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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » HEATHER HELP ME

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Author Topic: HEATHER HELP ME
Dee
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Heather i need your help.. Im having flashbacks of a rape that is sort of not clear to me and it scares me because i feel like i should remember when i was raped but i barely remember anything about this... Is it rare?? Made up??? Or what??
Posts: 63 | From: Fort Myers, FL | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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With trauma -- which rape certainly is, but this applies to other kinds of trauma, too -- our minds often do this thing where they either don't form memories, or where they block certain memories out until we can handle them. That's actually a pretty cool thing, because it makes it a lot easier for us to get through trauma and heal from it at our own pace.

It sounds like what might be happening to you is that you're starting to experience some memories you didn't before, which is also common. And it's common for those to be murky and tricky and unclear.

People are not going to tend to invent a rape that didn't happen in their heads, and while human memory is in many ways hardly the most accurate thing in the world, we're not at all likely to experience memories of trauma that did not happen to us.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Dee
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Wow.. Im glad i asked sooner because i was really scared.. Im having certain flashbacks in school and stuff i just wanted to know.. But it does look like i was gang raped.. But its not clear enough... But i feel like it also could have been from the time my father forced me to prositute
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Heather
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How are you doing, Dee? Just wanted to check in and check up.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Dee
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Im doing ok.. Im just trying to stay positive and stuff like that.. How are you??
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Heather
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Aren't you a sweetheart to ask! Aside of some stomach yuckies today, I'm just fine, thanks. [Smile]

I'm glad to hear that you're doing okay.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Dee
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Aww i hope you feel better but i do need some help if u hav time
Posts: 63 | From: Fort Myers, FL | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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I'm coming back round, was only minor and seems to be getting better, thanks. [Smile]

I'll be in and out for a few more hours, so sure, ask away!

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Dee
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Remember when i told you about how i'm in love with my best friend?? Well we had this really big conversation yesterday about our feelings and she said she was in love with me too but she didnt want 2 risk anything with our friendship (if we were to date) And i can totally feel myself become jealous because she is about to date someone else
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Heather
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Well, it's certainly a rough spot to be in to have someone reciprocate your feelings but then choose to start dating someone else and/or not date you.

While she certainly doesn't have to explain her whys with this, did she talk to you about why she wanted to make that choice?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Dee
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About which one?? The other person over me??
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Heather
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Yep.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Dee
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Well we would have went out but she didnt want to risk our close friendship..
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Heather
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I know it's not what you want, but since you had that same concern yourself, can you appreciate why she's also concerned about that?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Dee
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Yea i can.. But truly i'd risk anything for her
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Dee
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Yea i can.. But truly i'd risk anything for her
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Heather
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Including not having any kind of relationship together at all?

Mind, I'm not sure a romance would make that happen, but romances have tanked friendships sometimes, so it is a valid concern. I think you can probably understand why risking you two already having something awesome for potentially losing that wouldn't be something she'd want to risk.

(Also? I do think it's important we be honest with ourselves in this stuff. This really wouldn't be risking something "For her." Sure, she might be able to benefit, too, but this is about something you want for yourself, too, you know?)

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Dee
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Well without her i dont know if i would make it through high school.. Soo i am glad we have a friendship
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Heather
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So, maybe you can see that risking that friendship is indeed a pretty big deal, and something understandable to be seriously concerned about?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Dee
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Yes i do..But i do have a question she wanted me to ask.. She had sex with her ex last wednesdday and since then she's been having some stomach pains(they had sex by a lake) and she wants to know is it normal or what because its not her first time having sex
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Heather
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Stomach pains can be from so, so many things that it's more likely it's not related to sex than it is that it is related.

But if she's having serious stomach pain, then seeing a doctor would be smart.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Dee
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ok because she was a bit worried..
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Heather
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Most of the time, for most people, sexually transmitted infections do not come with any noticeable symptoms.

So, if she didn't have safer sex, then she should be concerned no matter what and get tested soon. If she didn't use any contraception, symptoms or no symptoms, that's also a cause for concern.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Dee
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Well she always has safe sex thats a big thing..
Posts: 63 | From: Fort Myers, FL | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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