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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Sexual assault past triggers

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Author Topic: Sexual assault past triggers
Ste-Funnie
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Hi. You guys might remember that post I had talking about how I was molested as a kid. Well, I'm having some issues about this crap. Which of course, everyone who's abused does.

First of all, my mom had told me a million times how I'm in an order of and the guy who touched me is legally not allowed to be in any part of my presence. But the problem is, I have dreams about being in his presence and my mom doesn't give a crap about it. Not only is he legally restricted, but he's morally not allowed. My mom wants nuttin to do with him. But when I have these dreams, I get scared and think it's real.

Also, my choir and I is singing a Michael Jackson song. Whenever we're practicing, it's always a little trigger for me, and ever since my stepdad was reported for the assault, I was scared of MJ until her died. And yeah, I know, "MJ is not a child molester. The kid was making it up." Great, your opinion. I take the kid's side. I believe MJ did assault him. Even if it is a lie, it's still a trigger. Especially considering the my step dad's name was Michael.

In fact, one time, some kid drew a picture of me and MJ with hearts around us, which pissed me off so much, I was ready to slap him! [Mad]

Sometimes I get all crappy think about like imagine if I still lived with him. I don't even like looking at him in pics. Can someone give me a piece of advice?

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~Stephanie Gabriella Murray
I'm very gay for being a lesbian, and not gay to be what I'm not

Posts: 251 | From: Long Island | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
breath
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I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. It can be a painful experience and it's completely natural for you to have these "triggers" or feelings.

I personally think that there is NOTHING wrong with you for feeling how you feel and for seeing things that remind you of the terrible thing in the past.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Ste-Funnie: have you had/been having any ongoing therapy around your childhood abuse at all?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Ste-Funnie
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Heather: What do you mean?

--------------------
~Stephanie Gabriella Murray
I'm very gay for being a lesbian, and not gay to be what I'm not

Posts: 251 | From: Long Island | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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I mean: have you ever had, and do you have now, a counselor or therapist who has worked with you on healing from your abuse?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Ste-Funnie
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Yes I do. Why?

--------------------
~Stephanie Gabriella Murray
I'm very gay for being a lesbian, and not gay to be what I'm not

Posts: 251 | From: Long Island | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Have you talked with that counselor about this issue, and perhaps also asked that counselor to help have a conversation with you and your mother about how she can best address your triggers and feelings?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Ste-Funnie
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Well, I've talked to her about the dream about the child molester, but I haven't told her about the whole MJ trigger.

--------------------
~Stephanie Gabriella Murray
I'm very gay for being a lesbian, and not gay to be what I'm not

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Heather
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What I hear you saying in this post is that you are unhappy with how your mother views or treats your nightmares and triggers. Have you shared that with your counselor and asked for her help with that?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Ste-Funnie
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Oh, well, I can't say I'm not happy with it, it just doesn't help, and yes I've told her that.

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~Stephanie Gabriella Murray
I'm very gay for being a lesbian, and not gay to be what I'm not

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Heather
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Did you ask your counselor about arranging a mediation session for you and your mother where the counselor could help bridge this gap?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Ste-Funnie
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How would that help?

--------------------
~Stephanie Gabriella Murray
I'm very gay for being a lesbian, and not gay to be what I'm not

Posts: 251 | From: Long Island | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Because it may be your mother is responding the way that she is -- you seem to be saying she's blowing your fears off -- because she doesn't know how to respond in a different way or needs more information.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Ste-Funnie
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No. You misunderstood. It's not her response thats causing it. The point is, I have dreams about him a lot, I tell my mom and she tells me how I'm in an order of protection. It doesn't help, nor does it make it worse. It just stays the same.

What else I need help with is the whole MJ triggers. Is there anyway I can cope it?

--------------------
~Stephanie Gabriella Murray
I'm very gay for being a lesbian, and not gay to be what I'm not

Posts: 251 | From: Long Island | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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I didn't suggest it was the way she was responding that is causing your bad dreams or being triggered. I was responding to you saying she "doesn't give a crap about it." And now you seem to be saying the way she is responding isn't helpful, so yet again, your counselor could be of help in letting her know ways to respond that could be more helpful to you.

Your counselor should be helping you out by working with you on tools to manage triggers of any kind. It sounds like you're saying you need more help with that, so why not ask that person for that help?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Ste-Funnie
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I'm a little confused. Come again?

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~Stephanie Gabriella Murray
I'm very gay for being a lesbian, and not gay to be what I'm not

Posts: 251 | From: Long Island | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Ste-funnie, I've been as clear as I know how to be, trying to reword this several different ways for you.

I don't know any other way to say what I have already, which is that I am suggesting you speak with your counselor about both of these things as I believe that is the best person to help you with them.

I'm sorry if that's not clear enough, but I can only devote so much time to any given thread or user, and I have to move on from this exchange now.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ste-Funnie
Activist
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Okay then. Thanx for your help anyway. I'll talk to my councilor next time I see her.

--------------------
~Stephanie Gabriella Murray
I'm very gay for being a lesbian, and not gay to be what I'm not

Posts: 251 | From: Long Island | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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