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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Pregnancy Scares » Could I get pregnant by grinding? (Page 2)

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Author Topic: Could I get pregnant by grinding?
Robin Lee
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What makes you chicken out? What goes through your mind when you think about starting a conversation bout this with your boyfriend?

were you able to read the links about slowing down with sex, and about talking about sex with a partner?

I wonder: What do you think makes it possible for you to *do* these sexual things but not be able to talk about them? It's pretty important that if we're going to do things with our bodies that we also be able to put those things into words, how we're feeling about them, what we need from them, and so on. I'm asking you these questions to see if they can help you get to the bottom of this.

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Robin

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AlieeG
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I feel weird talking about the subject..and even when we do things I let him take control and if he does ask me I would look away from him and say it. And I want to tell him we need to stop..I really do
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Edith_*
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Well, as I said before, sex is not about one person taking control and the other just going with the flow. I totally understand you feeling weird about talking, but I also hear you saying you don't want to continue with this anymore, and like Robin said it is *really* important that if we are going to be sexual with someone else to be able to talk about this stuff.

So, how do you feel about talking with your boyfriend when you are not doing anything sexual? Maybe picking a time to just have *this* talk and nothing else?

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"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it " (...'cause no one else will) -Gandhi-

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AlieeG
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It feels more relaxed, like if we didn't do anything it would be more calm without having to stress over the possibility of pregnancy. I feel that if we take the sexual activity out it would be the best for our relationship.
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Edith_*
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Well, then your best next step is to say just that. You have an absolutely valid reason why to stop, and what makes it more valid is that you *want* to stop. [Smile]

Do you think you can ask your boyfriend to have this talk?

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"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it " (...'cause no one else will) -Gandhi-

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AlieeG
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I think I can. I just don't know where to start
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Edith_*
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How about something like: "Hey, I need to tell you something about how I am feeling about the sexual activities we are doing and I need you to listen because it's really important to me."

Is that something you would like to say? (mind, anyway you say it is going to be okay when someone really cares about us [Smile] )

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"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it " (...'cause no one else will) -Gandhi-

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AlieeG
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Yeah. I just need to be strong. But what if he gets upset? Sometimes he gets upset whenever I tell him I'm worried I could be pregnant..
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Robin Lee
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Generally, people find the most helpful time to talk about sexual subjects is when they're not involved in any sexual activities and haven't just finished sexual activities.

So, is there a time when you're going to be with your boyfriend when you can start a conversation without there being anything sexual going on?

Like Edith, I think you can tell your boyfriend what you want around sexual activities exactly the way you expressed it to us here. You can also tell him that you're happy to talk about this, but you're not going to change your mind on what sexual activities feel okay to you and which ones don't.

How does that sound?

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Robin

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Edith_*
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Also, did you have the chance to read the articles we've linked you before? If not, here they are again:

Whoa, There! How to Slow Down When You're Moving Too Fast

When Sex "Just Happened" (And How to Make It Happen Instead)

Be a Blabbermouth! The Whys, Whats and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner

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"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it " (...'cause no one else will) -Gandhi-

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Edith_*
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Noone should get upset when we express how we feel, or at least noone who earnestly care about us.

When you say upset, what do you mean? What does upset look like?

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"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it " (...'cause no one else will) -Gandhi-

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AlieeG
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He just stares at me and doesn't really have a facial expression. So then I feel bad for not saying anything about stopping before hand
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Edith_*
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Again, noone should get upset when we express how we feel. When we tell a partner we do not want to have any sexual activities it can be a bummer to them, yes, and it's okay, they have the right to feel that way. But that doesn't change the fact that when we don't want to do something, we also have the right to just don't do it. And we don't need a reason, you know? Just "because I don't want to" should be enough.

What do you think?

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"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it " (...'cause no one else will) -Gandhi-

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Robin Lee
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You know, people are allowed to not agree about something. Your boyfriend is allowed to not like something, and that doesn't mean that you need to change your mind about how you feel about it.

In other words: Your boyfriend may really want to do these sexual activities with you. He's allowed to want that. However, you don't want to do the activities, and since it's your body, you get to decide that you're not going to do them.

I know this part might be upsetting, but if your boyfriend can't deal with not having sexual activities be part of the relationship, and you're not wanting or feeling able to engage in those sexual activities, that means the two of you aren't compatible in this area. That doesn't make either of you bad people; it just means that right now is not the right time for you to be having any sort of sexual relationship with each other.

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Robin

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AlieeG
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Yeah. I just want to stop before anything else happens, like getting an std or actually getting pregnant. We're messing with something serious and I'm just not ready
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Edith_*
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I think the most important thing here is: YOU.

There are ways to protect ourselves from STI's and from pregnancy, but again, I keep hearing you say you don't feel ready and to me that's enough. [Smile]

How about you take some time to read the articles we've linked you and we are going to be here if you need to talk more. Does that sound like something you would like to do?

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"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it " (...'cause no one else will) -Gandhi-

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AlieeG
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Yeah definitely
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Edith_*
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Okay then. We are going to be here whenever you want/need to talk more. If not, well, we are still going to be here. [Razz]

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"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it " (...'cause no one else will) -Gandhi-

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