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Author Topic: Unique Situation.. Possible Pregnancy Risk?
scaredsickallthetime
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I'm really worried and anxious and guilty so I'm going to try and break this down..

I was on the fourth day of my period. I was naked, my boyfriend had boxers and pajama pants on. He "mock penetrated" me and I think he was just lightly pushing against my entrance while his penis was in boxers and pajama pants. We did this for about twenty seconds until he said "I'm practically in" I'm pretty darn sure I would know if I had just lost my virginity to a pajama-clad penis, but I freaked out and stopped him all the same. I know for sure he was just lightly pushing against it and not in, but his penis-head was probably right up against the entrance.

After that he ground my butt doggy style until he popped out and got pre-cum on my butt (which he wiped off.) I freaked out AGAIN, put my underwear on, jerked him off and called it a night. I had the horrible thought that if he popped out of his pajama pants and underwear while grinding (it's one of those pajama pants with openings like boxers) what if his penis head popped out a bit while he was "mock penetrating" me? I know you said if one person is wearing clothes it isn't a pregnancy risk but I'm SO SCARED some part of his penis was exposed and pre-cum got in/on my vagina (either from the mock penetration or the butt thing.)

I'm so extremely scared. Am I just being silly or is there a risk here? There was no actual sperm/vagina contact but there may have been pre-cum/vagina contact. I was on the fourth day of my cycle so I'm not "supposed" to be able to conceive at this point but the body is an amazing thing..

I also feel guilty about this because my parents were gone with the knowledge that my boyfriend had also left my house, but in reality he actually circled around and came back and then we proceeded to mess around. I feel so guilty and bad. I feel like for this act I'm going to get pregnant. I feel like I really screwed up. I don't know what I was thinking with this mock penetration when I had no underwear on. I don't know why he didn't tell me his pajama pants had an opening. He says he's sure his head didn't slip out while he was doing it but who knows? And what about the pre-cum on the butt, what if it slipped down into my vagina?!

Help.

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Sam W
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Hi scaredsick,

It sounds like the vaginal contact you described is still within the range of dry humping, which means you are correct that it poses no risk. And, since the pre-cum came into contact with your butt and was immediately wiped off, that doesn't carry a risk of pregnancy either.

It sounds, form both this thread and previous threads, like engaging in these behaviors is really stressing you out. Have you considered dialing them back?

[ 01-27-2014, 09:32 PM: Message edited by: Sam W ]

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scaredsickallthetime
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Hey Sam! I think I've talked to you before about my PMS concerns.

Yes, I have. My boyfriend has even said, in moments of complete annoyance with me, "Well why don't we just use a condom for this stuff?"

I would - but I'm afraid a condom will just give me a green light to go farther, which I def don't want to do.

I have considered dialing back, as has my boyfriend for religious reasons, but it never seems to work out. There have been months where neither have us have stripped down, and those have been real low-anxiety months for me, so I may ask him if we could start doing that again. That may help.

I've done this about every other month since June 2013 and I've learned to just shut up about it and not talk about it to anyone because everytime my period comes. But these concerns are very real to me and this situation in particular seems very risky to me and I just could scream!

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Sam W
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I think,given what you've said, dialing down is definitely a good plan. If you haven't read it already, you might find these articles helpful

Whoa, There! How to Slow Down When You're Moving Too Fast

Yield for Pleasure

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scaredsickallthetime
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Thank you for those articles!! They really made me think and I'm going to have a talk with my boyfriend. I can relate to ALOT of what those articles are saying so I guess most of my pregnancy concerns are based on how "right or wrong" things feel.

But, what if he somehow kind of poked out during mock penetration? What then? [Frown] That's what I'm really concerned about.. and what if some slid down before he wiped it off? Does the fact that it's just precum + on the outside of vagina + still on period really eliminate the risk? I don't know what to think ...

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Sam W
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I think in this situation, it might help you to focus more on what you know, e.g that the behaviors did not carry a risk, rather than on the very unlikely "what-ifs." Especially since pre-cum was the substance involved. Pre-cum is most likely (and some people theorize only likely) to contain sperm if the man has not urinated since the last time he ejaculated.

[ 01-28-2014, 10:23 PM: Message edited by: Sam W ]

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scaredsickallthetime
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Hey Sam,

I have been having clear watery discharge for a few days now (I'm guessing it's ovulation discharge, as I am 15 days into my cycle and started getting it maybe 12/11 days into it.) I would usually be pretty relieved I am getting the correct cervical mucus but my nipple's are slightly sore and kind of red.

I don't know if this ovulation or (UGGHH) a pregnancy symptom?! Since on the off chance pre-cum may have come in contact with my vagina.. I'm a little worried here that the slightly sore nipples are a red flag.

I used to get sore breasts like clockwork for PMS but that symptom is long gone and it was always the whole breast, not just the nipple. I got extremely sore nipples back in like, August but that was a one time deal and it scared me then as much as it scares me now (they are just slightly sore, not extremely, so I guess that's a plus.)

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Molias
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At this point, if you're still worrying despite what we've said about the risks, I think now's a time to take a pregnancy test if you haven't done that yet..

The first sign of a pregnancy most people notice is a missed period; it's really not sound to take things like breast or nipple pain as symptoms of it. This article may help you with perspective: Chicken Soup for the Pregnancy Symptom Freakout's Soul

Also, I know in earlier threads you mentioned a lot of anxiety. Have you been able to access any mental health support around this? I do think that would be really helpful for you.

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scaredsickallthetime
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The very idea of taking a pregnancy test makes me sick and sad at the same time. I'm 16, I would hate to have to take my very first pregnancy test at this age. Alone. Ashamed. In some Walgreens somewhere. And most likely for no risk at all, from what I'm hearing back from you guys.

In my head, I know feasibly that it's not really a "risk." It's a situation that freaked me out,and, perhaps minus my boyfriend's pajama pants - would have been a real risk.

I'm stuck in the what ifs. During the day, I can forget about this for hours. But then I'll see a magazine with a pregnant celebrity. Or remember the time my mom told me about the family that had six girls and three of them got pregnant out of wedlock during their teens.. Just babies and pregnancy everywhere!!

I re-think the scenario and it seems mostly safe. But I remember after the deed was done I was really, really scared.

I guess, as I'm talking this out with myself, is that I feel better when someone is listening to my situation and telling me that it doesn't carry a risk. I like when people tell me I'm being silly, or to get a grip, because that kind of snaps me back into the real world of science.

I realized now that maybe I'm just too young to be engaging in this kind of activity and the anxiety and fears I get afterwards are simply my mind's way of telling me that I'm not ready. I cannot seek mental help with this because my family does not have health insurance and I really can't just go up to my mother and tell her to take me to a therapist because I'm scared I'm pregnant.

When I was 11 I was scared I was pregnant. I have no idea why or where I got that idea that I could be. But I think these may be old fears resurfacing.

Anyway... I'm trying my best to believe you guys. The nipple sensitivity has really thrown me off but it's perfectly timed with ovulation, so I suppose I'm in the clear. Thank you for the article, I did read it! I also read somewhere online (I know we're not supposed to do that when we're worried but I couldn't help it) that to be experiencing pregnancy symptoms for a risk you had on your period, you would have ovulated on day four of your cycle, which isn't exactly typical.

Even so, I may end up taking that test. Maybe. If I can work myself up to it.. Would you bet that it'd be negative?

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scaredsickallthetime
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Hello? I've been doing really good with my anxiety until today. My dad was on the phone with my aunt and he was saying how he could trust me, and my aunt agreed, that I was a "good kid."

I went behind their backs when I was with my boyfriend. My period should come six days from now. I just feel so incredibly sad..

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Sam W
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Hi scaredsick,

Sorry to hear you are still feeling a lot of anxiety.

One question: Did you decide to take a pregnancy test?

Just so you know, if you want to talk to your mom about looking into a therapist, you can just say that it's because you are having a lot of anxiety. You don't necessarily have to tell her that it's anxiety that has to do with pregnancy. I know you find it reassuring to have us tell you there isn't a risk, but at a certain point you have to learn how to reassure yourself without our help, and a therapist could give you those tools.

And, in my opinion, being a "good kid" is not completely incompatible with being sexually active. So, the fact that you are does not invalidate all the other positive qualities you have. That might be a helpful way to reframe what your dad said.

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scaredsickallthetime
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Our family does not have health insurance so it would cost a whole lot.. but I am very tired of this anxiety and I just want it to be over with..

I'm sure he didn't pop out/wasn't exposed to my vagina, I know I was on the fourth day of my period, I know I ovulated last week, I know that if, in the unlikely event, pre-cum did come in contact it would still be a low risk, if any, since technically there was not an egg there at the time... I just have that feeling I'll be that "one in a million " [I got that phrase from the article "You're Not Pregnant.. so why are you so sure you are?".

Also, my breasts got sore about a week or so ago and now they are not as sore as when they started. I know the dip in progesterone means Aunt Flow is on her way, more or less.

BUT IM STILL SCARED! I'm scared it won't come when it's supposed to. I'm scared the pregnancy test will come out positive by mistake (or even worse - accurately.) But I'm tired of the anxiety.. I guess I can wait until Thursday, my period, and take one if it doesn't come on that day..

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Sam W
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If you'd like, we might be able to give you some resources on finding more financially acceptable mental healthcare nearby.

At this point, since you don't want to take a pregnancy test, you are correct that your best option is simply to wait until your period comes. And, keep in mind that periods are variable, so it my not arrive exactly when you're expecting it to. While you're waiting, I think it might be helpful to look at this article, and pick one or two strategies from it.
Self-Care a La Carte

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scaredsickallthetime
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If you could refer me to something, that'd be great. [Smile]

Nipple soreness is gone, period is due tomorrow. However today the sides of my breasts are sore. Seems a little late for PMS to be developing.. Thoughts? [Frown]

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Edith_*
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PMS symptoms are not always the same so I wouldn't be surprised if you have some "earlier" or "late". Our bodies are not machines and they react different sometimes. Just something to think about. [Smile]

If you give us your zip code then we can help with searching for some resources as we offered. If you don't feel okay posting that info here then you can send an email through the "Contact us" link at the bottom of this page. [Smile]

--------------------
"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it " (...'cause no one else will) -Gandhi-

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scaredsickallthetime
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I think if I get my period today or at least test negative (I'm going to take a test tonight. I'm beyond scared but it has to be done.) I will send you some information. I want so badly to tell my mom everything and just let it out.

I still feel like there is a risk of pregnancy here. He obviously had pre-cum, since soon after he was done mock penetrating me it dripped onto my butt. I'm just so scared. It seems likely that I would be pregnant from this. I have done extensive research on ovulation and I know that the chances of conceiving on the fourth day, via pre-cum, without penetration, with a regular cycle = slim to none. But I just feel like I'm going to be that girl.

I'm so tired from not being able to sleep. My breasts are still sore. I've had two bowel movements, both of which have been loose stools. I used to get diarrhea as a symptom, but that switched to constipation, and now back to.. .diarrhea? I don't know. I'm so confused, scared, worried. My mom knows something is wrong. It's all I can do not to cry.

I really hope you guys are right by telling me there is no risk. I'm hanging on to hope here. I don't want to do this ever again. I will def. seek help for this. If it's not too late. :/

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Redskies
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I'd actually encourage you to send us the information now, if you'd like our help finding resources. What tends to happen otherwise is that people get their period, feel relief and that everything's ok, and then go through the same thing time after time, over again. That's not something we want you, or anyone to go through.

I know you're feeling really scared right now. The trick with that, when there's not something we can do right now to make things ok, is to do Something that will make a difference overall. You know that there isn't a thing right now that will vanish the scared feeling, but there Is something you can do on the road to making things better for yourself: you can take some steps to finding resources for mental healthcare. It's really up to you, but I strongly suggest that doing what you Can do right now would actually help you feel a bit better right now, even if it's not the magic fix you wish was there.

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The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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scaredsickallthetime
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If I were to give you a zipcode close to my area, would that be any help? I don't feel comfortable giving out information. I'm sure you guys are who you say you are but I'd rather not have a zip code to where I live seen by any third party, e-mailed or not. [Smile]

I took a pregnancy test yesterday because my period still hasn't come and it was a very clear negative. I have one more for today. Those things cost me $20! Gah! It did give me peace of mind, I am much calmer today, but I'm definitely still wondering where my period ran off to. I'm 99% sure I ovulated. I've been stressed about being late before and I have never been late because of it. So, this is kind of weird for me, and I'm hoping I can trust those pregnancy results...

As you said, and I've said, there really isn't any risk here, but I still can't help but wonder. It's been 22 days since this whole nightmare began, so I'm pretty sure those test results would be accurate. Am I correct in assuming that?

Breast tenderness is diminishing as are other symptoms but period has yet to show up. I know several girls who have been late by four days, six days or even two weeks and none of them had any reason to be pregnancy scared. [One of them did have a boyfriend who did similar things like what my boyfriend and I do and she did end up taking three pregnancy tests and acting the way I did, so it's nice to know that you can be this scared and still be completely wrong (i.e., not pregnant.)]

Thank you for encouraging me to take the pregnancy test. Although walking in alone, buying the test, and taking it was not fun, it was good that I did it. For anybody reading this thread who is debating taking a test - TAKE IT! The agony of not knowing, even if there is a risk or isn't, just isn't worth it!

I really appreciate you guys talking to me through all this. If you could just hang on a bit longer, I'd really appreciate it.

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Redskies
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Sometimes periods don't come exactly when they're expected. That's a very normal variation. We have more information here: M.I.A or, Dude, Where's My Period? if you'd like it. If you mean four days later than the day a period was expected, that doesn't really count as late: it's so common for periods to vary by a few days in either direction that a period only begins to be considered late at around five days after someone expected it according to their own usual cycle lengths.

You're quite right to be concerned about sharing your personal details with people on the internet. We would only ever ask for a zip code to assist in finding local resources and we would not ask for any other personal information, like names, addresses or telephone numbers, for your safety. If you'd like more information on Scarleteen, you can find that here: http://www.scarleteen.com/about_scarleteen and here: http://www.scarleteen.com/the_scarleteen_staff_volunteers . The Scarleteen email is managed by Heather, our Executive Director. If you'd feel more comfortable giving a zip code that is usefully near you, then you can do that too, though of course we'll look for resources that are nearest the zip code you give.

You can assume that a pregnancy test, taken correctly, is accurate 22 days after a risk - or a non-risk.

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The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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scaredsickallthetime
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Sorry I haven't replied. I got my period the day of my last post. You guys were right all along! I have made some changes to my sex life, i.e., no longer doing anything that makes me nervous or I don't feel right about. I'm on my way to a stress free cycle. [Smile]

I'll give you a zipcode right here, since It's not my actual zipcode, just one that is close enough. 60051. Thanks for all the help!

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