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Karybu
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Cramping can happen for all sorts of reasons. Some people have cramping as part of PMS, but it can be totally unrelated to your cycle as well. If you're concerned, the best thing to do is check in with a healthcare provider. As for your period, what's "normal" is different for everyone. It's certainly possible to have a cycle that long on occasion, yes.

Per the discharge, there's more on that here: Honorably Discharged: A Guide to Vaginal Secretions

[ 04-10-2014, 06:06 PM: Message edited by: Karybu ]

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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musicismyescape
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Alright well I have read over your sites articles for the last week... Let me get this straight: pre cum can't be a risk because it contains little or no sperm & it can't live in those conditions??? So I'm okay and I couldn't be pregnant? Sorry to be annoying about this but I need to stop worrying!
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Heather
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That's one reason, and there are more than that. Conception is complicated, and this is not how it happens in reality.

This is: Human Reproduction: A Seafarer's Guide

But if you have been marinating in this for a week, that's not taking care of yourself. That's just a surefire way to make sure you stay freaked out and overfocused on this.

here is some help with self-care: Self-Care a La Carte

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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musicismyescape
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Thanks! I've already taken two tests both negative and I can't seem to relax yet...the only way I'll really relax is when I get my period...hopefully that'll be soon or idk what ill do
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Karybu
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How about trying some of the suggestions in the self-care article? Or, if you know there are certain things that help you relax, do some of those.

It might also be worth thinking a bit about why the idea of pregnancy (even from non-risk activities) freaks you out so much. Sometimes this level of worry is an indication that engaging in sexual activity isn't a positive thing for someone, or something that they're ready for. Might that be the case here?

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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musicismyescape
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When do most people find out their pregnant? Like how many weeks?
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Karybu
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Do you think knowing that will help you relax?

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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musicismyescape
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Yes
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Heather
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So, then all you can do is wait for your period and take a test if you want, when you can.

Certainly, you CAN do things to relax yourself in the interim, even if you feel only these things will let you let this go. And we'd encourage you to do some self-care to help yourself.

But if you feel the only answer is for your period to come, then all there is to do is wait. Alas, we lack the power to bring on periods for our users. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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musicismyescape
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So pre cum can't cause pregnancy?
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Redskies
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That's not what the information you were linked to says. Try this again: Can I Get Pregnant, or Get or Pass On an STI From That?

You were describing manual sex, and it is That that is not going to cause pregnancy.

As the other information we linked you to describes, sperm is delicate. It will no longer be able to co-create a pregnancy after it is transferred around from place to place - for example, on hands - whether we're talking about ejaculate or pre-ejaculate.

Pre-ejaculate may contain left-over amounts of sperm that it picked up in the urethral tract. Therefore, pre-ejaculate does pose a pregnancy risk if there is direct contact between a penis and a vulva.

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The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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musicismyescape
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His penis never touched anywhere near my vagina... He was just fingering me so what's that mean?
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Redskies
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Fingering is manual sex. That has no pregnancy risk.

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The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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September
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That means that, again, the answer you are looking for is in the section about manual sex in this article: Can I Get Pregnant, or Get or Pass On an STI From That?

But we've already pointed you to this answer many times, and you are still not reassured. What do you think you need to feel less anxious?

And, have you considered any possible reasons as to why you are feeling so anxious? Are you happy and comfortable with the level of sexual activity in your relationship? Is all of that happening at your pace?

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Johanna
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musicismyescape
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I'm just nervous because my period is nowhere to be found
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September
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There are a lot of reasons why periods might be late, and this article covers them all: M.I.A or, Dude, Where's My Period?

However, earlier you said that you were also scared before the first time you missed a period, so it sounds to me like there is a little more to this. Do you feel like you have a good idea of what can and cannot causse pregnancy risks?

[ 04-12-2014, 11:37 AM: Message edited by: September ]

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Johanna
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musicismyescape
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I'm confused by that question what do you mean?
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September
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Since you are so very anxious, I was wondering whether your pregnancy fear might be the way that another, deeper anxiety is expressing itself. We very often talk to users here who are afraid that they may be pregnant, and when we talk to them further, it turns out that there are other reasons that made them feel anxious about being sexually active in the first place: some feel that they moved too fast and engaged in activities they were not ready for, others grew up with the message that sexuality is shameful, etc.

So, I was asking you whether you think something like that may be at play here, especially since this is not hte first time you are so worried about pregnancy. In an earlier post you also said that you had the same fears in February.

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Johanna
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musicismyescape
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No I'm just really scared that I'm pregnant because I would never want to disappoint my parents. So I need extra reassurance from you guys that manual sex (with possible pre cum) can't cause pregnancy.
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September
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Well, fear of disappointing one's parents would be one such deeper fear that is expressing itself in this specific situation. So, we can talk about that and see how we can resolve that.

Have your parents made explicit statements about how they'd react to a pregnancy? How is your relationship with your praents in general?

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Johanna
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musicismyescape
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They'd be so upset and dissapointed......I just need my period to come before I have ultimate relief and my anxiety will stop
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September
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I have been trying to ask you questions to help you figure out the roots of your anxiety, but you're not answering them, so I am going to take the hint and stop asking.

So, that leaves you with just having to wait for your period. Maybe you can revisit this article to help you through that: Self-Care a La Carte

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Johanna
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musicismyescape
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Hello. I am getting very anxious and concerned about this situation. I know you guys keep telling me that pre cum from fingering can't cause pregnancy but I can't seem to let it go. I wake up at night having nightmares about it and my heart pounding. It's all I think about every day. I'm driving my boyfriend insane. I feel depressed and scared....can you explain to me again how I could not be oregnant? My period is still not here and each day it doesn't come I get more worried.
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musicismyescape
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Can this level of stress cause a missed period?
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Patricia H
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Yup.

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Nolite te bastardes carborundorum. - Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid's Tale

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