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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Pregnancy Scares » Worried again :( (Page 1)

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Author Topic: Worried again :(
trev343343
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I am a total idiot. I know I posted about a month ago about a similar situation but this one is different. Here is what happened. I masturbated and came in my underwear and about 15 mins later I was still in my semen soaked underwear and I was wearing shorts. I proceded to have dry sex with my girlfriend, she was complety naked and I was wearing my semen soaked underwear and shorts. Could the sperm soak through to the shorts and get into her bare vagina if I was rubbing down there? The worst happened next, I took off my shorts and the giant wet semen stain was pushed into her vagina and rubbed on with. I am sick with worry. Is this a pregnancy risk?
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September
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Trev, can you go back and look at the information you were given last time? The questions really are very similar.

Do you want to talk about why you engaged in this sexual activity again, knowing that it causes you such anxiety? Have you and your partner had any conversations about how to manage pregnancy risks and what level of risk you feel comfortable with?

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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trev343343
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The reason why its different is because it was semen and not just pre cum and it was also pressed in a bare vagina. It is because I get too caught up in the moment. I always try my best to not get into these situations
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September
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Was there any direct genital contact? Did you ejaculate directly onto your partner's genital area?

I am a little concerned to hear you say that you "get into these situations". Sex is not something that just happens, it should be something that you can freely opt in or out of. Maybe this article will be a helpful read for you: When Sex "Just Happened" (And How to Make It Happen Instead)

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Johanna
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trev343343
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I wore shorts and underwear the whole time. Ejaculate may of soaked to the outside of my shorts and in her vagina. Wouldn't that be direct contact with semen
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September
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Nope. If you were wearing clothes the whole time, we are not talking about direct contact.

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Johanna
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trev343343
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So I had no risk of pregnancy in this situation?
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Heather
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What did Joey just say?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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trev343343
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she said it wasnt direct contact. But is it possible at all for pregnancy to happen through indirect contact?
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Heather
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It's not something we can say is impossible, as technically it is not, but it is incredibly unlikely.

Basically, if you don't avoid all forms of transportation because of the rates of being injured, and freak out every time you are in a bus or car, even with a seatbelt, it doesn't make sense to worry about this, because a pregnancy from this is about a gazillon times less likely than, say, a car accident is.

But clearly you do not feel good about this stuff, so I would suggest you focus on doing what you can to learn to only make sexual choices you feel good about and ready to handle, okay?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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trev343343
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I understand, but as confirmation from you, Heather. What I described poses no risk of pregnancy, correct?
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Heather
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The previous conversation we had with you about this kind of risk has all the same answers I would give you now: http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/27/t/029349/p/1.html#000000

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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trev343343
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so I can conclude that there is no difference in risk when it's semen on underwear instead of pre cum?
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Heather
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Yep.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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trev343343
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I thank you and Joey for your help, I would be a nervous mess without your help.
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Heather
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Can I suggest we maybe get even more productive while we are both still here and talk together about ways to help you help yourself make choices that are only the kind you know you can handle?

That way, you won't be back here in another week or two, freaking out again, which I am sure you don't like feeling yourself. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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trev343343
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I think I have something wrong with me. Ever since I had unprotected intercourse (I got her to take EC) several months ago, I have been having scares that she wont get her period that start about 3 days before she is due. It makes me really worried because I cant really enjoy anything until she starts.
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September
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So, it sounds like you are not ready yet for this type of sexual activities. Can you talk to your partner about dialing things down a little?

How do you usually deal with anxiety? Do you get anxious in other areas of life?

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Johanna
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Heather
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Well, perhaps what is wrong is choosing to engage in these activities when you really don't feel ready for them or ready to handle them?

In other words, what do you think about stepping away from partnered sex of any kind for now, and first figuring out what you need for any of that to be something that feels okay for you, regardless of someone's periods?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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trev343343
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Deep down I know there was no real pregnancy risk, but I just cant stop worrying about if she is. I am also worried that if I don't have any sexual activity with here that she might get interested in other guys.
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Heather
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So, one thing I am hearing here is that even though it freaks you out, you feel like if you do not engage in these things with your girlfriend she will seek them out from others.

Can we talk about that, then, as one good place to start?

For instance, has SHE said that to you? In telling her how much this is freaking you out, and how ready you obviously do not feel for it, how has she responded?

Let's also try this on: if a motivation for sex is to keep someone from having sex with other people, does that sound healthy to you? And like part of a healthy relationship with mutual trust? Does that sound like the kind of relationship you want, where anyone feels they have to do things they are not okay with -- things that should be totally optional -- in order to keep the other person with them?

It might also help to think about how your girlfriend might feel were the shoe on the other foot: do you think she'd want to be engaging in sex just to keep you from doing so with others?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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trev343343
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She has never told me that, I am just afraid she might. If she does start her period and is not pregnant, I am going to have a long talk with her about everything that I am feeling.
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Molias
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It sounds like that's something to discuss with her, then.
How about you have a conversation with her about needing to dial back on certain kinds of sex for a while for your comfort and mental health? And you can talk about your worries about this, and maybe see if there are types of sex you both enjoy that you'd be comfortable with.
[edit: looks like Heather got to this suggestion before I did!]

[ 03-18-2014, 05:15 PM: Message edited by: Molias ]

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Heather
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So, how about talking about those fears with her? You know, sometimes just saying things like that out loud, all by itself, makes it a lot easier to let them go, because they sound so bananas when we say them out loud.

That also sounds like a pretty emotionally uncomfortable thing to have going on that is probably getting in the way of your relationship being as good as it could, period. Talking that out strikes me as really important even without these freakouts.

If you want a little help, one way to frame a conversation like that might be to open by saying you have been scared of some stuff you know is probably not right around sex and her, so you need to just talk it out. Then, after voicing the fears you're talking about here, you can ask to talk together about what it is you both want and are looking for in the sexual relationship you have. Hearing what she has to say might help a lot, and will probably also give you all the room in the world to stop doing things you are not comfortable with.

In fact, as part of that talk, you can ask that you both make an agreement with each other than both of you do not ever want the either to be doing anything that scares them or that you both do not feel ready for. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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trev343343
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day 27 and still no sign of period.
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Sam W
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Have you had a chance to have the discussion Heather suggested with your girlfriend yet? If not, that would be a better thing for you to focus on than her period. Would you like some articles on how to talk to a partner about expectations and concerns around sex?

[ 03-19-2014, 09:05 PM: Message edited by: Sam W ]

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trev343343
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yes please
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trev343343
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Im not sure but I might of touched my bare penis against her bare butt and possibly in the crack while I was sleeping next to her. I am not sure.
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Sam W
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Ok, so this is a really good piece to start with:
Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner

I would also take a look at this one, as well as the piece called "when sex just happened" that September linked you to earlier in this thread: Risky Business: Learning to Consider Risk and Make Sound Sexual Choices

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trev343343
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I just want her to get her period so badly, its really the only think on my mind right now. I am not ready at all to have a child. If she is not pregnant I am never going to get in this situation again!
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trev343343
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I also just saw a post saying sperm can travel though clothing on this site

http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/27/t/012925/p/1.html

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Redskies
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You saw that that thread is from 2006, quite some time ago, yes?

Heather said earlier in this thread that it is not -technically- impossible. Imagine finding 10 000 dollars in an envelope in the street, addressed to you. That's not -technically- impossible - but it's just not a thing that is ever reasonably going to happen. Same thing with this.

You must have looked for that thread in order to find it. You going looking for more and more information, and keep reading about this and keeping your head stuck in these thoughts and fears, will only keep you more stuck in this fear. When someone has this kind of fear, there isn't the one magic piece of information that, if you found it, would make the fear go away. We want to help you, we do, but you also have to do your best to help yourself, otherwise anything that we do will have no effect at all. Helping yourself involves not feeding your fear any more and instead doing the things that we've already identified with you might be constructive, like talking to your girlfriend.

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The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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trev343343
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Im just extremely worried. Day 28 and nothing! )': i think i also slapped my bare penis on her butt cheeck and top of crack. Is this a risk
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Heather
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Trev, we need to set some limits with you and ask you to please go do some things to take care of yourself and calm yourself down.

We have given you the kind of information you are asking for now more than once. Now you need to go take care of yourself and do what you can to leave this be, please, and move forward with all of this information and these feelings making choices that work better for you.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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trev343343
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So ill take its thats not a risk either. Ill try to calm myself
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