Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Confused :/ (Page 1)

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!   This topic comprises 2 pages: 1  2   
Author Topic: Confused :/
orcatrainer
Activist
Member # 61493

Icon 9 posted      Profile for orcatrainer     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
i am a junior in college and in the last few years i have been dealing with depression. i started to remember, or pay attention, to certain memories i have of when i was a kid where my cousin did...stuff to me. since letting these memories come up i have been struggling even more. i have been in counseling at my school and a couple of my good friends know what i am going through. i am just struggling with if these memories are real. it was so long ago and i guess i just can't accept that this all really happened to me. and i don't know what to do. i don't know how to tell if this is all real or not. it just won't go away
Posts: 82 | From: US | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Do you want to talk about them and what those memories are?

Have you been able to ask any other family members about them? Sometimes with things that happened to us in childhood that we're not sure happened, we can ask other people who were around or around us then about their own memories (with or without sharing what yours are) to get a sense of if our memories fit with theirs or don't seem to.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orcatrainer
Activist
Member # 61493

Icon 1 posted      Profile for orcatrainer     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I don't think that anyone else's memories would really help me figure it out cause no one would know what happened...only him. And I am not really comfortable talking to my family for the most part anyway. And there not very observant about anything being wrong with me anyways and I am usually pretty good at hiding things that are bugging me.

And i don't know if I can talk about what the memories are:/ And they are kind of fuzzy so I don't really know everything that happened. The whole subject kind of makes me...uncomfortable. The subject in itself of...sex makes me uncomfortable and I have trouble just saying that word never mind others.

And I am scared that talking about it will make it more...real. I just wish it would go away, but it won't. I don't know if I can accept that this happened and admit that it is still affecting me even though it happened so long ago, and isn't as bad as what other people have gone through.

Posts: 82 | From: US | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
What I meant about checking in with memories are asking things like how comfortable you seemed with this other person as a child, where you were living at different times (if you were living somewhere else than you have a memory, for instance, that's clearly a conflict), if you had any childhood injuries, etc. Know what I mean?

Do know that talking about these things can't change how real they are or are not. Either they are real or they weren't, and no matter what, whatever feelings you have are real regardless.

With your discomfort in talking about sex at all, has that always been the case for you? Was there discomfort or shame in talking about it with the way you grew up?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orcatrainer
Activist
Member # 61493

Icon 1 posted      Profile for orcatrainer     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Yeah, i know what you mean. I just feel like if I asked questions like that they would be suspicious and would want to know what was up. And I know i really never had any childhood injuries other than a few possible concussions from falling down on the monkey bars and running into another kid head on head going for a ball. Just normal stuff. The only possible question I could possibly ask is if he ever lived in a house where his room was kind of like downstairs, almost in a basement, cause that is really all i remember of location. I can't even remember the house, I can only remember the room, his room. And i don't know how i could ask that.

Yeah, its pretty much always been the case. My family never talked about it, at all. I had to figure it out kind of on my own by researching on the internet, and even doing that I felt guilty about it. And I think part of it may be connected to some other memories I have...that I think i am too ashamed to admit/ tell anyone about. And I guess I kind of have a negative view about it...like i don't see how it could be good in anyway:/

Posts: 82 | From: US | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I asked what I did about how you were raised around sex to try and get a sense of if your discomfort was because of what sounds like you feel is possible abuse or if it was more general. It sounds like what you're saying is that you feel it may be both.

So, I'm not sure where to move forward from here. It sounds clear these memories aren't something you want to talk out here, which is totally fine, but which leaves me feeling a bit clueless about what you're looking for here.

That given, can you fill me in a bit on how we can help you? What would you like us to help you with around this? [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orcatrainer
Activist
Member # 61493

Icon 1 posted      Profile for orcatrainer     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I don't know :/ I guess I don't even know if my memories are...about abuse. Like i don't know if they would be classified as that, or what it would be classified under. I am just totally confused...and scared. I don't know what I am going to do if I actually admit to myself that it was real. I don't know if i can deal with that fact. I think it is already affecting me even though I haven't been able to admit it. And I am scared that if I write out what happened it will make things worse, and make it all more real for me.

I...i guess I am just lacking the courage to say what the memories are :/ I don't really know what I am looking for, like i said I am confused. But I am sorry if I am wasting your time... [Frown]

Posts: 82 | From: US | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
No worries about wasting our time, seriously. I asked what I did just to try and be sure we were doing what we could to help.

It's very hard for so many people to talk about possible abuse or sexual trauma even when it isn't abuse. Heck, it's hard for many people to talk about sex, period, when we're really talking about sex: about things where there is real consent and everyone involved wants them to be going on.

So, you don't need to apologize for your discomfort either: we get it, and it's totally okay.

Perhaps the best way to move forward might be for you, if you're comfortable, to give me a little bit of context so I can explain some possibilities/the range when it comes to sexual exploration or abuse between children? Sometimes it is abuse, other times it isn't, just like sexual activity between teens and adults. was this cousin of yours around your same age or was he older? Do you have any sense of -- with whatever went on -- being fearful or wary at the time? Of feeling safe or unsafe? Of keeping things secret from others (or being asked to)?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Also, have you tried writing out any of this just for yourself, like in a private journal?

Honestly, silence never tends to make things less real or to make them go away: goodness knows how many people try that, only to always eventually find out that it just doesn't work.

So, even if you can find ways to "speak" any of this that are only for your eyes for now, it might actually help you out a lot and will probably feel less scary and tough to deal with, rather than more.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orcatrainer
Activist
Member # 61493

Icon 1 posted      Profile for orcatrainer     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I will try to tell you some stuff...(and thanks for understanding, i am just really sorry for being...difficult :/ )

I think my cousin was older. I am not totally sure about ages but I want to say he was like a teen while I was in elementary school (like third or fourth grade) or possibly younger. I have no sense of any feelings i had about it. And there is a sense that he wanted me to keep it a secret, and i think he said or something that we were "playing doctor." (Which scares me cause I hate going to the doctor and it makes me really anxious, nervous, scared. And I try to avoid it at all costs. I would only get physicals when i needed to for school. And now that I am older, I know that an physical would involve more than when i was a kid, and that scares me even more :/ )

I have written about it a little in a journal. I have been trying to keep one lately cause I have been really struggling with a lot and having a hard time completing the semester. But even writing it in the journal is scary...

Posts: 82 | From: US | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I don't think you're being at all difficult.

I do think, though, that your cousin's age really matters here, so could you at least just ask someone in your family how old this cousin is? That seems like a very benign question, and then we can know for sure what the age difference, if any, was.

And I know talking about, or even writing about, things like this can be so scary. I'm sorry you feel scared, and please know that in our conversations here you don't have to disclose or talk about anything you don't want to or don't feel ready for.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orcatrainer
Activist
Member # 61493

Icon 1 posted      Profile for orcatrainer     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
He is 30, so he is about nine to ten years older than me.
Posts: 82 | From: US | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
So, we can be very certain that this wasn't anything close to same age. That given, it makes the possibility of abuse -- versus more typical child-to-child sexual play/exploration -- a whole lot bigger, especially if he was in or entering his teens when whatever happened happened.

I'm not going to leap much further ahead than that because of how you express you're feeling so scared about this, as I don't want to trigger you.

Is counseling outside of school an option for you? Or, do you feel like the counselor at your school has the experience and skills to work through something like sexual trauma or abuse, if that's someone you're comfortable with?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orcatrainer
Activist
Member # 61493

Icon 1 posted      Profile for orcatrainer     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I am even more scared now [Frown] I am like freaking out [Frown] I don't know what to do...

While I am in school it's not really an option because I would have to travel home every week for it and its not really possible. I..i am in a relationship with...another girl (another whole issue in its self that i struggle with [Frown] ) and she has been trying to help me get more help. And her aunt is a therapist so she has been helping us a lot. And we are currently looking in to getting me to see a psychiatrist cause my current meds don't seem to be helping much, and a psychiatrist can help me more than my school clinic. My partner has talked about maybe getting me to a therapist outside of school this summer though...

i don't know if i can deal with this [Frown]

Posts: 82 | From: US | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You know, whatever is or isn't in our life history, it's not anything we can control. Our histories are our histories, no matter what.
What we can control is how we deal with them and manage any part of them we need to to take care of ourselves.

So, whatever did or didn't happen...well, it did or didn't happen. You can hide it or hide from it or not, you can call it whatever you want to call it for your own comfort and truth, but unless you're being abused right now, there's really nothing to be scared of, even though I understand it can feel scary.

Can I ask what you mean when you say you can't deal with this? To be clear, whatever you have or haven't done around it up until now, you've been dealing with it, and here you are. Now, how well you have or haven't been dealing with it, and how well, or not, the way you have been dealing with it serves you is something else, but you have been dealing with it from whenever it happened until now already. Know what I mean?

It's great your partner is being so supportive and helpful, and great her aunt has also been pitching in. Might you be able to see her until you can find someone else? Or get a referral from her?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orcatrainer
Activist
Member # 61493

Icon 1 posted      Profile for orcatrainer     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I email with her aunt a lot. And we have gone to see/talk to her,as a friend, a few times but I just can't get myself to actually say anything. I told her a little through email about it but talking in person about it is sooooo much harder. And once school is over for the summer, and if i ask, she would probably help me find someone. I just got to school in a different state then the one i live in, and my insurance only works in that state. So I have to wait :/

And I just feel like i can't deal with this. I am just....i don't know how i feel right now. But its like i am...freaking out. And i just don't know if I could deal with all of this. Like i don't know if I could get through this.

Posts: 82 | From: US | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Can you maybe tell me a little more about what the "this" is?

In other words, if you were abused, or whatever happened in the past, you already got through it. You're here, you've survived, and it's over.

So, by "this" in those last sentences, what do you mean?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orcatrainer
Activist
Member # 61493

Icon 1 posted      Profile for orcatrainer     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I guess I mean i can't deal with what...might have happened [Frown]
Posts: 82 | From: US | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
But you have.

Let me try and explain this differently.

Maybe you haven't processed it all, but you've dealt with it, even if you're not conscious of how, and even if your way of dealing so far has been to repress it.

The good news is that no matter how scary dealing with it more proactively seems right now? I absolutely, positively promise that once you get started on that process it feels a LOT better than just trying to hide it or make it go away or pretend that whatever happened didn't or wasn't real. It's the hiding, the silence, the hidden shaming, all that stuff that tends to make us feel so awful.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Just to add something: if what you're saying is that right now, you don't feel capable of really talking about it yet, you know, you don't have to. That is 100% up to you, and there's no right or wrong time to be ready to do that, just whatever you feel capable of and feel will or won't be helpful for you at a given time.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orcatrainer
Activist
Member # 61493

Icon 1 posted      Profile for orcatrainer     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I just don't know what to do. I don't know if/how i can accept this. I just keep thinking to myself maybe it didn't really happen, maybe it was nothing, maybe I am making a big deal out of nothing, maybe what he did wasn't really....i can't even say the words....

I just feel so alone. [Frown]

Posts: 82 | From: US | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Here's the other good news: you're not alone and don't have to be. Not in this, not in anything else.

There are support groups for childhood sexual trauma/abuse survivors, and no one HAS to talk in them. It's also typical with those for people to expect new people attending won't. Do you think you might benefit by finding one of those so you can hear other people and see how you're not alone in this?

What you're describing about how you've reacted so far are two of many common ways of reacting to trauma: diminishment and denial. If you want to stay in that place, you absolutely can, but my best advice would be to figure a goal is to try and -- at whatever pace works for you -- move further down the road in processing this so you don't get stuck there, as that tends to be a place that can either feel really awful, or make a pretty big mess of some parts of your life and sense of self.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orcatrainer
Activist
Member # 61493

Icon 1 posted      Profile for orcatrainer     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I don't think i go do that :/

Bad news is, I think I am already stuck there...since I have been like this for a while...and I can't seem to stop myself thinking like that.

And I feel like lately my life has basically been falling apart around me. I have always been a good student and could always do my homework and stuff and I think usually used it to distract myself. But lately I can't even get myself to do most of my homework. I had to even ask for an extension for one of my exams two weeks ago cause I just couldn't deal with it (luckily my counselor was more than willing to ask for one for me). I don't know how I am going to be able to get through the rest of the semster:/

I just don't know what to do anymore [Frown]

Posts: 82 | From: US | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You're stuck there NOW. That doesn't mean you're stuck forever. That really is up to you.

But it sounds like staying in that place is having some pretty bad effects on you and your life. Mind, those issues may or may not be about this, or only about this, but it sounds like you're going to need to take a positive risk and take some steps to help yourself here, even if, at first, that feels scary.

Having your life fall apart sounds pretty scary to me, too, so it may help to think of it as scary that will likely result in positives vs. scary that's resulting in negatives.

It sounds to me like your nest best step is to find a therapist who can help get you started with this, and ideally sooner rather than later.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orcatrainer
Activist
Member # 61493

Icon 1 posted      Profile for orcatrainer     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I feel like I can't do anything though. And especially since I can't take your advice right now in getting a therapist because of the situation of being at school away from home.

...i kind of want to say/ask something but i feel like it would be totally stupid or...would be abnormal...

Posts: 82 | From: US | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It's rough to feel stuck: just know that feelings stuck isn't often the same as BEING stuck.

In terms of finding a therapist, sounds like you have an awesome resource with your girlfriend's aunt, so how about asking her to help you explore options for therapy now?

And you can ask whatever you like. I doubt it's stupid or abnormal (whatever that means), but you know, it'd still be okay if it was. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orcatrainer
Activist
Member # 61493

Icon 1 posted      Profile for orcatrainer     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It's just...sometimes...when my head is stuck on the memories and stuff about it (like lately)...I sometimes feel...pain...down there. And its scaring me [Frown]
Posts: 82 | From: US | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
If whatever happened to you involved your genitals, then what that is is something called "body memories."

Basically, just like our minds can remember trauma, so can our bodies. So, when we get triggered in some way, or are having a memory, it can happen that we physically feel some of that trauma in our bodies, not just in our hearts or heads.

That's very typical with trauma that was physical.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orcatrainer
Activist
Member # 61493

Icon 1 posted      Profile for orcatrainer     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Will they ever stop? [Frown]

I just wish all of this would go away. [Frown] I don't know if I can deal with it, if I can get over it. I can't even say what it was/label it. I feel like I am weak, like I am a little kid, and I don't have control over any of this, or anything.

Posts: 82 | From: US | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You have control of your own healing, you do. It's just something that we often need help with, especially from qualified people and sources who can help you navigate it.

Will body memories stop? Often, they do slow down or happen less often as you work on healing, yes. They also won't always happen, but tend to far more when you're in emotional spaces like this. And you can also learn how to manage them better when they do happen and also how to help make it less likely they'll happen. Once more, though, with this, as with so much of what we've been talking about, they're likely to stay intense, or get more frequent or intense the more you put off really processing what has happened.

So, all of this isn't just going to go away. I'd say it'd be great if it did, but I honestly don't feel that way, because so often the process of healing from trauma is actually something really beneficial, positive and a source of some pretty amazing strength and growth. I know that may seem pretty far away from you right now, so you're just going to have to trust me on that.

Right now, you're in the space you're in. And it's a rough space. But please try to remind yourself you don't have to stay feeling this way and it's not permanent.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orcatrainer
Activist
Member # 61493

Icon 1 posted      Profile for orcatrainer     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I don't know if I can handle processing all of it though:/ And I am scared of what that might require of me... :/
Posts: 82 | From: US | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Do you think you might feel better if you had a better sense of what that process entailed?

If so, would you like me to suggest some books you could buy or check out from your library that could fill you in more?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orcatrainer
Activist
Member # 61493

Icon 1 posted      Profile for orcatrainer     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I don't know if it will help or not, but you could and I could try I guess. :/

I feel like it must seem like I am so weak... [Frown]

Posts: 82 | From: US | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I don't think you seem weak to me. You seem scared, intimidated and freaked out, all of which is understandable. Know what else? None of us has to be crazy-strong all the time: it's okay for us to be vulnerable and delicate, too. I'd also say that being able to ackowledge when we do feel that way and allow ourselves to feel that way IS a kind of strength.

So, a couple books I'd suggest for you are:
Strong at the Heart: How It Feels to Heal from Sexual Abuse by Carolyn Lehman. There's also a website here: http://www.strongattheheart.com/
How Long Does It Hurt by Cynthia L. Mather
The Sexual Healing Journey by Wendy Maltz
The Me Nobody Knows: A Guide for Teen Survivors by Barbara Bean
Hush: Moving From Silence to Healing After Childhood Sexual Abuse by Nicole Braddock Bromley

You might also check out Pandora's Project if you'd like another support forum and site to look at around this issue in addition to this one: http://www.pandys.org/

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orcatrainer
Activist
Member # 61493

Icon 1 posted      Profile for orcatrainer     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thanks for the sources.

And I don't like to be vulnerable...it scares me :/

Posts: 82 | From: US | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
  This topic comprises 2 pages: 1  2   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3